Up on the moon, Lord Zedd was hatching a diabolical scheme. Again. For the 12th day in a row now.
"Goldar! I finally have a foolproof plan! Three days ago, I sent a monster to destroy the Power Rangers! It got blown up. The day before yesterday, I sent another monster to destroy the Power Rangers! It was also blown up. Yesterday, I sent yet another monster to destroy the Power Rangers! It was kicked around, hacked to bits, and then got blown up. But today, I will send the LAST thing the rangers expect… a FOURTH monster! HAHAHA! My plan is foolproof!"
"You cannot fail, your evilness!" Goldar shouted, raising his sword. Secretly, he thought "Oh God, yet another monster sent to an early grave. Why do we keep doing this?"
Back on the planet earth…
The power rangers had just gotten out of high school, despite appearing as adults who were way too old to still be there. They went to Ernie's juice bar and youth center.
Jason, Trini, Zack, Billy, Kimberly, and Tommy were there. The first three still hadn't left the show. Each one was dressed in his or her own color; red, yellow, black, blue, pink, and white respectively. They also seemed to know that their adventures were all a show. This didn't bother them in the least.
"Alright you guys, think positive. Little kids watch this show, so let's have no bad words and no excessive violence." Zack told the group.
"He's right, man" Jason told Tommy. "We've got to cut out the bad words, like 'kill', 'die', and any word stronger than 'dang' or 'curses.' "
"Dang! Alright. I can't say 'let's k-word that monster which 'k-word'-ed all those people." the white ranger replied.
"Well, actually, despite showing many buildings blowing up, somehow, no one really d-… er… gets sent to another dimension because of our zord battles." Billy interjected.
"That's amazing! How is it that no one gets hurt?" Trini asked.
"As it turns out, all our battles happen in the abandoned warehouse district. Nothing worth anything is destroyed there." Billy told her.
"But, what about all those skyscrapers the monsters keep blowing up? Don't those have people in them?" Kimberly inquired.
"Well… those are empty too." Billy responded.
Just then, a tuba began playing comical music.
"Oh no. You know what that sound means…. Bulk and Skull are about to enter the room." Jason told the group, rolling his eyes. And with that, the two bumblers indeed walked into the juice bar. They were wearing sandwich board signs for what must have been another crazy scheme to learn the identities of the power rangers.
"Everyone listen up!" Bulk shouted. "The biggest story of the century is about to unfold right here in Angel Grove! We are on the verge of discovering the secret identities of… the POWER RANGERS!"
"Yeah! The Power Rangers!" Skull added.
"So guys, what's up with the sandwich boards? How's that gonna help you?"
"Ah, Tommy. These aren't just any sandwich boards. Skull! Show him what we got!"
"Yeah, Bulk!" and with that, they held up the signs to the lights, making them shine brightly.
"Ohhh, man! Why'd you get reflective signs for?!" Zack asked, annoyed at the glare.
"We'll use these signs to signal the Thunder Megazord! Monsters always seem to come after us, and when they do, we'll call in the Power Rangers for help!" Bulk proclaimed.
"Yeah!" Skull added.
Not quite believing this, the Power Rangers let out a collective laugh.
"You guys, that is the dumbest plan ever!" Kimberly told them.
"Seriously, the Power Rangers wouldn't tell you their identity even if you could signal them." Jason added.
"Yeah, and how would you know that?" Bulk inquired.
"'Cause the Power Rangers have better things to do than to give interviews to a bunch of guys who wear sandwich boards all day!" Zack exclaimed.
By now, the whole of Ernie's juice bar was laughing at the duo.
"Come on, Skull. I can see that this crowd doesn't have an eye for… superior talent."
"Yeah. Just you wait and see when we're in the newspapers! Who'll be laughing then?" Skull shouted, while leaving the youth center with his portly friend.
Back on the moon…
"Finally, Goldar! My daily plan is almost complete! I will use my magic staff to summon the most insidious of all monsters in all of creation!!"
"Here we go again" the golden warrior thought.
"I SUMMON… BABE RUTHLESS!!" Lord Zedd exclaimed as the white magic arced out of his "Z" staff and headed straight to earth, to strike an unsuspecting baseball, as it was hit out of Yankee stadium. This created a monster in midair, which quickly fell to earth and died, having fallen at a rate of over 90 miles an hour onto hard concrete.
Zedd, having seen this with his long-distance vision, was stunned for a moment, his hand raised in disbelief. The entire castle on the moon was silent as well, not knowing what to say or do. Squatt and Baboo were quiet, as was Goldar. Finster was away in his lab, not really having much to do now that Lord Zedd created monsters using his magic instead of having them made in a machine. That was so last season…
"Alright… let's try that again!" Zedd shouted, looking at a baseball in a sporting goods store in Angel Grove. "Aha! There's a good one! BABE RUTHLESS, ARISE!!"
"Wasn't there a Babe Ruthless on the show?" Squatt asked Baboo.
"Yeah, there was one, but reusing old costumes is a Saban tradition." Baboo replied.
On earth, the innocent baseball turned into a monster made out of rubber. Between his stupid name and less-than-baseball like appearance, this brownish monster with a red baseball cap and fangs was rather odd. Just one of the perils of transforming an Asian TV series into an American one…
"Now Babe Ruthless, attack and destroy everything in sight! And don't mess up like the last 57 or so monsters!"
"58 at my last count" Goldar added.
"WHAT did you say?!" Lord Zedd yelled, turning red.
"Uh… nothing, your evilness! I was just… busy sucking up to you and acting like I have far less power than in the first season!"
"Good! It's going to stay that way, you here?! Now, on with the mayhem. HAHAHA!!"
Back at the command center…
"Ay yi yi! Zordon! Lord Zedd has-"
"Sent another monster to attack?" Zordon replied to Alpha Five, looking quite bored.
"YES, Zordon! His name is-"
"Babe Ruthless. Terrifying baseball monster. On his way to attack the abandoned warehouse district right now."
"YES, Zordon! How will we ever-"
"Call the rangers Alpha. And while your at it, get me these things on my grocery list." And with that, a paper printed out of a computer at the command center. Taking the paper from the console, Alpha Five read it.
"Let's see… we need bread, milk, cereal, nuts, glass polish… Zordon?! Do we really need-"
"Yes Alpha, we do."
"But… you are stuck in that glass chamber! Or in another dimension! It's never been made clear! In any case, why would an interdimensional floating head need a keg of beer?!"
"It's almost New Years, Alpha. You can't have New Years without some kind of alcohol!"
"But… what about the children, Zordon! What about the ratings?! And the angry letters from parents, and-"
"Look Alpha, I've got two problems right now. The first involves stopping an ill-conceived baseball monster sent by a man on the moon who has his musculature on the outside. The other problem involves getting some booze for a party. Surely you can handle at least one of those, Alpha." Zordon replied, mad.
"I… I… alright. I'll call the rangers." the robot replied, defeated.
"Tell them to morph and teleport to the abandoned warehouse district, then, after about seven minutes, to call in the Zords after Lord Zedd almost invariably throws down a bomb which somehow makes his monsters grow. Then, tell them to add music, fighting, and various special effects. This should bring in enough money for Saban to run another season, and if we are lucky, enough beer money to afford something better than Bud Light."
Stunned by this, Alpha nevertheless complied. "I'll get right on it Zordon."
Back at the youth center…
"beep-beep be-beep-be-beep!" the communicators went off. Somehow, no one else heard them or thought it at all suspicious that a group of teens wore the same kind of unusual watch which beeped just before the appearance of the Power Rangers in Angel Grove. The rangers themselves left the tables at the youth center's juice bar and met in the conveniently empty hallway. Jason was the first to answer. "We read you Zordon." he replied.
"Power Rangers! Ay yi yi yi yi! Babe Ruthless is attacking Angel Grove! Putties have been found swarming all over! Goldar might make an appearance, and I can't afford any beer better than Bud Light! Zordon's gonna kill me if I don't-!"
The floating head interjected, cutting Alpha off.
"Rangers, teleport to the usual place, usual routine. This monster is a baseball monster. I need you to use the power of teamwork to… oh heck with it. Hit it until Zedd makes it grow, then blow it up. Zordon out."
"Alright rangers, It's Morphin' Time!" Jason shouted.
End of Chapter one. To be continued…