I have no idea where this came from it was a little thought I had, it doesn't make much since just a look into Regulus's mind with a hint of Blackcest thrown in for fun. I really love this one for some reason it's just a little drabble that I had a lot of fun writing... Tell me what you think!
He knows it's wrong, but that's why he does it, he jumps at the chance to disobey his parents, if only once. If they knew he would be as bad as the older boy next to the good one, he's been praised as the good brother, always doing as he was told. Never in his whole life has he rebelled against his parents. That's why this thrills him, that's why when no one's looking he clings to his brother in ways he shouldn't.
It wont last long, the feelings, he sees it getting worse with his parents and his brother. Anytime they are all in the same room together if there isn't a yelling match the tension in the air is chilling. Maybe if his father at the end of the table wouldn't stare at Sirius with such hatred then perhaps Sirius wouldn't yell as he does. Those thoughts would never come out though, he is to much of a coward. No matter how hard he tries not to be, he tries to be brave, but he can't. He clings to people, his parents, his cousins, his brother, even his elf. No matter how he acts on the outside, his insides are screaming.
Though he loves his brother, he loathes him. Sirius has always been brave, taking the blame for things that Regulus did and taking the severe punishments given, standing up for himself no matter what, letting himself be different. He hates his brother for being what he can't be. But he loves him for that. If he could defy his parents and family as Sirius had he would, if he could find the courage to tell them no when they told him to do something he would, but he can't. It's not in him, being praised, that's something he loves. He craves the affection and attention of others, being told he is good, being important to his parents. If he thinks hard enough that might be why he wanted to play seeker... the game depends on the seeker, and entire house depending on him. He loves it.
A shaky breath escapes his lips as his grey eyes move to the window, his parents were out so he and Sirius were here alone. He didn't know where they went he had heard something about going to Cygnus and Druella, his aunt and uncles house but he wasn't sure. If he eavesdropped then he would have been in trouble, not something he wanted to do. Shaking his head lightly he watched the branches on a tree sway in the wind. He let his eyes follow the branches for a few moments, he wasn't a fan of nature or anything somethings just caught his eye at the strangest of times. Pulling his eyebrows together he was reminded of the whomping willow, he had watched a sixth or seventh year try to go near it the last day of school, why a normal tree reminded him of the willow he had no idea.
As his mind took his simple thoughts on the tree to the strangest places he let out a loud breath and pulled in his hair. He swore he had a ADD or whatever that muggle curse that Hufflepuff boy kept talking about. Regulus's mind never stayed in one place, if he were to ever have anyone go into his mind he was sure they would never get out. The thoughts about the tree led to a thoughts about Grindylow's, what the two had in common he could never tell his thoughts just went in random directions.
Putting his hands on the sides of his head he looked down at the blanket wrapped around his waist. When he had sat up the blanket fell leaving his torso bare, and just as it always was in 12 Grimmauld Place it was freezing. Why his mother insisted in leaving the house cold he never knew, he could only wish that she would allow his father to use a heating spell. His teeth started chattering as he once again let his mind wonder, the common room, Hogsmeade, The lake, red caps, giants, candy, muggle music, the whomping willow once again. His thoughts went on until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
He jumped slightly sucking in a sharp breath, he hadn't realized how deep in his thoughts he was. Turning his head slightly he let out a sigh, he wasn't sure why he was holding in his breath but he had been. His eyes met the almost perfectly matching ones of his older brother. Sirius had rolled onto his back and was still half asleep, "You okay?" he muttered quietly, he slurred his words which was of course another sign he was half asleep.
Regulus was sure he could have told his brother anything at that time and he would have just said 'okay' but he chose not to have fun with it. "Nothing Sirius, just thinking." the younger boy put a small smile onto his face.
Slowly Sirius nodded raising his hand touching Regulus's cheek. Leaning into his touch Regulus closed his eyes. These small touches did more for him at times than any other touch he got from Sirius. He wasn't one for gentle touches to anytime he got one he basked in it. "Go back to sleep Reg." he took his hand off his cheek rolling back onto his side. With a slow nod Regulus laid back on his side moving close to his brother resting his head on his bare back loving the heat that radiated from the older teen.