This was inspired by those of you who created previous rulebooks, hope you don't mind but this is a slightly different take on it. The indented points are additional comments made by recruits, unfortunately I couldn't figure out how to keep the various texts. As always, I don't own any of the characters, not making any money, etc.

First Avengers fic. Please read and review.

Unofficial (Mandatory) Handbook for S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruits

To be read and memorized by all recruits.

1. If Tony Stark asks to "borrow you for a minute", find somewhere else to be- fast. Scratch that, with the exception of Captain Rogers, if any of the Avengers ask to borrow you, sprint- don't run- in the opposite direction.

- Even Rogers isn't 100% safe

2. Don't piss off Agent Romanoff; if she doesn't maim or kill you, Agent Barton will.

- …or just use you as manual propulsion for his moving targets when he tests his new explosive arrow heads

- that rule applies if you reverse the names too

3. Don't touch, look at, be in the vicinity of, breath on or even think about Mjolnir… Thor will know.

- Just ask Agent Martin- he didn't get that white streak in his hair naturally

- Same goes for Agent Barton's bow

- And Captain Rogers' shield

- And Stark's suit

- We get the point

4. Do NOT leave Thor or Captain Rogers alone with a microwave; it won't end well.

- Dunno, the blue lightning ball that one made was pretty cool

- Yeah, but Fury threatened to stop replacing them

5. Don't take bets when Agents Romanoff and Barton spar against each other; you will become their next practice dummy.

- …or just don't let them see you

- you're kidding right, those two see everything

6. Never take the last box of Coco Puffs; Dr. Banner will "Hulk out" and you will be putting the ship back together by yourself.

- Same goes for the Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

7. Do not discuss your one night stand or friend with benefits in front of Captain Rogers. He will turn an amazing shade of red then subject you to an hour long rant on the immorality of today's society before falling into a week long depression.

- Be prepared to have "really bad luck" during that week

8. Don't try to reprogram JARVIS; it won't work.

- And either Stark or that damn AI will figure out it was you

- I had cold showers for a month

9. Ladies, do not try to flirt with Captain Rogers or Agent Barton. Rogers will just think you're being nice and Agent Romanoff will kill you in your sleep.

- Thor and Stark are off limits too; Pepper and Jane may look petite, but they are the girlfriends of Avengers after all

- Be afraid, be very afraid

- Guys feel free to flirt with Agent Romanoff, just be prepared for the rest of the Avengers to laugh their asses off at you

-fin?