I am a Senshi in the Queen's guard and I am about to die.
As I lay here feeling the life drain out of me I think back on my life trying to hold on to the good. To make it all worth it.
I was born a princess of the royal family and it is said that my whole planet rejoiced at the news of my birth. Many claimed no other child had ever been born as beautiful. They told me that my mother loved me more than life itself and refused the help of even the most experienced nursemaids. I have only happy memories of my first few years though they are only a few.
I grew up hearing stories of the brave Senshi who fought to protect the Silver Millennium and the Royal family of the Moon; the holders of the all powerful Silver Crystal. I remember when a message came and they called a full court to hear it. They told how five of the Senshi had died in battle against the dark forces of Metallia during an attempt on the Moon princess's life.
I remember that day well, young as I was even at the age of 5, but I remember better how immediately after my mother turned distant. Never showing any outward affection other than a soft smile or a light touch. How I tried time and again to make her love me once more. She was expecting another child, my sister, and that took all her time and attention.
Only a few weeks later I was called to court. I remember the feeling of awe when I walked into the meeting chamber to see two of the Outer Senshi. They were so dark and mysterious and looked so powerful. Queen Serenity stood beside my parents. They called me up and told me that I had been chosen to become a Senshi and that I would be going to live on the Moon to train. The Queen said that it had to be my decision. I had to take the powers willingly. Of course after being raised with the Senshi as my heroes I agreed without hesitation. Had I only seen the look that passed between the Outers I may have had a warning.
That very night I was taken to the Moon. My parents promised to visit as soon as possible, however it was almost a year before I saw them again. From there I trained in war tactics, fighting styles, and weaponry. I also learned reading, writing, mathematics and courtly behavior like dancing and art. My days were filled from morning till dusk and the only company I had were the instructors or servants who attended me. After a few months I was finally introduced to the Moon Princess, Serenity. We were fast friends and she promised to meet with me as often as possible.
It wasn't until my seventh birthday that I learned there were other Senshi at the palace. Princess Serenity told me that she wished the others weren't so busy so they could attend my birthday party. I asked her who she was talking about. I hadn't heard of other Senshi besides the Outers who were always away on important missions. She seemed confused and told me that there were three other girls in the palace all learning to be Senshi, just like me. She smiled and told me she would make sure we would get to meet each other soon.
After that I looked for them constantly but only heard a few offhand comments. When I asked about them I was told I had more important things to learn and that I would meet them eventually.
At eight I was beginning to feel lonely. My parents had not visited in over a year, the Princess was busy learning her own lessons and I still only had the company of adults. I returned to my room one day to find a girl that was around my own age. Her name was Saria, and she was the daughter of one of the maids. She was there helping her mother and learning the ropes so she could eventually work in the palace as well. We became fast friends and she filled the void that had been forming in my heart.
I began to look forward to her visits and would run back to my room to meet her. We would play and talk for hours. A few months passed and I began to finally feel at home in the moon palace. One day I ran back to my room after a long day of lessons expecting to find Saria. When I burst into my chambers I found the Queen sitting on my bed instead. I was shocked and in awe to see her. Even living in the palace I had only seen her briefly a few times a year from afar and here she was.
I soon learned her true nature.
She stood and demanded to know what I was doing by playing with a servant girl. She told me that I was betraying both her trust and the trust of the Moon Princess. She told me that she had sent Saria and her mother away and I would never see them again. Then she told me that if she discovered I was spending time with anyone other than the Princess or my instructors again she would have me stripped of my Senshi powers and sent home in shame.
I was so shocked I agreed without a single word in my defense. When she left I don't think I ever cried so hard. I just wanted a friend, someone my own age to talk to. What was so bad about that? I hadn't meant to betray the Princess's trust. I spent the next months just going through the motions and I latched onto the princess who was now my only chance to spend time with someone my age.
On the Princess's ninth birthday I finally met the other Senshi. The Queen threw a huge ball in honor of her daughter's special day, inviting all the royal families of the Silver Millennium. I saw my parents, though they spent more time socializing with the other Royals than they did with me. However, it was the other girls my own age that caught my attention. The Princess ran over and nearly dragged me over to them. She was so excited that we were finally able to meet one another. I cordially greeted them, but the memory of the Queen's reaction to Saria made me keep my distance. The others seemed equally as reserved.
After that I began to see them more and more often during lessons. Eventually they began taking lessons with me and I found myself becoming friends with them. Even though I was afraid of the Queen, it was nice to finally be around others who understood me. As the years went on we became an inseparable team, though the Princess would always be the main person in my life.
At ten we began training with our actual powers. We were taken out multiple times to fight youma to gain real world experience and by twelve I had become a veritable killing machine. They held a special ceremony to officially name us as the Senshi of our planets. It was a huge event where each of our families was invited. We stood up on a vast platform with our families standing behind us and were called forward one by one.
But just as the joy of finally becoming Senshi was starting to set in, the rug was torn out from under me again. As each of us was named it was announced that our planetary titles had been removed and we were no longer heirs to the throne. I watched, speechless, as my parents named my younger sister as heir to the throne in my stead. Each of the Senshi was named and removed from her line. The line of succession was passed to a sibling or when a sibling was not available, another person from the royal line was named.
I never saw my parents again as their daughter. Every visit was as cordial as if we had never known each other. I had it explained to me once, that our parents knew they were giving up their children to the duties of the Senshi. That's why my parents held me at arm's reach. They knew that I would no longer be their daughter once I became a Senshi. I resented them at first, for offering me up like a lamb to slaughter, but I later accepted that they had only done what they thought was best. On a visit to my planet I saw myself as a Senshi for the first time. There was my image plastered on a huge screen and I barely recognized myself. I had become the dark and mysterious creature I had once revered. I realized that the Senshi only looked that way because they had had everything but their duty stripped from them.
Despite this I lived for several years in relative happiness. We followed the Princess all throughout the universe on diplomatic missions and spent our downtime enjoying our youth.
It was on one of these missions that the Princess met Endymion. It was a credit to all of our busy schedules that they had never met before in person. The Prince had only just come back from military commander training and his father had sent him to receive the royal entourage. The Princess said that when they met it was if time itself stopped and they were the only people in the room. I could only dream what that must be like. They spent most of the time together in close companionship leaving us awkwardly keeping our distance while trying to stand guard.
The Queen had forbidden the Princess from courting claiming she was far too young and would not lift her rule for any reason. The Princess was in love and insisted on finding ways to get back to the Earth. This meant that we had to create elaborate decoys and systems of evading both the Moon and the Earth defenses.
It was far easier than it should have been.
We begged the Princess to stop running around behind her mother's back. She waved us off, claiming that she had never seen her mother angry. One glance at the other Senshi proved that we all had.
It wasn't long after that we began receiving reports of increased Youma activity on the far edges of the galaxy. At first the Queen dismissed it as nothing, but the reports increased and the people began demanding she take action. The Outers, being in charge of the outer defenses, were dispatched with the Queen's warning that the attacks needed to stop. However, the attacks continued to increase and a few months later the reason was unveiled.
Metalia had returned; stronger than ever and with a new commander named Beryl leading her army.
The people demanded more action and the war began. Countless troops from every planet mobilized to defend against the woman who had nearly defeated them before and had killed five of the Senshi including the Queen's sister, the previous Sailor Moon. After the troops were dispatched we only heard positive stories as the Queen insisted things were going well.
It was the barely contained look of fury on Sailor Uranus's face as she left a briefing with the Queen that confirmed otherwise.
One of the Senshi still had ties to her family back home and would hear bits of news that the Queen seemed intent to keep from us. The war was not going as well as the Queen would have everyone believe. We also learned the whispers among the castle staff were true and there was growing dissent from the people of the Silver Millennium but especially among the Earth people. They were saying that the Queen had caused the attacks because of her meddling with the lines of inheritance of the still unnamed Sailor Moon and moving Sailor Jupiter into the Inner Core to take her place. The people of Earth had always felt that Sailor Moon should be named from one of their own claiming the Moon had too much power as it was. The people were demanding that she name a new Sailor Moon and allow Sailor Jupiter to return to protecting the outer defenses. There was talk that Earth was joining Beryl's forces against the Moon.
Out of nowhere the Queen called a formal ball as large as any I had ever seen. Dressed to the nines we escorted the Princess to the event and to my amazement the young Earth Prince stood beside the Queen. With much flourish she claimed that ties between the Earth and the Moon had never been stronger and she was proud to announce the engagement of her daughter to the Prince. The Princess was overjoyed and ran to her lover who embraced her affectionately.
After the applause had settled the Queen continued that to further prove the good relations among the planets she had also arranged the engagement of the four inner Senshi to the four Generals of the Earth. I noticed for the first time the dark and handsome men standing behind the Prince. I looked at my fellow Senshi to see equally confused and shocked expressions. Never before had a Senshi been married.
The Queen ushered us to our respective fiancés. I blushed as he led me to the dance floor and swept me away to the music. I was lost in his strong arms and overwhelming presence. Thinking for the first time that I may have a chance at a future I never noticed that the smile on his face didn't reach his eyes.
I met with my fiancé the next day to discuss the details of our engagement. Before I could speak he proceeded to tell me that he would not be confined to an arranged marriage and would be seeing other women as he saw fit. When I objected he struck a stinging blow cutting my lip and growled that I would never talk back to him again.
I immediately sought out the other Senshi only to find that nothing was as it seemed. The Generals were not known under good reputations and there was rumor that two of them were lovers. We went before the queen and begged her to let us out of our engagements. With a small smile she affirmed that she was well aware of the true nature of the Generals and the weddings would proceed as planned. Shocked we demanded to know why. What about our happiness? How could we have families, children? She laughed outright telling us that the Senshi were not supposed to have families. The marriages were purely political and our sole duty was still the Princess.
We protested asking what the Princess would think when she found out. At this the Queen grew furious. She screamed that the Princess was not to know. We would make sure she thought we were happy. If the Princess ever thought otherwise we would be executed as traitors.
Left to our thoughts we sat in silence attempting to draw strength from one another. The Princess burst in bubbly and overjoyed to begin planning what should have been the happiest day of our lives. She truly did not know.
It wasn't her fault.
With silent nods we agreed that our Princess would not know. It was easier than it should have been, but I had learned long ago how to pretend that I was happy.
It didn't matter because within a week the war intensified and the Generals returned to Earth. When the first planet fell we all sat around in shock, feeling far too helpless. We begged the Queen to allow us to go out and help but she refused, adamant that our duty was to protect the Princess. She would rather thousands die than allow her daughter one moment of defenselessness.
We did our best to help in any way we could. Working out strategies, coordinating dispatches, and running communications. I knew we should have been doing more and it was hard to hear the desperation in the commanders' voices. We were never allowed to tell the Princess how bad it really was.
As Beryl's forces slowly surrounded us it was finally revealed that the Earth had turned against us. The Queen ordered that every Earth citizen was to be killed on sight, even the Prince. I had never seen such pain on the Queen's face as we dragged the Princess to her room, crying and pleading, after the announcement.
One by one the planets continued to fall. At the same time the reports from the Outers grew fewer until we heard nothing from them. I remember vividly the night I jolted awake with the unmistakable knowledge that the Outers were dead.
When my own planet fell I knew I should have felt grief, pain, something. But instead I felt nothing. My planet had never been my home and my family had never truly been mine.
When the final planet was defeated a silence seemed to smother the Moon like a heavy cloth. We all knew that it was the end and all we could do was wait for it to start. We didn't have to wait long.
Beryl came at us with everything she had.
In desperation the Queen sent us out to defend the castle threatening in a whisper that we had better die rather than return defeated. The princess cried because she thought we were going to die. But we reassured her that everything would be fine and smiled as we left like there wasn't anything wrong.
When it was time to split up we looked at each other none of us knowing what to say. We all knew this was the end and we would never see each other again. All of us vowed to die well and take out as many as we could. Then with one last hug we went our separate ways.
I worked my way to the outer wall of the castle knowing the attack would begin there. I didn't have to wait long before the first youma appeared over the wall. As expected I destroyed him easily. I knew they would send the weakest first to test the defenses. Within minutes more appeared. I lost track of time as I destroyed more and more youma. In the distance I could hear the echo of one of the other Senshi's attacks and knew the battle had begun.
A sudden movement to my left caught my attention. Thinking it was a youma that had slipped past I somersaulted over the battlement landing in front of the cloaked figure. To my surprise he held out his hand begging me to stop and swept off his hood. It was Endymion claiming he was there to try to save the Princess. I should have fought him, tried to kill him, but the look in his eyes told me his intentions were true. He may have been the only one who could do it. As he left he warned me to watch out for the generals.
I don't know how long I had been fighting when I saw my loving fiancé coming to kill me. Over the head of a dying youma I could see his long hair blowing in the wind and the determined look on his face as he stalked toward me. He ordered all the youma back claiming he'd been granted the honor of killing me.
I was suddenly hit by an overwhelming feeling of loss. Like someone had just reached inside my chest and pulled out one of my lungs making it impossible to breath. I grabbed my chest and stumbled over to the closest wall needing its support to keep standing. I knew without a doubt that one of my fellow Senshi had died.
Somehow my fiancé knew as well. He laughed and said that we would all be dead soon and then vowed that I would be next. I steeled myself and lunged at him hoping to catch him off guard but he parried my attack effortlessly. We traded blows, dancing almost like we had at the ball when I still thought he might love me. The sounds of our weapons clashing and explosions from our powers created our own personal symphony.
We backed away both of us breathing heavily. Sizing each other up as we tried to figure the best strategy to defeat the other. He was on me in a flash of rage as I called my powers to draw forth the most powerful attack I could muster. I felt a raw sense of satisfaction as his scream of rage turned to one of agony. He fell to the floor with the scream imprinted on his lifeless face.
It was then that I looked down and allowed myself to acknowledge his blade still piercing me through the stomach. I let out a slow breath and then yanked the weapon from my body clenching my teeth against the pain. Pressing my hand against the wound to try to staunch the flow of blood I made my way slowly up the steps to the top of the wall. I propped myself against a broken slab and slid down no longer having the strength to stand.
Once again I felt the overwhelming sensation as another of my friends died. There were only two of us left and I knew I only had a few more minutes. I sent a silent prayer for forgiveness as I watched the castle guard being overrun by youma in the distance.
I should have done more.
I am a Senshi in the Queen's royal guard and I am about to die. I find myself searching the walls for any sign of the last surviving Senshi wanting some companionship as I lay dying but I am granted no such favors. I will die as I had lived.
Alone.
I feel myself slipping away and suddenly find that I'm being pulled in another direction as a soft glow surrounds me. It's the queen calling us back with the crystal taking away my decisions in death as she had in life.
It doesn't matter.
I am strong.
I know my duty.
I am a Senshi for as long as I am needed and I will always protect my princess.