Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…or even this story!
I didn't write this. My brother wrote everything…even the Author's notes at the end. Yeah, he's pretty funny, so enjoy the raw humor of…
THINGS HAPPEN
Ino sat at the bar. She had been coming there a lot lately, ever since Sasuke left the village. She would drink too much and stagger away at closing time, always depressed, always alone. People were starting to get worried.
"Hey, when's she gonna snap out of it?" whispered Choji to his group member.
Shikamaru offered no response.
"Seriously! She's scaring me, what if she commits suicide? I'm too lazy to cheer her up, you have to do it!"
"So troublesome!"
"Come on! If you don't, she'll get worse and do dumb stuff and maybe even die!"
That snapped Shikamaru out of his daze. He had always secretly harbored feelings for the talkative blonde. "Fine, but it's still a drag."
He walked up to the counter, where Ino had been for about a half hour. She was starting to show signs of drunkenness.
"Hey, how 'bout we step outside, Ino?"
She turned to him slowly. She seemed oddly happy tonight. Maybe she's had too much to drink Shikamaru thought.
"Alright! Let's go!" she suddenly yelled as she jumped up and practically dragged him out of the tavern.
"Oh, Fritos," mumbled Choji. "This looks bad." He discreetly (well, as discreetly as you can when you're obese) followed them outside.
As he pushed the door open, trying to look bored, he quickly looked around and noticed neither Shikamaru or Ino were anywhere in sight.
"Oh, Sun Chips," he started grumbling when he heard a noise and stopped abruptly. It was a woman's voice, ever so faint. He followed it and the words became clearer.
"Yeah, that's it. No, lower. Lower. Yeah, perfect. Now rub. Harder, harder! Aaug. Aaueh! Unn!"
"HOLY TOSTITOS WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!?!" Choji screamed as he ran around the corner to the source of the sounds.
As he rounded the corner he saw Ino's skirt lying on the ground and a dumpster from which the noises were coming. Choji tiptoes to it and peeked behind it. Ino was lying there, clothes still on, receiving a calf massage from Shikamaru.
"WTF are you doing, Shikamaru?!" Choji ranted. "And whose skirt is on the street if it's not yours, Ino?!"
Shikamaru looked at him funny and burst out scowling (ha, ha, you thought I was going to say laughing, but Shikamaru doesn't laugh!). "How troublesome. You always jump to conclusions, and when you land, it makes a big thump because you're fat. And not PH. Now get out of here. I know what I'm doing and I wouldn't do that."
"Okay, sorry for being troublesome," Choji murmured quietly under his breath, hut he didn't murmur it quietly enough and someone besides Shikamaru saying 'troublesome' opened up the great dimension of OOC-ness.
"Let's go back to your place," Ino giggled as she ripped off her 2nd? skirt and threw it by the 1st. Oddly enough, she was wearing three.
"Alll-right!" Shikamaru responded in the best Tony the Tiger impression he could, and off they went. (Yes, I meant to put three 'l's in 'Alll-right!')
As they got to Shikamaru's house, the OOC-gate wore off as quickly and as randomly as it came.
"We really shouldn't do this," Shikamaru interjected. "You're totally wasted."
No, I'm not," Ino drawled back, slurring her words. "You're just waaay tooo ssexy!"
Shikamaru shrugged and led her into his home. It was small, just a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and 2 bedrooms, but more than enough for just him. As he slipped off his sandals, Ino grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the couch.
Choji peeked in the window 14 seconds later and saw a shirtless Shikamaru making out with an Ino in her bra and skirt.
Holy baked potato chips with guacamole and salsa in a fiesta bowl I got for 3 UPC's and $3.99 shipping and handling! He thought to himself. They're going to do something naughty!
Shikamaru, between kisses, hummed to himself, "Choji doesn't know, Choji doesn't know, Choji doesn't know so don't tell Choji! He was so trusting…" (A/N: A take off "He Still Doesn't Know" by I'm not sure who. It's hilarious! Go Search it now!)
"Shut up and kiss me you fool!" Ino yelled and pulled him back. She took off her (3rd) skirt to reveal panties with little chibi Sasukes and Uchiha symbols on them.
"You can forget him!" Shikamaru panted excitedly.
Suddenly, Choji burst in. "STOP!"
Shikamaru groaned, "I told you not to tell him! He doesn't know!"
"Oh, yes I do, and no one told me. I saw the whole thing! There's only one way outta this for you two, now!"
"How troublesome."
"What is it??!!"
"Let me in, too!" Choji yelled gleefully.
That stopped Shikamaru and Ino's canoodling on the spot. "Uh…no."
Choji frowned, then left.
"Now, where were we?" inquired Ino.
"I was taking you home so you can sleep."
The two got dressed and went back to Ino's place.
"Goodnight, Ino."
"Goodnight, Shikamaru. Hey, wanna sleep over?"
Shikamaru seriously thought about it before declining. Then all hell broke loose.
Jiraiya popped out of nowhere (or the bushes – the jury's still out on that one), arms extended. "Noooooo!!! You have to sleep over!! You two will have some CAH-RAAAZY fun!" Then he disappeared as fast as he had appeared.
Shikamaru accepted Ino's invitation and…well…THINGS HAPPENED!!!
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Jk. LOL they had a pillow fight and told stories and went to sleep in separate beds.
By morning both had recovered from the previous night's escapades and then things happened. After that, Ino wasn't depressed anymore and she married Shikamaru who also married Temari, Anko, and Kurenai after Asuma died because Shika's that much of a playa. They all lived happily ever after and had many children (well, two each woman).
The End