I tried to stop loving you
so I built walls around my heart
and found other names
to whisper in the night
but you craved yourself
in my veins
even if you meant to or not
and sometimes I wonder
if you remember the way
we looked at each other
or maybe you forgot.
-c.p.
"Come on honey, get in the car," Elena calls out to her four year old daughter, begging her to get into the car. "Baby please," Elena pleads, desperately needing her daughter to enter the car. Time is ticking away, precious time that requires Elena's presence at work.
"No, I want daddy to take me!" Isabella stomps her foot against the driveway, insisting on her father driving her.
"Excuse me?" Elena's eyes widen, her hand falling to her hip as she glares at her stubborn daughter. "Daddy isn't here, you will see him tonight. Now get your sassy little butt into this car before I make you."
"Mommy, I don't wanna go." Isabella cries, her soft whimpers piercing Elena's heart as she watches her daughter. How easy it is to give in, Elena thought.
"Baby, I know but it's preschool. Don't you like school?" Elena questions calmly as she scoops her tiny daughter into her arms, brushing her fingers through her soft brown hair as she watches Isabella's pouty face.
"No, I don't like it, mommy." Isabella pouts, her bottom lip pushed out as she grabs onto Elena's shoulder, the young girl pleading to stay home.
"School is fun, and guess what?" Elena perks up, her voice light and fun as she tries to lift her daughter's sorrowful mood.
"What?" The young girl questions, rubbing her eyes as she watches her now an upbeat mother.
"Daddy is going to pick you up, okay? How does that sound?" Elena perks up, her eyes bright with excitement as Isabella's eyes widen. "And then maybe he will take you to ice cream." Elena winks.
"Ice cream?"
"Oh yeah with lots of sprinkles and whip cream, whatever you want." Elena nods as she buckles the young girl into her car seat.
"Mommy, will you come too?" Isabella smiles, her smile so bright and hopeful that it makes Elena's heart physically clench for a moment. Two years ago, yes, they would have gone together. Two years ago they did everything together, and now, now all of it was just a dream, a whole other lifetime.
"No, but I'm sure daddy and you will have lots and lots of fun together." Elena nods, kissing the young girls forehead before closing the car door. Exhaling once, Elena then opens her door. She enters the Prius as the engine rumbles, the car moving as they make their way onto the street.
"Mommy look!" Isabella calls out as she points at the window, a blue Chevy Camaro convertible rolling by. "That looks like the one dada has!" The young girl smiles, pressing her small hands to the window as she watches the familiar car pass.
"Yeah, it does look like his." Elena nods as she glances at the familiar car. How much time she spent in that car once upon a time. The days they spent laughing, her feet lying upon the dashboard, his hand resting on her thigh while the other hung loosely on the steering wheel. Summer nights were filled with long drives and starry nights, naked bodies colliding against the black interior of that blue Camaro.
Snapping out of her own thoughts, Elena then turns into her daughter's school as they circle into the lot. "Okay hun, you all good?" Elena questions, her daughter unbuckling herself as she grabs at the pink backpack sitting next to her.
"Yeah."
"You want me to walk you in?" Elena questions, and before her daughter can even respond Elena unbuckles her seat belt as well. Getting out of the car, Elena then grabs her daughters hand as they walk up to the school's entrance doors. "Okay, daddy will be here after school okay? And I will see you in two nights." Elena holds up her fingers, showing the number two as she bends down to meet Isabella's short stance.
"Alright, I love you." Isabella hugs Elena, tightly wrapping her small arms around her mother's neck. Elena immediately falls into Isabella as she holds her close, never wanting to let go. Every year she gets taller and Elena feels her slipping away. Isabella is her world, she always has been from the day that stick turned positive. Elena had promised to put her above anything and anybody, and that is a promise she intends to keep.
"I love you baby girl. Have a good day." Elena kisses Isabella's cheek before letting her go. Isabella's brown silky hair brushes past Elena's fingers as they look at one another for a moment, Elena astounded by the color of her daughter's eyes. A light crystal blue reflects back at Elena as she is reminded of him, of everything they built, of everything they lost, of everything they once were but no longer are.
"Bye, mom." Isabella waves before running off with another classmate, completely forgetting about her mother.
"Bye," Elena whispers to nobody as she smiles, watching her daughter enter those school doors as she stands back up. Fixing her skirt, Elena then walks back to the car when her cell phone suddenly vibrates.
Damon: Am I picking her up?
Elena glances at the text before her fingers begin to respond unconscionably.
Elena: Yes, please, and ice cream is included.
Damon: Sounds like a plan.
Elena then tucks her phone away into her pocket, unlocking her car as she rests in it for a moment. Lying back against the seat, Elena breathes out deeply, trying to assuage her stress level. Work had been kicking her ass lately, the woman proving just how difficult it is to be a mother and a successful woman at the same time. Three years ago, Elena's book had gone viral, everyone gushing over the new romance book. Elena is a gifted writer, she always has been ever since high school. And when she met Damon, suddenly she understood everything. Complicated love stories seemed to make sense, and even if she couldn't find her happy ending, that didn't mean she couldn't write them. So after everything, Elena turned to writing, creating her own fictional world filled with passion, lust, angst and above all a happy fucking ending. She hadn't expected it but soon her book reached the shelves, and eventually the New York Times bestsellers list. It was a shock, some even recognized her in public. At only twenty four, Elena had built a life for herself, for her daughter.
Pressing the gas, Elena then pulls out of the school parking lot as she begins her drive to her office. Usually, Elena worked from home, but she had a schedule, she had meetings, she had signings. Elena Gilbert is a busy woman, a thousand events crowding her schedule. People depended on her, and sometimes she found herself focusing more on those people than the people who actually cared for her. That is one reason why her life turned upside down, sometimes success comes with a burden of hardships as well as fortune. Elena knows that better than most.
Driving through the town of Mystic Falls, Elena then catches eye of the high school. The high school that taught her almost nothing, it was college that really did the trick.
Six years ago
"Elena if you don't get through the damn door right now I am going to kill you!" Caroline shrieks, her voice filled with agitation. Caroline Forbes doesn't do impatient, she gets what she wants when she wants it and doesn't apologize for it. Caroline has her life mapped out to perfection, everything perfectly in line. Caroline isn't a profound believer in mistakes, and so she never made them. The blonde haired blue eyed girl knows what she wants, the complete opposite of the disheveled brunette fixing her hair in the bathroom.
"I know, I know." Elena nods, closing her jean shorts button before stepping out of the bathroom.
When Elena returns to the dorm, Caroline glances the brunette up and down, her mouth open. "Who needs a boyfriend when I have the hottest best friend ever!" Caroline shrieks, Elena spinning around, theatrically showing off her skimpy outfit.
"Well we certainly don't need boyfriends." Elena giggles, grabbing her phone as her and Caroline make their way out of the stuffy dorm room and down the street towards the frat house. A college party. Elena's first college party and her nerves are extremely high, she heard stories. Young girls drugged and raped, assholes slipping ecstasy into naive, innocent girl's cups. But Elena isn't one of those girls, she is sure of it. Elena is smart, she knows how to handle herself and as for Caroline, let's just say Elena is glad that her bombshell of a friend has her to guide her. But part of Elena envied Caroline, her enthusiastic outlook on life that never seemed to fade. Caroline shrieked with happiness, her blonde curls bouncing around as they walk down the street shoulder to shoulder.
"Oh my god, this is amazing! Is this not amazing? I mean we are in college Elena Gilbert! Real college! Like in the movies when they go and make memories that shapeshift their life. That's gonna be us, we are going to shapeshift our lives here!" Caroline exclaims, drastic optimism pouring out of her bubbly voice.
Elena smiles, nodding as they walk, her brunette hair swaying in the wind as she watches all of the young students. "I can't believe we actually made it, were in college Care!" Elena shrieks, her smile now just as wide as the blondes.
"I know! Now let's go get drunk!" Caroline shakes her butt, guys whistling in response to the beautiful blonde. Caroline then winks at them as Elena grabs the blonde's arm, steering her away from the alpha males and towards the frat house. Girls dressed in skimpy crop tops and denim shorts file into the house one by one, horny guys glancing every girl up and down as they make their way in and out. But before the guys can speak to either of the two girls, Elena and Caroline step through the doors, crowds of people moving throughout the house. Flashing blue and red party lights stream through the living room as college students dance and drink freely, completely oblivious to every other thing occurring around them.
"Let's get a drink," Elena whispers to Caroline, the loud music echoing through the home as Caroline nods. People crowd the whole place, some talking, some kissing, some smoking, some drinking.
"Tyler!" Caroline yells, the dark haired guy turning around as the blonde runs up to the familiar boy.
"Hey you two," Tyler hugs both girls one by one, feeling at both of their bodies a little too flirtatiously. Tyler attended Mystic Falls High with the two girls. Him and Caroline even dated at some point, but Elena could never get over his cocky, jock attitude.
"Drinks?" Caroline questions, her lips curling up into a sexy smirk as Tyler nods, laughing as he picks up two red cups. "Here you ladies go, enjoy." Tyler winks in the direction of Elena, glancing the sexy brunette up and down before making his way over towards his fraternity brothers.
"I can't believe you dated that." Elena rolls her eyes, looking at the arrogant guy as he strolls around, acting as if he owns the place.
"Hey! Don't judge, he's good in bed." Caroline smirks, glancing over to view Elena's reaction as a giggle escapes her lips.
"Ew! No!" Elena laughs, her hearty giggle filling the room as Caroline and she indulges in one another's company.
"Wait," Caroline then swings her arm around, stopping Elena from moving as Elena suddenly halts, glancing at Caroline in confusion.
"What? Who are we looking at?" Elena questions as she sips on the drink, not caring what the hell it is anymore.
"Front door, black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, tall, body for days." Caroline lists adjectives describing the gorgeous guy that just walked in as Elena's eyes shift over towards the front door.
"Leather jacket?" Elena questions as she views the guy, his presence making itself known as he winks at the other ladies surrounding the crowded home.
"Yep,"
"Who is he?" Elena questions, her eyes still casually focusing on the dark-haired guy every now and then.
"Damon fucking Salvatore." Caroline shakes her head, drool almost exiting the girl's mouth as she admires the more than attractive man. Before Elena can respond though, he makes his way towards the kitchen as both of the girls snap their attention away from the handsome stranger. "Did he see me looking?" Caroline questions, soft embarrassment running through her voice as her eyes widen.
"No," Elena shakes her head, staring at the blonde, trying desperately not to be sucked into his blue eyes.
"I need more than this drink." Caroline downs the red cup in one fell swoop, grabbing at another drink as Elena watches her friend with a smile.
"Caroline, take it easy." Elena giggles, Caroline not caring as she downs the second drink.
"Woohoo!" The blonde shrieks, shaking her head back and forth as her eyes squint together slightly. "Elena drink," Caroline orders the brunette as Elena smiles at her enthusiastic friend. Caroline's eyes then drift over to her current crush as she glances over at the counter. Damon stands there, chatting with another guy as Caroline ogles him. "Should I go up to him?"
"What? Does he even know you?" Elena questions, her eyes widening at the suggestion.
"No, but I won't know until I try." Caroline giggles drunkenly, emptying her drink into her body before prancing over towards the handsome stranger.
"Caroline!" Elena seethes, her eyes widening in embarrassment as her friend strolls up to the guy seductively.
"Hi, you know me and my friend saw you and I thought I'd come to introduce myself." Caroline giggles, approaching the dark haired guy as he glances the loopy girl up and down. "I'm Caroline." Caroline extends her hand as Elena watches her, completely mortified by her best friend's behavior.
"Damon," Damon extends his hand, smirking wildly as he shakes the blondes smaller hand. Smiling, Caroline ogles the guy, obvious attraction evident in the girls blue eyes. Damon's eyes don't focus on Caroline though, instead, they drift off to Elena, standing there behind her friend completely mortified. "And this is?" Damon points to Elena, Caroline spinning around drunkenly as she grabs the girl's shoulder.
"Oh, yeah, this is Elena." Caroline turns the embarrassed girl as Elena waves, her eyes not focusing on the extremely attractive guy as he smiles, a smile that sends butterflies into her stomach.
"Hello Elena," Damon smirks, her name rolling off of his tongue seductively as he extends his hand.
Elena only smiles though as she shakes the boys hand, her eyes finally meeting his as the striking blue color penetrates through her heart.
"So are you two freshman?" Damon questions, glancing between the two girls.
"Yes the first year, drama major." Caroline giggles, her curls bouncing as she smiles a seductive smile. Her flirty efforts don't work on him though as he nods, looking at the silent brunette once again. Damon can sense her nervousness, her hands running up her tanned arms, her eyes drifting to everything except him.
"And what about you?" Damon questions, his attention focusing on Elena as her head snaps back over towards the two people.
"Oh, umm, English," Elena answers, her smile small and yet stunning as Damon takes the more than beautiful girl in.
"Oh, different." Damon shrugs, not used to English majors crowding him. Here at Whitmore, most girls either majored in Communications, cosmetology, or drama. Don't ask him why he has no idea. But this girl, she is different. She keeps her presence quiet, she doesn't yell and shout for attention, instead, she hides from it. She is one of the most beautiful girls he has ever laid eyes on, and yet she backs away from attention.
"What about you?" Caroline questions, ogling the guy once again.
"Business," Damon answers, his eyes now drifting to the bubbly blonde. Friends? How different two friends are, Damon thought.
Caroline nods as Elena just stands there, almost as if she is waiting to leave.
"And are you a part of a frat?"
"No, just a fan of the parties." Damon chuckles, grabbing a red cup as another guy prances up to him, slapping their hands together in the way that guys do. "Hey man." Damon acknowledges his friend as he looks to the girls once more. "It was nice to meet you two, see you around." Damon nods before walking away, his eyes still trained on the brunette as his friends guide him out of the room.
Caroline then turns, rambling about the guy to Elena but the brunette's eyes are solely focused on Damon's as he walks away. His blue eyes pierce into her brown ones as he gazes at her, his eyes full of an unfamiliar emotion. His gaze makes Elena uncomfortable and yet excited as she looks away, his eyes causing shivers to awaken upon her nervous skin. Who the hell is Damon Salvatore? And why is he so interested in her and not her beautiful, seductive, bubbly, attention-hungry best friend?
Present day
Elena pulls into her driveway, the white, elegant home standing tall as she exits her Prius. Most young adults such as herself didn't have it all together at twenty-four, but Elena grew up faster than most. She experienced lost, love, grief, and heartbreak before she even met Damon.
12 years ago
12 year old Elena Gilbert sits on her bed, staring out the window. Her cheeks are stained with tears, her hands clammy. Two weeks ago her life had flipped, everything changing drastically in a matter of seconds. Two weeks ago Elena's mother died, the woman being ripped out of her world suddenly, Elena not even getting a chance to say goodbye to her sweet mother. One minute she was here, and then the next her car was wrapped around a tree, her mother's body lying on the hood of the car. That day she came home from school expecting a hug and a kiss as usual, only to be confronted by cops and her broken father instead. Never had Elena seen her father cry until that day, never had she seen a man physically break the way he did. She was confused at first, but eventually Elena understood it, her mother died and she was never coming back. That news hit her like a truck, piercing her heart in an unexplainable way that she doesn't even understand herself. Elena's mother is gone, she will not return, perhaps in a dream, but she will never hug the woman, she will never breathe in her sweet scent, she will never come home to freshly baked cookies, she will never feel those soft kisses that her mother once placed on her cheeks. Elena doesn't have a mother, while other girls complain about their mothers being impertinent, Elena desperately wishes that she even had one.
"Elena lets go." Grayson cracks open the door, his eyes red and tired, as if he hadn't slept for days. Elena nods, words not forming in the young girl's mind as she follows her father. As they walk, Elena notices the flask sitting inside her father's pocket, his breath scorching with the scent of bourbon.
"Daddy are you okay?" Elena questions, tears rushing to the young girl's eyes as she stares at her sorrowful father.
The middle-aged man doesn't answer for a moment before turning, kneeling down on the ground so that he can meet his daughters shorter stance. "Listen to me Lena." Grayson rests his hand on her shoulder, smoothing out her black dress as she gazes into her father's exhausted eyes. "Life is not going to be easy without your mother, I know that. And I know that over these past two weeks I haven't really been there for you, but just know that it'll get better, okay? We will all be okay, you hear me?" Grayson questions, tears immediately rising in both of the heartbroken people's eyes.
"I know. I love you, dad." Elena cries, hugging her father tightly as he rests his chin in the crook of her neck.
"I love you more."
"I miss mom." Elena cries, her voice breaking as she clings to her father, not caring that he stinks of alcohol.
"Me too baby, me too."
Present day
Elena rests her keys on the kitchen counter, opening the refrigerator as she pulls a bottle of water out. Chugging the water, Elena glances around the lifeless house, Isabella's barbies lying on the dining room table. When her book launched, Elena suddenly experienced great success, and with great success came great wealth. Both her and Damon are successful people, for years they were each other's inspiration, lifting the other up to pursue their biggest dreams. Damon awakened her in ways no one else did. He made her question everything, even herself.
Six years ago
Elena scrambles through papers, searching for her essay as she grabs her bag. Sprinting out of the dorm room, Elena runs down the hall and out the door. The summer air brushes past her face as she inhales the soft wind for a moment. No matter how hard she tries, Elena still finds herself in situations that help others but drag her down emotionally. Ever since her mother passed Elena focused solely on others, putting everyone's needs before her own.
Walking, Elena thinks of her father sitting alone at home with a bottle in his hand, of Caroline crying in the dorm room because Tyler ignored her. Why Caroline obsesses over that asshole wasn't something that Elena could understand. He doesn't love her, he used her, and that drives Elena crazy for she loves Caroline like a sister.
Elena thinks of her melancholy friend before she suddenly trips over her own two feet, fumbling as she drops a book to the ground. She sighs heavily as she drops down to pick up the singular book, thoughts churning in her stress-filled mind.
"You okay?" A familiar voice then appears behind Elena, her head snapping up to see Damon towering over her. His black hair is perfectly messy, a few pieces of dark hair drifting right above his stunning blue eyes.
"Yeah." Elena nods, picking up her book as she kneels to the ground. Her trembling body suddenly feels tight, her showing legs suddenly feel over exposed as he peers down at her. How does he do that? Elena thinks as she tries to collect her disheveled self.
"Here," Damon extends his hand, helping the girl up as she slips her silky hand into his. Rising to her feet, Elena sighs before looking up to meet his taller stance, his blue eyes peering into hers.
"Thank you," Elena nods nervously, her breath unsteady as he glances at her.
"You're welcome." Damon nods, his smirk electrifying as he views the gorgeous girl that blushes under his seductive gaze.
"Umm, I actually have to go. I'm late for class." Elena tells the guy, pointing towards the building behind her as she begins to back away.
"Lucky you, I'm going there too," Damon smirks, strolling beside the suddenly nervous brunette. Amenably, Elena allows Damon to walk beside her as they make their way towards the old building. "So where's blondie?"
"Caroline?" Elena questions, looking up at him as they walk across campus. Damon nods as Elena chuckles, thinking of the nickname used for her friend. "Caroline is having a personal day," Elena informs him, not telling him the whole truth of her emotionally damaged friend. Damon then laughs at Elena's words before grabbing at her book, snatching it out of her hands as he reads the title.
"American Literature." Damon reads, pursing his lips together comically as he views the large textbook. His immaturity is clear, obviously, this guy is trouble. Elena can sense it by the way he talks, the way he winks, the way he walks, the way he flirts. Damon Salvatore isn't one to be denied by anyone, and by the way he looks at her and every other girl here, she can tell that he is indeed trouble. "You know, why English?" Damon questions before gasping dramatically, looking over at the smiling brunette."You don't want to be a teacher do you?" Damon mocks, Elena giggling softly as she snatches the book from his hands.
"No," Elena rolls her eyes as he watches her. "I want to be a writer." She smiles brightly, his eyes focused on the stunning woman.
"Really?"
"Yeah, ever since my mom bought me my first journal that has been my goal in life. And she always wanted me to pursue my dreams so I guess I kind of owe it to her, and myself." Elena tells the guy, her eyes still connected with his ocean blue ones.
"Sounds like you know what you want."
Caught off guard, Elena then thinks about his words, the words vibrating through her mind. Does she? Does she know what she wants? "And what do you want?" Elena then questions, turning as they stop at the entrance doors.
In response to her question, Damon's eyes narrow as he contemplates her words. What does he want?
"Umm-" Damon's eyes narrow as his mouth gapes open, an answer not forming in his thoughtless mind. "I don't know."
Looking at him intensely, Elena does not speak a single syllable as she just stares into his eyes, a connection vibrating through them as nerves develop in her flushed body. "I should go." Elena then speaks up, breaking their thoughtful gaze.
"You should," Damon smirks as he opens the door, Elena stepping past him.
"You coming?" Elena questions, pointing down the hall as he looks at her from outside.
"I lied, I don't actually have class. See you around Elena." Damon smirks, winking at the girl as he removes his hand from the door. Elena watches as he strolls back down the steps, that arrogant vibe exiting out of the attractive young guy. People walk past her as she breathes out exasperatedly, a small smile creeping its way onto her face as she chuckles. He is something, trouble, but something. And as she walks towards her class, she has a feeling that this isn't the last time she will see him.
Present day
Elena picks up her daughter's toys, barbies filling the woman's arms as she makes her way towards Isabella's room. Elena places the dolls in the basket full of barbies as she takes a seat on the young girl's bed. Feeling at the white quilt, Elena reminisces in the old memories. Damon and Elena sitting on the floor, playing with their baby girl as she giggled. Every little move she made amazed Damon and Elena, Isabella was there princess, she still is. Elena remembers when this room wasn't a bedroom, but a nursery, late night feedings filling their nights. In six years, Elena's life changed infinitely. First there was college, and then love, and then babies, and then success, and then fights, and then heartbreak, until it all just faded away, leaving Elena sitting in her daughter's bedroom, looking around at all the faded memories, at all of the hopes and dreams that disappeared.
Thanks for reading! Update soon, promise.