A/N: Yeah, its a Springer parody. It was just a stupid little plot bunny. And the bunnies, of course, I am powerless to resist.
Today on Faller…
Jerry Faller walked out from back stage and out into the crowd to start shaking their hands while the music played the start of his show. And what a show it was going to be. It would not be soon forgotten by the audience and by those watching at home. Surely this would wind up in his "To Smokin' for Tube!" DVD.
"Our first guest today," Jerry said, starting his show, "says she used to be a high school cheerleader, and now she can't get enough of the ladies, having slept with pretty much every former cheerleader in the Tri-City area. Please welcome Mrs. Bonnie Rockwaller-Senior"
The camera man turned his and the camera's attention to Faller's first guest, who was already on the dull red stage with Jerry's signature in red behind it on a brick wall. The theory was that the dull red would hide the blood better after it dried. Oh, there was lots of bloodshed on Faller's show.
Bonnie, wearing her junior cheerleader outfit (at the request of Faller. Thank God it still fit.), hand her arms crossed across her chest and was looking up at Jerry. She couldn't remember why she had called to be on his show, but now, here she was. Then it came to her, she wanted to tell her husband what exactly she had been doing on her trips to Middleton and the rest of the Tri-City area.
"Well Jerry," Bonnie began, "let me tell you that when I first went back to Middleton, I bumped into Tara."
And right as she was saying her last name, the boom mic operator accidentally turned down the volume, but quickly adjusted it before anything else was lost.
"…and we started talking. Suddenly we just hit it off, and we found ourselves at a strip club. Well, one thing led to another and we wound up having sex. After that I've been hooked on girls."
Jerry, who had made his way up a quarter of the stairs in the audience pool, turned and looked at Bonnie. "Do you still love your husband?" He asked her.
"Of course I do, but I feel like I should tell him about what I've been doing," Bonnie replied.
"Well, then, lets bring out your husband, Senor Senior Junior!"
Junior walked out of the back stage area for the guests and made his way onto the stage. He was very confused on why he was there. "What has happened? Has the world finally realized my ability to become a huge teen pop sensation?" And then he saw Bonnie, and rushed over to her.
She jumped out of her seat and collapsed into his arms, sharing a very passionate kiss between them. Then they both sank down into their seats. Neither of them even realized a seat had been provided for Junior. She reached out and took his hand and looked deep into his eyes. "Sweetie, there is something I have to tell you. I've…I've been sleeping with several women."
Junior shrunk back He was visibly shocked by the news that he had just received. Steeling up his courage, he swallowed hard and looked at his wife. "Just, how many women have you been sleeping with?"
Bonnie looked away, still holding onto Junior's hand. "Pretty much every former cheerleader in the Tri-City area…" she confessed.
"And how did this all start?" Junior asked.
"Well, remember when I went to Middleton to do some Shopping at Club Banana, and how I told you about running into Tara at the mall?"
"Oh no!" Junior exclaimed. "Not the little blonde one! She seemed so innocent!"
Jerry, who was now standing in front of the audience with his back to them, looked down at the pink cards in front of him, having picked up his cue. "Well then, lets bring out Tara!"
Tara, also wearing her junior year cheerleaders outfit, came out and was greeted with the same kiss that Bonnie had just given Junior before she told him. The two then sat down in their chairs, one for Tara having mysteriously appeared next to Bonnie.
"Well, Junior, what do you think of this?" Jerry asked his, so far, only male guest.
"Mr. Faller. I am visibly shocked by what I have just been told. I think…I think I will someday have to put it into a song and sing it on my first CD on my way to becoming a teen pop sensation."
"Bonnie," Jerry said, turning his attention back to the brunette former cheerleader, "cheerleaders aren't all you've been seeing on the side, is it?"
Bonnie shook her head. "No Jerry, its not. I've…also been sleeping with some of the football players."
Junior's eyes grew wide as he turned and looked to his wife, not even expecting this. As if the cheerleaders weren't bad enough, she was sleeping with one of the, if not more, football players from her high school.
"Well, we've got one of the football players now. Lets bring out Brick Flagg!" Jerry exclaimed, calling for Brick to come out of the backstage area.
Brick was half-way to the stage when Junior got up and ran up to him, slugging him dead in the mouth. Brick, who was stunned, took about half a second to gather himself before returning the favor. Two more seconds and they were all over each other. During the fight, the crowed started chanting "FALLER FALLER FALLER!"
Sven, the show's head security guard and a giant of a man, rushed up to the stage and shoved the two apart. They still kept trying to attack each other, but after they realized it was pointless, the to sat back down into their chairs. Yet another one had mysteriously appeared for Brick on the other side of Tara.
"Brick, tell us how you and Bonnie met up after she started her many trips to Middleton." Jerry said, hoping to milk the current guests for all they were worth.
"Well, it first happened on a Tuesday. Funny story about it…" And that was all Brick was able to get out before Junior had jumped from his seat and was attacking Brick again. The dull red carpet on the stage was making its usefulness very, very clear.
Once again, Sven jumped up from his spot and separated the two, forcing them back down into their chairs.
"Okay, that's enough of that. Lets take some questions from the audience. You sir, you had your hand up first." Jerry said before walking over to Ned.
Ned, wearing his Bueno Nacho uniform, stood up and spoke into the mic that Jerry had put in front of his face, "Yeah, uh, Bonnie, could you and Tara kiss again?"
Tara and Bonnie leaned towards each other and put on a very passionate kiss in front of the audience before them. If anyone looked close enough, they would have seen Bonnie and Tara's tongues forcing themselves down each others throats.
After the kiss was broken due to lack of oxygen, a roaring chant came from the crowd in the form of "SHOW YOUR BOOBS! SHOW YOUR BOOBS!" Tara and Bonnie were only to happy to oblige, lifting up their tops and letting their girls hang free in clear view of the world. However, everything was extremely pixilated, not that the guys in the crowd cared.
Jerry walked over to Monique, who stood up and spoke into the mic, "Girl, you sure have got some twisted views on what love is. Didn't your momma ever PYFYOG?"
Jerry looked at Monique with a face that just screamed confusion.
"Punish you for your own good," Monique clarified.
Bonnie rolled her eyes and spoke to Monique directly, "Of course not, my mom never laid a hand on me out of punishment! But Tara spanks me when I call her 'Mommy' and I've been a bad girl." This was greeted with several cheers from almost every male audience member.
Jerry walked over to a chair set up for him. Behind the chair was a sign that said "Final Insight."
"Folks, today we've learned that the sexual exploits of those that think love us can only come back to haunt us unless you've got a clear and open message of what they are saying. Be good to each other, and yourselves."
Before the closing credits began to roll, a voice over with the Faller number started speaking. "Are you a villainess in love with a hero or heroin? Then call Faller!"
Shego started to reach for the phone and then shook her head. "Nah," she said and leaned back into the couch, and started flipping through the channels again.
A/N: I know, I know, it sucks. I'll probably have to look into flame resistant clothes before this is over and done with.