Cursed

Caitlin sighed as she flopped on her bed. She squeezed her eyes shut. It had been a long, long day. First she found her dad, then lost him, then found Frost. Part of her was crushed, she'd had her dad back for about an hour before it all went to hell, as usual.

Why was her life like this? Was she cursed? Did the most important people, the people she came to rely on and trust, always have to leave in some way? Okay, maybe not everyone, Cisco was still there for her.

Fine, ninety-nine percent of the important people in her life left. When she was ten, she'd lost her dad. Her mother followed shortly after; it was like her mother became a different person after her dad's "death." Then, years later she found Ronnie and life seemed like it was finally going right for once, but no. She wasn't allowed to have lasting happiness, only fleeting. Ronnie was taken from her, twice.

There was a small moment of hope though, Barry Allen. He'd made her feel alive again after nine month of just going through the motions, just surviving. But no, he changed. After almost two years of saving the city side by side, he virtually vanished, and the worst part? She understood why. Iris' life was in danger. His sole focus became saving Iris. But then Iris survived, and Caitlin couldn't have been happier. The look on Barry's face that day, it could've made anyone smile along with him, it could've lit up the world. She'd thought, hoped, they could start over. Maybe he could help her with her powers and Frost, but then he sacrificed himself. Of course he did. He was the most selfless person she knew. He vanished into the speedforce. Cisco had told her the day after it happened. She had tore her apartment apart that day. He'd left before she got to say goodbye. He'd left before she got to say thank you. He'd left before she got to say how much he meant to her. He'd left before she got to say how sorry she was. He'd left before she got to say she loved him…

Then, six long months later, Cisco walked into the bar and told her about a chance at getting him back. She immediately said yes, and a few days later Barry was back and faster than ever. He jumped back into his life with new energy, but Caitlin couldn't help feeling left behind. He started avoiding her, deliberately not talking to her, leaving the room whenever she entered. Iris and him got on with their lives, got married. Caitlin didn't. Then Nora showed up, and suddenly Barry was a dad. He had a family.

Caitlin knew she wasn't the priority in his life. Not then, and not now.

Despite him helping her today, it still felt so...hollow. They hadn't talked, truly talked, in ages.

Caitlin flipped onto her side and curled into a ball. She was alone. Cisco, try as he might and oh how she loved him for trying, couldn't connect with her like Barry had, once upon a time ago. She exhaled and opened her eyes, staring dully at the framed picture of Barry, Cisco, Dr. Wells, and herself. She could feel her eyes start to water, that empty pit in her chest aching. She missed the simplicity of back then, when they were all friends. Back then she wasn't so alone, back when she wasn't so cursed with isolation. She blinked, a tear escaping her lashes, streaking its way down her nose. She was alone. Caitlin closed her eyes, silently crying herself to sleep.

Caitlin and Frost's Mindscape

Frost looked out at Caitlin's part of their mind. The barrier, put there by Devoe, separating their two halves had a small crack in it, but that small crack was enough. Enough for her to feel all of Caitlin's pain and loneliness. Frost closed her eyes, laying a hand against the crack that stopped her from comforting her other half. She wanted nothing more than to help her, let her know that everything would be okay. Then, one thought came through the slightly damaged barrier: I'm alone. Frost looked out at Caitlin's darkening mindscape and whispered, "I'm here…"