KKM:

Finding You Loving You

By: Lotus Curtiss

(Michelle)

He blinked at the unsigned stacks of paper that had overflowed from the table to the floor and the quail pen in his hand, now dried up just from its rest above the paper; a few drops of ink had landed on the parchment. Yuuri was still trying to comprehend what occurred between him and Conrart, or rather his mind was a blank slate from thinking too much. Yet it was strange how their days went about as usual following what had occurred. There was a blast of heat flying into the office as the doors nearly snapped in half from the repercussion, the piles went fluttering through the air and landed unceremoniously in scattered patterns. It did not phase him that seething emerald eyes had now filled his vision or that he didn't hear the fiery words or feel the punch that landed him on the floor. He was lost to himself.

By the time he could come down from space and to gravity, earth, wind, fire and water it was night time and missed all of Gunter's lecture that normally would make him want to chop his ears off, leaving the man in tears and to wallow in his own self-pity party for some absurd reason. And that Gwendal had given up on trying to scold him back into his work. And the pain that coursed through his cheek was a present from a very angry Wolfram from earlier that day. He was too caught up in himself or not with himself like an out of body experience but he was still there physically. Time just warped from him, around him, through him, swallowing him till he was sitting with the two brothers and a royal advisor at the dinning table. The Third was called away to an outpost for a scheduled inspection. But he still ate the food, still trapped in a time warp.

Before curling up in bed, Lady Gisela had come and healed his reddened and sore cheek from a very bitter punch that he did not deserve. Leaving him with medicine to take to relieve the pain before crawling under the covers. A hot headed tornado was not present in the room that late evening and Yuuri stared out the window at the star filled sky. Yes, that evening was just like this one. An evening that rippled memories through his body, mind and soul. Sensational feelings, rapturous feelings and heated feelings. He tried closing his eyes but a shiver undulated from the tips of toes to the crown of his head. It lingered. Imprinted. Branded.

He turned the pillow over so its cool side would rest against a flaming cheek. Stirring and raging emotions filled his ears as Yuuri breathed hard, a thumping sound echoed inside of his brain. Trying so to settle down, erase what occurred, forget so he could sleep, he knew he didn't want to remember it, it was he couldn't forget what happened; no matter how hard he tried, there was a stubborn force inside him that refused to let it go. He knew he needed sleep but by the time he could close an eye at least, the sun had beat him to it, forcing him to get out of bed. In all, it was more like he was sleeping with his eyes open.

Yuuri stared out of the window from his position in bed, they winked and twinkled at him in laughter and fun. He listened for the quiet of the castle, making out the loud obnoxious snore coming from across the premise and the smaller snores of the other inhabitants, the slight ruffling from the stationed guards as they shifted to a more comfortable position and the cackling of the lit torches lining the corridors. And as if he could hear soft foot falls of a recognizable stride approaching beyond the door, the latch giving away as the handle turned and the gentle, the sweeping yaw of said door, the stride coming closer, closing the gap to the bed. Oh, even if he tried to pretend to be asleep, this person would know instantly that he wasn't; this person would let him get away with it too, never forced him beyond what he could handle. He still closed his eyes.

The bed edge sagged beneath the weight as someone sat on it. As if all the sounds in the castle suddenly vanished, stilled for several moments. There was a small tickle to the roots of his hair as the ends were feathered slowly to the curve of his ear. There was a pause and a gentle sweep of his swollen and red cheek, forcing his breathing to remain slow. Wishing that they would leave quickly. The rhythm of his heart beat increased with every second. Silent cries and a hard will to have them just leave. He knew who they were and it silently killed him.

The finger left his cheek but the sag in the bed did not. Hurry. Just leave. Please.

Warmth covered his forehead. Seeping into him, soothing, tranquil warmth. A flood. Yuuri dared a peek to see a hand resting above his brow, the large palm and long fingers, calloused and rough; a sigh came from behind his back. One of relief. No, it was not, more like of. He didn't want to go there. Love. Yet there was no explaining what happened between them only that it was one event that led to another. An event that he really regretted.

Yuuri noticed that his thoughts had managed to drift from him and sleep creeping in, claiming his mind. Lull. Conrart knew that he was awake and was trying to hide it but to no such avail. That large, long, calloused and rough hand gently calmed him. A breath, long and soft fell from his mouth. When was the last time he could fully close his eyes? He didn't know since he had spent the better part trapped in a time warp.

There was something he felt before being claimed in sleep. A kiss to his temple. Soft. Light. Sweet.

Yuuri was stretched out on a blanket under the sun, one hand supporting his head like a pillow and the other reaching for the sun. He stared at the ring finger. Thinking that Conrart and him should have been already, oh you know. Married. He couldn't shake the feeling any longer, it consumed him every day, ate away it him bit by bit. This was love. A silent shiver ran up and down his body and pleasure laced his mind. There was no pain, only a gentle touch that quelled his fears.

Oblivious to the person sitting next to him that asked him questions, but when asked if he understood, Yuuri returned it with a request to repeat what has just been said. The feedback was monotonous that almost ended with a jab to his shoulder but the companion for the outing stood and walked away grumbling that even he could not wake him from the daze. Even as his arm went numb from the blood being pulled down by gravity and his shoulder stiff, he continued to stare at it, the second little finger from the left.

Suddenly a large palm and long fingers wrapped around his extended hand, stirring him from the daze, the calloused and rough threading life back into the sleeping appendage. He blinked and turned his face to see one smiling gently at him. Love. Heart beating a tad faster. This person had come back from doing a security patrol. Rolling into them that earned a gasp of shock. Yuuri missed him. Missed Conrart. Turned into any hand that stroked his hair that was tender that came from this man.

Yuuri plastered himself to the dinning seat and stared at the crimson liquid in a glass. What was going on? His forehead began to sweat at the sight, that was until Gunter began to explain that Yuuri was of age to start tasting alcohol in the Kingdom. He still had two years left before he could on Earth, where was the legalities in this? Where was his lawyer? Damn it! He flashed back to that night when he had mistaken a cup of alcohol for a glass of fruit juice and chugged it in an instant. A sure case of identity gone wrong, more than likely the culprit had to be Yozak in instigating it. He gave a shallow gulp. He had gotten drunk at the bottom of the cup and perhaps there was something else that was in it too.

Conrart had found him pressed against the stone walls, crouched in the hallway, face flushed so vividly and eyes glazed over. Cooling and swore that there was a small trail of drool rolling from a corner of his mouth. His mind was just foggy and vision tunneled, warping around the edges. When Yuuri felt the gentle touch of Conrart on his shoulder, a heated feeling made him even more immobile. Of all times, he was so close to the bed room door but never made it or that no one else passed by him. It was Conrart that did. His mind going blank with the voice that filled his ears. Only to be hauled up in the arms and taken to his chambers.

When the bed was beneath him and Conrart giving an initial inspection, Yuuri had grabbed his arm, pleading that he not leave him in this state when he was about to go get Lady Gisela. What ever words tumbled from his mouth next in his confused and highly enlightened way. Was this what he really wanted to say to him and the actions that he did next, raked inside of him. With the weight of world baring down on his limp muscles, he had managed to yank Conrart down and himself up to plant a solid yet inaccurate kiss, meeting halfway. Sliding little by little, begging for feed back, to have the same action returned. It was.

His fingers remembered the sensation of slipping buttons free in awkward fashion. Enough. Enough. Enough! He glanced over at Conrart that was sitting two chairs over. The pit of his stomach seized in warmth. STOP! If this kept up, he'd have an anxiety attack. With a breath to calm himself, he explained to Gunter that he'd rather wait till he was of age from Japan to taste alcohol. Never mind he already had, behind the Advisors back, a simple mistaken case of identity. In likewise fashion, the Advisor obliged, exaggeratingly acknowledged the order as a wise choice. He gave a half smile. He felt gentle eyes on his face and nearly failed to hide the slight pink surfacing on his cheeks.

The hot headed blonde was absent from dinner. A welcome reward.

Needless to say. Yuuri now found his own body sensitive in, ahem, certain areas. It was at bath time when he did. And the reaction to even a slight touch shot and riddled him with pleasure to the brain. He knew that he was a growing and active boy but to be this...active?! Was questionable. No matter how he tried to wash around those areas or at least clean them with out his nerves firing off was difficult. What the hell did Yozak, or maybe it was Lady Anissina, put in the drink? He knew Lady Anissina was so engorged in her research and using helpless victims, like Gunter or Gwendal, in her aim. She probably wouldn't be able to pull off such a feat. Yozak could, he was the Kingdoms number one spy and a master of disguise, in all likelihood, it had to be him. But it would be so outrageous for the two of them to work together. He had no evidence to go on and he could not pursue an investigation. It was a dead end.

Persist he did, though it left him breathless and panting in the end. His body could not forget that touch on its skin. Calloused. Gentle. Warm. Damn. He should have asked the man to marry him by taking responsibility. In the end. The fault was on him. And the fault was on the idiot who left the drink out in the open. Well, he knew what had to be done and how to break it to a firestorm was the next thing. How? The noble was too mad at him for spacing out. This was getting obnoxious, this was too long for some one to hold a grudge.

Conrart had aided him in getting ready for bed one evening and Greta was sound asleep. Yuuri grasped the mans left hand and with pink cheeks, slid a ring onto the second little finger. He held on, not letting go before shoving a matching band into Conrat's. He let his mouth whisper conveying heart felt words, he didn't care if fire and brimstone caught them, tears streaming down his apples. He let a greedy child escape. This was all so...backwards and inverted, if only this had come to the conclusion a year ago, then maybe things would not be so difficult and complicated. Yet love was both difficult and complicated as well as simple and easy.

Stay. Oh. Love. Ah. Beloved. Can he stop crying already?! The matching band slid onto his second little finger of his left hand. Under the moon's face that had witnessed their marriage, captured in the warm embrace, they kissed. It was innocent. Sweet.

If the next thing was anything but predictable, he'd put a name to it: Apocalypse. The prediction held true. A blonde haired noble lost it all. Insanely though. Yuuri had broken the engagement off and came clean about what happened between him and Conrart. How a simple mistake led to their elopement and then the quiet marriage. All their feelings coming out. Truthful. Honest. Simple. Their hands intertwined, standing shoulder to shoulder upon the dais of the throne room, no where near a table with eating utensils on it. That was one thing they did not want Wolfram around. Silverware.

It was a ball of fire raging, burning the carpet runner to ashes and maybe a few tapestries. When Yuuri could see that Wolfram had exhausted himself out. He gave him a hug as he cried, weeping in pain and hurt. Sadness. Hallow. Walling. The malice of anger smoldered away. He still wanted a friend that still spoke his mind, stubbornly so and would need Wolfram to be an ally in his courts. Wolfram still held a position of importance.

After all the hype had calmed down and the maids betting pool had gone to the winner. Gunter was way over himself and Yuuri wished that he would stop it already with the water works and whining and threatening to join a monks monastery again. There was a time to call it quits. Fed up, he sent him back to his province to cool down, labeling it a much needed vacation and to stay for a month or visit a resort for that time. All expenses paid of course, including paid time off. If Gunter wanted to stay even longer, he was welcome to do so. The man was so moved by the most generous and most gracious offer that he barely made a rebuttal before riding off through the castle gates to Yuuri's relief.

Yuuri figured that Wolfram would erupt were ever he stood when a boiling point of anger and resent was reached, but when the mouth opened like a trap door, nothing came out. Either going to an instant ramen realization that the fact remains between Conrart and him or that he did not have enough time to stoke the fires back to life with in him. He was seen often times sitting by himself in deep thought or half heartedly training in slow motion. But he would stand and stare at something or nothing at all. Trying to digest or had already digested the information but was coming to terms in accepting it.

The Eldest Brother was adamant that to cover up the little incident that they formally announce getting married and hold a real wedding. So adamant in fact that there were legal documents as tall as the tallest castle spire to be signed. They sat for days going over customs and traditions, normally meant for Gunter to do but he was sent away for personal reasons, the types of balls and parties to be held that would be handled by Gunter when ever he returned and what guest's to expect to attend as such. By the time it all was finished, Yuuri felt that his brain was swimming in a swamp, Conrart had to support him as they left. His arms wrapped around the neck and carried on the back, so strong and warm, undoubtedly marked with scars, a mysterious history that he wanted to learn.

It's funny, Yuuri noted that there were small things about Conrart he never noticed before or found out. Like how his chestnut hair seemed to glow a soft gold when the light hit it just right; or the relaxed tension of the large hand wrapped around his; or the soft guidance of his advice in the gentle voice. All when you fall in love. Just from his place on the back, he could see the scar going through the right eyebrow. He loved that scar, it enhanced the handsome features of Conrart's face and overall persona. He shifted so that he was breathing on the neck, taking in Conrart's scent, sure enough that he could feel his heart beating through the back of the spine. Love was so simple yet incredibly complex. This was the simple part, loving someone but the complex was finding out the person who you truly love, want to share your life with. He sighed. The aftermath he preferred. Once it was all figured out. Once it all the pieces fell into place. Yet he loved it all. The struggle. The relief. Everything.

The next time Yuuri saw Yozak, he thanked him out of courtesy but asked why he earned such praise, Yuuri just smiled and laughed. You know. The Kingdom Spy walked away, disclaiming that he knows nothing or done nothing to earn such praise but was grinning as he did so. Yuuri left it at that. No need to bring it all to light again. Just a brief pass of words that said so much.

Yuuri's skin was on fire. Damn it! He really could not take a bath with out overshooting his nerves. It should have faded long ago. But. It. Did. Not. His eyes stung in frustration. Maybe it was too soon to thank Yozak for everything. Could this have been a psychological drug? He did not want to go there. Yuuri did not want to continue but he wanted to absolutely be squeaky clean. He jumped at Conrart's voice behind him, forgetting that the two had decided to take a bath together, he stiffened. Yuuri really did not tell him about this, this sensitivity overload. Conrart took the cloth from his hands and began to scrub his back. No. Not now.

Warmth flooded his mind. He relaxed. Maybe it was all in his mind, mental capacity playing tricks on him. Psyching himself out too much. It was those hands that left his wanting more of Conrart. Moaning his name over and over again. The touch making his heart swell and tremble in fascination, his breath hitched. Stop. His mind dived as he turned to face Conrart. Sliding his lips over the man's, flesh against flesh, slick with water and soap as he toppled them both to the cool tile floor. Straddling the lean hips, he gazed with hungry intent and licked his lips. Snapping from the revere and blubbering in shock before letting what occurred had increased his sensitivity. Stopping then. Quiet.

Conrart's response was a smile but he didn't say anything to embarrass his spouse further than he already was. Yuuri was pulled into a deep kiss and those hands slid over him, tracing the same path that they took several nights before. Yuuri felt time vanish as the only thing he could focus on was Conrart's affection. It was not too much to stimulate him but enough to get him to climb.

When he came to, Yuuri was in the water, its hot effervesce soaking him to his core. How did he get here? Blinking the daze from his eyes, he noticed Conrart next to him. That's right...he. He was never going to live this one down for a while. The gilded voice of comfort quietly relayed that though the first night should not have been with the mere use of, though accidental, an aphrodisiac. He was going to wait till the formalities were over to completely engage in such acts. Damn. If Yuuri was a girl, a trail of blood would be running from a nostril. There was no way to change the past but going forward was all they had.

That damn drug. He laid awake that night, Greta was spending the night with Lady Cecilie and the large bed seemed even bigger without a spare occupant taking up space. Yuuri's tail bone was flaming hot and Conrart not wanting to continue beyond left him feeling empty. His mind flashing back to the first night it all happened and body trembling in clear memory. He couldn't stop his hands as they wandered and his brain focused on pleasuring himself. Conrart's name falling from his mouth in sharp whispers and as if he could see the man's shadow covering him. When he woke the next morning, he stared at the bed sheets, too embarrassed to admit that he had just, ahem, masturbated to an illusion controlled by a psychological drug. Oddly satisfying to say the lease. Chalk it up to love.

Gunter blew in on a tropical wind, more refreshed and perhaps a little too energetic than before. Declaring that after he went back home for a while then went off to a resort, his stress had melted away. Yuuri felt like he jilted himself for letting this happen. The man stone walled at the announcement of putting together an official wedding for Conrart and the King. When trying to coerce Gwendal into that it, the man stood his ground. With tears streaming from his eye's, on a heap on the floor, The Advisor gave in. Yuuri had to look away for the sake of dignity. It was so easy to get the man up but it was also to easy to get him down. Like taking a book and bending the covers back till they touched.

Yuuri rarely saw Wolfram since the confession, the blonde was one to be reclusive aside from the random explosions of anger that told everyone where he was in the castle. Deciding to hunt him down as a courtesy from one friend to another. The sight left him speechless. The nobles rich locks had taken on an earthy characteristic and the emerald eyes were drawn out with dark bags. An overall horror film coming to life and not to be so rude, he was taken back. Resolved, he grabbed the noble by the collar and dragged him to the bath and threw him in it. Forcefully scrubbing him from the top of the crown to the tips of the toes. Dressing him and making him eat even though he did not want to. Yuuri laid it out flat once sure that he had both ears and eyes on him.

Sponge like in quality, Yuuri was the faucet, telling Wolfram that he truly believed that he had been falling in love with Conrart since the beginning and that even if an accident of any sort had not happened, he in the end would have found out his feelings before too long. Given his density when it came to romance and matters of the heart. Then admitting that he had been keeping a diary back on earth to keep track of his adventures and daily life in the Demon Kingdom. Then recalling the emotions he wrote, and how strongly he put into words when it came to Conrart. Strangely, it seemed to overflow with thoughts on the man. Mounting it up to something childish but it was honest. Truthful. Raw. Then asking for something that he was fifty-fifty on, that both him and Conrart to have his blessing. He left him to think about it, that he did not have to give it right away. Please take care of yourself too, we miss you. Was his few words before walking out the door.

Conrart caught Yuuri later that day, thanking him for doing something that he could not, as much as it killed him that he was an Older Brother, he did not have the words to comfort him or to help him realize the exact truth in front of him. Touched by how sensitive his spouse was in the moment, he hugged him close, letting his feelings pour freely. His Guard always had the best in mind for him, thinking about him, his feelings, now it was his turn. Showering his mouth in kisses, pulling Conrart into it. It left Yuuri laughing as the fingers brushed against his hairline and the curve of his hip. Always smile for me. He requested. Let me see all facades of you. Be by my side. Conrart chuckled, loving how greedy he was and enjoyed the moment they were in.

If it was not one mother so ecstatic over their marriage, there was two. Lady Cecilie and Mako. Mako's comments about how active Yuuri was in his teenage years only to be wed to the very person whom loved him the most. Though she accepted the change between brothers, she whole heartedly agreed that Conrart was the best match for her son. Dropping a bombshell that she knew of their secret feelings between the two and wondered when Yuuri would figure it out. Soma just quietly accepted with out putting too much of a word. Shori was a brooding, hovering shadow, not ready to give a blessing that his parents had. The cynical figure watching their movements.

A month till the official wedding, Wolfram had come around, looking and feeling more refreshed. Looking after himself. Alive and not some near zombie state. Finally coming to terms, understanding. He had taken the two aside and gave them his blessing. He was still hurting, struggling with a break up that really was not a love-love relationship to begin with, getting his life back together in order to move on. But with clarity, he had seen the emotions of both Conrart and Yuuri. The Kings compassion to still see a friend inside of him. Yuuri never judged him in spite but let him be his own person. This King was no longer the fifteen year old human he always thought he'd be, but a mature eighteen year old who had grown up and left him behind. Maybe it was time he did some growing too, see the world, explore like Conrart did and perhaps cross swords a time or two. And perhaps mend a relationship with a certain someone who used to be torn over him.

Oh, it was a sight. Given the fan fare at the royal wedding between Yuuri and Conrart. Many wishes and flowers were thrown at the King and Arch Prince as they made their way down the main street of the royal city. The citizens rejoiced in revelation. Their King has truly found the one to stand by his side. The wedding was public, on top of the central check point so everyone could see and watch from their rooftops, windows and streets. Even though there was a short downpour of rain that morning, it did not dampen the festivity, it only added beauty and glamour. As night fell and the streets and lights were lit along the streets and castle courtyard, music echoed through the air as they all danced and ate and partied even more. The two had slipped away to a quiet corner for themselves, atop the towers balcony and watched.

They're attention was grabbed by a figure near the gates on a horse, with a smile and a wave, he quietly trotted out. Garbed in only travel cloths and a food pack and a sword. Wolfram left to go on his journey. Holding each other close as a brother and brother in-law had bowed out, a few moments passed and then they spotted another gold headed figure follow after, Ellizabeth; dressed the same and on her horse. They chuckled. Things are looking up and they knew that Lady Cecilie next target would be less than pleased. Yet a adopted cousin of theirs had returned not too long ago from her twenty five year stint of independent magic research study and would be graduating from the Advanced Magic school in the von Voltaire lands soon and was spending time with Gwendal. It was an emotional connection the two shared and it had turned Lady Anissina's full blown target to poor Gunter. Something about their Cousin made Anissina highly agitated and fearful of her. And now the poor man was wearing some helmet contraption.

Twenty minutes before they were found and they waved and smiled. Enough for them to share a pocket of peace. Then the lights went out all around when a horn was blown and fireworks dotted and filled the starry sky. A sweet touch to an already memorable day.

Or so he thought till he was reacting strongly to Conrart's tender attention as they had retired to their room that night. I'm keeping my promise to you. Skin sliding over skin, cloths trailing from the door to the bed. A sweet, gentle first night. Lips and tongues in a swirling dance. Passionate heat growing from the core as soft and sweet touches flaring desires of need. My Majesty. My King. My Yuuri Beloved. Each word a seduction of honey in his ear. I love you.

More! This was not some drug, not some influential fantasy. More! This was true desire, true need, true heartfelt emotions. Finding you loving you.

The ever silent spectators shone and twinkled outside of the windows above in the night sky