AN: hey. I'm back…again! This is a pretty short ranty fic, but I meant it to be sort of uplifting, ya know? With all these suicidal Todd fics going around, I figured we need something sort of happy. Not sappy, just, easier on Todd. Plus I don't think the Brotherhood Is mean to Toddy. These writers are giving my other boy's (other then Todd) a bad reputation! So I'm here once again to set things straight. Well, please review. Who knows. If ya'll review enough, I might just feel obligated to start another fic…Oh yeah, and I took this song from the band Toad the Wet Sprocket's c.d. Coil.
And now….
THE DAM WOULD BREAK
By Muffin_elf
is it this place that makes me fall from you
forget the words that once rang so true
did we expect that life was ever fair, my god...
I sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod
and everything I've held too tight inside
could make a part of me die
and if my lips could only speak the name
the dam would break
what is this ice that gathers round my heart
to stop the flood of warmth before it even starts
it would make me blind to what I thought would always be
the only constant in the world for me
and every hours of every day
I need to fight from pulling away
and if my mind could only lose the chain
the dam would break
for all the things I hid away
and all the words I could not say
the dam would break
-Dam Would Break,
by Toad the Wet Sprocket
Hey, wassup? Nothing much you say? Oh. Sure. You ever notice people say that when they really just don't want to talk to you? Sa'll right. I'm used to it. What? Don't look at me that way, I hate it when people do that, ya know? I'm not so less human then you, yo. So don't treat me that way.
It's time for you to listen to me, the little guy, for once. Stay put awhile, I've got something to say. Something I've never gotten to say, something I couldn't say. I've held the pain in too long. Now I've held the joy in to long. And I'm gonna break the dam.
What's my name? Ha. Wouldn't you like to know. You wouldn't? Yup, that's what I thought. Me, I'm just the kid in the back of the class. One of the ones that the teachers only call by their last name, like our real names are just to dirty to touch. To damn filthy to speak. Yeah I'm that guy. The guy everyone picks on, even the geeks with their A's and nerdy voices. Guess cause I'm the only one they can pick on. The only one "uglier, less popular, more loser-ish" then they. Don't act like you don't know what I'm saying. You know. You've done it, you can't deny it. Sometimes it comes so natural you don't think about it. Don't think about the person on the receiving end.
Maybe it's just human nature. If that's human nature, I guess it doesn't count for me. Human. What a word. Human, humane? Add an E. Huh. What does it mean to be human? I guess I'll never know.
Some people say they have it tough. Bull. You ain't had tough till you've been a mutant, yo. I guess it wasn't too much of a change, learning what I was. I was always different. Always an outcast, constantly shunned by humanity. Now they just have a nice little section they can group me under. A namable reason to hate me. One they can put others like me in, class "Mutant." Mutant. What is the definition of mutant anyway?. Do you know? What? What's wrong? Afraid to answer? Oh well. It's okay. Lets see mutant: they result of a change or random error in the DNA sequence. so I'm a fluke. A mistake. Not to hard to understand, guess I just grew up with that. The adults knew. Even when I was young. They knew I was a mistake. A screw-up. Maybe didn't know I was a mutant. But they knew what I WAS. Some people grow up believing they're so special and perfect, cause their parents, guardians, whatever, tell them so. Well as for me, I grew up being told how useless I was.
Huh? You stare at me as if I am so alien to you. Is it my self ridicule that makes your face screw up like that. Or fear. Ha. Afraid of me. Don't know anyone who ever has been afraid of me. Don't know anyone who I haven't been afraid of myself. Fear. It's such a constant in my life. Or was. Until they came along…
Who? My brothers. I thought I told you to stop staring at me like that, yo. Some people never learn…as for my brothers, well, what can I say. There the only people I've ever loved.
Hey, yo. I'm not gay, so stop it. Whatever… So anyway, they're like the only friends I've really ever had. Ya know? How you love your best friends? That's how I love them. Just three times that, yo. Three times. They look after me I guess. I don't like being the baby an all, but it feels good. To know some one cares. Just to know someone out their cares whether you get your three meals a day, whether or not you come home blood soaked and bruised from the last bully beating. I guess people take advantage of it, yo. Yeah. You too. You're so damn lucky. And I hate you for it. Hated you all for it. Before they came into my life. I was so stupid then. So stupid and spiteful. I really didn't care.
I was nearly beyond saving. The ice had gathered round my heart and was slowly freezing. Hollowing me out from the inside, until I was like the other gutless people out there, the ones who had made me this way. You included. Well, maybe not so much you as the bullies, and other people. The ones who treated me like shit. But were all bullies on the inside.
And I was giving up. I guess I no longer cared, yo. Life held no more meaning. What was the point? I never considered something stupid like suicide. Only idiots do that. You probably wish now that I had, don't you? Suicide is for cowards. Wait, aren't I a cowered? People call me that. You do I know. Behind my back. You don't care if I hear. You want me to. But who's really the coward? I guess I'll never know.
But I live with them now, and they look after me. The happiest times of my life have all happened here, now, with my brothers. We are truly brothers, yo. Brothers in pain. We have all suffered at the hands of humanities simple mindedness. You think I'm crazy? You don't know. You'll never know.
I guess I owe them my soul. I was losing it in the chaos and hate of the world. They brought me back to the living. I never new anyone else like me. Didn't know anyone else was going through the shit I was. I felt so alone, yo. But my brothers, they make me feel like I'm part of something bigger. Bigger…
Some times I'm so scared though. Scared of the things I hear whispered in hallway conversations. Reported on local news stations. Printed in all its coldness in ink within the pages of magazines and newspapers. Things about the "Mutant Situation in America" I'm afraid they'll find us. Me and my brothers. I know the guys would never let them touch me, let alone take me away. But I'm so scared they will. I've heard this shit about taking away mutant rights, like were not citizens. Not human. Didn't we learn our lessons with the whole slavery, civil rights thing? Yeah. Now you're thinking, yo. I don't know what we ever did to humanity to be so feared. But I once heard something like, humans fear what they now least about. Something like that. Maybe that's why. Human nature again. But I don't want that to happen again and I pray it won't. Yeah, I believe in God. I pray. Gotta problem? That's what I thought.
So now you know. You can go if you want. Pretend you never heard this. Or you could do what I did. Try and start again. Try and live again, remember what you say to others, yo. You could be creating the next victim. The world doesn't have to be this way. I was lucky. I got my brothers. But there are others out there like I was. Ones whose dams haven't broken yet. And even the strongest of dams, if put under enough water pressure, if it tries to hold too much in, it will break and be destroyed. Just remember that yo. And remember me.
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty"
-Mother Teresa
whoopee do. It's done. A little long winded towards the end, but hey, I tried. No go be a good little reader and review!