For Kerr

Please get well soon

This is KerrBlaiseDaphne, which is Kerr's pairing but I'm writing it because it's just epic.

I don't own anything.

~x~

It's so, so, so wrong for her eyes to be meeting his, for the feelings beneath the surface as she stares into the dark depths that ought to signal danger to her. She shouldn't be contemplating this – she's a Gryffindor, for Christ's sake, and he's a Slytherin – but she can't help herself.

"Kerr," he utters her name softly as he takes a step closer. They're in the library of Hogwarts in their free period, both of them just happening to sit on the same table as they revise for their Transfiguration exam, and there's nobody around to interrupt them – but does she not want to be interrupted.

"Blaise," she manages to shake her head slightly and try and dispel some of the fuzziness in there that's confusing what she feels about everything she's ever known. Part of her – only part, mind – wants to forget everything she's always been aware of about him, try and allow him a second chance that nobody will give him just because of his house, but then she remembers who his best friend is and she can't help but regain some consciousness.

Yet he still entices her, not only with his physical beauty, yet also with the stunning quality of his intellectual side. He's her challenge in class, her chance to battle it out for the coveted place at the top; she usually gets there, mind, yet it's always nice to know she can beat him. he's someone to test her wit out, to sharpen her tongue on because he actually understands what insults she's throwing at him – even the time when she almost erupted with anger and began to insult him in Italian simply because she had been eating pizza before.

He's more than flawed; he's friends with Draco Malfoy, and she knows that he's from a family she should never try and mix with. He's contemptuous, condescending for the most part, and he's under the impression that he's the best out of everyone just because of his Mother's 'successes' with men.

Yet she's flawed as well; she couldn't be a Gryffindor without being hasty into defending her friends; she's got the stubbornness down pat and she never backs down from what she wants to do. Her temper is worse than Hogwarts has perhaps ever seen before; she's volatile and she's unpredictable, yet that's what makes her so great, so loyal a friend.

And such a contrast to Blaise Zabini.

He manages to distract himself from the clear cut beauty in Kerr, the way that she's so, so beautiful to the point where he can't even remember his own name if he stares at her for too long, because he remembers that she's a Gryffindor and that there's never been a successful interhouse relationship between their houses in the entire history that he knows of. It's unheard of.

So he pulls away and tries to make out as if he was never looking at her, just as she does the same; it creates a rift within the room, almost a pulsation of feverish tension between them that they both try to ignore, simply for the fact that it's wrong.

"Done the Transfiguration essay yet?" he doesn't know what to say but he has to say something because he was the first to speak – so the first thing that comes to mind is spoken.

She coughs and the almost magical air about the room – the magic of romance, of allure – is broken suddenly, returning it to the way it was before she caught Blaise's eye. Yet something has changed inside of her, something released inside of her, but she doesn't know what.

"Yeah, about an hour ago," she shrugs and indicates to the three rolls of parchment on the side. "It isn't hard…or are you struggling with it?" she smiles sweetly to try and mask the insult in what she's said, and wonders if he'll take the bait.

"Struggling would indicate that I actually had to think about writing it, something which I know you did with the amount you tapped your pen," he shoots back, stepping back and in the direction of his seat. "Let's see who gets the best grade, shall we?" he continues, leaning backwards as he flops into the chair with an ease well practised.

All Kerr can do is nod and smile, words unable to form as she too walks backwards to her seat, her eyes never leaving his face as it breaks out into a challenging smile. "You're on," she says, a glint in her eyes. "Winner gets bragging rights for the entire year," she continues, that confident in the quality of her essay that she's willing to perhaps sacrifice her entire last year at Hogwarts' bragging rights to Blaise if she's wrong.

And then the tension is back as his smile turns to a more serious one, his eyes locking with hers again as he tries to tell if she's being serious or not. And then he remembers that this is Kerr Black, that she's never said something she doesn't mean to him because that's the type of person she is…and it's strangely attractive.

"Alright," he agrees slowly, his eyes dropping to his nearly finished essay. "You're on, Black; just remember that this was your idea," the reverting to her surname almost makes her sad for the strangest of reasons before she remembers that he's her rival and a Slytherin so why does she care what he thinks?

~x~

They hand their essays in at the same time, a comparative glance at each other's as they walk past one another to see they've written pretty much the same amount. "Get worried that your one would be too short, Zabini?" Kerr asks him with a half grin, simply because she doesn't know how she can be anything other than slightly friendly to someone who is her closest competitor around here, other than Hermione.

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, sitting down in the seat opposite her because he wants to continue the conversation yet not be too close. "Whatever, Black. Just because you had to cut half of your waffle out doesn't mean that you have to mock my admittedly awesome writing," he smiles in the way that shows he's won and, for the first time, she doesn't have a comeback.

Instead, she gets distracted by his beauty.

He's always attracted her, she decides somehow, yet the arrogance sort of put her off, distracted her from his true potential. And there's still it there, the obnoxiousness that all Slytherins have, yet now she can see something more – someone inside of him that's an almost decent person. If Malfoy wasn't around, she finds herself thinking, indecent thoughts already beginning to swarm her mind.

"Pay attention, class," McGonagall says dryly before Kerr can respond and it's already a victory to Blaise, something he marks with the sardonic smile that he flashes Kerr as soon as their teacher turns away.

And she would normally find this irritating, a wise response already on the tip of her tongue to say – as usual, it's there, yet she never says it. Instead, she keeps quiet.

.

The next day, they go to get their essays back, as McGonagall promised they'd be done by then, and there's a nervousness in the air between the two of them. Their class is only that of seven people, none of them particular antagonists of either of them, and so they can turn their papers over at the same time to find out who has won their little contest.

And they find out that they've both won it.

"But McGonagall never gives out two full marks!" Blaise stutters out as he processes that neither of them won, that they're both the same at Transfiguration. And it's almost a letdown; the plan to be able to torment Kerr seemed almost too good to be true – he was already planning what he'd be saying.

And now…now he's got to share the crown with her as this was the deciding time, so to speak – it's the most diabolical thing he's ever came across!

"Yeah…" Kerr trails off as she looks at her report (all three scrolls) before beginning to walk backwards.

"Where do you think you're going?" Blaise calls after her, causing her to stop dead in her tracks. His voice, without the arrogance that's usually in there, is soft and there's a certain vulnerability to it that she's never had the chance to notice before. He's almost charming, she decides; beneath the cocky pratness he has rocking, he's got potential. There's a inner core of strength in him that could be used for good or evil – just as she has the same, just as everyone does.

"I'm going to the library; where do you think I'm going?" she rolls her eyes as if it's obvious that's where she was planning on going. Then she continues to walk on, wondering if he's going to follow; it's almost a test, to see if she's had any impact on him like he has had on her, almost without her realising. Ever since she had a chance to see into his soul the other week, it seems almost as if she can't get rid of him out of her thoughts.

He follows.

~x~

Almost by unspoken agreement, they end up spending half their lives in the library, sitting on opposite ends of the same table, never talking yet together enough that it prompts others never to sit on their table. He has no need to worry about his friends coming into the library; they have no desire to read books, whilst he's eager for knowledge.

He doesn't want to admit to himself yet, though, that at least part of him goes to the library for Kerr, to sit with her in the library in mere silence. If she spoke, he'd probably lose the ability he has currently to pretend that she's not the Gryffindor that she is; she's beautiful, yeah, but he doesn't think that he's able to accept a Gryffindor as a friend…yet.

He's her counterweight, she's decided, someone she can use to balance herself and be able to challenge her; he's strong-willed like her (maybe more so, if she dares think like that) and to class him as a friend would be amazing…but that could be too much for a Gryffindor and a Slytherin because how can you trust a snake?

Then again, how can you trust a lion?

And so the silence continues, yet the feeling around them slowly becomes warmer and warmer as the weeks pass. She no longer cares if she happens to lock eyes with him every now and then as they write whatever essays they need to do for their lessons because it's a chance for her to be reminded that there is someone good inside, that the Slytherin façade is merely a façade. Yet as the silence sinks, the tension between them grows and grows, something that she's not sure how to describe because she's sure she hated him at the beginning of the year! They've always been such enemies, yet now she's not sure what she feels, other than that it's strange and something that Kerr has never felt before. She's the academic one, the one who is feisty in all the wrong ways for boys; she's been misunderstood, even by those close to her, almost preferring to have boys as friends so that she's never hurt.

"Kerr," he's the first one to break the silence one Tuesday afternoon, unable to take it between them anymore. There's so much he should probably tell her, what with what's going on with his life, yet this has been his escape for so long that he doesn't want it to end. He doesn't want to have to tell someone outside of Slytherin about his mother's arrangements with the Greengrasses; he doesn't want to have to tell Kerr any of that, mainly because he's scared it may change her opinion of him.

As if he has a choice of being a coward or a prick, he'd take prick every time.

But she doesn't seem him like that anymore; she's changed her mind about him when he's alone because he's capable of being normal – as far as she can tell from their periods of silence and the relish he throws himself into Transfiguration.

"Yes?" Kerr questions, raising her eyebrows inquisitively as her attention diverts from the book to Blaise's face. He appears nervous, she decides, yet with something underneath that she can't quite figure out what it is. "Blaise, tell me what you want," her voice gets harsher as the silence once again stretches on, this time for so long that she's beginning to imagine that she's dreamt the whole thing.

"I…would you like to go for a walk?" he decides spontaneously, his clipped tones almost making him sound as if he's from the 1800s with the phrase he chooses. Yet he doesn't wait for an answer, simply stands up and abandons all his things; the table is known as Blaise and Kerr's – nobody ever uses it other than them.

And, back to being arrogant, he strolls out of the library as if he expects her to follow.

Like she knew all those weeks ago, he knows she's going to follow.

.

They walk out of the library and down the deserted corridor to the right, nothing having been down here since before they can remember. They walk side by side, silence reigning once again – but it's a different type of silence, as in neither of them know what to say…or, rather, how to formulate into words what they want to say.

"I…" they both begin at the same time and stop, a smile stretching onto both their faces as they pause midway down the corridor. "You first," Kerr says, just as he motions for her to start.

And this leaves them at gridlock once again.

Normally, Blaise'll discuss his romantic feelings with ease with absolutely anyone, yet in this case he doesn't know what to say. Whether he tells her the truth how he's contemplating he feels or if he tells her that he's going to be betrothed to Daphne Greengrass is a hard decision; does he tell her the truth about where they can head (as surely she must feel what he does) or where he is heading?

"I don't know what this is," he begins slowly, the pressure between them seeming to rise again. He's so much taller than her and she has to look up to see into his face, the movement seeming harder and harder to keep ongoing. "I know that there's something going on, Kerr, and it's not right between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor."

"I know what you mean," she agrees readily, knowing that the differences between them have always been huge. Yet she can't help what she thinks she feels – and that's something complimentary towards him. "It's something that's never been done before, something that I really don't know how to describe or what to do-"

He's tired of her talking; she likes to ramble, so he does the first thing that he can think of to shut her up.

Naturally, he kisses her.

She almost pushes him away in the first second, almost rejects him then, before some part of her clicks into remembering that this is what she wants. The good in her is becoming mutilated almost, wanting – craving – some of something she probably shouldn't have…but it's so tempting and she can't help herself.

So she kisses him back, wraps her arms around his neck as she loses herself in the moment that would never have been anticipated by either of them even a minute ago…yet he kisses her and forgets about his life, simply floats away on an almost cloud with the girl with him whom he hated in weeks past.

And, finally, it's over.

"Well…" is all she can say as a blush rises over her cheeks; she's gone and done what her mother said never to do – she's done something with the bad boy and she's almost going to end up falling for him.

"Yeah…"he doesn't know what to say either and, subconsciously, they find themselves moving slowly in the direction of the library again. "Look, you don't have to say-" he begins to try and say that nothing had to happen if she doesn't want it to have (after all, he kissed her to shut her up; it's hardly the most romantic of reasons) but then someone he really doesn't want to turn up does.

It's Daphne Greengrass, the girl in their year who he knows he is going to have to marry someday…and he has a feeling that she's going to rub it into Kerr's face, even though it shouldn't make a difference as far as Daphne knows.

"It's official," the Slytherin girl calls across to Blaise, who grimaces. "Mum said to tell your Mum that she wants half of the money for the wedding deposit because everything is going to be so expensive that we can't pay for everything," the words wedding and expensive stand out to Kerr, who turns to look at Blaise in shock.

Everything runs through her mind in one go, an almost adrenaline rush causing her to see pictures of everything: her and Blaise kissing back there, their little meetings in the library, Daphne and her absolute, undeniable beauty, the way that they're getting married (even though she presumes it's not yet) – everything just floods through.

A look of contempt passes over Daphne's face as she sees who her betrothed is with, something mimicked on Kerr's face as she directs it at both Blaise and Daphne. Then, she walks off without a word, stalking back into the library without a calling after from Blaise for the simple reason that Daphne is there.

Once back inside the library, Kerr gathers her things together and runs into the far, unused corner, a place where even Madam Pince tends not to go to. It's quiet and solitary and leaves her alone with her thoughts, allowing her to peace together everything that's happened.

He played me, she decides venomously, wanting to rip something apart with her bare hands as an uncontrollable anger courses through her; it's why she never wanted to get close to someone, to become reliant on them, because when they leave, they leave you heartbroken.

And in this moment she decides that she, once again, hates Blaise Zabini.

~x~

She skips Transfiguration the next day to avoid him and then he's ill, which seems too good to be true, yet it allows her this time off from having to speak to him. She's going to scream at him, to ask him why he wanted to kiss her when he was already betrothed, yet she makes the decision that she shouldn't care anymore. She just shouldn't care that he's with Daphne because when were they ever going to get together anyway? It was wishful thinking that they could even be friends when they barely spoke, let alone anything more.

"Kerr," he stops her in the library one day and she tries to get past him but he's too big, too space consuming and she can't move him out of the way. "Let me explain," he presses, sounding, once again, like the softer boy she saw for the briefest of moments.

"Why?" she spits at him, thinking of her career as an Auror for why she shouldn't use experimental magic on him. "Why do I want to know? You're engaged to her, Blaise; that's nothing to do with me!"

And, with that, she stalks off.

.

It's not very successful, however, because he's caught up with her in about three seconds flat – curse her short height! – and he's pulling her into a deserted alcove. "No, you're going to listen to me because this is something that I don't want to happen, yet it's been decided by my mother that I marry her," he replies coolly, not bothering to look at Kerr as he grips her arm. "Nothing was absolute that day last week, Kerr, honestly."

"If you had ideas that it would happen though, why did you kiss me?" she allows her emotions to shine through for the briefest of seconds before closing her gates again; she can't allow herself to get distracted from her purpose here.

"Because…because I wanted to, ok, Kerr?" he runs a hand through his hair and shakes it suddenly, his eyes rising up to meet hers. "I wanted to kiss you because there's something about you that is just so wrong for me that it's right. You're a Gryffindor; I'm a Slytherin – it shouldn't work, but it does and I just want that to happen!"

In this moment, she can see that he feels the same way as she does.

Her barriers fall and she somehow manages to find her arms locking around his neck and his lips pressing against her own within a second, even though she was chanting in her head "don't do it."

Yet she does.

Their lips meet and it's like the first time again, electrifying, exhilarating and absolutely perfect, the idea she has always had about kissing someone. Part of it may be that it's forbidden, yet she doesn't care because she's allowing her bad side out for a bit before she knuckles down – it's only a bit of fun, right?

"I thought you were going to slap me at first," Blaise confesses as she lets go of him, moving to the other side of the alcove.

"I'm not sure if I've ruled it out yet," she replies but she's smiling beside herself because she's just turned herself into an adulterer. "This is wrong, Blaise, and it has to stop," she makes an executive decision to stop herself getting into even worse trouble than she's already in, yet he simply smirks.

"That'll last a day, if that," he's so obnoxious, yet he's right and she can't help but agree with him. "Meet me here tomorrow at 4," he tells her as he walks back out of the alcove and out of sight.

Her hand raises to her lips as if to think if she's really done that, and she realises that it's her who is the bad girl now, not Daphne.

~x~

The weeks pass and every day sees Kerr running down the deserted hallways of Hogwarts with Blaise, finding somewhere else every day. Sometimes, they go right to the back of the grounds and just sit on the grass, talking about life and what they want from it.

He wants out of his arranged marriage; all she wants to do is be an Auror. They've entirely different career prospects, with his desire being to go into banking to make a load more cash, yet she can't remember a moment with him that's dull, inclusive of when they had to hide in armour to avoid the Slytherins.

Her previous theory of perhaps hating him has entirely been eradicated by the late part of spring, with the rain lashing down everywhere besides their little protected dome of spells. It's a gloomy day, yet the edges are brightening, with the hope of a new day brought ever further forwards with each minute that passes.

"We're going to have to stop this soon," she murmurs as she lies in his arms, letting him run his fingers through her hair. "It's wrong, Blaise, you know it is, and I don't want to do this outside of Hogwarts," she presses as he makes noises against what she originally said, as if it's ok that they're cheating when he's openly dating Daphne now.

"We can do it as long as we want, Kerr," he counter-argues. "You love me, I love you; what's the issue?"

"The issue is that you're engaged, pretty much, and I hardly doubt that a Slytherin running off with a Gryffindor would do either of us any good in life," she presses on, sitting upright to face him. She takes his hand and smiles a sweet, melancholy smile, mature beyond her years. "I don't want to do this now either, Blaise, but when else will we stop? We said originally Christmas, then Easter and we're almost in summer now! Will it be when exams are over, or in the last bit of term, or even in the holidays? We're never going to stop if we don't now, Blaise, I know it!" tears begin to fill her eyes because she doesn't know what she's going to do without the person whom she has grown to love that's stemmed from hate in her seventh year.

He knows she's right but it still hurts for her to pull away from him, still hurts to know that he won't be able to hold her in his arms again. "Wait," he tries to say as she stands up, but his legs won't move.

"I'll see you around, Blaise," she manages to utter this through the tears as she presses her lips to his for the briefest of seconds. The kiss tastes of salty tears, leaves a taste lingering on his lips long after her scurrying away that he can't get rid of…that he won't get rid of.

~x~

Life goes on and Kerr goes back to her friends, before she revises and revises for her NEWTs, as she can only get into Auror Academy with the top grades. It's her dream that she's always had and she would never back out on it – even for Blaise.

She doesn't seem him anymore as he sits on the other side of the class in Transfiguration and with the other Slytherins in every other subject. Yet he's never mean to any Gryffindor or other house in her presence, and, every so often, she catches him staring at her.

Primarily because she's staring at him.

.

They're graduating from Hogwarts and it hurts her more than anything to see his arm around Daphne's waist because it should be around her waist, if she was pure blood and a Slytherin.

One again, their eyes lock and she can see right into him, see that the love he has for her continues to flourish, as does hers for him.

But she gives him a small smile and turns away onto the train, not knowing when she'll see him again – or if.

All she can hope is that she does.

~x~

It's my first fic that even contains Blaise :)

Don't fav without reviewing, please and thanks!

Vicky xx