"Is it wrong that Rachel aiming her Bambi eyes at me makes me totally want to bend her over the piano and fuck her in front of everyone?"
For a couple of seconds Mike Chang just blinks rapidly like he's trying to decide whether or not he heard what he thinks he just heard. But when he realizes he in fact did just hear those words his eyebrows furrow and he turns his head, eyes a little bit wide to look at his friend. "Yes," he answers without hesitating once it has processed. "Yes, that's what I would call all different types of wrong. And something tells me that not only would Rachel not be alright with that but none of us actually want to see that."
Puck just shrugs his shoulders, his face betraying that he doesn't much care that Mike thinks that's wrong or that the others wouldn't want to see that- though admittedly Rachel probably wouldn't let him do that if her life depended on it. The girl is the most sexually reserved girl ever. Of course, even most girls that enjoyed sex weren't comfortable with the idea of being fucked in front of people that they knew. Call it being shy or awkward or whatever. But seriously, he wasn't even lying.
Rachel's standing in the front of the room singing a song to Finn, as per usual. They've broken up again but while she's singing she's looking around the room. And when her eyes land on him they look so sad and big and vulnerable. She always comes to him for comfort when Finn breaks up with her. And he knows that he probably shouldn't find that vulnerable, little look so hot but he totally does. Not that he wants her to be sad or anything. But the innocent, vulnerable look on her face makes him think all sorts of dirty thoughts. Who can blame the guy? Being that innocent looking is almost like begging for someone to corrupt you. And he could definitely think of all sorts of ways to corrupt her.
Turning his head Puck looks at the boy that Rachel is singing to, a song he doesn't know but is about being heartbroken over the person you love leaving you. And as usual Finn just looks confused. And seriously? The guy has the brain capacity of mayonnaise. How hard is it for him to understand that this shit is hurting Rachel? Finn keeps claiming that he loves her but then all he ends up doing is breaking her heart over and over again. That's not love. Even Puck knows that and he's, like, emotionally stunted.
But he also doesn't understand why Rachel keeps coming back for more heartache. She knows that she and Finn breakup on a regular basis but she's like a glutton for punishment. Why keep going back to a guy that obviously doesn't love you as much as he says he does? It's different to stay with a guy who doesn't claim to love you constantly, doesn't give you false hope. If it was just that they liked each other but they broke up that'd be one thing. It doesn't hurt as much, right? But no. She had to fucking love his moronic oldest friend who couldn't know how to treat a girl if his life depended on it. And yeah, Puck isn't exactly a white knight but even he knows you don't play with a girl's heart.
Rachel finishes singing and when she sits back down she looks so broken that Puck just wants to do something but everything he can think of she wouldn't be okay with. He can only think of sexual ways to help her feel better and Rachel Berry is definitely not the type of girl to jump into bed with a guy. So it's not like he can fuck her into temporary happiness. Shit, he would even do shit that wouldn't get him off- go down on her or finger her or something- if it would cheer her up but he's not stupid. She's not like that and he sort of finds that hot. But he also kind of respects it. He doesn't say it out loud because it would make him look like a total punk but it's sort of honorable and shit that she wants things to be better than that when she has her cheery popped. That she wants it to be special or be with someone who, like, loves her or something. But it doesn't make him want to fuck her less.
Truth is that Rachel is sort of at the top of his spank bank material. She has been since they dated for a week and she was on top of him while they were making out in her bed. She was totally grinding down on him and it was so fucking hot. He thinks about that a lot when he's alone late at night. He thinks about her tight, tiny little body and her short, short skirts. He thinks about her riding him with her smooth legs on either side of him. He thinks about fucking her into the mattress, he thinks about burying his face between her thighs and tasting her. He thinks about all sorts of things that would make her blush and give him that disgusted look that she tends to when he gets a little bit perverted around her. And truth is that when he thinks about her while jerking off he comes a whole lot faster than when he's thinking about any other girl. She's just that hot, okay? Fuck her having almost no curves. Don't need big tits to be hot. Tits are just a plus.
For the next couple of weeks Rachel just looks fucking depressed all the time. He tries to cheer her up, make her laugh and shit by being his normal perverted self. Even if she doesn't laugh he'd rather have her glare at him than look sad. But she doesn't do either. Instead she just pouts and turns away from him like her whole world is taken up by mourning the loss of her shitty relationship. And really? That's fucking sad. Finn ain't worth that. He's not that great. He's not that fucking great but girls always seem to want him more than they want him. And that's not cool when he actually wants to date someone. Because he tries to be a pretty damn good boyfriend. He really, really tries.
He gets tired of Rachel pouting after about three weeks and so when they're in the locker room one day Puck sort of corners Finn, folds his arms over his chest and arches both of his eyebrows at him. "Dude, you and Rachel done for good or what? Cause I'm getting fucking tired of her walking around like a fucking zombie. If you're done for good you might wanna let her know so she doesn't think you're gonna come running back to her soon. You're keeping her hanging around because you just like the attention. You always do that to her and shit's not cool."
Finn just furrows his eyebrows at Puck and looks at him like he grew an extra head which is fucking retarded because it's not like he didn't just make sense. Or like he said anything that wasn't true. Everything he said was a fucking fact. But he's not even remotely surprised that Finn is confused. Dude doesn't get a lot of shit. The fucker actually believed he knocked up Quinn cause he jizzed in a hot tub with their bathing suits on. The guy's no fucking genius.
"Rachel knows we're over. For good," Finn insists.
"You sure 'bout that." But Puck doesn't give him a chance to reply before he walks away.
Two weeks later though Finn has started to date this girl named Harmony- fucking stupid name if you ask him- that is like a rip-off of Rachel. Like, she's Rachel but even more annoying somehow. Or, well, annoying period because Puck doesn't even find her annoying anymore. Not after he got to know her. She's actually pretty fucking awesome. But Harmony is even more of a diva and acts like she's hot shit, God's greatest gift to music or something. And sure, the bitch can sing but she's not that special.
Finn even brings her to the party Santana throws and the Latina stands there with Puck, eyes narrowed, arms folded over her chest and shakes her head. "I don't even really like Berry and even I feel bad for her right now. He's fucking rubbing it in her face that he's dating a bootleg version of her." And when Santana defends Rachel you know shit is fucked up. She doesn't hate the girl as much as she used to but they're nowhere near best friends. Still, the Latina is glaring at Finn damn near the entire night while Rachel sits in the corner and pouts.
Kurt tries to cheer Rachel up at the party but it doesn't work. Instead she ends up drinking far too much and clings to Kurt like he's her lifeline. He knew she was clingy when drinking but Kurt seems a little uncomfortable with her clinging to him like that. And then she just drinks more so she can barely stand up straight. So Puck does the right fucking thing- and fuck you if you think he can't do the right thing. He makes his way across the room and he takes Rachel off of Kurt's hands, tells the other boy that he's going to bring the girl home.
Rachel leans against him during the ride home and she's half asleep but wide awake enough to bitch about how Finn is a jerk and how he had to know that bringing Harmony there would hurt her. But she doesn't call her Harmony. She just keeps calling her 'that girl'. And it's sort of amusing because that's about as vicious as she can seem to get.
Her fathers aren't home and she mumbles something about them being on vacation so when he gets her to the door he has to dig through her purse to find her keys and then he manages to get her inside and get her upstairs to her room with some difficulty. For a tiny girl she can b e a lot to handle when she's been drinking. But he gets her into her bed and she falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow so he takes her shoes off, thinks about changing her into her pajamas or something but thinks better of it. He doesn't need her accusing him of being a pervert the next day, that he took advantage of the situation and decided to use her drunken state to look at her mostly naked. He wouldn't do that but he wouldn't put it past her to think that. But still, he would never do that. He's not that bad of a guy.
A couple of days later he walks into the music room and sees Rachel standing at the piano and she looks so sad. She's looking through sheet music and Brad isn't there yet and he has that urge to just bend her over the piano and fuck her brains out but he knows how to control that urge. He sure as fuck knows that he can't just go over to her and take her. He's not that stupid, thank you very much. That's just not cool and he knows it. But still, he goes over and stands next to her, leans against the piano. "You ever gonna smile again, Rach?"
Rachel turns her gaze up to his face, looks at him from under her bangs, her eyes so sad and so empty that he kinda feels like his chest tightens. So not badass but she's always sort of been an exception to most of his rules. "When I have a reason to smile I will." It sounds so damn reasonable it almost pisses him off.
"Look, I get you love Finn and shit but he's just not worth this," he tells her. "The guy doesn't wanna be with you so fuck him. Just let it go. You can't make him want you. You just gotta move on."
"It's not that simple, Noah," she insists. "I love him."
"Love ain't gonna bring him back." He says it as gently as he can but she still flinches. He sighs heavily. Tact has never been his strong point- and damn straight he knows what the word means. "Look, let me take you out. Like, just friends and shit. I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend." Not that it wouldn't be sort of awesome to date her because she's totally hot and he's sort of liked her since that week they dated. "Let you have a little bit of fun. See if I can get your mind off of Hudson for a while."
"I don't know, Noah…"
"Look, he's moved on. Why shouldn't you go out and hang out with someone, right?" He shrugs his shoulder like it's no big deal if she says no and steps away from the piano, walks backwards towards the door. "And, y'know, not expecting anything from you if you decide to go but…I wouldn't object to some making out." He gives her his trademark cocky smirk, winks at her when he leaves the room. He doesn't expect her to say she'll go though. But she totally calls him that night to say she'll go.
And about a week later? Yeah, she's totally on top of him making out with him in her bed again. And it's not exactly his spank bank mental image but it still totally fucking rocks. He'll take it.