What you want

by KaiaLuna

Odd little one shot I thought of while procrastinating on a paper.

1. Bella

I sat on the cliff staring out over the rocky ocean. I hated what I had become, this broken shell of a person. How had it all ended up like this?

"Hey Leech Lover!" I turned my head to see Paul striding out of the woods in a pair of low-slung shorts. "Thinking about jumping?"

"Why not?"

"Besides the storm rolling in?"

"So take me over." I wasn't sure why I said it. I had only thought about jumping for a second and Jacob promised to take me one day, when it was safe. I only wanted to go to hear his voice anyways.

Now I want to escape, I wanted to feel, something, anything really beside the pain or semi-blissful numbness.

He stared at me for a minute, "Why?"

"To be free." I told him without thinking.

"You want to jump off a cliff with a building storm to be free?"

"Yes." I nodded standing, "So?"

He shrugged, "It'll be cold."

"You're like a hundred and ten degrees."

"One oh seven and I'll be fine. You'll be cold."

I shrugged, "So?"

He just watched me for a minute and then stepped closer, "I think you might be losing it Leech Lover."

"Maybe, or maybe I'm just trying to get it back."

He laughed, "Fight crazy with crazy huh." I shrugged again and turned back to the water. I felt his heat as he came up behind me and turned me, "Hold on," His arms wrapped around me and I felt his heat surround me, he smelled like the coming storm.

The next minute we were airborne and I wrapped myself tighter around him. We plunged into the water a second later. It was turbulent and fierce but Paul kept me safe, pulling me through the water, through the storm to the surface. My lungs were burning as we broke surface. When it was shallow he let me trudge myself up the beach but I was tired, I had only taken three steps when he lifted me in his arms. I curled into his heat looking at the ocean and the cliff as he carried us into the woods.

"Where are we?" I asked him as he stepped into a clearing.

"Home, mine anyways." Paul told me stomping up the porch and pushing open the door.

"You live in a cabin in the woods?"

"Yes." It was a good-sized one-room log cabin. He set me down and I stood shivering, dripping on his wood floor. "Shower to warm up, turn the temperature up slowly. My towel is clean, I'll get you something dry to wear."

I went to the bathroom and did as he said, the water felt good against my cold skin. Once I was warm and had washed all the salt from my hair and body, I dried off and wrapped a towel around myself before going back out to the room.

"Shirt is on the bed. Then sit." He motioned from the kitchen. I pulled it on and went to the table to sit, confused at why he was being nice to me.

"Paul?" I noticed he was in a clean, dry pair of cargo shorts.

"What?"

"Why did you jump?"

He shrugged, "Why not?"

"Do you hate being a wolf?"

"Not really." He set a mug of hot chocolate in front of me.

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

"Paul?"

"What?"

"I'm going to leave Forks."

"Red-head is still after you."

"You'll get her."

"Going to find them?"

I shook my head, "No but I can't stay here either."

"What do you want?" I frowned at him. "Have you ever just done what you want?"

I thought about it and shook my head, "No, I don't think I have."

"That's why I jumped." He told me. At my confused look he smirked, "You wanted to jump. Not for someone else or for any real reason, you just wanted to jump, to make yourself feel good. Sometimes Bella, we need to do things for ourselves and fuck what anybody else thinks."

I snorted, "I want to hit something, to scream, to burn down the Cullen house. I want to be angry but I'm just sad, alone and broken."

"You aren't alone or broken, sad and damaged maybe and you don't get mad because you make excuses for them, for everyone, you want to be mad be mad. You want to hit something; do it. I seem to recall you smacking me, though we really ought to teach you to throw a punch. You scream pretty good to," he gestured to the door, "Its nice and remote here, feel free, just do it outside, I have sensitive ears."

I giggled, "I can't just go outside and scream Paul."

"Yes you can." He stood up and grabbed my arm pulling me out into the rain. "Scream. You jumped off a bloody cliff in a storm you can scream a little."

I chuckled, blushing and rolled my eyes at him. "I can't."

"Ahhh!" He shouted. "Scream Bella!" He yelled at me. "Just let go!" And I did. I let it all out and screamed, yelling at the top of my lungs until I had no breath left to call out.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Cold." I told him grinning.

Paul pulled me into his arms and carried me back into the house, dropping me on his bed and going to his dresser. He tossed me another dry shirt and stood with his back turned so I could change.

"I'll put your shit in the drier." He told me taking the wet shirt and my clothes from the bathroom. He started the machine and turned back to me, "Now let's teach you to hit." He stepped into the middle of the room and held up his hands, palm out, "come on."

I laughed, he was crazy, this whole afternoon was crazy but I felt better than I had in a long time so I got up and made a fist and hit his hand. He laughed and fixed my fists and then my stance. After a little bit, his stomach growled so I made him lunch and we settled on his couch to watch a movie on the small flat screen. The sun was setting as Jacob found us, both having fallen asleep on the couch part way through the movie.

"Bella?"

"Jake?" I sat up rubbing my eyes and laughed as I looked around, it hadn't been a dream.

Jake took me home. He didn't say much to me on the way and I sat half worrying for Charlie who'd lost his friend. Jake said Harry Clearwater had had a heart attack that afternoon. The other half of me was thinking about my afternoon with Paul and how light I felt, how relaxed.

A few days passed before I was with the pack again. They were having a bonfire so I went with Jake. I still felt amazingly light hearted. I wondered if it had all been a dream.

"Leech Lover." Paul growled at me as he came over to get food.

I grinned at him, "Hey Paul." When I turned back to Emily, she was looking from him to me like I might have lost my marbles. I was beginning to think I might have found them really. "This is great Emily. Next time you should call me, I can help with all the cooking."

"Yeah, sure, that would be great."

I smiled at her and took my plate over to Jake and sat down, I listened to them all talking and enjoyed the banter. Jake seemed to touch me more than usual. I knew he still liked me more than I liked him and I had started to think I should try for him, until three days ago when Paul took me off a cliff, screamed in the rain with me and taught me how to hit. I looked over at him sitting with Jared and Kim.

I stood up shrugging off Jake and went over to them. "You never did say how you felt about arson." I said sitting next to Kim while looking at Paul.

"Want to have a proper bonfire then? Thought we'd have to work you up to that one." He winked and it made me blush and laugh.

"Nope."

"Let's not risk the forest, we can trash it if you want though, might be more satisfying anyways."

I beamed at him, "You got a baseball bat?"

He chuckled, "I can procure one."

"Let's go."

"Now?"

I shrugged, "Why not?" Paul made me feel spontaneous, alive.

He stuffed the rest of his burger in his mouth and stood up wiping his hands before holding one out to me. "We can drive or you can ride a wolf." He said pulling me to my feet.

"Really?" The idea made me oddly excited, "Wont that hurt you?"

He laughed and shook his head, "I'll go phase."

I nodded and he disappeared into the woods.

"What?" Jared looked from him to me but I just laughed and winked at him before following after Paul.

He was already waiting, the giant silver form of his wolf watching me and likely scenting for fear. I hadn't been this close to the wolf before. I hugged him, unafraid; this was still Paul. I climbed carefully onto his back and held on as he stood and began to jog through the woods. I heard a noise and turned to see the other wolves had followed. We stopped at the edge of their property and I slid down. Paul whined but didn't move. I looked to the wolves in the woods and Sam stepped out in loose fitting shorts.

"Bella?"

"It's nothing Sam. Paul is just helping me out. They aren't here and they aren't coming back, at least not as far as I know."

He looked troubled but nodded and Paul phased. "Just here as the guard dog Sam. She's not breaking any treaties here and anyway fucking up their abandoned house isn't attacking them."

Sam nodded, "Jared."

I heard movement and then he stepped out of the woods as well. "Stay here with them, everyone else back to the bonfire." I heard a growl in the woods and Paul growled back. Jared just laughed. "Now." Sam ordered before nodding to us and stepping back into the woods.

Paul broke the silence, "Forgot the baseball bat."

"They have one." I told him. "Care to break the door for me?"

Paul nodded and Jared followed us to the garage door. Paul kicked it in and I took a breath before going in and picking up the baseball bat. They followed me into the house. It all looked the same. Furniture was covered in white sheets but it was all there. I tried not to look around as I went up the stairs and into Edward's room. It was exactly the same. I fell to my knees, his scent filling my nostrils.

"Jared out." I heard Paul order before he pulled me into his arms, "Maybe not so ready for this yet."

I shook my head, breathing in his scent, he smelled like thunderstorms and it gave me strength. I pulled out of his lap and turned to Edward's stereo.

"Teach me how to bat Paul."

He came up around me, his arms wrapping around me as he positioned us like we were really playing baseball. A few easy swings and then he let me fly with it. I smashed the stereo and then all the CDs. I trashed everything and then turned and kissed Paul.

He growled.

"Fuck me Paul." I hissed at him.

"Bella."

"You don't love me. I don't love you. Tomorrow you might imprint or Victoria might kill me. Tonight, right now, I want you to fuck me."

He growled and his arms tightened around me as his head dropped so his mouth could meet mine. His kiss was hard and demanding. I demanded right back.

When I couldn't breathe, he pulled back a little to kiss and nip down my neck as he pulled off my clothes. He lifted me into his arms and moved through the debris to the couch. He bent down, one hand still holding me to him as I kissed, licked and bit his shoulders and neck, his other hand swept all the debris from the couch and he laid me back on it before stepping back and pulling off my jeans.

I reached for him, "Bella?"

"Paul, please, now!" His hands went to his shorts and opened them. I devoured him with my eyes, blushing slightly as I took in his beauty. He was a predator, strong and so fucking sexy. I licked my lips and made an odd mewling sound of want and he was back over me, his heat pouring into me. Paul was electricity, lightning and he was brining me to life. He sucked, bit and kissed my skin, driving me crazy, then his hand slipping into my panties and his finger began to stroke my core. When one of his fingers slipped inside me and curled as he pumped, he hit a spot that made me scream his name and convulse as the world shattered around me. I heard a tearing noise as he ripped the fabric of my panties and then felt him at my entrance. "Yes, Paul, fuck me, now." I panted at him.

He pushed in slowly, it burned as he stretched me but it was a good pain, one that drove me higher. He stopped and I groaned in protest, he leaned down and kissed me before pushing through the thin barrier. That hurt. The sharp pain faded fast though and I was full, so full of him. I rocked against him and he started to move, building me up again. His movements started slow and gentle but as they grew faster, they became harder and I dug my nails into his back, urging him to take me harder still. He growled and his hand moved to that magic little bundle of nerves and he stroked it making my body quiver around him. He growled again, two more hard thrusts and a pinch to my clit and I joined him as he carried me over the cliff with him.

We lay panting for a bit after and I laughed kissing his shoulder. "If you don't imprint tomorrow, can we do that again?"

He chuckled and sent me a panty dropping grin, "Yeah Leech Lover, we can do that again whenever you feel up for it."

"Come on then Wolf. I have a grand piano to destroy."

He kissed me and then we got up and dressed. Downstairs I took a couple swings at the piano but my destructive desire had fled. I just felt to good, to alive.

It wasn't until we went back outside and saw him sitting in the yard grinning that I remembered Jared.

"Jake's gonna kill you." He nodded to Paul.

"It's none of his fucking business." I told him. "We are friends but he is not my keeper and I can fuck whoever the hell I want to, it's my life."

Paul laughed and I turned back to him to see him slip out of his shorts and burst into a giant silver wolf. I rolled my eyes at him chuckling and went to pick up his shorts before climbing onto his back.

Jared was right; Jake was pissed, not just at Paul but me to. The next day he made it a pack issue. I mean I know they all shared a mind but that didn't mean we needed to talk about it.

Mostly I ignored him, at least until he demanded Sam Alpha order Paul to stay away from me, "What if he imprints Sam! You need to order him to stay away from her!"

"Fuck you Jacob Black." I spat at him, then chuckled mirthlessly, "Oh no, that's right, that's your problem, I fucked Paul not you. No one would be alpha ordering you away, would they? No it's fine if you play with my heart and claim to love me until you imprint right?"

"Bella…"

"No." I cut him off, "I love you" his eyes softened a little until I continued, "like a brother but I will not be ordered or manipulated to do or not do anything. This is my life and if I want to screw Paul or any one else it is none of your damn business." I turned to Sam, "If he does imprint, great, I hope she is wonderful. I don't love him. I don't think anyone here has ever gotten the impression that either of us holds a secret love burning for the other. We fucked. Maybe we'll do it again. Really though it's none of your business."

Sam nodded, "I agree."

"Sam!"

"Enough Jacob. It's their lives and they can make their own choices, both are aware of the possibility he'll imprint." Sam nodded to me, "None of us want to see you hurt again Bella but it is your life, you can do what you want with it. At least screwing Paul you actually seem to be living again."

I smiled at him, "Thanks Sam. Now can we maybe possibly not talk about this anymore?" He nodded and the discussion ended. Jake stopped talking to me. I kept fucking Paul. I started to talk to my friends at school again, even went on a date with Tyler. The sex with Paul the next day was even better, he was a bit possessive, relationship or not, I assured him I was only hot for him.

The more time I spent with Paul, the more confident I felt. I stopped repressing emotions, especially my anger or pain. I became a bit of a bitch and Leah and I became friends. It happened just as randomly as my friendship with Paul.

"You know he's going to imprint." Leah said sitting down next to me, she moved her head to Paul and bared her teeth, I guessed he was growling at her.

"Yup." I answered popping the p.

She stared at me, "You don't care?"

"I hope he does." I told her honestly and I could feel Paul's eyes on us. All the wolves in the yard seemed to be listening now.

"You hope he does?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I want my friend to find his soul mate? I'll miss the sex but soon I wont be here anyways."

"You're leaving?"

"Graduation is in two months so after you guys kill Victoria I'll be safe enough to leave Forks. I'll miss him. All of you really, but I will still be glad to see this place in the rearview mirror."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry you can't leave and have your own fresh start Leah but you know, I found one here with Paul, a temporary one but hey that doesn't mean you can't find a permanent one here." She tilted her head in thought and nodded. After that day, we started to hang out. Jake was talking to me again but still hated that I was sleeping with Paul.

Victoria made her move on the day of graduation, she came with a small army. It cost the wolves many broken bones but they seemed to attack each other as much as anything and the boys took the bitch out and burned her and her army.

I spent the summer free and happy, really happy, something Paul can attest to since it resulted in sex on the cliffs and in the woods all around La Push. Seth complained he could smell us everywhere. I stayed until the last days of summer. Then I hugged all the wolves and imprints, kissed Paul and climbed into my truck. I wasn't sure where I was going which worried Charlie and all the pack thought was crazy, except Paul. He understood.

"Take care of yourself Leech Lover."

"You to Wolf."

He kissed me, "Take what you want from life Bella, stay strong."

I nodded and kissed him a final time before climbing in and driving away.

I went east and ended up in Chicago.

I found work in an office but hated it so quit and found a job in a restaurant and bar instead. I rented a tiny one-room apartment, made some friends and became a new me.

November I got a call that Renee and Phil had been in a car accident. I went to Florida for a few weeks to get everything organized. Paul flew out to be with me. I had missed him. I'd dated two 'normal' men in Chicago, one was wonderful, he was fun and intelligent but the sex was terrible. He was small, much smaller than Paul; he always wore his socks to bed and was almost robotic about his movements. The next guy, who I was still casually dating when I went to Florida for my mothers funeral, was a little bit better in bed but worked all the time and had no sense of the spontaneous or adventure. I broke up with him as soon as I got back to Chicago.

I spent Christmas in Forks with Charlie and the pack while screwing Paul every chance I got. Then instead of going back to Chicago I moved again, this time I decided to move to Boston.

It wasn't until March my world changed and almost exactly one year and six months after they walked out of my life, the Cullen family walked back into it.

"Bella?"

"Alice?" I turned at the sound of her voice and stared, stunned.

"Hello Bella." She smiled at me. "How are you?"

"Shit." I cursed, blinking, "I, uh, um, what are you doing here?"

"I came to find you."

"Right, well, um, it's been a while."

"Can we sit?" Alice asked motioning to a table.

"Yeah, uh, sure." I moved with her to the outdoor table and sat, "Are you, um, alone?"

She shook her head, "No, the others are here, waiting to see you when you want to. Well most of the others."

"Most of them?"

"Edward and Jasper aren't with us."

"Where are they?"

"Edward is in Alaska and Jazz is with his coven in New Orleans."

I snorted, "Vampires in New Orleans." Then it hit me, "Wait, what do you mean his coven?"

"Jasper has a brother and sister from his life before me. He'd left them before we met and he went back to them after we left you."

"Why?"

"Jasper blamed himself and maybe the disappointment and pity of the others got to him." She shrugged, "Jasper doesn't talk much about what he feels."

"Why aren't you with him?"

She smiled sadly, "Oh Jazz and I are fine, don't worry Bella. I had to come see you. I just, oh Bella, if I had known, well, I'm sorry things went the way they did Bella. I don't see everything and things do change."

"Alice none of it was your fault, none of it was Jasper's fault."

She nodded, "We're still sorry though. We did, we do love you Bella."

I nodded, "I love you to Alice. I missed you."

"We missed you to. The family was hoping you'd come back with me."

"Didn't you already see if I would or not?"

"I didn't look. We didn't want to pressure you by just all showing up or seem like we were taking away the choice to ask us to leave you alone."

I shook my head, "No. How did you even find me?"

"We went back to Forks." She looked away and I blushed remembering the house.

"I broke into your house."

She nodded, "Edward was with us. He was very distraught over it." I snorted. "He did love you Bella. He was trying to keep you safe. He, well all of us just went about it the wrong way."

"Yeah, well its over so we can all just move on."

She nodded, "Your blood was on the couch."

I blushed, "I, Paul, we…"

"Had sex on it, yeah that scent was still there too."

I blushed deeper, "Right, um, well, sorry about that."

She laughed, "I doubt you regret it and I suppose Edward deserved it, though the house smelled like wet dog the entire time we were there. Why didn't you trash the rest of the house?"

"I was only really angry at Edward. I was sad about the rest of you."

She nodded, "Are you ready to come to the hotel with me now?"

"Charlie told you I was living here?"

She nodded, "Yes, I told him I really missed you and wanted to contact you. He still likes me, I was surprised by that. He told me what things were like for you after we left. I'm so very sorry Bella. I didn't see. I couldn't see, I think it was the wolves."

"It's in the past." I told her with a shrug. "Let's go get the reunion over with so you can all tell me what you're doing here."

She nodded and I tossed my only half empty coffee into the bin. She led us to a small silver Mercedes convertible. We drove to the W Boston Hotel and I followed her up to a suite where the others were waiting. They looked nervous, if vampires could look nervous.

"Hello." I said blushing as I stepped inside.

"Bella." Esme breathed.

"Hello Bella." Carlisle smiled kindly at me, "How are you?"

"Fine thanks, you?"

"Very well. Thank you for coming."

"Of course." I nodded. The tension in the room could choke a person.

"So," Alice took my arm and pulled me further into the sitting room, "How is school?"

"Fine I guess." I told her. "What are you doing these days? Back in High School?"

Alice shook her head, "No. I've opened a little boutique with Esme and Rose, Emmett is working as a contractor and Carlisle is working at a clinic."

"Where?"

"Camden, Maine."

I nodded, "How long have you been there?"

"Since January. We were in Alaska for a while after we left you."

"So, um, you went back to Forks?" I blushed and looked at Carlisle and Esme, "Sorry about your house."

"Of course." Carlisle smiled.

"Did you have to bring the dog inside?" Rosalie asked while Emmett snickered, "The revenge was fitting and all but the whole place reeks."

I blushed deeper, "Sorry."

"You only trashed Ed's stuff." Emmett's statement was almost a question.

I looked over at my brother, "I was never angry with you Em. Maybe a little but mostly just sad."

He smiled at me, "I am sorry I left you Bells."

"I know." I nodded and looked back to Carlisle and Esme, "I'm glad to see all of you, it's all I wanted for a long time but I learned to let go and move on. I don't really know why you're here now."

Carlisle nodded, "We, all of us, are sorry for leaving you Bella and had we thought you were in danger we never would have left."

Alice snorted and I turned to her. "Sorry." She mumbled.

"No, what?" She looked away, "Alice?"

"Jazz mentioned it. After Edward said we had to leave. He said we should watch out for Victoria. Edward was convinced you were safer with us gone though and went off to track her himself. We should have listened to Jazz. He knows what he's talking about. If I had seen, but I didn't see and we didn't listen to Jazz. We left you and we are all very sorry."

"I forgive you. Victoria is dead and its over. That still doesn't tell me why you went back or are here now."

"I'm so sorry Bella." Esme looked like she might want to cry.

I focused back on Carlisle, "Sorry?"

"We've all missed you." Carlisle smiled at me, "We made the wrong choice Bella. Our family, we haven't been the same, leaving you, abandoning one of our own, it was a mistake."

"Bella," Rosalie's voice was soft and tentative, I turned to look at her and sent her a small smile to encourage her to speak. "I didn't choose this life. I wouldn't choose it for another. Well I did, for Emmett and I've never regretted that. I love him. I still ache for what I can't have though. He was dying and you had a full life in front of you. I didn't want this for you, not because I didn't want you a part of our family but because I wanted you to have a life. You deserved to have a real life."

"Rosalie?" I questioned her softly, seeing the torment in her eyes.

"We can't have babies Bella. All I ever wanted was to be a mother and I can't ever be. I just, I wanted to say that I'm sorry I was a bitch. It was about Edward not you. I wanted you to have a life, one you couldn't have with us."

I nodded, "Why now? What's changed?"

"I can't see you Bella. I haven't been able to since we left." Alice spoke quietly, her voice soft.

"What does that mean?" I looked from her to Carlisle confused.

"We were worried something happened to you." Carlisle spoke up again, "Leaving you was a mistake, one all of us regret. You belong with us."

"We came to find you, to bring you home." Esme smiled.

"The house isn't the only reason Edward is waiting in Alaska." Carlisle interrupted. "He still has some issues with what we have decided. He's conceded that it is your choice though."

"My choice?"

"If you want to become one of us Bella." Rosalie smiled softly, "To be a part of our family."

"Forever." Alice grinned at me.

"Forever?"

"I'll change you." Carlisle offered, "If it's still something you want."

My mind was reeling, "I…" they came here to change me? "Um, well, I uh."

"Take time to think about it Bella." Rosalie smiled at me. "Think about all of the consequences carefully and be sure you wont regret the choice."

I nodded, "If Alice can take me home now, I think I need some time to process this."

"Of course." Esme smiled warmly at me.

"The one you were with in our home asked us to give you this." Carlisle handed me a small envelope.

"Thanks."

I stood up and sent them all a small smile before turning to Alice, "Would you mind driving me home now?"

She smiled at me, "Of course not." I followed her back out of the hotel and into the little sports car. She let me think as she drove us back towards the coffee shop that was half a block from my apartment.

I felt a little like I might be in shock, sort of numb.

I climbed out of her car and went into my apartment still holding the letter. I sat on my couch and stared at it for a while before sighing and opening the small square envelope.

Leech Lover,

Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves and fuck what everyone else thinks. Take what you want, be strong, be happy. I did love you. I do love you. Take care of yourself.

Wolf.

I wiped at a tear that had escaped.I had loved him to. I sighed and looked around my little studio apartment, then I got up and emptied my gym bag. I put in a clean pair of jeans, sweats and several tops, then a few clean panties. Next, I put in a photo album, the dream catcher Jake gave me and the stuffed wolf Leah gave me when I left. After I crawled into bed and lay thinking. I cried as I thought about the past, my parents, the Cullen's, the pack, I relived all my memories, good and bad and I knew I was making the right decision. I fell asleep content with the choice I made and woke up rested. I showered and dressed in distressed dark wash jeans, a charcoal gray lace edged racer-back tank and fitted long black hoodie with my black ballet flats. I also put on the lapis lazuli ring my mother had given me for my sixteenth birthday, I always wore it on my pointer finger. I also wore the little charm bracelet Paul had given me when I left and the Tiffany necklace Charlie had given to me at graduation. I had my coffee and looked around my apartment to see if I had missed anything. When I was sure I had everything, I put the duffle strap over my head and left my apartment.

Three days later and I was driving past the La Push sign. I wondered what the Cullen's had made of my note. At least I had left them a goodbye.

I'm sorry. Everything is different now. I am different now. I loved you, I loved all of you so much and part of me always will but I learned to let go. I learned to really live and I don't want to ever give that up. Take care and be happy. ~ Bella.

I drove straight to Paul's place and sat on the porch. It didn't take long for the wolves to step out of the woods. They all looked surprised. I turned directly to Paul.

"Imprint yet?" He shook his head and I tilted mine, "I want to jump off a cliff, will you take me?"

He frowned at me, "Of course."

"It might be dangerous."

He shrugged, "Werewolf."

"That might not save either of us this time around. Hell it's the thing that might kill us."

Comprehension began to appear in his eyes and he took a step closer, "No, but it might come close."

I nodded, "Its worth it."

He took another step closer to me, the pack was watching us in confusion, "Say it."

"I want you." I sighed, my eyes boring into his, "I love you."

Two steps and he had me in his arms, "I love you." He said the moment before his head dipped and his mouth met mine. I sighed into him. I was home. I felt his electricity fill my veins. I felt alive.

The kiss quickly deepened and he lifted me up into his arms. He carried me into his house, kicking the door closed behind us and lay me out on the bed. He was gentle as he pealed off my clothes kissing the skin bared to him. I ran my hands all over his bare chest, his abs, his pecs, his shoulders, his back. I caressed the hot satin of his skin, tracing the lines of the steal muscles underneath. He began to kiss, lick and nip my skin, rubbing his body against me. I loved it when he did that. I could almost swear that his scent would cling to me for hours after.

I was panting and wet, nearly begging as only Paul could make me, I actual moaned his name in a plea. He understood and covered me, slipping slowly inside me, his eyes holding mine. His movement was slow as though he was savoring every second of the feeling. I clenched my muscles around him in and breathed his name, "Paul, please." The beg came out close to a whine. I needed him to move, to fuck me, to infuse me with his heat and life.

Paul growled and kissed me before beginning to move. I tugged him closer and begged him for more. He gave it to me. Each thrust became harder and went deeper. I met him each time, our movements becoming more erratic as we built higher, climbing to our peaks together. I came screaming his name and felt darkness tugging at my senses, the force of the orgasm causing me to nearly blackout.

We lay panting in each other's arms and I snuggled closer to his heat. I was always cold, always so cold, except with him, when I was touching him I felt warm and safe, I felt confident and free.

"Bella?"

"Mmmhmm?" I kissed his chest.

"Don't be mad."

I frowned leaning up to look him in the eyes, "Why?"

"I'm not going to imprint."

"You don't know that but its ok. No relationship comes with a guarantee and I told you, it's worth it with you."

"Ours does."

"What?" I asked him confused.

"Ours does come with a guarantee, if you want it."

"Paul?"

"You begged Jake to say he didn't imprint on you. You didn't want that."

"Right but he didn't."

"No." He hesitated. "I did."

"What?" I screeched sitting bolt upright now.

"I imprinted on you Bella."

"When? How? Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded. Did he not want me?

"That afternoon you yelled at Sam and then hit me. Our eyes met right before I phased. I didn't tell you because it wasn't what you needed or wanted and in the beginning I was a mess over it all. I wanted you to choose me Bella, I knew you would stay here for me but I needed you to be free. You needed me to let you live and make your own choices for a while. It killed me. You have no idea how hard it was and then the Cullen's came looking and I was so scared. Sam nearly ordered me to go after you and the guys all wanted to just kill them but you needed to decide what you wanted Bella."

"I love you." I blinked away tears and leaned down to kiss him.

"You aren't upset?" He asked, still looking a little worried.

"You suffered when I left. You must have hurt so much and you did it for me. You gave me a choice even when that choice was taken from you."

"That day I took you off the cliff. I might have imprinted before and it made me want to be near you and to protect you but that day, looking into your eyes, I knew I could love you and I did, I do, not because of the imprint but because of you. Everything about you makes me happy, even the things that drive me crazy; I missed them when you were gone. The way you always scold me for being rude to the others, the way you look at me with part annoyance and part blush when I make an inappropriate comment, the way you wear my shirts all the time, the way you babble in your sleep, the list of things I miss about you is long and complex. It starts with your blush, stops at the freckle you have on your left hipbone, detours to how clumsy you are and passes through the over-thinking rambling of your thoughts."

I laughed and kissed him again, "I love you Paul. Your possessiveness, your nagging me to eat more, pushing me to stand up for myself, everything. No one I met could stand up next to you. It was only ever you."

Paul tugged me down to him and kissed me with such tenderness and passion that my heart felt like it was being melted into a puddle. I knew each beat thrummed out his name.

I was home. Finally and forever, home.