A Sorceress' Nursing Diary
By: Emerald Sonata
I play a DnD character named Yamato Gungnir. To best describe her, she is a Sorceress who wears a dress made out of 1000 raven feathers. She is very witty, kind, and likes to help others in behind the scene. However, due to her low intelligence stat (bad rolls) and viciously high charisma, she is often direct with what she says and easily misunderstands the meaning of conversations. Pretty much like myself in reality, so we both get into unwanted trouble sometimes. This has been a running gag in my regular group sessions, sigh.
There was one moment in my recent game session with clumsy Yamato Gungnir that I had to write down about.
My team came across a Blue Dragon. No joke, a full grown Blue Dragon that spits lightning. The team's Orc Paladin tried to put it down with a Hold Monster but botched his roll and the Ranger Tiefling girl tried to shove arrows into the eye, but she keeps losing by a hair-pin (one point below AC). Yamato had a high dex so she was only good at running and jumping, and turns out none of her magic had good effect on a Blue Dragon.
It was in this moment when I misunderstood how the Dungeon Master was describing the Dragon bleeding. I somehow heard it was bleeding 'in between the legs'. I suddenly shouted, 'Oh my god, she's having a pre-natal hemorrhage! Get the hot water, IV fluids, and ultrasound machine stat!'.
I had just watched Grey's Anatomy before I came to play, please don't judge me.
Dungeon Master made me roll, and I did. Natural 20. Everyone believed the Blue Dragon to be a mama dragon who was going into labor. Did an Insight check on what was causing induced labor. Rolled 18. Hand-waved my response with Abruptio Placentae, the separation of the placenta from the uterus walls which causes internal bleeding (sourced from Grey's Anatomy).
DM took it, and we had to help the Blue Dragon give birth, now. Natural Birth was a no go at this point, so Yamato got the Orc Paladin to use his great axe (he calls Madame Butterfly) to operate with a C-Section. Omit gory bits here and there. After we got the baby out, we had the Tiefling Ranger to use her arrows and ropes to sew up the wound. Our Eladrin Cleric with a diva complex ended up coaching the Blue Dragon mother during the labor and used her healing spells to fix the wounds afterwards.
We were spent, but we had a healthy Blue Dragon Mother and a baby Blue Dragon Girl. Yamato used the meta-knowledge I got from watching reality nursing shows and did a baby assessment, you know where doctors measure the baby from crown to… tail, the weight (over 90 tons), the time and day of birth, and I took the diva Eladrin's hood to make a makeshift hospital band for the baby dragon as a, well, birthday gift.
Our game ended there and we left for home, but the DM stopped me on the way out. He told me I did a good job and I would make a fine nurse one day. I asked why did he say that? Turns out he was a registered nurse in acute care.
I decided to go to nursing school after that.