She can't have done it on purpose, Meredith thought they were great together, she said so herself.
After getting back to her apartment Kate realised that Meredith was right. It may have taken a while and lead to much heartache but Kate had shared everything with Castle. He had broken down her walls; her deepest feelings, childhood and stood by her side during the saga of her Mother's murder investigation. That trust in him hadn't been returned. Surely he had personal secrets and mysteries for someone to solve. Why did he become a writer? The walk on the beach and the little boy he told her about that time on Halloween was a lie. How does he feel about never knowing his father? Why was he kicked out of so many schools?
Kate wants to know this from him. To feel closer to him. Know why he thinks the way he does.
In a way she feels hurt and angry that he has allowed her to be so close to him but not the other way around. She was never meant to be hurt again. Her walls after all were for protection, strongly build since her mother's murder and effective until he showed up 5 years ago. How on earth did he manage to tear them down.
Wound up and frustrated Kate calls it a night and heads to bed. She has the day off tomorrow which gives her the perfect opportunity to tackle this.
Taking a moment to sit in her car outside his apartment Kate realises she doesn't know exactly how she will approach this. She had rung him that morning so he knows she's coming but not where the visit will lead. Castle had mentioned that Alexis headed back to College that Martha had gone off to so play at the theater. That would make it easier, knowing that one the two of them are in the apartment.
She knocks on the door and waits. Why is she so nervous? I mean they're in a relationship, it is only natural that she wants, needs to know all of him.
"Kate, hey, come in," Castle says while standing to the side inviting her in.
Kate gets halfway to the couch when she turns around and before he even has the chance to close the door exclaims "I don't know anything about you".
Wow. Seriously Kate. That was the best you could think of to start this? You are a Detective. You interrogate murder suspects for a living. This should not be this difficult...or weird. But he only chuckles to himself and walks close to her. Castle can sense the frustration in her tone, "aey, what do you want to kn..."
But Kate cut him off, "no not things, well yes things, but not just that. It's just you know so much about me. You write whole novels based on me. I feel that I should know those intimate details about you too. Come on, can we just sit down and talk." Kate is surprised at how frantic she sounds but happy and relieved that Castle seems to know where she is coming from.
They sat side by side on the couch, facing each other. Kate giggles slightly and brushes one finger playfully over his nose. "I know that you have a taste for good coffee, she places a quick kiss to his lips, have a fun and playful personality, followed by another kiss, got kicked out of several schools and have a tendency to steal police..."
"borrow." Castle immediately corrects.
"Right, right. But I wanna know more." Her tone turns serious but caring. "So...your writing, why did you start. Not the novels but just experimenting," Kate said as a hand soothed up Castle thigh. Kate could tell he was becoming nervous. She is beginning to realise there is a lot more depth to him than she ever would have thought.
"Well, as you know I grew up without a Father, so to me as a child he could have been anything I wanted. I mean for all I know he was an Astronaut. That excited me, I would wonder; create stories in my head about me and him. I remember this one time, I was maybe 6 or 7, I sat in the living room playing with army toys. I had set up a little village and there were two hero action figures, me and my Dad who had to save the village from the evil people. Of course I commentated the whole thing and about 10 or so minutes of playing my Mum walked in. I can still remember the kind of hurt look on her face."
Kate is glad he is opening up to her and trusts her enough to do so. She suddenly feels guilty that she has been so wrapped up in her own problems and hurt to notice his. All she can do is try and help him now. "Did you and Martha ever talk about it?"
"No, no never. But he could live with me in a way through my imagination. It carved me into the person I am today. I created my Father the way I create the characters for my novels, gave him personality quirks, a backstory and talents. That's what I think got me started with writing. That escape from the real world and the ability that has to change people's lives."
Castle's eyes gleamed, not from pain or loss but from the intimacy of being able to share this with her. He has never told anyone this before.
Kate leans against his chest and curls her legs over Castle's thighs then rests her head by his neck savouring the closeness and showing understanding and encouraging him to continue without saying anything.
"My mum worked hard while I was young. Being an only child I made my own fun. She gave my the best opportunities she could, attempted building herself a career and gave me many...some interesting to say the least...Father figure over the years. When I got to high school I found it hard to make friends. Everyone else seemed to come from such different background to me; two parents, most of which were Businessmen, Lawyers, Politicians or Doctors. I had to work to where I got, but I wouldn't change any of it."
Kate has been listening and has understood Castle so much more now, the way he thinks, why he does what he does and his interactions with people. She looks up at him and whispers "I love you" before engaging in a long kiss.