Title: Improper Artifact Use for Fun and Entertainment

By: InuGhost2.0

7/28/10

Summary: When Artie's away the Agents and Claudia will play with the artifacts. See what hijinks and trouble they cause when they screw around with the artifacts.

Disclaimer: Now honestly if I actually owned Warehouse 13 then this wouldn't be a story online, it'd be an actual episode.

It was a time of celebration at Warehouse 13. After days and hours of hard toil Pete, Myka and Claudia had achieved the impossible. They had managed to convince their boss Artie to take a vacation.

Claudia had come across Artie's file one day while attempting to organize his office and had been unsurprised to discover the man's last vacation had been back when Regan had been in office. Armed with the evidence Claudia had managed to secure Peter and Myka's help in convincing Artie that he needed a vacation. It had taken more than a little work to convince him that they could handle daily management of the warehouse by themselves.

Pete and Claudia had just returned from dropping Artie off at the airport. Entering the warehouse the two passed through security reentering Artie's office. Neither was surprised to see Myka bent over a table focusing solely on finishing her case report.

"Geez Myka haven't you finished your report yet? We left you over an hour ago. That should have been more than enough time." Pete japed as he sat down across from Myka.

"Well I might have finished it long ago, except someone left before they finished their report so I had to finish theirs also." Myka snapped back glaring at Pete while slamming her pen down on the table. "Next time you can finish your own damn report."

As Myka abruptly got to her feet a loud bang echoed through the office as her chair toppled over. "I'm taking the rest of the day off. Want to come with me Claudia we could go shopping."

"Thanks Myka, but with Artie gone I can finally do some work on upgrading my Farnsworth. Plus I can finally take an unrestricted look around this place. Who knows what fun little artifacts I might find in there." Claudia grinned as she looked out the window at the interior of the warehouse.

Myka had to concede that point to Claudia. Artie probably did not even know the full effects or usability of more than half the artifacts stored in the warehouse. And given the properties of the few artifacts that she and Pete had dealt with it was more than likely that Claudia would find something that would keep her occupied for a few hours. "Ok then I'll just go shopping on my own." Grinning she grabbed her purse off the end of the table and rushed out the door before Pete or Claudia could stop her.

Several hours later Claudia looked up feeling satisfied. For the last two hours she had been hard at work upgrading her Farnsworth. Using the blueprints as a diagram she had managed to install a better ring tone onto it. She had even managed to find an old artifact in the warehouse that pulled signals out of the air, and after installing it into the Farnsworth and a couple of tweaks she had managed to hook herself up to the internet. A feat that she was particularly proud of accomplishing. As she wiped sweat from her brow she looked around the office slightly surprised that Pete was nowhere in sight.

When Claudia had first began working on her little project Pete had decided to stay with her to help keep her company. He had managed to keep himself entertained after discovering that Artie had somehow managed to spirit away Pete's stuff and had it sitting hidden in his room situated above his office at the warehouse. Pete had grumbled out a few choice words about the middle-aged agent before making himself comfy in Artie's chair with several of his favorite comic books.

Getting out of her seat she headed over to the door leading into the warehouses interior opening the door she cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled "Pete? Yo Pete where are you at?"

"No need to yell so loudly Claudia." Coming down the stairs from Artie's room Pete subconsciously rubbed at his mouth as he gave Claudia a strange look. "What's the matter I was only gone for a couple minutes?"

Rolling her eyes Claudia tucked a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. "I finished updating my Farnsworth and was going to do some inventorying of the warehouse want to…what's that on your face?"

As she had been talking to the Secret Service agent she had noticed a strange dark speck on his cheek. Moving quickly, at least fast enough so Pete couldn't react, Claudia ran her thumb over the patch of skin the dark speck was on. Looking at the speck it looked highly familiar though to be certain she licked the speck off her finger.

Rich, moist and chocolaty, greeted Claudia's taste buds as she placed her hands on her hips and gave her colleague a look of pure hate. "Where the hell did you get this?"

"Sweat beaded on Pete's brow as he desperately tried to think of a halfway decent to give Claudia. "Uh…um…I have no idea what you're talking about." Pete stated weakly. Already he felt ashamed of coming up with such a lousy excuse, and partly wished that the floor would just open up and swallow him whole so he wouldn't have to deal with the shame.

"Peter Latimer if you do not tell me this instant where you got a piece of chocolate cake from then I will get out the handcuffs that I used to kidnap Artie and I will use them on you, and I promise you that I won't be putting them on your wrists!" By this point she had backed Pete into a corner and emphasized each word with a sharp jab of her finger into his chest.

Pete Latimer was now scared for his life. Claudia's threat along with the wild look in her eyes scared him to the core, more so than any of the duties he'd performed since becoming a warehouse agent. "Artie's office, he's got an artifact up there that will produce any kind of food you want in exchange for putting something inside it." He babbled out.

"Trust Artie to figure a way around Leena's diet." Claudia was more than a little upset. In an effort to make sure Artie lost weight Leena had put everyone at the bed and breakfast on his same strict diet. The last week and a half had been utter agony for Claudia. Cut off from her usual food she had found it difficult to maintain her cheerful upbeat attitude.

Leaving Pete where he was Claudia headed upstairs and quickly located the artifact in question. 'He must have been really desperate to resort to Martha Stewart's Easy-Bake Oven.' She thought as she reached into her pocket. Pulling out a collection of pocket lint and a couple coins she Claudia proceeded to throw a penny into the machine. "Give me a triple layer Chocolate Lava cake." She wished as she pushed the button.

A low hum issued from the machine for several seconds before it dinged loudly. Opening the oven door Claudia grinned broadly as she pulled out the fresh baked cake. Scooping up some of the sauce she tentatively licked it before moaning loudly in delight. "Delicious."

Claudia proceeded to throw restraint out the window as she practically inhaled the cake all the while savoring every delicious bite. Now that it was gone she contemplated what Artie had done. He had chosen to disregard warehouse rules by using that Easy-Bake Oven for his own purposes. As such he wouldn't be in any position to lecture her if she chose to play around with the less dangerous artifacts. Hell it would be a good way to pass the time, and if even one of them proved to be as useful as that oven then it would be well worth it.

Her decision made Claudia headed down stairs. "Hey Pete want to join me in ransacking the warehouse for some artifacts to goof off with?" She yelled out as she shut the door to Artie's room behind her.

Please review. Comments are greatly appreciated along with constructive criticism, thoughts, and ideas for other artifacts that Pete and Claudia can screw around with. Remember reviews make authors happy, and happy authors are productive authors.