The alarm buzzed on the nightstand next to me. The sound was a welcome relief as I knew I could finally escape the sleepless night that I'd just been through. It was 6:30am and if I was going to make it into work on time on my first day back, I had to get a move on. I reluctantly swung my legs out of bed and sat up. Oh how I wished I could stay in bed for just a while longer. I looked over my shoulder at Christian sleeping soundlessly. He hardly gets enough rest as it is and I wasn't about to be the one to disturb him. As I stood I peeked into Phoebe's crib and admired the sweet, angelic face of my baby girl. She had brought so much happiness into mine and Christian's lives and I began to question as to whether I could really do this.

I padded silently into the bathroom as a yawn broke through my lips. I turned the light on, pushed the door too behind me and gazed into the mirror. What greeted me was a groggy looking, sleep deprived Ana who really didn't know if this was the right time to be contemplating her future at Grey Publishing. The dark circles surrounding my eyes mirrored my internal feeling of exhaustion that the sleepless night had left me feeling. Could I really do this? Was this the right time to go back to reality? Part of me answered yes saying this is the kick I needed and that I could be a successful working mother. Whilst the other part of me answered no and threw back thoughts of snuggling by the fire all day with baby Phoebe in my arms. Recently that is what I knew best, looking after my baby girl day in day out was what a yearned for and things were never boring with Teddy around. I smiled at the memories of having so much time to myself with my darling children.

As I continued to gaze into the mirror I heard a soft cooing coming from Phoebe's crib and in my haste the reach her I dragged a brush through my knotted hair to at least make some progress with my morning routine. As I walked into the bedroom I was greeted by my sex god of a husband soothing little Phoebe in his arms. The scene pleased me and I paused a moment to drink it in before continuing over to Christian who was now sat on the bed.

He looked up at me and his grey eyes met mine "Good morning beautiful" he said with a smile on his face.

I sat with him and snuggled close to get close to Phoebe also "You should be sleeping" I murmured, never taking my eyes off Phoebe, "You work such long hours, I could have seen to her."

A frown fell across my face as I wished I could have prevented his awakening. Soft lips then kissed the 'V' between my eyebrows and my frown disappeared. Christian lifted my face up to his and caressed my lips with a welcome and loving kiss. He drew back and looked meaningfully into my eyes.

"Don't you worry about me; I've got to look after the two most important ladies in my life." He said, Phoebe cooed and smiled in appreciation, "And you Mrs Grey have an important day ahead of you. So why don't you let me look after this little bundle of joy whilst you get ready?"

A smile spread across his lips and I knew he was longing for the chance for some quality time with his daughter.

"Okay" I agreed and smiled back at him.

I surprised Christian with a kiss that enveloped love and passion before giving Phoebe a peck on the cheek and making my way back to the bathroom. As I reached the door I paused and looked back into the bedroom, once again admiring the scene that played out before me.

"I love you Christian" I called back and he returned the sentiment immediately, "I love you too Mrs Grey"

This time as I looked into the mirror feelings of confidence and joy filled me and I smiled to myself knowing that I could this. More importantly I felt ready to do this.

I began with a hot shower hoping that it could energize me and replace the hours of missed sleep from the night before. The cascading water was warm and welcoming and helped to eradicate my nerves and fears about returning to Grey Publishing. I wasn't too sure as to why I was so nervous; I mean the business was mine for Christ sake but I knew that today would be a tough adjustment day but it was also something that I had to do sooner or later.

After my shower I wrapped myself in a towel and began to tame the knots that had formed in my long brown hair. I then blow dried, styled and restyled it until I was content and then moved to the walk-in wardrobe to pick out something to wear. It then dawned on me that I wasn't sure as to what impression I wanted to make on my first day back. The strong, confident mother who was finding the return to work a breeze? I was confident, but not that confident. But on the other hand I didn't want to turn up and face my employees looking like I'd returned too early and didn't know how to handle it all. I settled for a plain navy blue dress that fell just short of my knees and matched it with my favourite silver pendant necklace that Christian had bought me on our anniversary trip to Paris and some simple navy 4" heels. I finished the look off with some light make-up and I was done. I looked into the full length mirror that was on the back of the walk-in wardrobe door and ensured that this was what I would be comfortable in, both physically and mentally. I quickly concluded it was and made my way back into the bedroom where Phoebe was back in her crib whilst, I assumed, Christian was downstairs grabbing some food.

I lifted Phoebe out of her crib and into my arms and took a seat in the rocking chair in the corner of our room. As I stared down into her beautiful eyes I became sad as all my fears and worries about leaving her flooded back through me. She had never been a day without me until now. Of course she had been held and looked after by many different members of the family by doubt still filled the pit in my stomach as to whether she would be okay without me. My brain told me that she would be fine with Gail whilst Christian and myself were at work, Gail had done it once before with Teddy. However, this didn't help to resolve my worries.

At that moment Christian returned into the room and walked over to me and Phoebe. He must have sensed my sadness as he promptly knelt before me and looked seriously into my eyes.

"Are you okay baby?" he asked, the tone of his voice mirroring the concern on his face.

A thought for a second and replied, "I guess so, I just don't know how I feel about leaving Phoebe for the first time. I've been worrying all morning as to whether she will be okay without me and I don't know if I can actually bring myself to leave her." Christian listened carefully and contemplated my words.

"Ana, honey, Phoebe will be just fine here with Gail, you know that really otherwise you would have never gone back to work after having Teddy," he replied softly "And you're going to be brilliant and fit right back in at work and it will be as if you never left." A genuine smile spread across his face and I slowly smiled back as I drank I his words.

Before I could reply, he continued "You're the most amazing person I have ever met Ana and I sincerely know that you will be okay. I love you so much and if there is any point today that you want to talk just ring me, and I mean at any time at all."

He rose swiftly and carefully leaned over Phoebe, who was now resting contently in my arms, to then caress my cheek and give me a passionate kiss, "I believe in you baby" he said cheerfully.

I looked down once more at my precious daughter in my arms and then looked back at Christian.

"I love you. Thank you so much, you're perfect." I said and I smiled to myself as it hit me for the first time that I could actually do this.