There were few words in all of the human languages to properly express how utterly pissed off our blond haired hero was at the moment. Unfortunately his vocabulary was kind of lacking. "FLAGEN NERGLFERSER!" which was why he was currently trying to make up new words with which to express how much rage he currently embodied. To say he was angry beyond reason would be like saying the sun was warm.
Ever since Danzo had become hokage in place of the comatose Tsunade things had gone down hill for everyone. Sure they had gotten rid of Akatsuki and Madara eventually. Though, taking out Madara had required Sasuke's help, something that elevated the bastard to hero status in Konoha despite still being a missing-nin. The problem came in when everyone's children had gotten through the academy and been Danzo's mindless pawns that then proceeded to eventually kill off their parents. This left a grand total of Naruto and Shikamaru as the only survivors of the 12. The non-clan ninja all left on missions never to return. And that brings us to why exactly Naruto was so utterly pissed off.
Despite everything they did for Sasuke the bastard had decided to pull an Orochimaru. He had taken over the defunct Otogakure and raised an army somehow. God knows he couldn't train a paper bag to get wet in a lake. He had then proceeded to invade Konoha…again. He had been significantly more successful than Orochimaru. The reason being was that he used Edo Tensai to bring back snakeface, the toade, Pein, the sandaime kazekage, and fucking Madara. In the end Naruto had managed to kill him. Everything would have been fine and dandy with this situation in Naruto's eyes if not for one small little insignificant thing. He was being given something equivalent to the death sentence for saving the village. It was only equivalent because it seemed that Naruto was just as hard to kill as Kyuubi was.
After nearly 8 months of constantly trying to kill him in ever more painful ways they had come up with a solution. It wasn't quite as good as the death reaper seal but nobody had the sealing skill to use such a technique other than Naruto who refused to train any of Danzo's little drones.
Their solution was to kidnap Shion and brainwash her. They figured that if she could seal a giant malevolent spirit then she would have little trouble sealing away Naruto. It had been mostly successful in fact, though the twinkle in Shion's eye had told him that she probably tried to do something completely different. The fact that he was staring at what appeared to be suspiciously like the wrong side of his own seal lead him to believe that she had ended up sealing him away anyways.
A monumental pit of ice formed in his stomach when he heard a colossal growl behind him. Turning to see the Kyuubi no Yoko of all things caused him to let out a whimper. Why couldn't he just rest in peace? No, that just wouldn't happen could it? He apparently had to fight the fucking the Kyuubi for all eternity or some such bullshit. Fucking fantastic. Things just kept getting better.
He knew what was coming. Even with his massive growth in power to the point that he practically had twice the chakra of kyuubi, it didn't matter much as it was simply unkillable. So he did the only thing he could think of at the moment. He started humming Yakety Sax as he ran away.
It felt like he had been running for months. He had grown bored with Yakety Sax eons ago and began humming random chase music. He did however come up with a plan. A crazy and quite possibly retarded plan but it was a plan so knowing Naruto, it would work no matter how completely insane. Or really the chances of success only increased with the insanity level of the plan. What was this plan you might ask? Why, he was going to seal himself in the Kyuubi and take over. Effectively he was doing the exact opposite of what the seal Minato designed does. In practice it was a whole hell of a lot more complicated however. Where the dead demon consuming seal was created to bolster the applicant's will this one would completely destroy or at the least, eject it. Normally this wouldn't work. In fact, the only reason it would work was because they were inside of a seal and none of this was "real" and he himself had more chakra than the fox.
He only got the idea when he was researching ways to improve his own seal. Back then he had stumbled on a record of an insane priest doing just this to an equally insane ichibi. Everyone had assumed that it didn't work because hey didn't really see any change in ichibi. He had gone over the seals and concluded that it had worked. Just that Shukaku had gone even more insane than before. The main problem with a seal of this nature was that it was large. VERY large. We aren't even talking building large. The seal, when complete, would be nearly twice the size of Konohagakure and that was using characters that were the size of a pin head. He sighed and decided to just get it over with and began running away in a complex pattern that Kyuubi only missed because it was succumbing to instincts. Something small and tasty was running away from it so it had to give chase.
After what felt like eons he had finally finished the seal array. It had turned out to be about three times the size of Konoha due to detours he had to make on account of Kyuubi being in the way along with miscalculations here and there. He only prayed that this would work. If it didn't then he was screwed. He was immensely lucky that Kyuubi never noticed the lines of glowing runes he left in his wake.
Carefully maneuvering himself and Kyuubi into the center of the array he prepared for the last part of the seal. For it to have any effect he would need to be occupying the exact same space as kyuubi. The only way he could see to do that was not pleasant in any shape or form. But he would do it anyways because he was tired of running all over this god forsaken place.
As soon as they reached the center of the array his steps faltered. Kyubi, capitalizing on his mistake snapped him up in its jaws almost immediately and swallowed. It sat down and luxuriated in finally catching that gnat that sealed it in his own child. It had a sinking feeling in its stomach though.
"Damned humans, their 'indomitable will' always giving me indigestion." it muttered to itself but that sinking feeling just continued to grow. Looking around it noticed something that it really should have earlier. The seal array was glowing like a small sun and it couldn't seem to move to get away. The little bastard had outsmarted it again. It wasn't all that scared though. It was already sealed. What more could be done to it?
As he felt his body dissolve Naruto came to a conclusion. He would, if at all possible, never get eaten again. This was something like the fifth time he had been swallowed by an immense creature. The first time being in the chunnin exams by that giant snake had seemed to set the tone for every time he encountered a new race of incredibly large animals. He had been in the stomach of every type of creature large enough to put him there without chewing. Granted the time with the toad was when Jiraiya had summoned the stomach around him but that was entirely beside the point. He knew, he just knew, that after he took over Kyuubi's body, he would find some creature large enough to eat it whole.
After his body completely dissolved he was kind of annoyed that his seal hadn't done its job yet. And then he felt it. If he still had lungs he would scream. He could feel the seal pulling and stretching his soul. Forming an intricate seal array inside of Kyuubi out of his very soul was much more painful than he thought it would be. Even that one time they had burned him alive hadn't hurt this much. He could easily see why Shukaku was a crazy as he was.
He couldn't quite place how long it had been since the seal had finished its work. He had been in indescribable pain and then he was looking at the bars of the seal. Intellectually he knew the seal had finished its work ages ago but he couldn't seem to remember what happened between then and now.
He sighed and decided to find out what he could do. He knew he could still use jutsu with this massive body and as soon as he figured a way out of this seal he was definitely going to get revenge on the entire damned village.
Experimentation had shown that he could only use jutsu he had mastered without handseals. He had found that while he was made of chakra, he couldn't use hand signs to mould chakra properly without having an actual chakra network. This limited him to shadow clones, his sexy jutsu, the wind blade and ransengan and its variants. The only reason he could use the sexy jutsu was because he had the absolutely wonderful idea of using it in conjunction with shadow clones to take the phrase "go fuck yourself" to the literal. Life was good until he started having dreams about being the girl. He was rather appalled when, after doing so for months, he had found that he retained the memories of his shadow clones. He still did it though. It was really his only chance of getting any kind of sex and enjoyed it just as much as a girl. He of course completely ignored the horrible mental scarring it caused much like he ignored all the other horrible mental scars from his life in Konoha. This gave him a method to have a human form at least, even if it could only be female. It differed from the normal transformation in that it was an actual transformation and it differed from other advanced transformations because you could transform into something smaller.
Moving over and observing the seal in closer detail he came to a rather disturbing conclusion. The seal he was looking at didn't just resemble the shiki fuin. It was the shiki fuin, something that could only be made by summoning the god of death which clearly didn't happen in his own sealing. Something strange was going on and he aimed to find out what.
Stretching his senses out he found something that disturbed him. He was sealed in a child. At least he assumed as much from the perspective he was seeing from. Said child was currently running for its life. A 'look' back showed that there was a mob of what appeared to be civilian sized chakra signatures following behind the child he was "imprisoned" in. He snorted at that. He could break just leave whenever he wanted but to kill his container was not something he wanted to do just yet. He was tired of fighting everyone to try to form relationships, fighting for respect he knew would never come, fighting for the simple pleasure of being able to sleep without a knife under his pillow. Granted, taking over the mind of one of the tailed beasts and being sealed like this wasn't exactly the ideal freedom he had wanted and that nagging pit of loneliness was still there but at least he could rest easily for a while. Perhaps he would even befriend his container. It looked like the child could use a friend or at least an ally.
AN: alright it isn't much but I have had this idea and another kicking around in my head for a while now. The idea behind it was a twist on the peggy sue concept that I simply haven't seen used. Naruto gets his soul shoved back in time and gets caught in the shiki fuin instead of joining up with his past incarnation. The thing I'm going for is sort of an Archer/Shirou dynamic without the desire for time paradox. It will primarily be told from Naruto/Kyuubi's perspective(or at least that is how I planned it anyways.)
About the clone sex reference; what the hell would you do if you could create incredibly attractive willing sex slaves at 12 years old? Also note that there is an entirely different reason for shadow clones being a forbidden jutsu in this fic. It not only is heavily chakra intensive but there is a very good chance of mental contamination. For instance, you create a clone to do your paperwork and you make it like doing paperwork. Every clone that dispels adds memories of enjoying doing paperwork which would then condition the user to want to do it more often and eventually grow to enjoy it themselves. Using this logic you could see how a Naruto, someone who didn't even notice a sudden influx of memories from popped clones, would be influenced by it. It may be little more than a drop of red dye in a swimming pool but it does add up.