Sorry for the mistakes, but this is the unbeta'd version. Will post the beta'd one as soon as I get it. Hope you all like this one-shot! :)
Of Doors and Eyes
Clark sighed as he looked at his raised hand, poised to knock on the door in front of him. The door that at that exact moment, was the only barrier between them. But truth be told, Clark knew, admittedly for the last three months or so, that said door WAS probably the easiest obstacle that he has to hurdle.
Earlier at the Daily Planet, Clark just came back from the archive room when he saw Lois talking with the new Sports writer, Brian. Apparently, Lois found out that her car battery and the starter system was gone, probably stolen by some hooligan. She was trying to hitch a ride back to Smallville, because the car repair shop owner had told her that she would have to leave the car there, for the parts needed were not readily available, and Brian happened to be from Smallville.
Clark tried to ignore the disappointment creeping inside him. Again. Ever since…
He had been Lois' go-to-guy before. She even relished in the fact that Clark, though usually whining, would still comply with Lois' requests, however outlandish they may be. But it all stopped. And he noticed it immediately. She hadn't badgered him for coffee. She hadn't stolen maple donuts from him. She hadn't asked him to make copies for her. She hadn't bullied him to pick up her weekly purchase of underwear from the corner store. Ever since he was late in picking her up when she got back from Star City.
But now was the chance to do something for her, even if she was not asking. Another thread of disappointment arose, when he realized that Lois had waited for him to be gone from the bullpen, and that she hadn't counted on him returning so soon, before asking Brian for the ride. He had interrupted their conversation and volunteered him and his truck, and luckily enough, Brian readily agreed: he has a date that night.
Lois could not back down, not in front of Brian, and soon enough they were on his truck on a ride back to Smallville. Clark tried to make small talk, hell, he even tried taunting her, but Lois was always curt with her answers, not once looking at him. He gave up when they passed the Smallville welcome sign.
He parked the truck at the Talon's back entrance and after saying a quick thank you, Lois went down the vehicle and headed to the door.
He waited, and waited, and waited. But it didn't happen. Lois unlocked the back door and closed it soon after, without a look back.
And that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The reason he was standing now in front of her apartment door above the Talon. Whenever Clark gave Lois a ride home, she would open the door, stay there, looking at him with a grin, while he backed up towards the main street, before finally disappearing from view. Always. Until tonight.
Finally, Clark admitted he craved, needed, that one simple act from Lois, that act that said 'take care.' Not seeing that… Clark shook his head, dread filling him, and it was enough boost for him to put his knuckle on the door and knock.
"Just a sec." Lois shouted from behind the door, and soon enough, the door opened with a flourish and Lois appeared in front of him, an empty look on her face once she realized it was him. "Did I forget something in your truck?"
"Uhm." Clark stuttered, his hands digging into his pockets. "No."
Silence. Complete, unadulterated silence.
"Well," Lois started slowly. "I'm kinda busy right now. So, if you don't mind."
Door closed.
And Clark did nothing. He just stood there, not really knowing what to do, not really knowing what to say. Looking at the door, he willed himself not to use his x-ray vision, just to check if she really was busy. Besides, he would never invade her privacy like that. But just like that, door closed in his face, not even a goodbye. It once again propelled him to step forward and knocked again, with more force this time.
This time, as if Lois knew who was behind the knocks, asked "Who is it?"
"Me." Clark replied.
"I told you, I'm busy."
"We need to talk." Clark pressed further.
"About what?" Lois shouted from inside.
"A lot of things." Clark answered.
"I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm busy."
"Come on Lois, open the door."
Silence from the other side, and then a faint whisper, which he was sure he wouldn't catch if not for his super hearing. "No."
"You don't want to open the door, fine." Clark took a deep breath and surged ahead. "But we're going to talk anyway."
Another quiet reply. "Talk your mouth off, then."
"I know you're mad at me Lois, for not picking you up at the airport when you came back from Star City, but believe me when I tell you that I have a very good reason for my tardiness. It's just… I can't tell you yet."
A snort. And a name. "Lana."
Clark's forehead creased, carefully choosing his next words so Lois would not realize that he could hear her. "We fight all the time. We bicker a lot. But I'd rather you fight me and bicker with me than give me this cold shoulder treatment. I know I deserve it, but three months?"
A quiet sentiment. "Stupid farmboy."
That comment seemed to snap him, and Clark could not contain the words anymore. "Come on, Lois. We can't be like this forever. We work together, our tables opposite each other. You can't keep ignoring me."
A phrase uttered between gritted teeth. "Yes I can."
"God, Lois," Clark said, finally putting into words what his heart has been telling him all along. "I miss you."
Clark closed his eyes, ready for the outrage that was soon to come from Lois, and he would welcome it, with open arms and a smile on his face. Her anger, he could take, but her indifference? It was eating him alive.
But he was surprised when he heard footsteps from the inside, just stopping at the other side of the door. What was more surprising was the absence of anger but the presence of quiet pain in her voice.
"When you miss someone, you have to care. I am not asking you to put me above everything and everyone else. But after everything that we've been through, I would have thought that I was somehow a priority of yours. But I never was. Not when I was in Star City, not when you're going to pick me up at the airport." A pregnant pause. "Definitely not during Chloe's wedding."
Receding footsteps. Clark looked at the door, this time swallowing his earlier conviction of not invading her privacy and activated his x-ray vision.
Lois. On the couch. A tub of ice cream. Rocky Road.
And it hit him: this vulnerable Lois surfaced because of him, and he can't help the twisting of his heart with that realization.
It has been three weeks since he and Lois had been on the opposite sides of a door, her apartment's, to be exact, and now he found himself again in the same situation, this time on an abandoned warehouse just near the outskirts of Metropolis.
But nothing has really changed, ever since the day Clark talked to a door. Lois went on with ignoring him, only talking to him unless completely necessary. And he didn't like it. Not one bit.
It was again by chance when Clark had overheard Lois talking to Jeff, handing him a piece of paper, telling him that if she was not back in one hour, to send the police to the address she had written there. Jeff nodded, eagerly wanting to please the magnificent Ms. Lane.
Clark knew Lois had a penchant for danger, and this was no exception. Casually walking over to Jeff, he purposely bumped him, catching a glance at the paper he was holding.
And so he went in pursuit of the intrepid reporter. He had followed her from a distance, super speed coming in handy whenever he thought Lois felt that someone was tailing her. But he would not let up, not when he felt that something was wrong with the whole situation.
Arriving at the target address, Clark had scanned the warehouse, and found a gagged woman tied to a chair, whom he recognized as the secretary of a Metropolis council member. However, the woman was not alone: there were five armed men hiding in strategic places, ready to pounce at whoever would come to the rescue.
Clark did not waste time. He approached Lois, who was surprised and angry at his presence, and they fought in hushed tones, until Clark could not take any longer, he clamped a hand on Lois' mouth and dragged her to a what looked like a storage room and locked her there, tying the door handles with a steel bar strewn around, promising that he would call the police and that she was safer in there.
After dialing 911, he went into Red Blue Blur mode as he took care of the thugs and then saved the secretary. He was just placing her safely outside the warehouse when he heard the police sirens approaching.
And now the time came. The time for Clark to open the door and feel the wrath of one Lois Lane. Taking one deep breath, he untwisted the bar and slowly opened the door.
Catching sight of Lois turning around to face him, their eyes met, and Clark was floored. She was breathtaking. From the top of her dark tresses to the toes of her high heeled shoes. And he tried to savor the moment, this was the first in a long time that Lois had looked at him, REALLY looked at him.
Lois expelled a breath, and walked briskly towards him. Clark braced himself for Hurricane Lois, but none came. She simply walked by past him and went straight further inside the warehouse.
"Lois." Clark started.
But Lois seemed not to hear anything. "Mandy?" she called out loud.
Clark watched as Lois looked around, until she caught sight of the secretary, talking with the police, through a window.
Lois broke into a run and headed to the exit, and Clark could not do anything but follow her.
"Mandy!" Lois shouted. Mandy, the secretary, diverted her attention and saw Lois running towards her. The secretary met her halfway and was enveloped in a big hug by Lois.
Clark watched from afar, and he can't help but "hear" the conversation between the two.
"I'm so sorry, Lois. I didn't mean to put you in this situation." Mandy said in between sobs. "They made me do it, Lois. They had a gun against my head."
"Shhh." Lois said, cradling Mandy's head in her shoulder. "Everything's alright now. I'm not hurt, you're not hurt, and that bastard Burke will be behind bars after this stunt."
Clark immediately realized that this was the story Lois was poring over for the past few weeks, about a corrupt council member who had ties with Intergang. It seemed that Mandy had been her source and therefore, put Mandy and in turn Lois, in danger.
"I knew that you'd come." Mandy said. "I knew that wherever you are, the Red Blue Blur is not far behind. He saved me. He saved us."
Lois let out a chuckle. "I seriously doubt that. But yes, the Red Blue Blur is one amazing guy who wouldn't hesitate to save anyone. He has a heart of gold, to save all of us without asking for anything in return."
Clark felt the heat rising up his cheeks, feeling light and heady at the comments Lois made. Now, if only she would say the exact same thing about Clark Kent…
Clark broke out of his reverie. Of course she was talking about you! You and the Red Blue Blur are one and the same. He rolled his eyes. Now he was talking with himself as if the Red Blue Blur was a completely different person. Shaking his head, he again focused on Lois and Mandy, who were now saying their goodbyes as Mandy returned to the police interviewing her and she made her way to the police's partner.
He still watched her from afar, not really knowing how to approach her. He waited patiently while Lois interviewed some people and when he deduced that she was done, he walked over to where she was standing, still writing notes in her pad.
"Lois, I'm glad you're OK." Clark started.
"Yeah." Lois said, head still bent over the pad.
"You know that I had to lock you in there." Clark reasoned, but it seemed like his efforts would be futile: Lois still hadn't stopped writing in her pad.
"If I hadn't, you would be walking in an ambush. And just for a story." Clark said.
That seemed to snap what thin thread Lois was probably holding. Blazing eyes stared back at him, and again he welcomed the look, even if it was an angry one, as long as she looked at him. Inwardly, he sighed, he was turning into a masochist.
"Just a story?" Lois asked, incredulous. "It is not just a story. This is about justice, Clark. This is me helping the people of Metropolis in my own way. So no Clark, this is not just a story." Turning on her heel, she walked away from him.
But Clark did not let go. He started walking beside her. "I get it, Lois. But it is not worth risking your life. Apparently, you were walking in an ambush—"
"I know what I'm doing, Clark. I can take care of myself. Besides, the Red Blue Blur would be probably there to save me, and I blame you for not getting a quote from him." Lois interrupted, still walking briskly.
Clark has had enough and grabbed her arm to halt her. Lois glared at the hand in her arm, telling him silently to let go, but Clark would not budge. "What if the Red Blue Blur was a second too late? What if he wasn't there to save you? What if—"
"Be thankful that your head is not on my chopping block for getting in the way of my story, so let me go now!"
And like a volcano, Clark erupted. "I can't lose you, Lois!" seeing a stunned Lois, Clark continued. "The only thing I'm looking forward to everyday is seeing you, even if you want nothing to do with me."
Lois remained still, and Clark became nervous at her silence, at the nothingness reflected in her eyes. Slowly, Lois lifted her hand and placed it over his hand on her arm, and carefully pried it from her. After one deep breath, she turned around, and walked away from him.
And she left him there standing, looking at her retreating back, his heart beating furiously, as he fully accepted the guilt of taking her for granted and failing to recognize what was right in front of him the whole time. Knowing he had lost his chance with her, a chance that only recently he realized that he wanted so badly. And probably for the first time in his life, he felt hollow: hollow because of one Lois Lane who unwittingly held his heart all along.
He was back. Why? He was not sure, only that he knew Lois deserved the truth from him. Taking a page from Lois' book of guts and nerve, he knocked on the apartment door above the Talon and waited for Lois to answer.
Seconds felt agonizingly like hours, and Lois finally opened the door, a stoic look on her face.
They stood there in silence, one waiting for the other to speak first. Clark looked at Lois, willing her to look at him. Her hand dangerously still holding the door, Clark knew he had to take the plunge before the door closes in on him.
"I'm sorry, for everything." Clark said rather briskly.
Lois just nodded, her eyes still averted, and sighed. "It's OK, Clark. I may have overreacted a while ago. Maybe you were right, it is just a story."
Clark saw that Lois took a small step backward, and then realized that he had unknowingly put a foot forward. He pursed his lips, hurt filling him as he felt Lois' aversion to him. Stepping back once more, Clark looked at Lois' profile, each line and curve stamped on his eidetic memory.
Knowing there was no turning back, Clark took a deep breath. "No, Lois. It is not just a story. It's Lois Lane's fight. I know I shouldn't have interfered like that, but just the thought of something bad happening to you," he paused and breathed deeply once more. "I don't know how to describe it."
Lois looked up, eyes empty of any emotion. Still, she did not say anything.
"And that's not the only thing I'm sorry for. I'm sorry for taking you for granted. You are such a good friend that in my mind I know that you are always there for me. I never thought that you would leave, because I know you care for me, just as I care about you."
"But now I know that I have lost that, that care. I have lost a good friend."
"They say the eyes are the window to one's soul. That completely applies to you, Lois, because now I don't see what I saw before all those times you look at me. I know because I want to see it again, I need to see it again. And the last time I saw it was during Chloe's wedding."
"I was a fool Lois. I was a complete and utter fool. You have every right to be mad at me. I completely understand. I only have myself to blame for that."
"And I'm here to make amends. Because I can't bear to not have you in my life. Because I love you, Lois. Honest to goodness in love with you. And with everything I have done I know that you do not return those feelings, not anymore, but I'll have to live with it, live with my mistakes. I'd rather have you in my life as a friend, than not be in my life at all. Call me a masochist, loving you without asking for anything in return, but maybe someday I can bring back that love you felt for me, but I will not force you. I will never force you."
Clark stopped, searching her eyes, trying to find at least the acceptance in them. Nothing. He closed his eyes, trying to fight the tears threatening to spill. He composed himself, and opened his eyes. "I guess this is my cue to leave. Thank you, for at least listening to me and not closing the door."
Clark quickly turned around, going down the steps in a hurry, to block out the pain that was consuming him, until he was stopped in his tracks when he heard his name called.
"I guess I really do have a good poker face."
Clark looked up, Lois at the top of the stairs, her smile blinding him. Not hesitating any moment, Clark went up the stairs, taking two steps at a time and reaching her, enveloped her in his arms and kissed her as if it was the last kiss they were going to share.
Tasting salt, Clark pulled back and cupped Lois' face with both hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears falling from those brilliant hazel eyes. And he saw it, that unmistakable look of love, and the boundless joy he felt at that realization.
"I love you Lois, and this lifetime would not be enough in showing you how much." Clark said in between kisses, showering her face with soft dabs of his lips.
"I love you Clark. Promise me, that you will never let me feel that again. It was hell, Clark, hell I tell you." Lois said comically, but Clark knew that within those words was the fragile heart worthy to be taken care of.
"Never again, Lois. I promise."
Their lips met once again, and it was a time before they pulled apart. It was Lois who spoke first, her hands playing with the hair at his nape. "You think we should take this inside? We need to talk about a lot of things." She said.
Clark smiled and nodded. "Yes, we do."
Lois, taking his hand in hers, pulled him inside her apartment, but Clark stopped, just pausing in the doorway. Lois looked at him quizzically, she tugged at him, but Clark held firm.
"There is one thing I'd like to clear." Clark started. "You are always my priority. I think Mandy put it rather clearly earlier: wherever you are, the Red Blue Blur is not far behind."
Clark watched the range of emotions crossing Lois' face: from confusion, to realization, to surprise, to elation. Clark smiled as Lois jumped on him, her legs wrapping around his hips as she latched her mouth to his, feeling the love and gratitude enveloping them, knowing there was now nothing in between them.
Lois pulled back, and framing his face, laid one tender kiss on his lips. "I always wished he was you. Deep inside, I have hoped that he was you."
"You're not mad?" Clark asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"You saved me all those times, Clark. Why would I be mad?" Lois said, her smile almost splitting her face in two.
And Clark felt the same about his smile. "Better take this inside?"
Lois just nodded, but she did not let go, and Clark did not want it any other way. Walking forward, her legs still wrapped around him, Clark finally stepped inside her apartment and grabbing the edge of the door, he closed it softly, reveling in the love he shared with the one and only Lois Lane.