She stumbled numbly from the Hospital entrance, not knowing where she was going...simply walking. Stopping and standing still, she swallowed past the lump lodged in her throat. She couldn't focus her mind on anything, just allowed it to drift away with the swirling snow. Looking around she could see people rushing in and out of the building, a young couple reuniting in the doorway, holding each other tight and an elderly couple exiting the building together, carefully. She could feel the ice cold snowflakes fall on her cheeks, cleansing her. She inhaled deeply, tilting her head back to the sky and letting her mouth drop open. It was dark, the stars were out, and the sky was utterly beautiful. She stared at the sky, allowing herself to feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Lowering her head and looking in front of her, she took a step forwards, then another. She soon found herself stood in the garden beside the hospital. It was empty and silent apart from her breathing and crunching footsteps. She stood still, feeling the cold slab of heartache creep through her chest, disrupting her breath. Her jaw began to quiver as she felt the first tear form and roll down her cheek. She allowed it to fall, unmolested, as she felt others follow its' path. She dropped her handbag in the snow, trying to swallow back her grief. She couldn't decide what she felt, what she should feel. She couldn't make sense of it in her head. It didn't make sense. One minute everything had been alright, the next...her whole World had changed.
She felt she couldn't breathe as she reached to her chest and unbuttoned her coat, allowing it to slip off her shoulders and to the ground with a soft thud. She stood still in the crisp night air, breathing deeply and feeling the ice forming on her cheeks in the wake of her shed tears. Her mind refused to work...to come together to form any sort of coherent thought process. She took a step forward as she suddenly thought of Wednesday evenings...what was she going to do now? She felt her legs go weak as they buckled beneath her and she fell to her knees in the soft snow. Watching as the snow continued to fall around her, she saw life continuing. No matter what happened, or who was taken away, life continued. Her chest began to heave as she cried loudly into the dark, reaching her hands out into the snow in front of her, bracing herself as she felt her grief consume her. Her body was taken by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and shock, ripping through her like an ice-cold blade. She felt a pressure on her lower back and a body landing beside her in the snow, gently pulling her towards them. She resisted at first, wanting to try and hold back from feeling the full extent of her emotions. As she felt the pressure increase and the pulling become more insistent, she allowed herself to move with the pressure and found herself burying her face in a chest as she reached up a hand, grabbing hold of his scrubs tightly. She cried loudly and desperately into his chest as he held her tight, not loosening his grip even for a second. She pulled tightly, pressing her face into him harder, as he remained silent, simply holding her. She allowed herself to feel whatever she was feeling and found she wasn't afraid to do so with him holding her. Heaving back her sobs, she looked up with tearful, bleary eyes and saw him smile sadly down at her, his own eyes filled with emotion. She tried to speak, but all that came was a croak followed by a further assault of wracking sobs. Her sounds were truly heartbreaking as they echoed through the night, the only sound in the otherwise silent snowfall.
As her breath began to slow and her tears began to run dry, she watched the snow falling on the ground in front of her. She watched as a recently fallen piece was instantly covered by a second falling piece. In the end, she thought, everyone disappeared and were slowly forgotten about. Sniffing loudly, feeling weak and thoroughly drained, she sat back and looked up at him, his eyes shining down at her. His mouth formed into a grim line as he hung his head slightly, keeping his grip on her. She felt his hand reach for hers and she allowed him to hold it, needing the feeling of human contact. She could feel the cold seeping through her trousers as she reached a hand up to her hair and noticed it was soaked through. Sighing heavily, using all her remaining strength, she stood up...knowing she would have to sooner or later. She felt him stand with her and keep a hold of her. Neither of them moved, simply stood silently in the falling snow. She closed her eyes and marvelled at how peaceful the World became during snowfall, allowing herself to forget just for a moment. When she opened her eyes, she remembered instantly and felt the heartache once more as she turned to look at the brightly-lit building in front of her, knowing what she had to do. She felt a fresh torrent of tears gush down over her cheeks, dropping onto her blouse as she simply allowed them to fall. How was she going to carry on? How was she going to continue every day, living her life as usual? She took a breath, knowing she couldn't think about that right now. Focusing on the moment at hand, she nodded her head gently as she felt him reach down for her bag and coat, keeping hold of them as she forced herself to take a step...then another. 'Just keep walking' she told herself as she forced herself to move. Making herself take those first, excruciating steps, she knew she would somehow carry on.