Disclaimer: Don't own the song and don't own FF7. No sue-age please.
Author's Note: Wow, I haven't written a Yuffie/Vincent story for some time…
(A quick note, this story takes place pre-Advent Children and pre-Cerberus, and during the events of Final Fantasy VII).
...
Get Money
(Parody of 'Get Lucky' by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers)
…
It seemed like every other night at the Shinra Headquarters. Guards were on duty with their routine patrols, security cameras monitored every floor of the building and Rufus Shinra was busy enjoying a hot shower alone.
However, his peace was disturbed when the phone rang. Rufus reached his hand out of the curtain and answered the call.
"Yes…?"
He jumped and almost slipped when he heard the alarms trigger instantaneously. The caller insisted that he leave the shower at once. Something bad was happening.
…
Elsewhere inside the building, guards yelled and fired away at two intruders, who were scrambling down the stairs to the first floor and attempting their escape through the front entrance.
One of the intruders was Yuffie Kisaragi, leading the way with two sacks of gil in her hands. Behind her was Vincent Valentine, carrying a larger sack of gil on his back. It had apparently been Yuffie's 'most ingenious' plan to rob Shinra of millions of gil so that Wutai could prosper more, let alone have her go on a shopping spree for Materia and what other random materials.
Clearly, she knew that storming Shinra Headquarters wouldn't be an easy task, even for a crafty ninja thief like herself. So she had coaxed Vincent into helping her out, by promising to repair his Death Penalty, which she inadvertently broke weeks before when she tried using it on a Midgar Zolom.
The creature chewed up the weapon out of her hands. How Yuffie got it back was anyone's guess. The Zolom, so she claims, died from choking to death. Though given the fact that Yuffie knew nothing on how to repair guns, her promise to Vincent remained highly questionable.
"Hurry up, Vince! They're gaining on us!" Yuffie cried, rushing to the doors amidst all the gunfire.
"Perhaps it would have been more discreet to take the back stairs." Vincent remarked, having warned her that exiting the Shinra Headquarters undetected would be just as hard, if not harder, than getting in.
Yuffie, being naïve as she sometimes was, couldn't have cared less about stealth when it came to AFTER stealing your prize, especially when there was this much gil involved. To her, it was simply to claim it and then run for your life regardless of what happened next.
Dozens of soldiers gathered by the entrance, flanked in two rows. The front row dropped to one knee, pointing their rifles at Yuffie and Vincent. The two of them stopped on their tracks when they saw the back row aiming their rifles at them as well.
Within seconds, Yuffie and Vincent were encircled by more armed guards. There seemed to be no chance of obvious escape. Yuffie and Vincent huddled together, looking left and right, up and down for any possible way out.
It was then that Yuffie noticed quite peculiarly, at the very corner of the hall behind the hordes of guards, an old mystical jukebox. It was rare for her to come across one of them, let alone at this dire situation. The only other jukebox she recalled seeing was the one sitting in a cafeteria in the Gold Saucer. Rufus must have bought one from Dio and had it shipped into the Shinra Headquarters just earlier today.
"Yuffie, this is no time to be thinking about music." Vincent said, noticing the girl's eyes glued to the jukebox. "We need to find a way out of here."
Rufus Shinra stepped into the scene, appearing in nothing but a towel around his waist, a towel turban on his head and a pair of bunny slippers. He was still soaking wet from the shower. He had one hand gripped firmly onto his towel, preventing it from falling down to expose his lower torso. On his other hand, he held his double-barreled shotgun, pointing it to Vincent's head.
Behind him were the Turks; Tseng, Elena, Rude and Reno. They didn't look too surprised to meet Yuffie and Vincent again.
"What will you have us do with them, sir?" Tseng asked his superior quietly.
Rufus lowered his gun with a smirk across his face. "I'll let them speak…for the moment." He said, taking a step forward to address his intruders. "Speak truthfully, and maybe, just maybe, I'll let the two of you go. Why did you come here on this, unscheduled visit?"
Yuffie was hiding her giggles at the sight of Rufus' towel turban, but was nudged firmly by Vincent to remind her that they were being held at gunpoint.
"Um…" Yuffie rolled her eyes around sideways, fiddling with her fingers, trying to find of a legitimate answer. "…er, well, you see, we, Vince and I…"
Rufus cocked his gun and raised it at Yuffie, causing her to panic.
"Ah, we wanted…we wanted to get…money?"
The guards frowned and looked at each other in confusion, before erupting into sheer laughter. Vincent raised a brow at Yuffie as she turned to him, grinning sheepishly and offering him an innocent shrug. He was surprised at her unusually sincere but plain response. Rufus and the Turks, however, remained not amused.
"Well, at least she's being honest for once." Reno whispered.
"Huh, I'll give her that." Rude nodded.
Yuffie chuckled with the crowd, lightly applauding herself before turning back to Rufus: "Well, it looks like I managed to entertain your little midnight posse here enough to let us go. So if you don't mind, Vince and I are gonna grab the car and shoot off like the stars."
She tugged onto Vincent's cape firmly, signaling him to follow her as she slowly sidestepped towards the entrance.
"You've been a great audience, folks! Have a good night and hope to never see you again!"
Rufus fired a shot near Yuffie's feet. She leapt in fright onto Vincent's arms as the bullets ricocheted off the ground and onto the ceiling, onto a pillar, the staircase, a light bulb, a guard's helmet, the ceiling again, a security camera, the trunk of a new car on display, and finally onto the start button of the jukebox.
The jukebox lit up in operation and began playing its first record.
The disco music that followed set everyone in motion immediately as the guards bent their knees up and down in unison to the rhythm of the beat. Rufus looked down and saw that his foot was tapping on its own accord, again to the rhythm of the beat. He drew his attention to the Turks, who had mysteriously transformed into a robotic band, playing transparent instruments and donning ornate helmets and gloves to conceal their identities.
Tseng and Reno were on the guitars, Elena was on the piano keyboard, while Rude was on the drums. All four of them were feeling the groove as Yuffie and Vincent appeared dressed in black sparkling tuxedos. Realizing their sudden change of attire shocked Vincent, but Yuffie, caring nothing for the unexpected turn of events and enjoying the fun, simply got down to the music and sang:
…
Like the swiftness of the phoenix,
With stealth we came sneaking.
The guards, they all were sleeping
While Vincent here was following.
Look…
We've come too far to give up who we are.
So let's grab the car and shoot off like the stars.
You're up all night 'til the sun,
I'm up all night to have fun,
Let's party hard 'til it's lunch,
We're up all night to get money.
We're up all night 'til the sun
Get down and shake 'em, your buns!
Stick up your pinkies and thumbs,
We're up all night to spend money.
We're up all night to get money,
We're up all night to spend money,
Let's go bananas and monkeys,
We're up all night to get money.
…
Rufus, speechless with no clue to what the hell was going on, witnessed for a brief moment when Yuffie, Vincent and the Turks randomly appeared in silhouette on a small island with the backdrop of a peach-colored sunrise.
While Yuffie and the Turks danced in an animated loop, Vincent stood awkwardly still amongst them throughout the sequence, let alone the whole song so far, bewildered just as Rufus was.
…
The purchase of some Ribbons,
Would be so relieving.
What is this I'm feeling?
If you let us leave we're ready.
We've come too far to give up who we are.
So let's grab the car and shoot off like the stars.
You're up all night 'til the sun,
I'm up all night to get drunk,
We're such a festival bunch!
We're up all night to get money.
We're up all night 'til the sun,
We're off to the Midgar Slums
Buying shurikens and guns,
We're up all night to spend money.
We're up all night to get money,
We're up all night to spend money,
So if you're not at all fussy,
It's time we go make a run-ny!
…
Yuffie and Vincent neared the entrance and tried to flee without being noticed. Rufus, with a snap of his fingers, summoned two Air Busters to block their path on both sides. Rufus smirked as the robotic giants closed in on the heroes to dispose of them.
But then, the Air Busters broke into dance with Yuffie, who performed the robot with them, in sync. Vincent was forced regrettably to join in to do the robot as well, sweat-dropping.
The Air Busters sang in their mechanical yet melodious voices while showing off their moves with Yuffie:
…
They're up all night to get,
They're up all night to spend,
They're up all night to get,
They're up all night to spend.
They're up all night to get together.
They're up all night to get, let's get funked again,
They're up all night to get funky,
They're up all night to get money.
They're up all night to get money,
They're up all night to burn money,
They're up all night to get money,
They're up all night to burn money.
They're up all night to get money,
They're up all night to burn money,
They're up all night to get money,
They're up all night to burn money.
We've come too far to give up who we are.
So let's grab the car and shoot off like the stars.
You're up all night 'til the sun,
Don't stop 'til the music's done,
This beat really packs a punch!
We're up all night to get money.
We're up all night 'til the sun,
Bring out the vodka and rum,
'Cause I think I've got a hunch,
We're up all night to spend money.
We're up all night to get money,
We're up all night to spend money,
On fluffy cute rainbow bunnies,
We're up all night to get money.
We're up all night to get money,
We're up all night to spend money,
I know this sounds kinda nutty;
But Vincent's claw hand smells funny.
…
"What?" Vincent interrupted. By this time, Yuffie was out of words to rhyme with 'money' and was forced to improvise.
Regardless, with Elena performing an amazing keyboard riff, Yuffie ignored Vincent's question and pulled on his collar, making for the entrance at long last. The party was in full swing and nobody saw them disappear, except Rufus. He gripped his towel around his waist with one hand and raised his shotgun with the other, running out through the entrance.
…
As Rufus stepped outside, he heard a car engine roar nearby. Two headlights shone as a red buggy drove past him. On the driver seats were Yuffie and Vincent, making their long-deserved getaway. Rufus aimed his shotgun carefully and fired away, round after round, chasing after them.
He reached so far to pass the entrance gates of Shinra Headquarters, abandoning his towel behind. He was left nude, save for his shower cap and bunny slippers. Relentlessly, he continued firing his shotgun, unable to get a clean hit, until the buggy was out of his sight.
Rufus heard the automatic mechanism of the gates closing behind him, and he desperately made a dash for it before he'd end up trapped outside.
"NO!" he cried, but failed to make it in time. He pounded the gates persistently. "Security! SECURITY!"
By-passers stopped in their paths to see what all the commotion was about. None of them could help but laugh at their own President, locked out of his own home. Rufus, despite not losing face, blushed slightly with embarrassment as he covered his private parts with his shotgun.
"I loathe music videos." he murmured under his breath.
…
The End
…
Author's Note: Hmm…another idea I had that might make for good fanfiction:
A while back, I had this funny dream where Yuffie and Vincent were sitting in a cafeteria with Phelous and Obscurus Lupa (That Guy With The Glasses). Now I know that doesn't make a whole of sense, yet then again, neither do most of my Yuffentine song fics (lol). But anyway, point being, I thought it'd be amusing for you guys to hear what they were discussing about. I'll consider it for future one-shot, but I'll only write this if you guys really want me to.
Maybe I'll call it 'Vincent Phe-lentine', in the tradition of Phelous. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk…
Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed this little parody songfic. Please kindly leave your comments below and I'll have a look at them. Thanks for reading!