I know you want to read, so if you want you could just skip over this, but I just wanted to say that I'm trying this out. This kind of story is a little different for me, and I'm trying to keep an open mind, so please, if this is terrible, I'm sorry in advance. Just a warning, my story is going to seem sort of all over the place, so you might be a little confused. I don't know. I've never been a good judge of the things I do. Thanks for reading, and please enjoy.
It's a shame that some things can't be changed no matter how hard you try, and trust me, I did try. All my life I've been nothing but pure determination, pure rebellion. Rebellion. Re Bell Lion. That's me, a ferocious lion with a bell. Ha. Nope, not me. I'm a bird. I'm a black bird. I'm a raven.
That's me. Rae Ven. Raven. Raving. I'm a raving idiot to think I could change things, because, in the end, I'm still raving mad. Mad as a hatter. He he. Alice in Wonderland. Raven in Wonderland. I'm a wonder.
One too many hits to the head, some said, I might as well be dead. Dead. D E A D. De Add. I can add. One plus one plus one plus one… Hah ha haah. Bet you can't count like that. I count better. Better. Bet er. Better bet on her. Bet on me to be cra zy. I am crazy. They told me so.
I didn't used to be crazy. I used to be Raven. Rave en. Rae. I'ma ray sunshine. Star warned us too, y'know. Saying things like Beast Boy's baldness when she came back from the future. Isn't that a movie?
For a moment, I promise to try and clear my head. I can promise, but it doesn't usually work. They promised me they'd come back, but they never did. Nev ver. Never never never never. Never have I ever… Nevermore.
I don't like bugs. Beast Boy could change into those too after a little experimenting with his powers. Yuck. Bugs. I hate bugs. Bugs drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a round room. I died there. They buried me with bugs. Bugs bug bugs. Bugs bunny.
Bugs bunny would've helped me leave this room. He would've given me a carrot and dug a hole. A hole to hell. A hell hole. That's what this place is. It's too white in here, I like blue better. Blue blue blew. When I lost my sanity, something blew away my mind. The end of a world? No. Almost, but that wasn't what hap pen edd.
My cloak is white now, just like this room. Just like the white noise I hear when I try to hear my friends coming. They said they were coming for me, you know. They said they'd come back. They lied. They're liars. Liar liar pants on fires. I saw pants on fire. Lots of pants. People burning. I went to hell. It sure was hot there.
My daddy wanted to play with me. Trigon. Trigon the Terrible. Terrible at playing hide and seek. I never got the chance to hide, and he already knew where I was. I didn't really like his games. He never played fair. Plus he broke something of mine. Mine mine. Mine mind. Mind. He broke my mind.
They put me in this new hell, my friends. Those liars. They lied. They said they'd come back, but they lied. I'm all alone. Alone. I've been alone for years. All alone. I see them sometimes, but they're never really there. Maybe I'm not really there.
They lie to me when I see them, one time Starfire came and tried to convince me she was real. It almost worked, and I left this hell for a little while, but it wasn't. My friends, those liars, they brought me back and they weren't real. They weren't real. But I'm real.
I'm all alone. Lone. I'm a lone wolf. Awwooooo. Ha ahha. I'm not really a wolf. I'm a raven, but you believed for a second. I know you did. I know. You did. I'm not a liar, you are. You are all liars. You're not really there. No one is. It's just me. Me me me.
Me, a name I call myself, fa, a long way to run. I didn't get a chance to run, daddy just took me. He said I did a bad thing. He said I needed to learn my lesson. Lesson. Lesson learned. No one can teach like my daddy.
When daddy said I could go back and play with my friends, I was sad to leave daddy. Daddy was my daddy. He played with me and taught me things I didn't know. Like how to kill. Kill. Kilt. I killed someone once, when I came back from hell. I didn't mean to, but I thought we were just playing. Playing like daddy taught me to. Just playing. But then she started to bleed and then she died. Starfire died. Oh well, game over. Sorry you didn't win, Star Fire, no need to be a sore loser. You lost. Lost your life. You're dead.
That's how I knew she weren't real when she came. She comes. She tried to tell me she was real, but she wasn't. She was gone. Just like the others were gone and they never came back. Came back. Come back. There's no one for me to play with anymore, I want them to come back. I'm all alone. I can't talk to anyone. Just myself. I'm not very good company.
Since the very beginning of my life I've fought. It's true. Mommy tried to kill me before I ever took a breathe of air. She blamed daddy for me. Daddy played too rough with mommy. Mommy got me as the result. She lost the game. She got me as a consolation prize. She didn't want me though. She was a sore loser.
I fought the monks at Azarath. They didn't like me either. I was too much like daddy's little girl, but I would never be daddy's little girl. Not yet. I fought against daddy then, I didn't want to play his games, but I had to anyways. When I went to Earth, I fought bad guys. Bad guys and Beast Boy. Beast Boy. He tried to get me to smile. I almost did, but I fought my emotions. That was one of daddy's games I had to play. I couldn't let him win. I had to win. I'm a winner. Win Ner. Never have I ever…
I've never been kissed. I've never been on a roller coaster. I've never ridden a bike or played a video game. Has anyone else ever done those? I haven't. I never let myself. Part of daddy's games.
I fought daddy for being the portal, and I won too. Or did I? I think I lost. I lost something. That penny. I lost that penny. Beast Boy gave me that penny. He gave me hope. I bet he took it back. He never did like to share.
Share. 'S hare. Hair. My hair is purple. It's really purple. It's not white. There's too much white. It drives me crazy. Crazy like bugs and Beast Boy and daddy's games. I'm already crazy. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. Do you want to go crazy too?
I don't like it here. Here I'm all alone. All alone.
They're never coming back, are they?
Are they?
No.
I'm never really going to see them again.
Starfire's dead. D E A D.
I killed her.
I'm sorry Starfire, I didn't mean to.
I didn't, really. I'm sorry.
But they're never going to come back now, and neither are you and I'm all alone in a white hell hole. All alone.
Daddy's stopped talking to me once he realized I couldn't play the game anymore. He probably thinks I cheated. I didn't cheat. I'm not a cheater. Cheater cheater pumpkin eater.
That's not me. Really, it isn't. I'm not crazy, really, I'm not. I'm just alone with a few loose screws. Cyborg had screws, they held him together. I bet he knew how to do the robot. Cyborg was a robot. My friends are never coming back to me; I'm never going to see them again. My mommy's dead too, and I think I blew the world up. If I did, it was an accident. I didn't mean to. It was an accident, and now I'm in hell to pay.
I'm sorry Starfire, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to kill you. Can I make it up to you with some mustard and a trip to the mall of shopping, please? We can even have a girl talk if you want, I really wouldn't mind. It's better than talking to my mind. We wouldn't even have to play a game; I don't like Daddy Says, anyway. It's not as fun as Simon Says, and I miss you. I miss you and Robin and Cyborg and Beast Boy.
Here, I'm all alone. No malls, no birds or robots or aliens. Just me and a demon and a raven. Raven. Rae Ven. Hey, that's a bird. I'm a bird, he he. I think Happy got loose. Sorry, I couldn't hold her in. The room is still white though. And I'm still alone.
I'm always going to be alone. I'm alone because I'm Raven, and I'm a bird that's lost her flock, so I fly alone. Do Raven's even fly in flocks? I don't think so. I'll die alone. My name's Raven.
I tried to change my future, I fought with everything I had, and I still fight, I'm fighting right now. But I won't win, this is a fight I won't win. I'm too far gone for that. So I'll have to sit tight until I die, I haven't eaten in a while, and so it might be from that. I'm locked in here, and nobody has brought me food in a long time. There are no windows and I don't know where the door is. I don't remember the last time I saw anybody. I might die from being alone. Alone. I'm all alone. If I don't die from that, I'll die from my games. I don't have anyone to play with anymore, so I have to play by myself.
I don't have anything to play with, so I have to be crafty when I play games. I just made up a new game. It involves red. The first one to paint over the white room with red wins. I've got red. It's dripping from my hand right now. I didn't have paint, so I improvised. I played smart. I'm a smart cookie. Cook Ie. I'm not a cookie, I'ma bird. I'ma raven bird. I win. See, daddy? I didn't cheat. I played fair and used my head. I win.
I win, and now I'm dead too. Dead like Starfire. D E A D. Dead. Yeah, that's me. I'm dead, dead from painting the room red instead of the roses. I'm dead. I'm raven. Rae Ven. Not Rae by itself. I don't like that name. My name's Raven.
I'm still alone; my friends are never coming back, so I won't either. I'm still Raven, but I will never see my friends again because they don't want to see me. So I died alone.
I'm a Raven.
I died.
Goodbye.