It was never this cold here. I was never this broken, never this alone. She's dead I am too. Not really but I am so far gone I might as well be dead. She was drunk again, go figure. She promised and I believed her. I was stupid, so was she. She got in the car and drove, fast. The police say she never could have seen the bridge in her state. The medical examiner said it was quick witch I guess is good, but part of me wish she suffered for every thing she put me through.
I hated her so much, but I miss her even more. Every one of the rooms is a memory of her passed out or piss drunk. At least then I felt like I had a purpose. To take care of her to watch her, make sure she didn't do something stupid… ha I guess I failed there. It's been three months, seventy five cuts and zero tears. People say it's bad that I don't let the tears fall, but there are none. I've bleed for her I will not cry for her, ever.
"Hello Ellie" Jay said. If she didn't turn to look at him she would have never known it was hi. There was something different in his voice, not pity, she hated pity. She could smell pity from a mile away. No. This was different it was concern.
"What do you need?" she asked her voice free of any emotion.
"Look I know it's not really what you would expect from me, but I just wanted to see how you're doing" he said sincerely. Sincerity, not something commonly associated with Jay.
"I am fine" she lied trying to fake sincerity. "Really" she said catching the unsure look he sent her.
"Look I know it's been a while since we have hung out and I think maybe we should catch a movie or something."
"Jay, that's nice and all but I don't need your pity, I'm ok" she said defensively.
"Don't give me that, you know mw better than that and don't tell me your ok because I know you better then that" it was true he knew her better. "Look I'm not giving up until you say yes" he said sitting down at the table she had staring at intently. "So what do you say?"
"I say yes if it will make you go away" she said half joking. She knew he was relentless. He nodded and she sighed. "Pick me up at eight?"
"You got it El." He said smiling before he stood up to leave. Before he walked away and she was clear he said "Just so you know I'll never leave you alone" he said smirking "Ever." With that he walked away, leaving her speechless, but not thoughtless.
Jay Hogart, not really the caring kind or so people think. The truth is he hung out with me everyday when Sean left, but when I moved back in we lost touch. I always thought he hung around because he thought it was his fault that Sean left. Ever since he got back in school he's been a changed man. He's been working on his grades volunteering trying to change and yes I have noticed.
He apologized to Jimmy which no expected. They never knew he had such a big heart, but I did, he proved on the one night I needed him the most. After Sean left, jay helped me through the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Worse than my cutting my mothers were drinking and Sean leaving all together. I never knew he was capable of compassion until that night that changed it all.