She sees everything through rose colored glasses. Isn't that how it's always supposed to be? She tells herself yes, but a thought, one that she keeps in the very back of her mind, gnaws away and tells her that it can't always be like that. But she ignores it. She always does. It's so easy to do! So while she throws the bad thought away and slips her glasses back on, everything goes back to normal.
The world looks so much prettier through these glasses than it does when she has them off (like when she's sleeping sometimes, all alone and so cold). She feels like she can do anything, be everything, and conquer the world. She's a princess, remember? That's what her older brother always told her, after her Daddy left and her Mommy wasn't there anymore. She was a princess, and she would always be able to do anything she ever wanted.
Carly Shay really believed she was a princess, if only for a while.
She's seventeen now, far too old for fairy tales and to be believing that she's a princess anymore. Sure, Spencer jokingly calls her that sometimes still, and she laughs it off, but that's what she's supposed to do, right? She can't go around secretly believing it. But that's what the rose colored glasses are for. They help her see everything better, to forget that there's any bad in the world.
But there's that thought again. There is bad in the world, it whispers. You can't escape it forever, and one day, those glasses are gonna come off and you'll be hurt, broken and all alone again. But Carly has known what it's like to be alone. She had Spencer from birth, and he's not going anywhere (she fears he will, but she ignores that too). She's always had Sam, her bestest friend in the whole wide world, and Freddie came along not too long after that. So she's never going to be alone, right?
She hopes she's right. Carly hates being wrong. And even though she is sometimes, she quickly ignores it (like always), and pretends it never happened.
At school, she's the queen bee. Everyone loves her (or so she tells herself, at least), and she's the most popular girl in her grade (maybe even the entire school). When she's there, the glasses shine real bright, because she's just so loved and adored by everyone; she can't do any wrong, ever (but she knows she can, and she wants to avoid that).
All the boys want her, and all the girls want to be her. She's just so damn perfect, so friggin amazing and beautiful, that everyone should be bowing when she walks down the halls (that's a little overboard, don't you think Carly?) She doesn't know how Sam and Freddie deal with that, but they do, because they're all best friends, and they're never going to leave each other…right?
She'll never say this out loud, but she never wants Sam and Freddie to leave. She never wants to be alone. Ever.
But despite all the boys wanting her, none of them ever end up dating her. Is she undateable? She doesn't think so; she can't be. She's Carly fucking Shay! She's got the most popular show on the web, she's beautiful, she's smart, and her hair, it's oh so glittery and glossy, she loves herself for having it every day. But why won't they date her? Girls hit on Freddie all the time, and boys that are brave enough flirt with Sam…hell, even Gibby has a hot girlfriend. What's wrong with this picture? (Maybe it has something to do with the fact that boys are intimidated by her stature. She's out of everyone's league. She thinks about it sometimes, very rarely, but she forgets about it when she puts the glasses back on.)
Oh, her rose colored glasses. They've never betrayed her, and she knows they never will. She's had them for a very long time, ever since she first had her heart broken by the first boy she ever crushed on, a boy named Jake (how could anyone forget him? He was so dreamy and pretty, he was a perfect match). She remembered Spencer comforting her one night in her bed because she was crying loudly (something she's never afraid to do), and it was his words that soothed her b r o k e n heart. She's had her glasses ever since (but shards of her h e a r t still linger).
Then there's iCarly. She loves doing it so much, it's a great escape and an even greater outlet for her. It's the only time she feels safe taking off her glasses (not counting when she sleeps, even though she has n i g h t m a r e s here and there), and it's in front of the camera that she shines her brightest, perhaps. She has her two best friends, and the entire web watching her every move, and she just feels so content to keep this up for the rest of her life.
But you know what they say; all good things come to an end. Carly silently and secretly dreads that day.
When she takes her glasses off to sleep, she dreams of what her life would be like if her Mommy and Daddy were still around. Her Daddy always seems to leave her life, fighting and traveling the world. She faintly remembers her childhood, when Mommy was around and shaping her into the beautiful girl she is now (beautiful on the outside, but s c a r r e d and torn on the inside…shh, it's Carly's little secret). She'd always tell her how she was gonna grow up to be prettier than her, and how the boys would be lining up to woo her (the irony is scary to her).
Now her Mommy's gone and Daddy's never home. All she has back home is Spencer, and though she loves him to death, she's not sure he's ever been able to handle taking care of her (Carly never tells him this though; she knows how sensitive he is and it would b r e a k his heart, and she doesn't wanna deal with another broken heart in her life).
She's got her glasses though, right? They make her smarter, more aware of her surroundings. They make her feel like a star, a diva, everything she's ever wanted out of life. They make her feel like a princess. And there's that fucking word again. Princess. She hasn't felt like one of those in a long, long time. She wants to. Now. But she can't feel like one without her very own prince. She wants to wear the gorgeous dress and the matching tiara, and she wants to be the belle of the ball. She wants the amazing kisses that come with it, and the graceful dances as well. And those close quarter moments after it's all said and done? She wants to feel alive. But really, when it boils down to it, all she really, really wants is to be loved (she tells herself that she is, that everyone in her life does love her, but deep down, in the darkest parts of her soul and heart, she knows she isn't…and maybe she n e v e r will be).
But that doesn't matter when she's got on her rose colored glasses.
Everything seems to come back to them. And how could they not? They keep her safe and secure, in her own little world, where nothing can go wrong and she does everything right. She lets Sam, Freddie and Spencer live and dabble in this world, and why shouldn't she? They're the three closest people to her in her life, and they haven't run away (yet). They share so many good times together, smiles all permanently etched across their lips, that Carly really believes and convinces herself that this will all stay gold forever, that it can't go bad.
Then one day, Griffin comes back into her life, and though she doesn't show it, his mere presence throws everything she's worked so hard to build and construct into complete d i s a r r a y. She doesn't want him to be the one (but why not?), yet he always seems to be there when she needs someone who isn't Sam, Freddie or Spencer the most. And he's so damn gorgeous and gritty and b a d. So she takes another chance on him (you know he loves you, Carly). It works out and she's finally happy. About time! Now Sam and Freddie aren't the talk of the town anymore (oh you didn't know? They finally got together, and Carly couldn't have been happier. She knew all along that they would…it just took longer than she thought.)
But now it's back to square one. She's got her glasses on more than ever now, and she couldn't be happier. So what if she dumped Griffin cause she caught him cheating? It's his loss, and she didn't need him anyways. She has Sam, Freddie, Spencer and her rose colored glasses. They make everything better! She convinces herself of this every day, and for good reason. She's still popular, still beautiful, and still doing iCarly. Why should she have any reason to complain?
Oh, that's right…graduation is about to arrive. And with graduation comes college. And with college means Sam and Freddie will be l e a v i n g her. And she doesn't want that. She silently tells herself to beg her two best friends to not leave Seattle, because without them, she'll crumble and become nothing. But she knows she can't do that; she has to be there for her two best friends as they explore the next chapter in their lives…without her.
It terrifies her that Sam and Freddie are going to be going to California (livin' the dream!) together, while she's going to school in New York. Since she can't beg them to come with her, she turns to Spencer. She pleads and begs and cries (again? Spencer hates it when she cries) for him to come to New York with her, because she can't take her glasses there with her, and if he's there with her, she'd feel safe (if only for a little bit).
But Spencer can't go to New York with Carly, the little sister he loves oh so much (and he does). His own career as an artist is finally taking off, and he f i n a l l y met a girl who understands him and appreciates him for his spontaneity (her name is Heather and she's a beautiful, kindred spirit who l o v e s Spencer very much, and Carly is incredibly happy for her older brother; but on the same token, she's cursing her existence for stealing her older brother away from her), and she's moving into the (her) loft. So the day comes, and they're all waving goodbye to each other inside the studio where all of Carly's dreams were made and simultaneously c r u s h e d all at once.
It's the last iCarly and there are tears in all of their eyes as they close this chapter on their lives with quite possibly their best show ever, and it ends like it began, with some random dancing (how else could it have ended?) However, as it went unnoticed by everyone there and everyone watching, Carly was dancing with even more tears in her eyes, because she realizes it's the end for her. The absolute end.
September 5th comes around faster than she wanted; it's the day she's to leave for NYU, to start her new life (a l o n e), where she can be successful in the world of drama and fashion (the two things she wants to do most; she doesn't love them, but they'll do). Sam and Freddie have already left for USC, and Spencer's girlfriend Heather is in the process of moving in (at least she's not sleeping in Carly's room…she could never forgive her brother if that happened). So she turns to Spencer, the only one left (but he's not really there; his mind is on the black haired girl with the wide smile and tattoos), and she gives him a huge hug goodbye. Because that's really what it is.
A goodbye to e v e r y t h i n g she knew.
Boarding her plane and looking at the skies, looking over Seattle, she feels her lips tremble, and try as she might, she can't fight back the t e a r s (at least Spencer isn't around to see them this time), and she begins to finally realize that her glasses are outgrowing her, that they don't fit anymore. She knows she can't get another pair, because these were one of a kind, and they were for her and her only.
Landing in New York is a terrifying experience for her. She's a l o n e (there's that word again), in the biggest city in the world, with nothing but blind ambition and a little dash of hope getting her by. She tries her best to maintain a level head and keep a smile on her face (no matter how fake it may be), but deep down (way down, where that singular thought is kept, trying to claw it's way out), she realizes that nothing will ever be the same again (because she had her chance to be with Sam, Freddie and Spencer and she blew it).
So when she slams the phone down one night, after talking to the three of them on four way conference call, she looks at her reflection in the mirror (you don't look so b e a u t i f u l now, do you Carly?), and she hateshateshates what she sees. She's no longer the most popular girl in school anymore, no longer the host of the best show on the web, and no longer beautiful. And she's certainly not a princess anymore, no matter how much she wants to hold onto that part of her life.
She's just another face in the crowd…all alone, and so cold.
And what Carly wouldn't give to be able to see the world through her rose colored glasses just one last time…
I got the idea for this one shot after reading an excellently written Carly-centric one shot earlier today called 'You Lose' by Masquerading with Shadows (go read it, it's awesome). This is a turn from what I usually write, and it was a challenge for me, one I enjoyed. I hope you all do the same.