This feeling is too much. Way too much. It's overflowing, it's spilling, and it's filling up everything and nothing escapes it, and I'm drowning. Drowning in a sea of air - a sea of air that I can't be without. It makes my heart race and stop and takes my breath away all at the same time, and I love it. I love it so much that I want more. That I need more.
And it's all because of you.
It's your fault that I'm like this now. Unable to go a single day without a thought of you in my head. Unable to focus in class because I'm thinking of what I need to bring on my trip. Unable to keep my mind in the present time because it's always stuck in the past. Because that's where you are.
When you're not here, it's as if you're ghost is haunting me. But I don't want to let that go, either. I want you to stay. Every part of you. Every thought of you. Everything that's just you. It's intoxicating, really. Your voice and your eyes and your claws - those claws that would never harm me. Your face and your hands and the scent of your silver hair in the wind. Your back and your warmth as you carry me through our journeys. Protecting me, always.
How do I get rid of this feeling? How do I reject it? Is it even possible? I know I'll have to let go eventually, since I'm not the one you love, but I can't. I care for you too much.
Again, it's your fault.
Don't you see? You've taken a place in my heart and filled up that hole I never realized was there, taken up the space in my brain where studies and college and future should be. Now, instead all I see in my future is you.
Me and you.
Together. Married. Living side by side each day as husband and wife. Children. Three, maybe - a boy and two girls. Or maybe triplets. With Miroku and Sango and Shippo and Kaede.
And me. And you.
And for the third time, it's your fault.
It's your fault that I'm thinking this way. Why I'm imagining impossible futures I never would have dreamed of. Why I'm feeling painful defeat and yet still stay as determined to reach you. It's your fault. All your fault.
If I hadn't met you, I probably would be living in bliss with Hojo right now. I'd be dating him normally, and everything would be perfect.
But no, you came into my life, you tried to steal my heart the way you tried to steal the Shikon jewel, and you actually got it. I can see it, beating purposefully with life in the palm of your hand, and you don't even know it. Even when your claws puncture it because you're with her, and it hurts so much that I'm bleeding and dying, it heals. And then I'm alive and I'm so happy to be alive, because of you. Even when you hurt me, you heal me. You're both my pain and joy.
You're everything to me.
And it's all. Your. Fault.
But I wouldn't change a thing.