Disclaimer: Only some of the characters in this story belong to me. If you don't recognize them from whatever universe then they're probably mine. I don't own Sherlock and co. or Harry Potter and co.

A/N: This is what happens when I get: 1. Ill. 2. Hyper and 3. Allowed to use my computer while on cold medicine. This is complete stupidity so don't read it if you want serious writing. You have been warned.

They had been drinking for hours. Everyone was totally pissed. Three sheets to the wind drunk and laughing about it.

At some point a few hours ago someone had had the great idea to kidnap all the villains and tie them up along the wall together. Not Anthea who was going by the name of Laurel tonight was amusing herself by pelting Voldemort, Moriarty, B'Adaran General Telsa, and a few of the unnamed aliens from 1 and 2's world with pretzels and laughing when they cursed at her.

Nearly half an hour ago Mycroft had started cuddling his umbrella and now he abruptly stood and made his way to a dark corner with the umbrella and a can of Cheez Whiz. The sounds now drifting from that direction soon convinced everyone that he was better left alone.

"More booze, Jaymie, my girl." Greg called out. "We're not nearly drunk enough to be listening to that!"

"Mycroft!" Sherlock shouted. "Make sure to use the pointy end and not the handle! If you use the handle you won't be able to walk for a week!"

"How would you know?" Wilson asked. "You and John make use of sex aids found in umbrella stands then?"

Sherlock snorted at him and John blushed and giggled. "Of course not, idiot."

"Right, I believe you."

"C'mon Jesse," Hayleigh cajoled. "You'd look really good in heels and a tight red dress that barely covers the important parts."

"No," Jesse leaned more against Allison. "And if you ask again John and I will show you how we tortured the terrorists in Afghanistan."

"Promises, promises," Hayleigh singsonged. "Scott never makes me promises like that."

"That's cuz I was in Iraq Hayleigh," Scott snorted.

"John," Sherlock suddenly said. "I have to pee."

"Need me to hold it for you?"

"No. I'm going to pee on Wilson because he's an idiot."

"Okay by me."

"Good." So Sherlock stood up and peed on Wilson who spluttered and wondered briefly how he'd got so wet before he passed out. Jaymie banished him to the bathroom to clean up.

"I'm bored," Severus said. Jaymie banished him to her bedroom and he wasn't bored anymore. Though the next day he was very sore. Becca and Jaymie were terrors in the sack.

"When my father hears—" Everyone pelted Ron with whatever was at hand. When had he picked up Draco's lines?

"I will kill you all!" Voldemort vowed. Everyone snorted. "Fine but I want cake if I let you live."

"Okay, who gave Voldie booze?" Both Ian's asked.

Laurel shrugged. "He looked thirsty. Besides he's funny now. Look he's got foam on his not nose."

"Someone should wipe that off for him."

"Not me. Make Jimmy boy do it!" Came the chorus from everyone.

Laurel shrugged again, untied Moriarty and broke his nose with her BlackBerry when he tried to escape and put John in a vest covered in Semtex. "My nose!" He cried.

"My BlackBerry!" Laurel cried back. "Great! Now the Austrians are going to invade Antarctica!"

"No!" John screamed. "They'll chase all the penguins and force them to swim and play and make the Austrians laugh…we must save the penguins!"

"Well, if stupid hadn't of busted my BlackBerry I'd get my seal operatives right on it. Mycroft! I need your mobile. We have to save the penguins!"

Mycroft's mobile flew through the air and into Laurel's hands. "Go save the stupid penguins and leave me and Umbrella alone!"

"Umbrella and Mycroft are on villain duty!" 1 declared. "C'mon 2, penguins to save!"

Everyone ran out and Jaymie sighed in relief that she'd finished with this stupid silly mood.