Start with playing your DVD copy of The Last Jedi – or BluRay, or illegal stream, or Disney+ – directed by Rian Johnson, and starring the legendary Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher, and Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver.

Now skip ahead to 2.09.50. That's the scene where Luke Skywalker steps outside to face the whole First Order and Kylo Ren, to buy time for the remaining rebels hiding in the planetary base behind him. The setting sun burns a crisp yellow over the vast salt plains of Crait, and a row of metallic monsters bears down over the old but resurgent Jedi. Kylo Ren orders every AT-AT to fire. But our hero doesn't flinch. He doesn't even move. Determined, he glares down the whole weight of evil standing before him.

A red laser bolt comes shooting, quick and solid, straight towards him.

Freeze-frame, just before the laser hits.

Luke internal monologue: Yep. This is me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, it's a long story, let me tell you. But, I think we've got time. [Baba O'Riley by The Who starts slowly creeping into the background noise , as a cheesy rock accompaniment]. And, you know what, stick around, and you might just learn something.

[Baba O'Riley really starts rocking]

Yep, I know I look pretty beat down, and even a bit old, down on that rock. But once, I wanted to be an adventurer. Damn it, I was a young kid with the whole galaxy waiting before my glittering eyes.

[cut to a young Luke wandering the desert plains of Tatooine in Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope; Baba O'Riley still playing]

Now this was back before I even knew about The Force, or Jedis, Sith, Death Stars – all that mumbo jumbo sounding stuff, I know, I know. But I was young! I was willing to believe what I wanted to believe in back then, and hey, it hasn't done me so badly up until now.

[music record scratches to cut back to the laser bolt standing before Luke in the present]

Well, besides that. But, that's a story for later.

[Music starts again; back to A New Hope]

Yep, I was just a wannabe pilot living with my aunt and uncle, under the tyranny of some crazy robot dude called Darth Vader, and a wrinkled old powerful wizard who was Emperor of the whole galaxy! They were crazy times.

[insert silent background montage of Luke arguing with his aunt and uncle, Luke driving his speeder, Luke doing chores]

I didn't really appreciate what I had. I was willing to leave it all behind… for a dream.

[silent clip of a dead aunt and uncle. Baba O'Riley comes to the forefront as a quick montage plays: Luke meeting up with Ben Kenobi; Luke leading R2 and 3PO; Luke in a canteen meeting Han Solo; Luke on a spaceship, duelling with a droid, blindfolded, to "learn the ways of The Force"]

Well, not to spoil it, but we'll save the day – and then again – and then maybe even some more.

[insert clips of Death Star blowing up – second Death Star blowing up – Star Killer base blowing up]

And that crazy robot dude – well turns out, he was my father! I know, I know! Oh – Spoiler!

[clips of Darth Vader or Darth and Luke edited together just fast and right enough to make Darth Vader and Luke appear cheesy and part of a sitcom drama]

But that's a whole other story.

[fastforward through all three prequel films in 5 seconds, pausing briefly on 'High ground!']

There's so much to tell. Three great adventures. Bits of my father's past, but we'll probably skip over that. This whole sub-plot about a princess! (who... let's just say, may turn out to mean more than you think! And not even like that!). And then this whole epic tale of its own a girl called Rey told me, all about how she discovered The Force too – and then found me! On an island! How'd I wind up there? Hahaha… wouldn't you like to know. All in good time.

So yeah [cut back to present and laser bolt quickly] things don't seem to be looking so hot right now. But don't underestimate me. Not yet. Not until I've told you all the things I've been through. I reckon there's still some more story after this yet to come.

[Baba O'Riley plays loudly at the forefront once more]

STAR WARS – THE COMPLETE SAGA

[clips of a smiling Luke, laughing; quick cuts of Leia, Lando, Han, Chewie, some stormtroopers, Darth, the Emperor, smiling or looking evil; a few seconds of Luke and Darth duelling in the jungle, above Cloud City, and in the second Death Star]

AN EPIC ADVENTURE

[final shot of, once again, Luke staring down the laser bolt in the present]

Huh – I wonder if I can force this laser bolt out of the way in time. Hahaha. Oh, I am so screwed…

[Fade to black]

Hey... or am I? Well isn't life a mystery. Just enjoy it kids - however you want to.

Narrated by – Mark Hamill

Coming to your fanboy and girl Star Wars marathons soon

[Baba O'Riley fades to lead us out]

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Epilogue:

"He told me enough," I said, dangling up there with one hand. Boy, was this a scrap! "He told me you killed him!"

"No," replied Darth Vader, "I am your father..."

[Shots of the news shocking Luke so much that he nearly lets go]

[Vader looks down on Luke from atop the platform, his cloak billowing in the wind]

Freeze-frame on Vader's intimidating face.

Darth internal monologue: Yep. This is me. You're probably wandering how I got here, telling his son he wasn't adopted several hundred feet up in the air. Or hey, what's up this guy's mask? Neat, huh?

[Baba O'Riley by The Who starts playing, as the freeze-frame slowly zooms in on Darth's face, as he monologues in his deep, and oddly jolly tone]

Haha... well, it's a long story. But I reckon we've got some time. Would you believe that once I was nothing but a bright eyed young kid just yearning to see the stars? Boy, haha... I think I might have passed on some of my issues onto my son. Thirst for adventure, absent father figure, talented in The Force with no-one to relate to... Should I offer to rule the galaxy with him now? Would that make up for lost time?

Well, before all that, you all just sit back and watch this sparky young boy [shot of young, slave boy Anakin] - yep, that was me! - turn into this handsome young man [smiling shot of padawan Anakin] and all kinds of crazy shenanigans that led me being vice-ruler of the whole damn galaxy. We're gonna spend a long time on these stories, don't you even worry.

[Baba O'Riley intensifies, over the first shots of The Phantom Menace. Narrated by James Earl Jones]

Good vs. evil; it's a trip, man...

/

Note: Hi, I write freelance, professionally. If you enjoyed that, check out my Sword Art Online fan fictions, or my Star Wars fan film, Eternal, on YouTube. Original writings at timbustinwriting