Welcome to the Dentist
"Aw, Charles, why do I have to take the kid to the dentist?" Logan whined.
"You know full well, Logan. Ororo is on vacation, and I am busy. Also a twelve year old cannot drive himself to the dentist." Professor Charles Xavier explained.
"Yeah, but why does it have to be me who has to drive him? Why can't the Stripes or Red or Slim go?" Logan complained.
"First of all, can you please call the students by their birth name? It's getting a little hard to understand. Also, I suppose I could get Scott or Jean to drive him." Xavier said, rubbing his chin.
Logan breathed a sigh of relief and turned to walk away.
"But then, in that case, you have to take Kitty out for a driving lesson." The Professor said. Logan's eyes went wide.
"Jamie! Come on, I'm taking you to the dentist!" Logan hollered as he banged harshly on Jamie's door.
"I don't want to go to the dentist! They're evil!" Jamie whined from within. Logan growled.
"Kid, I'm gonna give you till the count of three to get your scrawny butt out here before I bust down the door and carry you to the car! One, two…" Before Logan could say "three", Jamie was out of the room. He looked sick to his stomach.
Wow, the kid must really hate the dentist, Logan thought.
He led him down to the garage, and had to push Jamie into the X-Van.
"Do I have to go?" Jamie asked.
"Ask that one more time and you will be so sorry!" Logan growled as he drove. It was an hour-long drive to get to the dentist, and Logan decided he should try to calm the kid down. He was beginning to shake, and Logan felt bad for the poor kid.
"Listen, Jamie, the dentist isn't that bad…" Logan began, watching the road carefully.
"How would you know? Your healing factor painlessly takes care of your teeth for you!" Jamie pointed out.
"Plus the dentists are too afraid of my fangs to come near me." Logan admitted. They continued driving in silence.
Jamie looked down to the floor. He saw a penny.
"Hey, a penny!" He cried as he bent down to get it. Suddenly, the car hit a bump, and Jamie hit the side of the car, creating four multiples, efficiently crowding the driver's cockpit of the car. The multiples shoved into Logan, causing him to lose control of the car.
"JAMIE!!!!" Logan roared as they veered off the side of the road.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jamie screamed a loud, high-pitched screen as they rolled down a tall, steep hill, the armoured X-Van protecting them, but not from the bumps. More and more Multiples were created every time the car rolled.
Finally, as the X-Van reached the bottom of the hill, Logan was squished against the window by multiples, Jamie was unconscious, and so were the multiples.
"No freaking way…Logan, get your way out of this…" Logan tried to mutter to himself, but he could barely understand himself because his mouth was pressed up against the cold glass.
He tried to reach down and pull the door handle open, but his arm was caught in place by a Jamie clone. "GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Logan roared as he quickly shot out his claw and cut open the door. He fell out in a heap on the grass. He was about to sit up when 14 Jamie clones fell on him. He groaned as they still were out cold. He crawled out and looked into the car. There was probably like, fifteen more clones in the car. He sighed and carefully put them in a pile and made his way to Jamie. He carefully tried to revive the young mutant. "Jamie, get up." Logan said as he shoved the kid back into an upright position. "Jamie, wake up!" He called again. He felt his temper rising. "MADROX, WAKE UP!!!" Logan bellowed as he roughly shook the kid. He instantly woke up.
"Wha-what happened? Aw, Man, I feel sick…I haven't felt this bad since I tried making twenty clones at once." Jamie groaned.
"Well, you made thirty. That's as close as I wanna get. Now recall them so we can keep going to the dentist." Logan mumbled.
"WHAT?!" Jamie cried. He looked around. "We just got in a huge car crash, rolling down a hill, and you STILL want to take me to the dentist?!" He asked.
"Well, I had two options: Drive you, or take Kitty for driving practise." Logan said.
"Ooh, harsh." Jamie nodded as he recalled his clones. Jamie looked at the severed door. "You can't drive without a door on." He pointed out.
Logan growled and told him to stay in his seat. Logan sat in the car and picked up the door and stood it outside the car. With his free hand he pulled out a roll of duct tape, and taped the door onto the hole.
Jamie gave him a funny look.
He sent a growl back and started the car. He managed to get it back onto the road. Apparently, no one had noticed the large van roll off the side of the road. Welcome to New York.
As he drove, he heard a faint creeeeeeaaaak. He ignored it and continued driving. There was a much louder creeeeeeeeeaaaaaak! This time, Jamie heard it too. "What was that, Mr. Logan?" Jamie asked nervously. "Don't know, don't care, kid." Logan replied. Suddenly, the door fell off the car, causing the car behind Logan to run over it.
Logan heard a loud pop! He groaned. He stopped his car and stepped out. He saw the convertible behind him had four flat tires. He couldn't see who was in the car. Wait, this convertible looked familiar. "Sorry, bub, is there any way I could…" Logan said as he walked over to the car. He saw Scott crying in the driver's seat, with Jean soothing him fro the passenger's seat.
"Logan?!" Jean asked. "Red?!" Logan asked.
"Suzie!" Scott cried into his hands.
"What?" Logan asked, confused.
"You destroyed Suzie!" Scott cried.
"…I popped the tires." Logan pointed out. All of a sudden, a huge missile launcher appeared out the roof of the X-Van.
"MADROX!" Logan roared, grabbing jean and Scott and rolling to the side just as Scott's "Suzie" was blown to pieces.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Scott wailed. He burst into uncontrollable tears.
"Um…sorry. I was trying to turn the radio on…" Came Jamie's nervous voice.
"Scott, get a hold of yourself. Your car gets destroyed every week, we have other replicas in the subbasement. It's the perk of the team leader." Logan rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, Scott, come on…" Jean sympathized.
"I don't care about other replicas! I felt a real connection with Suzie!" Scott bawled.
"…Scott, it was a car." Logan said. "I KNOW DAMN WELL IT WAS A CAR!!!!!!" Scott screamed.
Logan raised an eyebrow and slowed back away to the X-Van. He jumped in without a door and sped off with Jamie beside him.
Logan gripped the wheel tightly. He was freezing without a door. It was probably another ten minutes till Jamie's appointment, so Logan knew he'd have to hurry.
Suddenly, the Professor's voice crackled over the communicator.
"Logan? Are you there, Logan?" he asked.
Logan picked up the radio transmitter as he drove. "Yeah, I'm here Charles." He replied.
"It turns out Jamie's appointment isn't today." The Professor said sheepishly. Logan slammed on the brakes, which earned him a lot of honking horns.
"You. Are. Freaking. Kidding. Me." Logan said slowly.
"Well…I'm afraid I'm not…well, see you soon, bye!" The Professor said quickly before cutting the signal.
"NO FREAKING WAY IN THIS LIFE!!!!!" Logan roared. He slammed down on the gas pedal and quickly drove back to the mansion.
He slammed the garage door, accidentally locking a terrified Jamie into the garage. Logan met up with the Professor. "I hope you accept my deepest apologies, Logan. I made a mistake." Xavier apologized.
"Yeah, whatever." Logan growled as he walked away. As he was about to go down to the Danger Room to work off his anger, the phone rang. Sighing, he stepped over to answer it.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"Is this the Xavier residence?" A female voice on the other end asked.
"Yeah, bub, you got the right place." He answered.
"Jamie Madrox had an appointment with us ten minutes ago. Could you bring him down as soon as possible please?" The woman asked. Logan was silent. "Hello, sir?"
"Yeah, I'll bring him down right away." Logan said absentmindedly. He was going to kill that paraplegic.
-I heard that Logan- The Professor said.
"JAMIE! GET TO THE GARAGE!" Logan bellowed.
Logan walked down back to the garage to find ten Jamies banging on the door.
"Mr. Logan! You came back for me!" Thankful tears glistened in Jamie's eyes as he pulled his clones back in.
"Don't get your hopes up, kid. I came to tell you your dentist appointment is now." Logan said as he shoved Jamie into Jean's SUV. He took the keys from the key board and hopped in himself. He drove off with Jamie looking pale.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Jamie bewailed. Logan ignored him as he drove off at top speed to the dentist.
Logan parked the SUV in the parking lot for the dentist. "Mr. Logan, please don't make me do this….I'll give you money?" Jamie tried. Logan picked him up by the shirt and dragged him in. "Women?" Jamie tried again. He made a face. "Men?(1)" Still Logan made no movement of mercy. "THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!!!" Jamie shrieked as they walked in. Some of the customers looked up to see a short, muscled man carrying a squirming twelve year old by the shirt.
"Jamie, shut up. You're making me look bad here…" Logan hissed. He put the kid down and he scurried off to sit down. Logan sighed and turned to the desk. "I brought Jamie Madrox here, he apparently is late for his appointment?" He said professionally.
The woman behind a computer nodded. "Yeah, I've got you down here. Just wait about fifteen minutes, someone took his place." The woman told him. Logan groaned and sat beside Jamie. Jamie was shaking. Logan looked around for something to focus on.
He saw a nearby brochure for Lip Cancer. He snorted.
"What cancer will they discover next? Ass Cancer?" Logan muttered to himself.
"There's already a cancer like that(2)." Jamie piped up. Logan turned to give him a long, hard stare. "I learned it in Science class." Jamie looked down and fell silent.
Logan sighed. The kid was shaking again. What did he have against the dentist? "Jamie, why are you so scared of the dentist?" He asked him.
"It was how I first discovered my power. They gave me the needle, and I multiplied." Jamie explained. Logan gave a grunt of realization. That was why. No matter how good the power was, first discovering you were a mutant is always traumatic.
"Mr. Madrox? We're ready for you now." A dentist came over and told him. She led him down a corridor while Logan read a nearby newspaper. Logan found everything going well and peaceful until he heard a loud scream. Not the female dentist's scream, but a young boy's scream. Logan sighed, knowing it was Jamie. But then he heard a female scream.
"Mutant!" Logan heard the voice yell.
"No, no, wait!" Logan heard a group of voices that all sounded alike say. The needle! Of course. Logan smacked himself with the newspaper and rushed down the hall, using his nose to follow Jamie.
Jamie was pulling himself together again as Logan rushed in.
"He's a mutant!" The dentist screamed. "He's harmless, trust me!" Logan tried to negotiate. The woman refused to calm down and rushed to the front desk.
"That's why I hate the dentist." Jamie mumbled. An older woman dentist came in. Logan stared into her face. She was beautiful. "Is there a problem here?" She asked.
"That dentist discriminated Jamie because he's a mutant!" Logan growled as he regained his angry demeanour. He didn't like mutant discrimination at all, and he was ready for action.
"Did he have his needle?" The dentist asked Logan. Logan quickly calmed down as she flipped her blonde hair out of her face and walked over to where Jamie lay on the dental chair.
"Yeah, I did." Jamie said, rubbing his cheek.
"Then I'll finish his work. You can wait outside." The bombshell dentist said to Logan, flashing him a smile.
Wow, would I like herto fix my teeth, Logan drooled as he stared at the woman.
He shook himself out of his thoughts and nodded. He went to sit back in the waiting room and found himself staring at the blonde dentist's picture on the wall. Soon enough, Jamie ran back to Logan, sporting a brand new blue toothbrush.
"Mr. Logan, it didn't hurt at all! And she said I have really nice teeth!" Jamie said happily. Logan brought himself out of his daydreaming to talk to the blonde dentist.
"Is that your son there? He has really nice teeth." She said to Logan.
Logan thought for a moment, and weakly said, "Yeah, he's my boy."
"Really? You look way too young to be a dad." She smiled sweetly.
"Really? You look too beautiful to be a dentist." Logan smiled back.
The dentist giggled. "Thanks. My name's Rachel, wanna catch up later?" She asked as she slipped him a paper with her phone number on it. Logan was dumbfounded as he watched Rachel slip back into her office.
"See you in six months, mutant." A man said grudgingly as Logan walked out.
"See you in hell, human." Logan retorted. Jamie followed him.
"That dentist was really nice, right, Mr. Logan?" Jamie asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Jamie." Logan said absentmindedly. Maybe going to the dentist wasn't so bad AFTER all.
The End.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1)- Awww, some good Stewie lines.
(2)-I'm pretty sure there's no such cancer as this-