The Words I Would Say

by hey.dovewings

Song-fic set to "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets. Worried about how he is doing at his new university, Lucy writes a letter to Peter. Wrote it book-verse, but it could work in either.

So, I was thinking about Narnia the other day (something I do more often then is probably good for me) and this song popped into my head. It seemed perfect for how Lucy views Peter. So I ran inside and started typing for all I was worth. :p I ended up having to finished in the car, on the way to and back from visiting my youth paster and his newborn. (Who was adorably cute, by the way!) I've never tried writing a story with a song in it at all, fan fiction or otherwise, so it might be horrible. But here it is!

The song is "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets, off the album "These Simple Truths". Lyrics are centered and italicized. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Narnia or anything related to it, nor do I own "The Words I Would Say" or anything related to it.

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Three in the morning,

And I'm still awake,

So I picked up a pen and a page,

There was really no reason to be worried. She'd seen Peter just a few weeks ago, and he had been perfectly fine. Paler and thinner then the last time he was eighteen, but that was to be expected. English air did not have nearly the same effect as Narnian.

Lucy turned over onto her stomach and peered into the dim room. Nellie was sound asleep in her bed, the comforter rising and falling with her breathing. The clock on the table between them read 3:00 AM. Lucy groaned and buried her face in the pillow. Classes tomorrow—today, that is—would be torture if she couldn't get to sleep soon.

But no matter how much she wanted it to, Lucy's mind would not settle down. Thoughts of Peter kept plaguing her, and she couldn't seem to shut them off. He needs you, a little voice in her head nagged. He needs you.

Finally, Lucy threw off her blanket and started toward her desk. She eased the bottom left drawer open and drew out a blank piece of paper. As long as she wasn't sleeping, she might as well be writing to Peter.

Grabbing a pencil from on top of her math book, she draped her robe around her shoulders and shuffled past the two other beds. Sarah turned over and mumbled something as Lucy passed, but she didn't think much of it. Her roommate was well known for talking in her sleep.

She closed the bathroom door behind her before flipping on the light. After opening and shutting her eyes firmly several times to adjust, she placed her paper on the seat of the commode and settled down on the floor.

And I started writing,

Just what I'd say,

If we were face to face,

I'd tell you just what you mean to me,

"Dear Peter," Lucy wrote, then stopped and nibbled on the end of her pencil. What exactly was she going to say? She'd just written him last week and told him all about the happenings at school. The most interesting event since then was Nellie finding a book she'd thought she lost years ago in the school library. Lucy very much doubted that Peter, as much as he liked her friends, would care at all about that.

Well, she thought finally, what would you say if he were here? She set her pencil on the page and scratched out, "I miss you, dear brother. Don't I wish we could all go to the same school? I think that might be the hardest part of being in England and not Narnia; not being together all the time. Besides not having Aslan, of course." She stopped again.

I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

"But I suppose that's not entirely true, as you would tell me right away. He is here, just not exactly as we're used to. And His name is different. But that doesn't make Him any less of our dear Lion."

Lucy shifted her legs and tucked the robe underneath her, blocking the chill from the old tiles. What else could she say? There must have been a reason for her wanting to write, but there wasn't much she could do to help him if she didn't know what it was.

"I know you miss Narnia, maybe even more then I do. It's hard, isn't it? I feel like I can't quite be a part of anything here, because most of me belongs there. My friends have noticed it, too, although they're used to my quirks by now."

None of the Pevensies, except for Susan, had many friends. It wasn't that they weren't friendly; they just didn't have much in common with the other children in their classes anymore. They weren't, after all, normal children.

You're gonna do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you

So don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Lucy tapped her pencil against her chin. What else could be troubling her brother? She knew he missed his power in Narnia; the ability to make things happen. When he was the High King, people bent over backwards to please him, and anything that wasn't in line with his sense of protectiveness could be changed. He'd felt it especially keenly the first year back, when Edmund was having trouble with bullies. It had nearly killed Peter not be able to punish the boys.

"I thought of you the other day. We were learning about medieval weaponry. Eliza started going on about how her great, great, who-knows-how-many-greats grandfather was the lord of a manor and owned an armory. It was so hard not to just blurt out the whole story of Narnia. 'That's nothing. Not only can my brothers use swords, but they've led entire armies and sailed ships and fought giants.' Not to mention Susan's suitors.

"I can't wait to see what you'll do here, in England. You might not be a king, Peter, but you're still magnificent. I know it's hard when no one else can see that, but be patient. They will, someday. Just you wait. You'll do something great and be remembered forever."

Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say,

Lucy wrinkled her nose and yawned. Did that sound too silly? If there was one thing Peter hated, it was sarcasm. More then once, he and Susan had gotten into fights over some snide reference to ruling. But I'm not Susan, and I do think he'll do something great. She nodded. Besides, the paper will look awful if I erase all that. She sighed and added, "I pray for you everyday."

Last time we spoke,

You said you were hurting,

And I felt your pain in my heart,

She knew Peter was heartily sick of school. They all were. It was miserable to grow up and learn everything you needed to know to rule a country, then to suddenly become a child once more and be expected to do your lessons. History was the only thing that could even remotely hold Lucy's attention, and it wasn't half as interesting as Narnian history. Edmund dealt with it the best of them, simply because he loved to know things.

"You're not too terribly bored with your classes, are you? I learned something new today in botany, but I never had a good memory for that anyway. And just think how pleased Mum will be with our marks again. She's convinced that the Professor had something to do with making us all work harder."

A thin smile stretched across Lucy's face. The first few weeks back home after the air raids, their mother hadn't known what to do with them. It was quite clear to her that they had become entirely self-sufficient, and she simply couldn't understand how. The four of them still loved her with all their hearts, but they weren't children any more.

I want to tell you,

That I keep on praying,

Love will find you where you are,

I know cause I've already been there,

So please hear these simple truths,

Lucy shivered a little and blinked. She was starting to get tired again. After a moment of staring blankly at the wall, she refocused on the page. Let's see…

"I do hope you've found some good friends at the university. I'm sure it's hard to be apart from Edmund. I worry about him when you're not around; those boys are so mean."

Edmund had possibly had the most difficult time adjusting to being home again, simply because he no longer had friends. He used to be an awful bully, and even after he changed his ways, it took time for the other boys to learn that he could really be trusted. Nowadays, his old friends loved nothing more then making his life miserable. Edmund tried and tried to ignore them, but it was hard on him. All three of the others could see it, no matter what he did to hide his frustration. Peter did his best to respect his little brother's wishes, (and, in several cases, pride) but there were times he simply had to step in.

"But Ed can look after himself. Goodness knows he's saved all of our lives enough times! He can handle a few bullies."

Lucy sighed. It was quite possible that friends were the source of Peter's problem—if he did really have one. He was still new to the university, and it was difficult for him to make friends. Her brother was so different from most boys who appeared to be his age. And now that he didn't have any left over from before Narnia…

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

She started again. "I was glad to hear that you found a church. Still, it must be hard to have to start all over again." She made a face. You're supposed to be encouraging him. She erased the last sentence, replacing it with, "They're lucky to have you there. And I bet there are plenty of nice boys who could be your friends. One or two, at least, must go to your school."

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say

"I know it's hard to be just another face in the crowd, but I do believe things will change. There has to be some sort of good we can do here; otherwise why would Aslan send us back? I have to keep telling myself that, too. 'He'll take care of you. Remember, He will take care of you.' He has something amazing for you, I'm sure of it."

Lucy blinked again, longer this time. The light in the bathroom seemed too bright, too harsh. It was becoming harder and harder to focus on what she was writing. She really needed to get back to bed soon.

From one simple life to another,

I will say,

Come find peace in the Father,

"I'm sorry this letter doesn't have much of a purpose. I just couldn't sleep, and my mind kept coming back around to my Magnificent Brother. I love you, Peter. I hope you know that." She yawned, her jaw popping. "There're more things I would say, but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep right here. Hopefully I'll see you soon, and we can have a good long talk. I miss you. Ever your loving sister, Lucy."

She stretched her arms above her head and scanned the letter quickly. She added a quick P.S.: "Is there something wrong? I was afraid there might be. Please tell me."

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Take your time and pray,

Thank God for each day,

His love will find a way,

With a deep sigh, Lucy got to her feet and folded up the letter. There. Maybe now I'll be able to settle down. She flipped the light off and stood still for a moment, unable to see in the darkness. When she was sure she wouldn't trip over anything, she opened to door and tiptoed past Sarah's bed. Nellie let out a soft moan, and she jumped. Her friend settled back down, and Lucy made her way over to the desk. With another massive yawn, she slipped off her robe and dropped the folder letter on top of her English book. I'll mail it first thing after breakfast, she promised herself. She shuffled over to the bed. I hope he's fine. Be with him, Aslan. She rolled over to look at her desk. "Be with him."

These are the words I would say