Disclaimer:
A/N:
I posted this on the Ewanspotting board under my ezboard nick Dectera and I have also submitted a slightly altered version to my school mag so it has been around the block a few times if you've read it before. :) Please review because I love to know what you think and a nice review always makes my day. :)Falling
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Waves crash onto the beach, spraying water into the air. The ocean's froth tipped fingers creep up the sand to where I stand, watching with morbid fascination as they lap around my ankles. My eyes follow them as they recede back into their dark moonlit body. I listen to the sounds around me and focus on the waves some close by, some distant. I try with every ounce of my soul to drown out the joyous laughter of the people at the fondue a few metres away. The squeal of happy indignation as someone throws sand at someone else. They are all dear to me, my family and my friends. I turn to look at them engaged in their raucous game of attack and run to avoid the avenging bit of sand which is flung uncontrolled in the general direction of the attacker. My gaze wonders away from them back to the ocean. The shore line blurs as I focus my gaze on the distant calm where small waves barely disturb the flat surface. The laughter grows louder in my ear and I frown for you see I don't want to be happy, I don't want to laugh with false joy as stinging sand is hurled at me. No I don't want that, what I want is to for them to go away, to leave me to my brooding. I close my eyes and blink away tears which are always just below the surface waiting for the moment of weakness when they can escape. Finally I feel their sting lessen as they retreat...for now. I stare fixedly at the horizon the place where water meets sky and wish with all my heart that I could transport myself there into its wondrous solitude. I hear footsteps behind me and I resist the urge to yell GO AWAY. It does, however, echo through all the passages of my mind.
*whack*
Sand slips down my back and I whirl round ready to cause grievous amounts of bodily harm to the little shit who threw the sand. I see the hurriedly retreating figure of a man laughing evilly at his cunning. I shoot daggers with my eyes. By the gods how much I hate him. I shudder involuntary as images from the past push themselves to the surface. I curse silently and vainly attempt to push them back into their trunk which I'd thought was securely sealed in the far reaches of my mind, in a place safe from the tightest scrutiny, where even mind healers can not trespass, hidden from the world and myself. Obviously I was mistaken. What I need is a bigger lock!
I turn and walk away from the *fun*. Words from one of my favourite songs drift into my mind and mix with the images which refuse to go away. "...The man who put his hands on you...walking with the wounded..." Suddenly I feel the need to run and subconsciously my pass quickens. The tears are back but this time I know it is a battle I will lose. I blink furiously but they pay me no heed and my legs carry me away faster and faster. Finally I drop to the ground exhausted. I look behind me and am relieved to find nothing. The is no sound of laughter now, no sight of people, no flickering flame of the fire, only me...and the waves. I smile slightly through my tears. I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them to me. My forehead is resting on my knees and I cry unashamed in the still night where I am alone and on one can see me.
I don't know how long I sat there but a feather light touch caresses my back and I jump haphazardly to my feet. My tears had gone long ago and my walls had returned keeping my thoughts in and everyone else out. I look at the person who has invaded my space, anger seeping out of every pore. It is him, of all the people in the universe to come looking for me it just HAD to be him. I push away the fear, the unease which course through my body at his close proximity to me and try to calm myself. I look at him not daring to move and frozen to the spot.
"I'm sorry. Look I know what I did was wrong and I won't do it again?" He says, speaking softly as if afraid that his Master might hear. My expression remains blank and I continue to stare. He shifts his weight from foot to foot. He looks ashamed and I sense he is uneasy. "I think we should talk about this. I promise I won't do it again, I...I won't touch you like that again. I'll listen when you say no." I turn to leave but he grabs my arm halting my progress. "We have to talk about this." He says emphatically.
"No." I speak the truth because he knows just as well I that I can't speak to anyone, not because of my pride or shame which ever way you wish to perceive it but because he is married to my sister and I cannot bring myself to destroy her happiness. A happiness which she deserves more that anyone in the republic. I shrug off his hand and continue to walk
"No don't resist me." I turn and look at him amazed by his audacity and I almost laugh at his hypocrisy. His hand is back on my shoulder I look at it and feel my heart race. I swallow trying to rid myself of the panic which is threatening to overwhelm me.
"Don't touch me." My voice is sharp and low and the slight tinge of fear in its undertone annoys me. I hear the sound of voices and I sigh with relief. People are coming our way so I will not be alone with him for much longer. In a few moments I see the head of the most admired Jedi in the galaxy come into view.
"Anakin, Emer what are you doing out here we've been worried about you two." Obi Wan smiles at his apprentice and Amidala's younger sister. He looks at me and frowns slightly and I realise that I am shaking. I take a deep breath and give him a small smile.
"Thank you for your concern Master Kenobi I assure you that there was nothing to worry about." I speak the familiar lie with practised ease hiding behind the mask of a diplomat. I always knew the years working so close to my sister would be beneficial. Obi Wan holds out his hand and I gladly accept it and he leads Anakin and I back to party celebrating Anakin and Amidala's one year wedding anniversary. I smile at my sister as she hugs her beloved husband and once again my secrets were locked away in their trunk.
THE END