A/N: So, I've been reading the new Young Justice Comic, and I have a few things to say. Primarily...
CONNER, what hell?
(I shall withhold judgement until a further explanation is stated as to what in the fudge is going on, but… The hell?)
(Spoilers: he apparently has a kid? And a wife? I honestly wouldn't mind if they weren't just random characters who just randomly got tossed in, so what in the fudge is going on?)
(The baby is pretty cute though)
This was going to be an update for Watching the Replacements, but Baby Martha took over. On the bright side, the next chapter for that is half finished :p
Anyways, without further ado, enjoy
Published: 4/12/2019
Warnings: None
Conner Kent and the Mysterious Baby
Once more, the group of friends had gathered together, like they did every other week whenever they were all available. Superhero lives could get hectic, but they were pretty consistent on their meetups. There was, however, one newcomer to the whole thing. A newcomer currently sitting on Conner's lap, gooing and gaaing at the appropriate intervals.
"Oh gosh! She's so cute and adorable!"
Conner twitched.
Bart, as usual, couldn't keep damn still and kept circling around him, cooing at the baby with all he could give.
Then again, Conner made this damn kid so the whole world better kneel before her cuteness.
"My name is Bart, I'm your uncle. Or your brother. I'm not sure, Kon is like this unholy mix of bro and mom to me."
Conner twitched. "CLEARLY," Conner stated, holding his daughter up for emphasis, "I am NOT the mom."
"I don't know," Cassie said suspiciously, "I don't know about you guys, but I have yet to see evidence that Kryptonian Males can't give birth."
Conner rolled his eyes.
"Cassie, by definition, being a biological male means you can't give birth."
"Kryptonian females could look like what a human considers a male," Cassie insisted, ignoring Conner. "For all we know, even though you look like a guy and have all the parts, by Kryptonian standerds, you're actually the birth giver."
Conner stared at her for several seconds. Then, he turned on Tim.
"You fed her these words, didn't you?" Conner accused. "Cassie never would have come up with an argument like that on her own."
"HEY!"
Tim was silent. Then…
"WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU GET A BABY FROM?"
Conner blinked. Cassie blinked. Bart blinked.
"Oh. Oh wow. Huh. I'd kinda assumed Bats would have told you this," Conner scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Baby Martha cooed, stole said hand, and began to suck on his knuckles. Conner rolled his eyes. Martha was starting to teeth. He really needed to get her toys for that.
Conner shot Tim a look of pure seriousness.
"When two people love each other very much-"
"I know how sex works!" Tim snapped.
"Oh yeah. Didn't Trigon make you and Cassie bang once?" Bart titled his head.
The other three all shot him death glares.
"We don't talk about that. EVER." Cassie said, anger lacing her tone.
"But-"
"EV. ER."
Bart, wisely, shut his mouth.
"Back to the point at hand," Tim waved a hand, "Where did the baby come from? She just randomly appeared out of thin air!" Tim exclaimed.
Conner considered this.
"True," Conner conceded and Tim wanted to hit him for it, "But just look at her! She's so cute!" Conner held up his baby, making faces at her. Martha giggled. "Who's daddy's little princess? You are, that's right! My cute widdle girl!" Conner smothered the baby with kisses.
Tim looked on in horror.
"Oh, come on. It's not that bad," Cassie chided.
"It's not that," Tim shook his head.
"Then what?"
"Dick… Dick got to Kon. Just look at him, smothering the baby. Dick converted Conner to the overly sugary affection side behind our backs, Cassie! If Dick can convert Kon, none of us are safe! What's next, Jason waltzing in here asking for brotherly cuddles?"
Cassie blanched. Okay, that was a slightly terrifying concept when she considering it.
"Besides," Conner continued, looking up at them. "This isn't the first time I've had a baby."
Record scratch.
One…
Two…
"WHAT!"
Conner frowned at them. Martha, ever her father's child, joined him in frowning. Was she sticking her tongue out at them? She was sticking her tongue out at them.
"Yes. Although, I can forgive you guys for forgetting. It was back when Imperiex invaded and we got stranded on Apokolips and it was all one big mess." Conner said.
Tim's face became perfectly blank. Bart actually flinched.
"You mean that time you guys all turned on me and accused me of being Batman Jr. and I ended up quitting the team over it?" Tim couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice. Because that had definitely hurt. It had hurt a lot.
Not one of them had believed him when he said he wasn't like Batman. Admittedly, Tim didn't believe it half the time, but at the very least he could say he was nowhere near as bad as Bruce.
Tim expected a little sympathy here. Bart and Cassie actually gave it to him. The one he expected it the most from, however, surprisingly did not. Which was kinda offensive considering Tim had comforted Kon when Kon was convinced he was turning into Luthor.
Conner'a eyes hardes as he gazed at Tim.
"Tim, you THREATENED MY BABY. Of course I turned on you."
Tim gasped. Suddenly, the memory returned to him, clicking into place. Little baby Jim Harper, Conner, and Government officials running left and right trying to get the child back.
"I did not threaten your baby!"
"YOU CALLED HIM GOVERNMENT PROPERTY!"
"BECAUSE YOU STOLE HIM FROM A LAB!"
"Okay, first off, I stole him from a goddamn cemetery," Conner corrected, causing the others to shoot him looks of disbelief, because, really? A cemetery? "They were going to cart him off to a lab, though. So yeah, I stole him, BECAUSE I WASN'T GOING TO JUST SIT THERE AND LET THEM TAKE A PERFECTLY INNOCENT KID GET TAKEN TO A LAB, 'CAUSE I'VE GOT SUCH GOOD EXPERIENCES WITH THO- Awe, I'm sorry Princess, daddy didn't mean to yell."
Indeed, the screaming was interrupted by baby Martha wailing. Because, as far as babies are concerned, the only people allowed to cry at ear piercing sounds are themselves.
Conner stood, patting the baby in the back while using his TKK to make little animals out of air particles. Baby Martha apparently liked those and started giggling again.
"You had a kid, and you never introduced me?" Bart cried out, sounding extremely offended.
"You all came to yell at me for it, of course I didn't introduce you." Conner shot back.
"I didn't yell. That was Cassie and Tim." Bart corrected.
Conner racked his brain. Was that how it went down? Hm. Either way…
"I blinked and the kid grew up," Conner shrugged. "Some weird clone genetic thing. Either way…" Conner turned to Tim, "You threatened to take my baby by force, so of course, I assumed you had some sort of secret file stashed away somewhere to take us all down."
"I didn't!" Tim denied.
"I believe you now," Conner assured Tim, "But you still threatened my kid. And, Tim, I love you, I will always love you, you are the best friend a clone could ask for, but…" Conner lifted Martha up. "My baby will always comes first."
Tim rubbed at his temple.
"You told me trust you, so I went with my gut and trusted you and you turned the team against me!"
"Hey!" Cassie exclaimed. "He did not turn us against you. You and your secrets and refusing to share anything with us when we shared everything with you turned us against you."
"Even Greta said that, and dude, she had a major crush on you. Like, she liked liked liked you!" Bart exclaimed.
Tim muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'stupid Batman', 'stupid Batprotocols', 'stupid why does everything have to start with the word bat! Batmobile, Batarang, Batcave!'.
"'Don't tell them, Tim. It will comprise everything, Tim. We have to keep our secret identities, Tim. We can't let ourselves get too close to them, Tim. Ignore me while I tell your girlfriend your secret identity so I can try and guilt you into coming back to being Robin, Tim.'" Tim mocked.
Cassie, unfortunately, had just taken a sip of soda. Soda that was promptly spat out in surprise as she spluttered.
"I'm sorry, Batman did what?"
Tim wasn't listening. He was too busy mocking Batman.
"It's moments like these," Conner said, "that I regret that I stopped using Batman as a swear word. I think I'll start up again."
Tim's head snapped up.
"No, don't. He… Got better." Tim shrugged. Which was true. Batman had his utter bitch moments, but Tim also couldn't deny Batman was trying to be a good father while simultaneously trying not to replace Tim's actual parents, which definitely took some skill.
Conner looked at him suspiciously before shrugging and going back to playing with his daughter.
Daughter.
That was a big one to try and wrap his mind around, but there she was.
Conner had up and vanished and come back with a baby he claimed was his. A baby he had named… Martha.
Tim groaned, rubbing at his temple again.
"What is with you Kent's and naming your kids after your parents? Like, Clark named his kid Jon after his dad and Clark's mom named him after her dad, and you named your kid after your adoptive mom!" Tim accused.
Conner rolled his eyes.
"We are not that bad, Tim."
"Your name is literally a pun on the word clone!"
Conner sniffed.
"My name is glorious. You're just jelly."
Tim stared.
"You did not just say that."
"I totally said that," Conner affirmed, "And I will train my widdle princess to act the same, isn't that right!" Conner began to tickle Martha, who responded by happily clapping her hands and giggling.
That baby, Tim decided, had two mods. Gigglepocalypse or waterworks.
"Wait… Who's the mom?" Tim asked.
Conner blinked.
"Eh… Some random chick I'm married to."
The other three froze.
"... YOU GOT MARRIED AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE US!" Bart yelled, before running around the room wildly. "This is a disgrace! A transgression! We need a do over! I need to be the Best Man! I met you first!"
"Actually, I met Tim first." Conner corrected.
"You mean Poison Ivy put you under a love spell and I had to fight her and Metallo by myself?" Tim snarked.
"You broke me out of that and we did it together." Conner responded.
"Tim can be one of the Bride Maids! I bet he'd look killer in a dress!" Bart, ignoring them, continued to babble.
"Excuse you," Tim snapped, "First off, I look 'killer' in anything I wear. Second, I'm not wearing a dress! That's hardly practical!"
Bart cackled.
"I like how his argument is that it wouldn't be practical!"
Tim had to resist the urge to reach for his utility belt. It wasn't that hard, really. Bart might be annoying, but he had nothing on Damian and Jason.
"Okay, that's enough boys!" Cassie snapped, finally setting her foot down. Bart's motion finally ceased, saluting Cassie and standing still. That done, Cassie nodded at Bart before turning to Conner. "Now, WHAT DO YOU MEAN RANDOM CHICK?" Cassie demanded, pointing out the important bit.
Conner shrugged.
"I don't remember getting married. Or having a kid. I just woke up one day and had both and until I get my memories back, me and Lophi have agreed its best just to call it quits for now."
"... You got married AND divorced without telling us!?" Bart wailed.
"Still married," Conner corrected. "Estranged."
"But- but- if you don't remember, how are you so sure the kid is yours?" Tim pointed out the obvious.
Martha answered that. Not with words, but actions. Giggling, the little girl clapped her hands. A telekinetic sphere burst from her fingertips, blowing at her hair and causing her to giggle some more.
"That doesn't-"
Martha hiccuped and lasers burst from her eyes. Conner, unphased in the slightest, lifted his hand and caught the blast.
Tim stared.
"I'm not an idiot, Tim. I had her tested just in case. But, even if she wasn't my flesh and blood, look at her! She's just so cute!" Conner exclaimed, lovestruck.
Okay, okay. Tim could concede, the baby was pretty cute. Even if they had no idea where she'd come from.