Hi, my name is Alternative, but call me A.
I was an orphan at Wammys Orphanage for the gifted in England until a few weeks ago until I finally snapped and lost whatever shreds of sanity I had left. Looking back I guess had people who cared about me and probably could've helped me if I was more open about my problems.. But I think that maybe I let it get to far and towards the end, nothing could've helped me.
What happened? ...well, I committed suicide.
I know, I know, cowardly, and selfish, but I was never a strong person, not like B.
B was my... well, you might call him my boyfriend. To be honest, I was never sure what we were, but we were more than friends, but it was never anything official, y'know? More like.. friends with benefits.. hm, it was more than that.. He scared me sometimes, he could be really intimidating when he felt like it.. but I think I really did love him, but whether he loved me or not, is something I will probably never know. He acted like he did, he said he did, but he never helped me...
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
What I'm here to tell you, is the reason I ended everything. Or reasons.
Contrary to popular belief, being dead is very boring. I can see what people are doing, but I can't contact them. I can't even watch it like a TV show or movie because I can't hear at times, it's like watching a movie with bad speakers. I'm really writing this as a way to cure my boredom.. and to ease the guilt.
People seem to think it was the pressure of being number one in L's program, and that was part of it, but not all of it. That was a small part to a bigger picture. In fact, that's not even a big part of it.
B assumed immediately after my death that it was L's fault. As a matter of fact, I think even L assumed that the pressure his program put me under was the reason I took my own life, that was kind of disappointing.. I'd hoped he'd be able to see past that, he struck me as the type to look behind the obvious... But, I suppose I was wrong about him.
There is always more to things like this than people think there is, and to be honest, I find it very annoying.
It's not clear cut, even I don't know the whole story, but I'll do the best I can to tell you everything.
I'll tell you everything up until I finally decided it was time for the end.