A Reason To Live

by TheBeautyInTheDarkness

It was hard to regain my breath as I watched the sunset once more alone behind a window, hiding myself from the world before he takes over again. He would make me a monster again soon, just how many more days do I have till everything was over and I could be freed from his existence? I am a chained bird to my own demons. Suicidal themes, Shizuo X Izaya. Emotional.

1. Prologue

Prologue:

The sound of his fan was unsettling amongst the silence. He wailed lightly as his breath became more labored, it was another one of these nights. Where he could not stop the tears that streamed down his face and his sobs were so strong they did not make a sound. Another night of utter pain, his chest constricting violently and his will to live shortening as the nights' passed.

Tomorrow morning, he will wake and he will see that same terrible person that the world sees. No one has ever noticed the pain behind his eyes, and no one will until the day he kills himself. That due date is his late form of reassurance that he has. He will slit his jugular artery on top of the tallest building of Ikebukuro, then he will finally be free. Everything he has built now will support his sisters secretly as it always has. His sisters hate him, but how could he hate the girls he raised? He has been funding their living and school expenses through scholarships and paying out the people that "care" for them. So they would never see hardship like the once he had to face when their parents died.

That night, he will finally confess to Shizuo and accept the rejection he is awaiting. He will also store Celty's head as Shinra requested away from her. He will use a portion to cover Shizuo's debt and pay off his apartment mortgage. It will be the least he could do for the years of suffering he has given him. But how could he not? Shizuo rejected him from the very beginning and attacked him.

At least now all the money he has rotting away will have some use.

Izaya wiped his face with a soft towel and took a big gulp of water. He was used to crying himself to sleep but despite that, it never got easier. He rose and walked out of his room and into the office. Opening a false bottom on one of his least used but most seen drawer he pulled out a small notebook. Within it was a few pieces of paper, they read:

To whom may ever read this,

I am aware most of you will be happy to see this, that I am gone out of your life.

But all I can do is apologize to the havoc I cause, it is the result of my own mental demons. I know there are no words that can repair any of the damage or even any of the pain I have caused, but if there is an afterlife, I am sure I will burn in the trophies of hell.

My life was nothing more than a nuisance, but thankfully for most of you, I am aware of that and will do you this favor of cleansing the world of my presence before he wakes once more.

Sincerely,

The real Orihara Izaya.