Author's note: Written for the Mentalist Big Bang on LJ. A huge thank you to my artist aprilvolition and to my wonderful beta tromana.

I'll Stand By You

"Jane."

He kept on staring into space, ignoring her gentle hand resting on his forearm. It was way past midnight, and the quiet of the CBI attic was almost scary after the long rambling day they'd just had.

It was the day that they had seen Red John's downfall.

Lisbon couldn't quite believe that the nightmare was finally over. Nothing had gone the way that either of them had planned, but she didn't regret it in the least. Not when Jane's life had been the one at stake. It had been the most natural thing for her to do; to step in and come to his rescue, exactly like she'd done so many times before. She could remember the time when he'd been trapped inside a dark basement with the serial killer's best friend, on one of the first Red John cases they'd dealt with together. Jane had actually been the one who'd ended up saving her life that time, shooting Hardy before she and Maya got shot in turn. But that didn't seem to matter right now.

Just a few hours ago, he'd watched in horror as his longtime foe bled to death at his own feet. Then he had turned on his heels and walked away without a single word, leaving her and her team to deal with the aftermath of the shootout. Lisbon had headed straight back to the CBI headquarters as soon as they'd allowed her to, only to find him sitting on his makeshift bed in a sort of catatonic state. She could see his eyes brimming with unshed tears, while his whole body was shivering from belated shock.

"Go ahead and say it, Jane. I guess I deserve it."

These words had his gaze turn to her at long last. "What should I say?"

"That I didn't stand by my own principles. I killed Red John after urging you not to do the same."

He shrugged. "Our drive was quite different anyway."

It looked as if he was carefully avoiding any confrontation; yet he was far from feeling as calm as he pretended to be, and she was perfectly aware of it.

"You don't have to hold back on my account, Jane. I know you're angry at me for taking away your last chance at revenge."

"What am I supposed to do? Yell at you?"

"If that will make you feel any better, then yes. Do it."

"Don't think so. It wouldn't change the fact that Red John didn't die at my hands."

"He's dead anyway."

All of a sudden he clenched his fists and stood up. "Go away, Lisbon. Don't make me want to…"

"Hurt me?" she countered as she got up as well. "I've been hurt by people who I care about before. I'm used to it."

That was the final straw. He sunk to his knees and started sobbing helplessly.

"I… should've killed myself a long time ago. I wouldn't have harmed as many people then."

She kneeled beside him and wrapped him into a hug. "Don't even say that."

"It's true."

"Jane."

Her arms tightened around him in spite of his resistance. "Talk to me. I promise you'll feel better when you've said it out loud."

He paused, as if suddenly scared of admitting what he truly felt about this whole thing.

"I've already seen your darkest side, Patrick. And I'm still here. I won't run anywhere."

She felt him finally surrender to her embrace. He nestled his head on her shoulder and took in a shaky breath.

"When… when I found them… on that bed…"

"Your wife and daughter?"

"Yeah."

Lisbon could feel his heart hammering against his chest. "It's okay, Jane. I'm right here with you."

"They were cold and limp… and there was so much blood everywhere…"

"I'm sorry."

"It was my fault, Teresa. I'd been the one who killed them. If I had kept my mouth shut, if I hadn't let my ego get the better of me…"

She grabbed his shoulders. "Slander isn't enough crime for someone taking an innocent life."

"I shouldn't have been playing with fire."

"Everybody makes mistakes, Jane, and most of the time they manage to get away with it."

"I wish I'd died instead. I was the one at fault; they didn't do anything. My beautiful Angela and Charlotte…"

His chest was now racking with sobs. She ran her hands soothingly along his back.

"It's okay if you feel like crying, Patrick. Don't hold back."

So he did cry. His tears soaked her blazer, but she didn't stop holding him.

"Killing Red John was the only thing I could do for them." Jane whispered at last. "Do you understand, Lisbon?"

"They wouldn't have wanted you to, just like I didn't."

"You weren't supposed to take care of me. I've never deserved it. And I just couldn't afford…"

"What?"

"Losing another woman I loved. One was more than enough."

Silence fell as the implication of his statement slowly sunk in. Yes, he'd mentioned his supposed love for her before; but she'd been only too happy to accept his later explanation about not remembering anything about it.

Now, the time had finally come for them to face the proverbial elephant in the room.

And it didn't matter that her common sense went on saying that anything of this kind between them would surely turn into disaster. Right now she simply didn't mind.

Slowly she shifted and forced him to look at her. Then, she reached a tentative hand and grazed her fingertips on his light stubble. He gulped softly as his breath hitched in his throat. When Lisbon leaned forward and brushed her lips at the corner of his mouth, he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

"I hated you," he finally confessed. "I shouldn't have fallen for you. You distracted me from my goal, tried to turn me into a better man."

"I don't recall that I've ever managed to do that."

"You have no idea how you made it difficult for me."

"Hmm."

She found herself completely unable to stop exploring the softness of his lips. Jane sighed and finally deepened the kiss.

"I can't give you that much, Teresa."

"I don't care."

"Guess I'll still be having issues about Red John from time to time."

Lisbon almost chuckled at this. "You're allowed to scream your heart out whenever you feel the need. At least I won't see that crazy look in your eyes again."

He kissed her again, the taste of his own tears still lingering on his lips.

"I'm not sure I'll ever stop being in love with Angela either."

She placed her right hand firmly on his chest. "She was your wife. I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

"This is going to be complicated, you know."

"I'm sure we'll work it out somehow."

Jane leaned his forehead against hers and breathed in the subtle sweetness of her scent.

"You never give up, do you?"

"Hardly ever," she corrected him.

"Fine."

Her stubbornness was the trait he loved most about her anyway. He would make sure to tell her one day. For the time being, he just contented himself with enjoying the way his strong little Lisbon felt into his arms.