The Real Luigi's Mansion
Note- this is probably not really the real Luigi's mansion, but a twisted comedy I made about it. NJOY.-
Luigi sat at his computer playing one of his rpg games.
"I should check my email! Let's see, . ONE NEW MESSAGE!!!! Woohoo! Someone took the time to write me a message. That means someone knows I exist! maybe its Daisy!!!!!!!!" Luigi finally stopped talking to himself and clicked on the message. It read as follows: 'Congratulations, sir/mam, you are our contest winner. Your prize is: One Mansion!!! Type your name below and click here to print a map leading to your new mansion!!!' Luigi was annoyed because he was imagining how it would sound if a salesman read that out loud. Then he realized:
"Hey, when did I enter a contest?...
Flashback to first grade...
"Okay, class," the teacher said. "Today, you're going to draw a picture of your dream house. Whoever is the best in the class will get a special prize!" Luigi went over to Mario, who already started on his.
"Mario! Mario! Mario!"
"What! What! What!"
"Isn't Ms. Wilson hot?"
"Dude, you're six! You can't think that until you're at least ten!"
"Fine!" Mario continued to work on his drawing. It was a beautiful white mansion with a red roof, and on the top was a white stone with a red 'M' engraved on it. Soon, Luigi was back.
"Mario! Mario! Mario!"
"What now?"
"I need help with my drawing! Can I see yours?" Mario showed him the detailed drawing. Luigi ran over to his table and did his best to copy Mario's exactly, except with a green roof, and a green 'L'. He turned it in and skipped back to his table.
Back to the Present...
"Oh... my... god..." Luigi said. "I REALLY DID WIN A MANSION!!!!! Maybe ms. Wilson had it made specially to look just like my drawing... and maybe now I'm old enough to date her..." Luigi thought about how old his teacher must look now. "On second thought, I better just take the mansion... And invite Mario!" Luigi clicked on the map and printed it. It had a picture of a mansion which just happened to have a green roof (Which made Luigi think it was his, because it was the color of the hat and shirt he always wore.), and a squiggly line that started at the fountain in the center of the city and ended at the green mansion. On the top was "Luigi's" printed in cheap computer text and the word "Mansion" written in beautiful cursive, which looked awful together. Luigi picked up the phone and dialed a number.
"Hello? It's-a me, Mario,"
"Mario! Mario! Mario!"
"Dude, you do that way too much. What do you want?"
"Guess what? "What?" "I won a contest and got a FREE mansion!"
"Duuuuuuuuude!!!!!! That's awesome! I'll meet you there."
"Dude. BRING Guitar Hero."
"For the Wii, or 360?"
"Wii. Then we can play some Brawl too."
"All right, send me the map." Luigi clicked 'send', then printed his own copy of the map. He ran out the door, waving the cheap looking map in the air.
For some reason, the map made Luigi go straight through a dead forest. He pushed a branch out of the way, and it swung back hitting him in the back of the head. Luigi was getting annoyed.
"Why couldn't they just draw a line AROUND the forest?!" He came near the end of the forest, the mansion was just outside it. Two black crows stood in a tree.
"Caww! Caww!" Luigi looked up and frowned.
"Hey! Scram!"
"Caww"
"Go away, you are trespassing on private property!"
"Caww! Caww!" Luigi picked up a rock on the dirt road and threw it at the black birds. He missed. He threw another one. Missed. The crows just sat there dumbly. He tried again. Missed. He obviously had terrible aim. One crow swooped down and grabbed a rock in it's beak. It thrust its head back and threw the rock. It clunked Luigi right in the eye.
"Ow!... Is- is that all you got!" The crows screeched and then started showering Luigi with rocks. Luigi ran as fast as he could, but still got pegged with some rocks. He got out of range and pointed a finger back.
"Fine! Just... Just stay there! Stupid birds." As he continued walking, a stone flew especially far and knocked the back of Luigi's head.
"DANG IT!"
Soon, Luigi came to the forest exit. he saw a little wooden shack.
"I don't like this. I think I'll tear it down later." He looked down at the cheap map and said in a high pitched voice "De dee deee deeeee deeeee!" looking at the green mansion on the map. He looked up to see a dark colored, dark mansion, with a dark roof, a big dark door, and two big windows right below the roof, so it looked like a dark, evil face. Luigi hummed the tone you would hear when something bad happens. "DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN!" He walked up the crooked stairs. He opened the big, dark door, shined his flashlight in. "Hello?" Luigi was very stupid, because you could tell that nobody was there. Then an orange thing came floating and dropped a key in the middle of the room. Luigi picked it up and realized his shoe was untied. As he tied it, he didn't realize the lights above him spinning. "You go over and back! Left to right! You loop the loop and ya pull them tight! like bunny ears or a Christmas bow! Lace 'em up and you're ready to go!" After reciting the poem, he looked up, only fast enough to see the chandelier land on him. He got up from under it and stood up.
"Who did that?" then some sort of line brought it back up.
"Oh, come on! Look, I know you feel bad about it, but the chandelier's already ruined. I'll have to do even more work, because I'll need to take that one down, as well as put up a new one. Oh wait, I'll just get Mario to do it. Never mind, you can just leave it there. Hmm. I wonder where Mario is." Luigi walked to the door he suspected to match the key. He tried it, but it didn't work. He looked at the key, and realized that it was a happy meal toy from McToad's. He threw it and then realized that he could just kick the door in. He came in a dark room and a fat, orange ghost popped up in his face.
"AHHHHHHH!!!! GHOST! SOMEBODY HELP!!! Suddenly an old dude with a lab coat and a vacuum on his back ran in and tried to suck the ghost up, but he just got punched in the face. He walked to Luigi.
"What are you doing in MY mansion?" Luigi demanded.
"YOUR mansion? This house randomly appeared in the night. It's not yours!"
"I won it in a contest! It's from my first grade teacher, ms. Wilson"
"Did you go to Mushroom Kingdom Elementary?"
"Yeah." "Ms. Wilson is now Mrs. Gadd. She's my wife, and she mentioned that you were her worst student. Your name's Luigi, right.
"Yeah."
"Yeah, that's you, green cap."
"So, she didn't build this for me?"
"''Fraid not. You can call me Professer E. Gadd."
"What's the 'E' stand for?"
"Uhh... Elvin."
"Elvin! Ahahahahahaha!"
"IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY!"
"Okay... ELVIN! Ahahahahahaha! Suddenly, more ghosts came into the room.
"Come on, we can talk in my lab."
"Good idea." It turns out, that wooden shack was Professer E. Gadd's lab, but he had a big basement, so it was okay. He handed Luigi the red vaccuum he used to try to suck up the ghost. "This is my specially designed ghost sucker-uper, the poltergust 3000!"
"Really?"
"Well, actually, it's the vacuum I use to clean my patio back home, but it can suck up ghosts too."
"So Why can't YOU do it?"
"I'm far too old. Plus YOUR brother is the one trapped in there."
"How do you know?"
"I saw him. The feller with a red hat?"
"My God, that's him!"
"Yeah, so just shine your light on the ghosts and suck them up. But for human ghosts, you need to find their weakness with this"
"What's this?"
"The gameboy horror. You can reveal hidden objects, get info, find out where you are, and look at a GPS map of the mansion."
"So, you can do all this, but you can't just get my brother out?"
"No chance. Plus, if you get the ghosts, I can turn the ghosrs into beautiful paintings, so get to work. Be careful out there, Luigi, my boy!"
When Luigi walked into the mansion the second time, the lights were on in the foyer.
"Luigi! What up playaaaaaaaa!" It was the short mushroom head known as toad.
"Toad! how did you get the lights on?"
"Yo, yo, yo! There was totally a power switch right behind you!"
"Really?"
"Fo' shizzle. Look."
Oh..."
So yeah, any the princess is pretty freaked that Mario is captured. She sent me to get the 411, so if you find him, let me know."
"You got it." Luigi went up the stairs and entered the dark room. Nothing. He went over and knocked down a candle. A painting started talking.
"Hey, mr. Green"
"What?"
"Do you like anime?"
"No way, nerd!"
"Guys, he doesn't like anime!!!!!!" Ghosts started popping up everywhere, and luigi simply sucked them up.
He cleared the next few rooms. Eventually he started getting to ghost that more closely resembled humans. He came to the music room and started playing his brother's world famous tune, and a blonde ghost in a pink dress appeared by the piano.
"Hello. I couldn't help but realize that you are playing a world famous song. Do you play other games?"
"Yeah! Lots of them. Especially Halo and Guitar hero!"
"Can you recognize this song?"
"That's Tetris!" "How about this?"
"Kirby"
"This?"
"Underground!"
"Great! Now, prepare to be paper-cut!" The paper sheets of music attacked Luigi, but he sucked it up, then sucked up the ghost. Then he realized that she was a pretty huge nerd. Eventually, Luigi cleared out the laundry room. He looked for money in the washer, but found a red cap. Mario's
"I can't stand how he washes his hat in the washer. I prefer mine to be brought to a dry cleaners, cleaned without water, frozen in a -30 degree cooler to kill the bacteria, washed with anti lice and dandruff soap, of course without water, recolored, stitched, wrapped in plastic, checked for stains, removed it if necessary, retouched, and sterilized." He put the hat in his pocket. He made his way into two twins' room. The two ghosts got way too close to him.
"Hey, mister! We were wondering if you wanted to play a game of guitar hero with us!"
"Okay! I love that game!" The twins turned on the xbox 360. Luigi always liked it better on the Wii. The twins both played expert on "Toy Boy". The blue one was base, the red one was lead, and Luigi was vocals. The song started out fine. Luigi was nailing some wicked high notes. He was a good singer. However, midway through the song, the blue twin started failing, followed by the red one. The song was failed.
"You made us loose, mister!" The blue one whined.
"No! You guys did!"
"Let's get him!" The twins started attacking Luigi, but they failed and got sucked up. Lights came on and Luigi opened the chest.
"You found Mario's guitar Hero Guitar! It's still got a wii remote in it!" In a birdhouse outside of the mansion, he found a letter from Mario. 'Luigi! I lost my guitar hero guitar! And got kidnapped by ghosts! If you don't save me, you won't get that $20 I owe you!'
"Oh man. Now I really need to find him! I want that $20!" Suddenly, Luigi heard a noise from the bottom of the well nearby.
"Hey! Hee! Doofda daafda!" Luigi climbed down and saw a room with Mario in a painting. Strangely, he had his hat on, and his glove, which Luigi had also discovered. Then, he decided,
"why go through this whole mansion when I can just break into this room?" Suddenly, a purple ghost hung down and tried to hit Luigi with a bomb that it regurgitated, but it missed and blasted through the wall. Luigi skipped into the golden room.
"Haha." King boo came in. "Feel my bowser wrath!" He jumped into the painting, which turned into Bowser and sucked him up. It brought him to the roof. Bowser threw a ball at him. He threw it at Bowser, but he was just a robot. King boo flew helplessly and got sucked right up.
Elvin put the ghost through the painting machine. Then he got Mario.
"Get me out of this painting!"
"Okay, eat this!"
"I don't follow." Luigi flipped a switch and Mario went a reverse through the machine. Back as a solid, he flew through the air and landed on the ground. Luigi used the money he found to buy a new, class A mansion. He had it built the way he had in his drawing. "You're short twenty bucks." The construction worker said. Luigi glared at Mario.
"Oh, fine!" Mario gave the guy twenty dollars.
"GUITAR HERO PARRRRRRRTYYYYYY" Luigi ran into his new mansion, and Mario skipped along with him.
The End!