A/N: Howdy folks. This is the result of my boredom and desperation to publish something. Yes, I really decided to write it in this form/style since I want this to be crack. I was so desperate to just write something, anything, but to no avail. Thus, I thought 'heyyy, if I can't think of something decent, I'll just write something that doesn't make sense!' and that was how this was born.

WARNINGS: Crack-ish, full of nonsense. Utter crap. I wrote it like that. Read le warning. DLDR.

DISCLAIMER: Naaaw

HAIR ISSUES

Hi there! This is me Nantucket, Alfred's awesome cowlick. I must say I am very cute and I totally stand out from the rest of Alfred's features.

Literally.

And people always notice me! Whenever someone describes Alfred, I'm always recognized by my uniqueness :D Sure, Alfred's pretty blue eyes are kind of stealing my place as rank 1, but dude can't do it. I'm still first! Hahaha!

I like shampoo and conditioner a lot and I don't need to be physically fed because I suck nutrients from Alfred's body as food! No no, I'm not being a parasite, it's normal for us hairs to do that! I mean it would really be weird if Alfred were to shove hamburgers in me…-shudders-

So anyway, I dislike horror movies, but Alfred likes them even though we're both scared of it :( It's really embarrassing that I shake like a leaf when it comes to horror films. Whenever he switches them on, I can't help but tremble like crazy! Dx Sometimes he's just so mean to me OnO For example; he always tries to brush me down like the rest of my hair buddies even though I don't wanna! Once he even tried to gel me down. Gel! I hate that icky stuff! But I'm more stubborn than he is. I totally beat that gel's ass! Thankfully Alfred eventually gave up and let me have my way~

Why exactly am I telling you this? No reason really, just felt like introducing myself :D

But the real thing I wanna share to you folks is my stuff with Mr. Arthur's eyebrows, which I'm gonna refer to as 'Bushy' throughout the entire storytelling.

So one day I was sitting there on Alfred's head as he made his way towards the game shop to buy the newest game, Call of Duty: Black Ops II! Alfred purchased it and headed out of the store. We both were hyperventilating in excitement! He then took a sharp turn to his left corner and…

Yes, you guessed that right.

He bumped into someone. Alfred and Arthur didn't know each other yet then.

Cliche, I know v.v

"Oh sorry, didn't see you there."

"Watch it, bloody git!"

They said simultaneously and I peeked down to see who it was when…

"HOLY SHIT!" Alfred and I exclaimed in unison (not that they can hear me talk).

'T-that…! What is that?' I thought.

Apparently, Alfred was thinking the same for he pointed at the other's face and stuttered.

"Dude, your eyebrows! Wow!"

Arthur seemed offended and Alfred went home with a sore jaw that time.

I didn't understand though.

Why did he hurt Alfred for pointing out his eyebrows? :O

I mean, those eyebrows were the sexiest things I ever saw in my entire life! I've never seen such…such huge, cute hairs! I always thought I was the only hair that stood out of the rest until I met Bushy~

D-don't tease me… x/u/x

Anyway! After that encounter I thought that I should think of a plan! A plan to woo Bushy's heart! I'm gonna make him mine! Mine! MINE!

But what can a hair do, right?

So I had to depend on Alfred :/

Since Alfred and I seem to share the same feelings, I desperately thought of wanting to meet Bushy again.

Bushy Bushy Bushy Bushy BUSHY BUSHY BUSHY BUSHY BUSHY !

And it worked! Alfred wasn't thinking of my precious Bushy though. He was thinking of Bushy's owner :D That was good! Meeting Bushy's owner means I have a chance to meet Bushy too!

YAAAAAY! 0(xux)0

Could you imagine my expression when they met each other again? I was swaying back and forth in happiness~ (Arthur seemed to think I was crazy though. He kept giving me weird looks every time I swayed or wiggled).

"Oh hi there. I'm really sorry about last time…" I didn't really hear the rest of Alfred and Arthur's conversation as I was so fixated on the humongous, sexy thing.

"Hey Bushy, you're so pretty!
I fell in love the first glance!
You stole my heart completely.
Won't you give me a chance?"

I did deserve some credit since I thought of that poem on the spot! HA! 'He'll totally love that!' I thought.

"…"

H-huh? OuO Why didn't he reply me?

Maybe he didn't hear?

I repeated it but a little louder for him to understand.

"Hey Bushy you're so pretty! I fell in-love the first glance! You stole my heart completely! Won't you give me a chance?!"

"…" Still nothing.

EYEBROWS, Y U NO REPLY ME? QAQ

"HEY BUSHY! YOU'RE SOOOO PREEET—"

"Would you bloody belt up already!?" he replied.

Yay, he finally replied! *_* His british accent was thick and… kyaaaaa~ x/u/x

I LOVE BRITISH EYEBROWS ;3

"Your voice is so hot!" I said.

"S-stop making fun of me!" he said. Huh? I WAS NOT MAKING FUN OF HIM OAO How could he think that? After all the praising I said Dx

"I wasn't making fun of you! I really think you're cute!"

"Sh-shut up!" Was it possible for hair to suddenly turn ginger? I think Bushy was blushing…heehee~ he's so cute x3

After that, Bushy and I met more and more often since Alfred and Arthur seemed to increasingly like each other's company, and of course, Bushy and I got along more and more too! Although he's kinda grumpy like Arthur, I still like him~

"Oh Bushy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Bushy! Hey Bushy! Oh Bushy you're so fine, you're so fine you bl—"

"Nantucket, please."

"Hehe, sorry~"

Then stuff happened.

One day, I was humming while Bushy was just being awesome when we can't help but overhear Arthur and Alfred talk.

"—pluck my eyebrows?"

Arthur was asking if Alfred would like it if he plucked his eyebrows.

PLUCK his eyebrows.

Pluck his EYEBROWS.

Bushy and I shared the same look: the look of utter hair horror.

PEOPLE! Can't you see what was wrong here? He was gonna hair my love! Like how they shear off a sheep's fur!

How very cruel!

The only hairs to be shaved off are leg hairs! Armpit hairs! And…!

….You know e_e that hair under…down there…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! QAQ

"Nah, I don't mind your eyebrows. It won't feel like you if your eyebrows were thin." Alfred replied, grinning.

THANK YOU FOR SAVING BUSHY! Q_Q

But I still don't trust Arthur.

So that night I planned something. Bushy and I would sneak out for a while to give them a hair scare. I'm sure Arthur would never, ever think of plucking his eyebrows ever again.

Alfred woke up the next morning and stretched. He felt like something was off. He shrugged it off and proceeded to make coffee and breakfast. After he finished eating he headed for the bathroom and looked himself at the mirror and froze in shock, panic and confusion.

"What the…" he touched the bald spot on his head where his cowlick used to be.

His phone rang and he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Alfred…my eyebrows are missing…"

A/N: I warned you about it being nonsensical. I'm out. =u=

A/N 2: Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind hey Mickey! Hey Mickey! (Who knows this song xD) Oh Bushy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind :)))