Sorry for being a day late, I wanted to actually post this on the 18th, but life happens :) Anyway this is written as if Prussia was writing in his journal.
Hetalia/Prussia does not belong to me!
Today is January 18th, and guess what! Today is my BIRTHDAY! Man, now that I think about it, I am old! But that is beside the point and I won't think about that! Anyway, I hung out with Francis and Antonio last night and into the afternoon today, haha. We mainly just talked about the "good old days". I don't know why they insist on bringing up my past, particularly on this day. It kind of bothers me. Francis got to the point of bringing up…Fritz...I almost punched him! Heck, Gilbird was even pissed off; pretty sure he was bleeping Francis out for some time since he would not shut up! But right after that remark I knew he regretted it for he gave me an apologetic face. I forgave him, but I left. Something inside me started to break.
Came home to a surprise though! Hungary and Austria (much to my amusement) came over. And of course my dear little brother baked me a cake, since we all know he loves baking hehehe. Best part of it was that it was the shape of an Iron Cross! It was a white cake, with white frosting on the sides as well as outlining the top. Chocolate frosting filled the middle. I wish there was some way I could frame food…the cake means so much to me, as strange as that is. OH! I could take a picture of it! Frame it; put it on my wall and BAM! I got a cake on my wall and I don't care what people think, hahaha. Hmmm, it will be a good reminder that someone cares. I remember when I gave Luddy his iron cross. Ever since then he has never parted from it. Makes me feel special that I am important to him. He is one of the few people I grew close to, actually the only other person would have been my Old Fritz…damn…No wonder why I hate relationships, and refuse to get close…GAH! WHY!? All day has been filled with smiles, laughs, cheers, hugs, and some mini fights. Memories were reminisced upon, many of which were terribly missed, and others we rather forget. I enjoyed my time with my…..friends. But now, at the end of the day, when the moon casts crazy shadows throughout the house, I feel sick and pissed off with the world. Why the hell, am I here! Every year all nations have birthdays, but it is a celebration for everyone else! They have survived, their people are still thriving. What do I have to celebrate? I have no people, no nation. I have power over NOTHING! Every year I have this same damn conversation with myself on this date. I feel like I am living through my funeral each year. All I have are memories, all I am is a memory, I have no future. I have absolute ZIP to celebrate about. The only thing I am proud of is…my little brother. There are still Prussians out there, at least partly, is that why I am still alive? But what happens when they disappear? What would happen if I disappeared? Would anyone care? Maybe my brother, but I'd be one less thing to worry about in his life and everyone else's life for the matter. Heck, here I am eating my cake with Gilbird, my once awesome flag hanging next to me, and me toasting to myself in my basement, with only an hour of this day left. I always said I wanted to be alone, that being alone was cool. I guess the real reason behind that is…I did not want the pain of saying goodbye when my time came. But my time has not yet come, and some days, like today, I wish it did.
Who am I? I have asked this question ever since that dreadful day in 1947. What is wrong with me! I can barely see this stupid page because of…..tears….. This day always seems to end with pools under my eyes, streams running down my face, and my heart shattered into tiny pieces. I have nothing, I am nothing. Do I have a purpose anymore? Why am I even here?
I guess this is just another "happy" birthday to a lonely me.