Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bleach

Chapter 1

Haunted

It's been another month and everything is still going smoothly. If the Soul Society did find out about me visiting Sosuke, they never said anything. I guess they could tell I healed Momo and I truly cared for some of the Gotei 13 members. I think I'm beginning to come around about the Gotei 13. They left me alone. They haven't even tried to prosecute Gin. They're slowly gaining my trust and I've even considered a meeting with the Head Captain about discussing Raina's powers and the possibility of her staying with Renji a couple days of the week. Unmei still thinks it's a bad idea, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should give the benefit of the doubt just this once. We've had a few misunderstanding that could have been handled differently, but now we know where the other stands and it's not exactly on opposite sides.

Raina is 5 months old now. She amazes me every day. When we lay her on the floor now, she can pull herself a little. She's not exactly crawling, but I feel she's getting very close. She's been stuck on certain sounds lately as well. All I hear is 'Ma ma ma ma ma ma.' She recognizes her own name now and will look at us when we call her name or say it in a conversation with others. Her strongest attachment is to me. She always will reach for me when I come in the room. It doesn't matter who has her. Renji plays a close second. She'll reach to him if he walks in the room when anyone else is holding her. But if I'm holding her, she's content and doesn't want anyone else to hold her. She's rather possessive of me. She sometimes cries when I leave the room. I feel so bad, but I'm starting to learn that I can't pick her up every time she wants me. She gives hugs and kiss now too. Her kisses are sloppy, but so sweet!

I'm 12 weeks pregnant now or 3 months, whichever way you want to look at it. I've been planning on setting up a dinner with my parent and grandparents this week, so I could tell them about it. I knew mother wouldn't be excited. I'd get the third degree from her. She's not exactly happy that I left Sosuke for Gin. She'll probably never forgive me for that. And now to find out that I'm having Gin's baby and that I 'cheated' on Sosuke with him when she was conceived, she'll have a hernia. This ought to be a very interesting dinner.

I met with Jordan, my agent, last month. I told her about what Shane had did to me and that leaving him was hard to do and that I had several problems after I left. She wanted me to speak out about the abuse and join some campaigns against domestic violence. She said it would help my career and along the way, I could help other girls stay out of situations like the one I was in. I agreed. I've gotten several jobs since then. I've been trying to work as much as I could before I started showing. I've even had some photo shoots with me and Raina. Everyone is crazy about her look, even though she's a baby. Her Asian looking face, red hair and green eyes make her very interesting for clients. She's even landed some jobs as well. I never thought my baby would turn into a child model, but it seems that way. I suppose it runs in the family. Jordan felt I should cut my hair and I'd even thought about that before, so I did. It now falls to my shoulders and is in layers. I also have bangs now. I think it makes me look edgier.

Ever since going to see Sosuke, I've been having these dreams about him. Most of the time it's about him succeeding in overthrowing the Soul King and he's now the new king, with me as his queen. It always takes place in this white palace. We do different things in each of the dreams, but the more upsetting ones are where I sleep with him. And he's not even forcing me to in the dream. I want it just as bad as he does. Those are the nights where I wake up in a cold sweat and refuse to go back to bed, afraid that I might have the dream again. I stay up and search in the book for what he may be doing to cause these dreams. Unmei and Gin think I'm crazy and that I'm just letting it get to me, but I don't. He has to be doing this. However he's doing it, it will be in the book. I've yet to find anything, but the book is so big that it's possible that I've overlooked something.

I was a home alone today. Nana had gone to one of her club meetings and wanted to take Raina with her. Everyone has wanted to see her and how much she's grown. I don't blame them, she's a beautiful child. Grandpa went to the country club and talked Gin into going with him, even though he wanted to stay home with me. Dad was going to be there and he also wanted Gin to meet some of his friends, since he's so entertaining. Gin used to talk about how popular I was. He's becoming quite popular himself. I like him to go with Grandpa and Dad. It gives him a chance to prove he's not what my mother goes and tell people he is.

Since I was home by myself, I decided that I would play my piano. I hadn't played in a while and I knew it would relax me. So I started playing My Skin by Natalie Merchant. It wasn't very long until I was singing along.

"Take a look at my body, look at my hands. There's so much here that I don't understand. Your face saving promises, whispered like prayers. I don't need them. Cause I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable. Well contempt loves the silence; it thrives in the dark with fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart. They say that promises sweeten the blow. But I don't need this. No, I don't need this. I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable. I'm a slow dying flower in the frost killing hour, the sweet turning sour and untouchable. Oh I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness. Oh, I need this. I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel sweet love of my life. Oh, I need this. Do you remember the way that you touched me before, all the trembling sweetness I loved and adored? Your face saving promises, whispered like prayers. I don't need them. I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness. Oh, I need this. I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel sweet love of my life. Oh, I need this. Well is it dark enough? Can you see me? Do you want me? Can you reach me? Or I'm leaving. Better shut your mouth and hold your breath. Kiss me now and catch your death. Oh, I mean this."

I heard clapping when I stopped playing, but I knew who it was. I sensed him when he walked in. His reiatsu was too familiar to miss, even though I had before.

"Well, that was a nice treat." Renji said standing in doorway.

"You're welcome." I said before getting up.

"Whoa, you look rough Kris."

"Gee, thanks. Just what I always like to hear."

"Sorry, it's just…when was the last time you slept?"

"I slept last night, just not the whole night."

"I'll rephrase the question then. When was the last you had a full nights rest?"

"I wish I could tell you it wasn't too long ago, but I haven't been sleeping well for a while."

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, it's nothing."

"You can tell me, Kris. We're friends, right?"

"Oh alright. I keep having dreams about Sosuke. They bother me. I don't want to dream about him or the stuff that happens in them."
"What do you mean the stuff that happens in them?"

"What do you think?"

"You sleep with him. Why can't you dream about sleeping with me?"

"I don't want to dream about sleeping with anyone, except Gin."

And I don't want to hear about you sleeping with anyone period. But I do. Hell, I have to witness it most of the time.

"Ok, I didn't need to hear that."

"Sorry."

"This isn't fair. Gin gets to have you in real life and Aizen gets you in your dreams. When do I get to?" He complained.

In your dreams? We all know that's what you fantasize about anyways, since you screwed up and can't have her anymore.

This conversation had gone on on the way to the kitchen. I had finished pouring me a drink. "Well you could have me now." I cocked my eyebrow and smirked.

"Seriously?" Renji was shocked.

"Of course." I hopped onto the island and crossed my legs provocatively. "Come get me." I said seductively.

He quickly shook the confusion and shock off. He walked up to where I was sitting and leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped him right before our lips touched.

"Just kidding." I whispered.

I thought Unmei was going to die laughing.

"Really?" He asked and backed up. "Really, Kristen? You've been hanging out with Gin too much. That was mean, you know that?"

"I do. Doesn't that just make you hate me and want to date other people?"

"Nice try. I don't want to date anyone else."

"You need to move on."

"You need to stop telling me that."

"Well, I want you to find someone. I want you to be happy." I jumped off the island.

"I don't want anyone else, Kristen. And if you want me to be happy, then be with me."

"You know that's not going to happen." I said as I walked to the living room.

"I don't, actually. Time will tell."

I just shook my head at the amount of hope he put in that we were soul mates.

"Why don't you just take a sleeping pill to help you sleep?" He asked.

"I can't. I'm…" I trailed off and realized that I still hadn't told him about Paizley.

"You're what? Is it because you're breastfeeding Raina?"

"Not exactly. Umm, you should sit down. I need to tell you something."

"This can't be good." He sat down on the couch and I sat beside him.

"I don't how you'll take this."

"Just tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

He was silent was a minute. "How far along?"

"12 weeks."

"That would mean…"

I finished his sentence. "That she was conceived while I was in Hueco Mundo."

"Got over me fast, didn't you?"

"It's not like that. It's…" I stopped.

"It's what?"

"I can't explain."

He stood up. "Is it Aizen's?"

"No. She's Gin's."

After a few seconds of standing there silently, he finally said "Okay."

"I'm sorry."

Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. Unmei said.

"Don't be. I did you wrong. If I hadn't, this wouldn't have happened. You have enough to worry about."

I stood up and put my hand on his shoulder, not exactly sure what to say.

He reached up and took my hand off his shoulder to hold it. "How about you lay down and I rub your back? Maybe the surge of energy will soothe you enough to put you asleep."

I was shocked. "What? I thought you'd take this differently."

"I love you, Kristen. Nothing will change that. I'll admit that it bothers me that you moved on that soon, but what can I do? It's too late now and there's no point in complaining about it or getting mad about it. You're already stressed put enough as it is. You need to relax. Stress is bad for the baby."

"You care about her and she's not even yours?"

"I care about you. She is yours, so in extension I care for her too."

I was pleasantly surprised by all this. I couldn't help but smile.

"So are you going to let me help you get some rest?" He asked.

"Sure."

We went upstairs and laid on the bed. He rubbed my back until I eventually fell asleep. Surprisingly, I slept peacefully. The doorbell woke me up. When I opened my eyes, I noticed I wasn't alone. Renji was asleep next to me. He had his arm around me. It was kind of awkward waking up next to him like that. I removed his arm gently, so as not to wake him and went downstairs to answer the door.

Gin would have loved to see that. Unmei teased.

"Oh shut up. It was nothing."

I answered the door and it was Miranda.

"I came to check on you. Have you told your parents yet?" She asked referring to the pregnancy as she came inside.

"No. I will soon though. I thought about doing it like last time, having them over for dinner and then telling them." I told her while we walked to the living room.

"That sounds like a plan, get them all well fed before telling. People are happy when they're full." She laughed, as did I. "Where is everybody?"

"Grandpa went to the club to meet dad and he talked Gin into going, although he would had much rather stayed here. And Nana went to a meeting of one of those organizations she's in. I can't remember which one though. Both our mothers are in it."

"Come to think it, mom mentioned something about that."

"How's the moving going?" I asked because she had decided to move into Shane's house. He had had it paid for and left it to his parents. They didn't know what to do with it. Miranda had been looking for a place and decided she would move in there. She thought it might make her feel closer to Shane since his passing.

"Great. I've almost gotten everything moved in now. Sometimes I swear I can hear Shane though."

"It's probably just your mind playing tricks on you."

"Probably. I just wish we knew what really happened to him. Like if he became a hollow or if he somehow managed to get to the Soul Society."

"We'll probably never know. The Soul Society is a big place and so is Hueco Mundo. It's best just to move on." I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, I probably should. I just have this hope that maybe one day he'll become a Soul Reaper where I can see him again."

I didn't know what to say. I guess that could happen, but I didn't want it to. I really didn't want to have to put up with him again. I knew I would if that ever happened. Just my luck, he wouldn't give up on me even in death.

"So speaking of hollows, where has Grimmjow been?" Miranda asked.

"He left."

Flashback

"Thanks." He said as he stepped out of his gigai. I had used Raina's powers to get him out. "You can give this back to Urahara. I won't be needing it where I'm going."

"Where are you going?"

"Back to Hueco Mundo, where I belong."

"You don't have to go."

"I do. You don't want me the way I want you, so what's the point of staying around? You can't keep me like some pet, Kristen. Arrancar's aren't pets. So I'm leaving."

"But I…"

He cut me off. "No, I'm not letting you speak. If I do, you'll talk me into staying. You're a spoiled little girl, Kristen, the poster child of this life. You can't have your cake and eat it too. That's not the way it works. I can't give you what you want. What I have to give isn't enough for you, so I'm gone." He opened a Garganta.

I didn't exactly know what to say. Part of me wanted to scream fine and walk away, but the other part had something else to say. "Will I see you again?"

"Who knows?" He walked into the Garganta and it closed.

End Flashback

"Wow, I didn't see that coming."

"Yeah. I don't really want to talk about it. Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure, what you got?"

I laughed. "A whole bunch of stuff, come on." I motioned and we went to the kitchen.

"Kristen?"

"Yeah?" I said opening the fridge.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Being such a good friend. I mean, you got up in the middle of the night to talk to me when I was upset about Shane's death. You would even come over and talk with me. You're pregnant and had just gotten finished fighting a war, but you were still there for me. Even though he did those bad things to you, you said nice things about him to me. It takes a great friend to do that for someone, but you're more than a friend. You're more like the sister I never had." Her eyes started to water.

"Aww, don't cry. You're going to make me cry."

"I can't help it. I've been a little emotional lately."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her for a hug, trying to fight back my tears. Suddenly, my eyes shut and I had a premonition. When I opened them, a smile crossed my face. "Oh my God!"

"What?" She pulled away from the hug.

"I think I know why you've been emotional."

"Why?"

"You're pregnant!"

Her mouth dropped. "Really? I thought I might be, but I wasn't sure. I'd been too busy to even worry about taking a pregnancy test. Maybe I shouldn't have been that way though."

"It's ok! We're pregnant together! You're going to be a mommy!" I gave her another hug.

"I should make a doctor's appointment."

"You should tell Lee."

"Yeah. Wow, it didn't feel so real before, but now it does. I hope I'm a good mom."

"You'll be great."

"I don't believe this. I'm having a baby." She smiled. "But who do I tell everyone..it..belongs to?"

"She."

"What?"

"She, you're having a girl."

"A girl? I wanted a girl! I love your premonition power." She hugged me tightly.

"Loosen your grip." I barely got out.

She withdrew from the hug. "Sorry."

"Just tell everyone Lee donated to a sperm bank or something." I laughed and so did she.

"Well, that might work. I could tell everyone that I knew he donated to one and I went to that place to get artificially inseminated with his sperm."

"Because you knew he planned on marrying you, but died too soon and you still wanted to have his baby."

"Yes! I mean, it totally sounds like something he would do. His sister is a lesbian. Her and her girlfriend went to a sperm bank to have kids. He supports stuff like that. And you don't have to remain anonymous when you donate, so I can say that's how I know it's his."

"And that way his parents can have a grandchild."

She smiled. "I should go and get all this straightened out then, shouldn't I?"

"You should."

"Let me know when you tell your family and if you need me or anything."

"Ok, I will and congratulations!"

"Thanks!" She then left.

I went upstairs when she left. Renji was still asleep on my bed. I sat on the edge of the bed and shook up him a little.

"Renji, wake up." I said.

He opened his eyes and rubbed them. "Oh, did I fall asleep?" He asked, sitting up. "I guess rubbing your back put me to sleep too." He laughed slightly.

"Yeah. So can you do me a favor?" I smiled sweetly.

He smiled. "What is it?"

"Could you possibly arrange for Lee to come down here soon, so he can see Miranda?"

"I'll see what I can do, why?"

"She pregnant!"

"There must be something in water here. Everyone's getting pregnant."

I laughed.

"I was hoping to get to see Raina today, but it's not looking like I will." He said getting off the bed.

"I don't know when Nana is going to be back with her."

"I suppose I should get going then. I have paperwork to do." He sighed. "I enjoyed spending time with you though."

"Yeah. Thanks for helping me get to sleep."

"No problem. Anytime." He flashed me a smile and then left.

I went downstairs to watch TV. I hadn't been there long with Nana walked in with Raina. Of course Raina reached for me as soon as she saw me. I took her.

"So how was the meeting?" I asked.

"It was good. Everyone couldn't believe how much Raina had grown. They thought she was absolutely gorgeous."

I smiled. "Sure they did. That's something no one can deny about her." I held her up. "Isn't it, sweetheart? You're the prettiest little girl ever." I made a silly face at her and she laughed.

Nana smiled. "We're having dinner at your parents house tomorrow."

"Really?"

That would be my chance to tell everyone about Paizley.

"Yes, you're father is being nominated for business man of the year. The committee that picks the winner is coming over for dinner to meet the family. They do that with all the nominees."

"Oh."

Well, I guess I won't be telling them tomorrow after all.

"What's wrong, hunny? I thought you'd be more excited than that. This will be a big honor if your father gets it."

"I am excited for him. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Still haven't been sleeping well?"

"No, not really. Although I did get a pretty good nap in today."

"Maybe you should see a doctor about that. Sleep is important you know."

"Yes, Nana, I know sleep is important."

"No need to be ill about it."

"I'm sorry. I guess that's from the lack of sleep. I'll get better on my own, though."

"I hope so."

"I miss Gin too. He's been gone just about all day."

"They should be home soon. I called your grandpa when I was leaving the meeting. I asked him to pick up the dry cleaning. They were about to leave."

"Good, it's getting dark." Raina rubbed her eyes. "My little one is sleepy. I'm going to go feed her and put her to bed."

"She doesn't normally go to bed this early, but she did have an exciting day."

"That she did. I know she missed her mommy though. She's holding on to me for dear life."

We both laughed and then I went upstairs with Raina. I rocked her while I feed her. She looked at me with her beautiful green eyes and made me feel like it everything was going to be fine. She made me believe that the Aizen dreams would stop and my mother wouldn't make such a big deal about me being pregnant with Gin's child. She always had a way of making me feel better. All she had to do was look at me and I was ok.

She fell asleep while I was feeding her, so I had to put her in her pajamas while she was sleeping. I had her laid on the changing table in her diaper when Gin walked in.

"Hey dere." He said in a low voice.

"Hey you."

"She already fell asleep?"

"Yeah. She had a big day." I said as I put her pants on.

"Need any help?"

"You can put on her shirt if you want." I handed it to him and he put it on her gently, trying not to wake her up. I loved seeing him with her. It was precious. Even though he was nervous, I could just tell him was going to be a good dad. It was obvious with the way he was with Raina. "You can lay her in the crib if you want."

"A'right." He laid her down gently and kissed her on the forehead.

I grabbed the monitor and we went to our bedroom.

"So did you have a good day?" I asked.

"It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Yer dad's being nominated for some award."

"I heard about that. When Nana said we were having dinner over there, I thought it would be the perfect time to tell them about Paizley. But then she said than committee who picks the winner was going to be there and it crushed my plan."

"You can still tell."

"Yeah, that ought to go over real well with my mother."

"Who cares? It's time ya stood up ta her. Stop letting her push ya around."

"Maybe you're right." I wrapped my arms around him.

"I am." He stroked my hair.

"I missed you today."

"Is dat right?" He pulled me away from him and placed his hands on my hips. "Why don't ya show me how much?" He grinned.

I smiled softly and he pulled me in for a kiss.

Tomorrow was finally going to be the day I told everyone about Paizley and the day I would stand up to my mother. I wasn't going to take this from her anymore. Gin was right. I had to make her stop treating me the way she did and I would.

Author's note: Hope you guys like the first chapter! Happy Holidays and don't forget to review!