"Wow, look at that tight dress on you. You must really have tons of confidence in your inner beauty…. Hey where are you going? I was talking to you!"

Rachel just closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. She literally could not believe that someone so hot could have absolutely no game. After tonight it's been decided that she needs to coach Santana on the ways of speaking to a woman if she ever plans on getting a girlfriend with substance.

Santana walked over to the counter where Rachel was sitting. "I can't believe how many bitchy girls there are in this place."

Rachel just shook her head again. "Santana, do you not understand why women keep walking away from you? You're so rude!"

"How am I rude? I told her she had a nice personality."

"That's definitely not what you said to her. Do you even know how to say something nice to anyone?"

Santana looked away rolling her eyes in the process.

"I'm being serious, Santana. Look at me and tell me something genuine. Talk to me like I'm one of the girls you're trying to take home tonight."

Santana ran her finger around the rim of her glass and glanced up at Rachel. The look on Santana's face made Rachel blush, which cause Santana to smile.

"You have the most beautiful, deep brown eyes I've ever seen." The softness of Santana's voice when she complimented her caused her to blush even harder. "Wow, Santana, thank you. That was so sweet."

"It really distracts from your big nose. Wanna get out of here?" Santana smiled being seemingly proud of herself. Meanwhile Rachel's smile faded into a stern, unamused look and she signed. She knew she had her work cut out for her.

The following weekend back at their apartment in NY, Santana and Kurt are sitting on the couch waiting not so patiently to see what Rachel looks so happy about.

"Santana, in light of recent events I've decided to put together a 25 slide powerpoint presentation to show you the finer points in the art of female seduction. As you know I have 2 gay dads and a gay best friend so I am very well versed in gay culture and I believe you need my help. And besides, I can totally get a girl to do whatever I want. It's a gift. A gift I will now give to you."

Santana couldn't help but hold her head in her hands. "I can't believe this is happening right now. And what the hell are you talking about?"

Rachel smirked a bit at the question. "Remember when we went to Target because I wanted to redecorate the house a little?"

Kurt and Santana both rolled their eyes. They mutually decided shopping with Rachel is a fate worse than death.

"Yes I remember."

"Remember when I saw this adorable lavender soap dish that I thought would look great in your bathroom and you said you didn't want it?"

"Yes I remember because I argued that I don't need a soap dish since I use liquid soap."

"And you stood by that statement even though I told you how the color would compliment your decor perfectly and give the room more ambiance."

"Which I thought was insane and I'm never going shopping with you again." She huffed, crossing her arms and leaning back against the couch.

Rachel placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head curiously. "Santana, where is the soap dish?"

"We got the lavender liquid soap so I don't see why that's so im-"

"Santana! Tell Kurt where the soap dish is."

"…It's in my bathroom."

"Kurt, hit the lights, please."

"Kurt, hit me over the head, please." Santana slumped down admitting defeat. Maybe a little help wouldn't be so bad.

AN: the soap dish dialogue was inspired by a scene in Don't Worry Your Pretty Little Heart by smc-27.