p data-p-id="d4bc3327d5d7c3cf9f9592166687eda7"strongI can tell when someone doesn't like me. Imogen gives me that look almost every single day. She'll walk past me, glance back, and scowl. I don't care though. It's not my problem./strong/p
p data-p-id="f8401a05325aef0db6c00ee62a21d560"I'm new to this hell hole they call high school. I've been homeschooled for almost my whole life, so I'd say I'm fairly new to the public school scene. I did go to preschool and kindergarten, however, my mom pulled me from public school and took it in her stride to teach me all the basics that everyone else would be learning each grade level. She thought it would be best given the situation we were in. My name is Tamsin. Tamsin Phoebe Belle that is. I know. Three first names what was my mother thinking. To be completely honest, I have no idea. But my name isn't the icing at the top of the cake./p
p data-p-id="360b7d1893f105a5de476439f1a4f858"I did something. Something that'll haunt me for the rest of my life. When I was around six years old, I had a best friend. Jessamy Florence Shaw. Me and her were inseparable. We'd always have playdates every day, we'd carpool together, sit together, blah, blah, blah all that stupid kid stuff. Anyways, one day we were at my house having a sleepover, just the two of us. We were playing truth or dare. Mind you, we heard about this game from a couple of older kids. I dared her to hang out the window of my bedroom. My room was on the second story and the screen popped off easily. Mom was meaning to get it fixed, but she was always busy with work. She always told us to not open the window until it was fixed, but being the dumb little six-year-old I was, I didn't listen. Jessamy accepted the dare rather gracefully. I was at least expecting her to have second thoughts on the danger involved. She unlocked the sill and being a frail little girl managed to pull up the window within seconds. She climbed out feet first and latched onto the bottom edges of the sill and hung there. She was nervous, but the adrenaline rushing through her made it easy enough./p
p data-p-id="2e36aaac643562af2f754a5f1b26e917"I can still picture this moment vividly. I was standing by the window to make sure she didn't fall and suddenly this energy came over me. The only thing I could hear was slamming the window she'll be fine just close it close IT cloSE IT CLOSE IT. I suddenly hear Jessamy's screams of pain as I slam the window on her little fingers. She let's go of the edge and falls to the concrete ground below her. I see her little body in my head still as I look down to see her head bashed into against the hard ground. The blood seeping quickly through her wounds is glistening in the night. My mom was downstairs in the living room and hears the commotion. She bursts out the front door to see Jessamy's body lying motionless in the driveway. She yelps and rushes to her aide..., but it's too late. The bright, bubbly, young girl is dead. Mom runs back inside to call the police, then up the stairs, she stands in my bedroom doorway to see me sobbing, rocking back and forth in the corner of my room. My window open. She hurriedly comes to my side to comfort me. I explain to her what happened and she doesn't even seem mad, just relieved that I'm okay. But I can see the concern and worry in her eyes. She's told me multiple times to not open the window. I should've listened. Jessamy would still be alive and I would be normal. A normal little girl who wouldn't have had to go to therapy so early in her life. A little girl who wouldn't have been kept at a special psychiatric ward for children. A normal little girl who wouldn't have caused her mother's insomnia or light drinking problem. A normal little girl who would have friends who actually cared for her./p
p data-p-id="d1bf209e16fcefd6b609a308ba0cf8a8"I'm sorry for that really depressing flashback. I've been saying sorry my whole life for the stuff I've caused. But in the present, I'm sitting in my physics class, not listening nor understanding a word Ms. King is speaking to us on the topic of the Laws of Nature. Imogen sits directly next to me and I feel her tap on my shoulder./p
p data-p-id="8c1330291696daa051ef748e5467d33c""Hey Tamsin, do you understand how gravity works by any chance?" I ignore her attempt on a 'joke' and before she can say anything else, the bell rings. Thank god. I scurry out of the classroom quick enough so I don't catch Imogen and her perfectly perfect crew. Tarquin, my cousin who's a year older than me, but treats it as a big deal, is waiting in his 'new' Honda Civic to drive me home./p
p data-p-id="fbe3b68111e378ba5b23fc9ae5c01a66""Hey little cousin," he says jokingly and chuckles at his played out joke. "How's junior year treatin' ya so far?"/p
p data-p-id="62ed363ae4accad49b8e2c497a4e7282""It sucks as always." It's March now and he's still asking me how this year's going. Like it's gonna get any better./p
p data-p-id="2a788ce3b7003694ae8580f49108a2f1""Don't be a negative nancy, Tamsin."/p
p data-p-id="0739d911de0b006904918a3623fd242e""Negative Nancy? Really? I've been going to this hell long enough to know that being negative is the only way to go." I say knowing the years just get collectively worse and worse./p
p data-p-id="92836ee08d705d7ec7205cd484bc7f91""Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Yeah, high school sucks, but what about friends or extracurriculars, even sports?"/p
p data-p-id="18de5a88e0afed5341f36803fabcc83d""I think you know me well enough to know that I hate sports. I didn't sign up for any extracurriculars to avoid staying here longer than needed. Also friends? Hm, I wouldn't know what those are considering I've stopped being able to make those in third grade after the only friend I had had since kindergarten found out about Jessamy and totally kicked me to the curb." The thought of her body lying dead on my driveway still haunts my thoughts./p
p data-p-id="4e75dda220a3091b676169951a3fb423""Tamsin, I didn't mean to upset you. I- I know how much you hate remembering that mo-"./p
p data-p-id="a280510de51f594b8aa36f0e80a11c77""Just take me home." I collapse in the passenger seat and close the door with an aggressive force. He starts the car and pulls out of the school parking lot. We don't talk the rest of way home. I'm sat staring out of my window at the passing cars. The trees and houses have never looked so dull. I suddenly start to feel a pounding in my head. The pain gets worse and I'm trying to process what's going on. The sound getting louder and louder and I hear a voice that I haven't heard for the past nine years. Cry weep it's all your fault why did you do that she's suffering screaming aching suffering screaMING ACHING suffering sCREAMING ACHING SUFFERING SCREAMING ACHING. I burst into tears and the voice slowly fades away, leaving my head in my hands sobbing at the thought of Jessamy./p
p data-p-id="1e2c2748f1db95c2fd73828bea89a2eb""Tamsin, Tamsin! It's okay, you're fine," I feel Tarquin's arms around me as he tries to comfort me from my state of pain and grief. "I'm here. You're okay, you'll always have me. Just take a deep breath, everything is fine." I look up to see we're already parked at my house. I'm frozen in fear as I see Jessamy standing where she died. Her bloody corpse mangled from the incident. A wave of air brushes over me and suddenly I'm calm, I feel as if I'm floating. I'm... happy. Jessamy smiles at me from where she remains still and slowly disappears. There are tears on my face that I quickly wipe away. Tarquin stops hugging me./p
p data-p-id="365c8643cb7df5a1b18b9dc55d928f3d""Are you okay now? Do you need anything?" He has a genuinely concerned look on his face from what happened earlier./p
p data-p-id="d608148dd97cd64241c4b25326cf179d""Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you." I give him a quick hug and leave the car without giving him an explanation. I hurriedly walk up to my front door and ring the doorbell. I do a quick turn around to see Tarquin backing out of the driveway, meeting my glance with a look of worry. It's nice for him to care so much, but I'm fine./p
p data-p-id="25e70a4872c339a4efe6a41faa6a998c"I'm happier than I was earlier today. I know Jessamy forgives me for what I did. She didn't have to, but she chose to. She understands completely. She's heard it too. She's seen it. The physical form of the voice. His name is Balthazar. I once spoke to her in a dream, though it wasn't a dream. It was real. She was wearing a pretty royal blue dress that complimented her sparkling eyes perfectly. We sat in her room made especially for her liking at her new home. Her mom wasn't worried, she knew Jessamy was safe there. That's why she sent for Balthazar to bring her there. I'm glad she's having such a fun time. She says she's the happiest she's ever been and I should be too. I snap out of my thoughts as my mom opens the door and greets me./p
p data-p-id="728248210bcd0d0e8dedbe07299daf1f""Hi sweetie, how was your day?" My mother says sweetly, though a little bit tipsy. She's wearing the black pumps that she's owned for almost three years now. It's like her feet don't grow, she's been a size nine for as long as I can remember. She also has on her matching skirt and coat set that she only reserves for important office meetings. Considering her state, from what I can see, this wasn't a good one./p
p data-p-id="ba8e01705a92a10630382adc60d1c878""Hey mom, my day was good," I lie. I haven't talked truthfully about how my day was for five years. "How was yours? Any important business meeting?" She frowns at the mention of work. Rookie move on my part./p
p data-p-id="e5880dc1b746d2e77d26b486852dcd8c""You know I really don't want to discuss that right now." She's getting defensive at this point. "Let's talk about you, what made your day so good?" She's never asked me that before. What do I even say?/p
p data-p-id="ac1a4662a5910e344d34e96beb744be0""Uh...well I got my trigonometry test grade back. I passed with flying colors." Another lie, I bombed that test hard./p
p data-p-id="22a61dbd1a82c40df7854939fd786bbf""Congrats honey, that's amazing! A job well done. I knew I raised a smart child." There's some falseness in that statement, me and her both know it. "I'm ordering some pizza from Marco's, you want any?" Pizza usually means mom's too drunk to drive or even cook./p
p data-p-id="ecc9343d6c812af7a510051b9e116c6a""Sure, I'll just take a cheese."/p
p data-p-id="4ccc3de93ccd149726079d4d2b3a173d""On it." She grabs her phone and dials in the number. I retreat to my room where I collapse on my bed from the pure stress of events this day has put me through. I feel my eyes slowly fluttering close as I drift off to sleep./p
p data-p-id="ca150e464a7eabce87dc782dabcc036a"I'm standing at the gates of Duntshire again. I'm dressed in a long, red nightgown and my hair is up in loose pigtails. The gates slowly open to reveal the long, dirt path ahead of me. I walk two miles, but it only feels like one minute and I see the door. The type of door you'd see at a castle in the medieval times or just a castle in general. I don't even get the chance to knock before I see Jessamy open the door and greet me inside. She's wearing her royal blue dress again. The inside of Duntshire is grand but modern./p
p data-p-id="0cee8a02db8546e5a6864cd9bb8cb505""Tamsin!" She says in her sweet, bubbly voice. "I'm so happy you could come to see me!" She wraps her little arms around my waist and I do the same. Tears in my eyes from being able to see her once more. She grabs my hand, hers bruised and scabbing from the window, and she leads me down a hallway into a waiting room type of area where she gestures for me to sit. I take a seat on a black velvet couch with Jessamy. She's kicking her legs excitedly, her hands clasped in her lap./p
p data-p-id="d6e76ce9506c1148a31320e8b2ca86b0"A tall wooden door opens to reveal a tall, lanky man wearing a dressy outfit of complimentary colors accessorizing with a cane and top hat. His hair is white as the snow even though he's young with frosty blue tips./p
p data-p-id="d5e6a06bb3d18ef3c2769e69ae8dcfda""I'm Balthazar and you must be Tamsin, what a pleasure it is to meet you." He greets me with a bow. "Jessamy has talked about you so much these past few weeks. She's even mentioned how you've helped her get here, I'd like to thank you for that. It's very lonely with just me and my Mathis." As if on queue, a boy who looks to be about the same age as Jessamy appears in the doorway of the waiting room. He's a bit taller than Jessamy but just as skinny. He has light brown hair which is slicked back and to the side. Half of his face is covered by a dirty white mask with its fair share of scuffs and scratches, but the other half is pale with a big grin and copper eyes. He looks to be a dapper young man with his neatly ironed dress shirt and black slacks complete with a red bowtie and black suspenders. He doesn't speak, though he stares at me with a mysterious glint in his eyes./p
p data-p-id="fe421fd42f2d2773fbf6b735f98222b6""Mathis, say hello to Tamsin." Balthazar gestures his hand at me, but Mathis just waves. Balthazar chuckles, "Mathis isn't much of a talker. It just takes a while for him to get used to new people."/p
p data-p-id="95312c65a36ecce4c6dabe51e501bc0c""Tamsin's very nice. She's the one who helped me get here." His ears perked up. He comes toward me and lightly takes my hand./p
p data-p-id="7624a6fa355afd491281fbb061370542"He leads me out of the waiting room, down the hall and into a decently sized bedroom. I was assuming it was his considering it looked lived in. There was a small twin sized bed that was fitted with a navy blue plaid bedding set, which was neatly made to be presentable to visitors. A dark cherry wood dresser stood by the doorway complemented with a matching desk and chair near the foot of the bed. The simple nightstand on the left side of his bed was complete with an antique looking lamp and a single drawer. I didn't see any toys or even stuffed animals, though I did see a bookshelf with an abundance of books filling every slot. Half masks line a single wall above a full-length mirror that didn't seem to have a scratch or smudge on any part of it. They all had different designs or shapes, but they were all that same dirty white color. Mathis drops my hand and pulls out the drawer of his nightstand, revealing a single framed photo./p
p data-p-id="ee533124eedf31e9aaf7b246021379c8"He gently hands me the photo and I'm shocked to see little me and Jessamy in my room, arms around each other with our biggest smiles. How does he even have this? Jessamy must've given it to him. But how could she have taken it with her? All pictures of her were stored in a box and put in the attic of her old house. The Shaws moved four years ago and neither I or my mom have heard from them since. This photo was one of many stored away and I still have my copy at home./p
p data-p-id="f2c10641fb2c7c082869041cab0d89e8""How did you get this?" My voice was shaky, I think he could tell./p
p data-p-id="d43e2bdd0a6bf310bbf74614ed6f6a36""I gave it to him," Jessamy jumps in to answer for him. "He wanted to know what you looked like and this was the only thing I had so I gave it to him to remember." Her usually bubbly demeanor was replaced by the awkward tension floating around the room. "I hope that's okay..."/p
p data-p-id="90cc2f8389e9a8e6c5466dabc4d576bd""Yeah. Sorry, I'm just a little shocked to even have this."/p
p data-p-id="39199e2fbd555ed0f6dea7817bce0afe""It's special to me so of course, I'd wanna take it. I've missed you so much. I wanna be able to remember our time together. I wanna be able to remember the pain you caused me..." My face dropped and I froze./p
p data-p-id="9bb7dc39ca03965f2336b1efce0f965e""Wha- what did you just say?"/p
p data-p-id="331557562f1cb5313245fc07ac5b263d""I wanna be able to remember the horrible fear coursing through my body. Poking and stabbing at every bone. I wanna remember the feeling of falling, my arms and legs flailing in the air. I wanna remember the impact from hitting the concrete and having all life taken away from me so quickly. I wanna remember waking up cold and fearful, staring at my body atop a growing puddle of blood..." My head starts to pound and I faint, but it isn't short and quick. No. I feel the falling increasing and my fear grows larger, more prominent. Falling falling faster harder this is what you did to her it's all your fault now you suffer suffEr suFFER SUFFER./p
p data-p-id="ed5728aef320b12fb5ef1f526cbd7870"I land, but I'm not dead. I'm in my bed drenched in sweat and I hear my mom calling me down for pizza. It was all just a nightmare. Though it felt so real like my other encounters with Jessamy. That Balthazar guy was sketchy and that kid was weird. But who am I judge someone for being weird, that's all I've ever been my whole life. Mom opens my door and looks at me with a confused look on her face./p
p data-p-id="8b3257ecbcdc72abf232eeec7e1d6a75""Didn't you hear me? The pizza's here." She pauses for a moment and observes me. "Are you okay?"/p
p data-p-id="963df231d7e6034e1174e1601a287aae""Uh, yeah. I'm fine, just a nightmare no big deal." I'm frantic with my words./p
p data-p-id="34be871633027f3ed50b6b1876aa8a9d""Are you sure? You know we can talk about anything, I'm always here." I feel like we've had this talk multiple times./p
p data-p-id="4ec39709dd7a30b7ab04c4aa2efe81cc""Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. It was stupid, to say the least. Cliche being chased by demons and all that." I laugh nervously./p
p data-p-id="8c73659a61713af0cba1e48618511416""Okay? If you say so...pizza's on the table whenever you're ready." I think she can sense something's up but chooses to ignore it. She knows when I don't like talking about something. I don't like to stress her out or worry her more then she already is./p
p data-p-id="3507082b5d617ee67fa70e91a332e021""Thanks again, mom. You're the best." She smiles and leaves, closing my door. A sigh of relief leaves my mouth. I'm so glad it's Friday. I cannot wait for summer. No school and most importantly, no Imogen and her rugrats. The realization of Tarquin leaving for college next year hits me like a big rock. He plans on going to some prestigious college out of state though I never understand why he's not an ambitious person. All he wants to do so far is get out of Ohio. We live in one of the most populated cities in America so I can kinda see why he wants to leave. He's the only one that truly understands me. I mean mom's worried, I have no friends because as far as I know everyone thinks I'm a freak, the doctors and therapists I have all think of me as a lost cause. I just don't want him to leave so I can have one dang person who really understands in this godforsaken city of over eight hundred thousand people./p
p data-p-id="681dbe2fcf666255780671c71cefdc2f"But I know I can't stop him from leaving. I care too much to hold him back just because I have a few issues. I feel like me and him have always been really close like siblings since we were younger. I mean we kind of look the same anyway. We're both white, have black hair and piercing blue eyes. Even our names start and end with the same letters. We've always looked out for each other I guess. It's been hard, but we got each other's backs. My stomach grumbles guess I should go eat. After this horribly depressing day, pizza sounds really good./p
p data-p-id="3b4cd7d12b784190571687be4c8c6026"I change into a gray tank top and some pajama pants with hearts I've had since fifth grade. My size hasn't really changed much at all. I'm a small/medium in tops, but I've been a size small in bottoms for a while. I walk downstairs and spot mom eating pizza and on her laptop sitting at the table./p
p data-p-id="49e3503ae4283b031fd458a41d6b67b8""Business stuff?" I ask, opening up the box to reveal the warm, cheesy goodness that is pizza. I grab a paper plate and stack on a couple of slices./p
p data-p-id="0ff687bb18d9114b816a1dcff9bf3bf7""Isn't it always?" She sounds annoyed at whatever she's working on./p
p data-p-id="33cb28de139307da110cc06353d8ed0b""I guess, but there have been times on occasion where it's not just business."/p
p data-p-id="c5c35ac70de21393399da63edfe4b574""I haven't had that in weeks. I'd love to be able to have the feeling of going on google for something non-work related again." 'I wanna be able to remember the feeling'. I can hear Jessamy's sweet voice turned sour in my head once more. I shake it away and she mom gushing at the thought of an internetwork break. She's been working so hard to keep up with taxes and pay the bills, most times I'm worried about her health. I know she's a strong and empowered woman, but everyone needs a break. I'm afraid she'll work herself to death./p
p data-p-id="4857c64f4e77fb5e80e11c6cae8500cf""You should take a break. It'd be good for you and you've been working so much I can sense death only miles away."/p
p data-p-id="9f1c0bb741670dd6537417a14f9b718b"She sighs. "You're right. I have been working a lot lately and I haven't been spending enough time with you." Her face lights up, "what if we go out this Sunday? Just you and me. We can go to the movies, go shopping or out to eat. Does that sound appealing at all?" She's hopeful for me to say yes. I was just gonna stay home and do nothing like always so this would be a nice change of schedule./p
p data-p-id="7181c94ea03950457780bb9c2170e206""That sounds great, mom. You really deserve this."/p
p data-p-id="269940a04a0664306070cb57a1fcddf4""I think we both deserve it, Tamsin. You've been working so hard and that trigonometry test couldn't have been easy." Oh right, I forgot I lied to her about that. I hoping she would have forgotten by now./p
p data-p-id="2b459d2e3ad5c49841fbb1972de4a4a9""Not really, it was easy enough."/p
p data-p-id="c990109ef2dd1361def36508ad618cde""Still. You're an amazing girl and I love you so therefore it is my duty as a parent to treat you." It's hard to get mom off something once she's locked into a goal./p
p data-p-id="f7e5e20057edaae134efedc868d2ca93""Thanks, mom, really." I go over and hug her, but it feels fake. Lying has tampered with showing love and appreciation too? Great. I grabbed my plate of pizza and retreat to my room. I flop on my bed and switch on the tv. I've been really into The Fosters lately on Netflix. I was thrilled to just chill and enjoy my pizza./p
p data-p-id="e8e491408434903043458e82c6eab644"About thirty minutes into the episode, my phone dings. It's a text from Tarquin. It reads:/p
p data-p-id="fb946237f5cd648e26b8c0b5e21c9749"Hey, are you home? There's something really important I need to talk to you about./p
p data-p-id="29bf3ecd5c46756390d74fe2ff5ee522"I'm always at home. You can head over rn if you want./p
p data-p-id="e1cb0aee8299a058e40285afa47f23ae"Thanks, see you in a few./p
p data-p-id="4c1f76824b0d7333652d5f64a3e07ef5"Anytime/p
p data-p-id="c5eee91c2b59e27e46bdb87638ffc0cf"I'm sat on my bed, worried about what's so important he has to talk about it in person. I contemplate all the possible scenarios. Did he do something illegal? Is someone trying to hunt him down? The government? Ugh, I'm being irrational, I should just calm down so I'm actually able to have a conversation./p
p data-p-id="e11c2315182031fb1566831667f1627a"There's a knock at my door, "It's Tarquin."/p
p data-p-id="e1dd6c62b33cb8d62ff7425bbd460314""Come in." I try to keep my face from contorting into a worried expression. "What's up?"/p
p data-p-id="44a5e4d5ce80735f7e6137035e09b0ee""This is gonna sound crazy, but it's important I tell you," he sounds shaken up./p
p data-p-id="0fbf30d4d34e34af1f9e1e4034b12703""Trust me, I know what crazy is. No warning needed here," but I tense up even more at what he's about to reveal to me./p
p data-p-id="33fa6f64bb509d143917740366cc4e0e""Um...so... I had a nightmare, but it wasn't like any other nightmare I've ever had. It was even more terrifying." His face radiates fear at the thought. "I was standing at these gates of a long path. I was dressed in a plain orange long sleeve shirt and pants. There was a giant building and I was super confused. This little girl in a blue dress greeted me inside. She was super happy and ecstatic. She led me to a waiting room type room and a tall skinny guy came out in a cane and top hat. He looked so tired like he'd been up for days. But it was only his eyes..." He pauses and looks at me frozen, tears starting to run down my face. "Tamsin, what's wrong?"/p
p data-p-id="b0b1fd5870b484368fa8b9f1d8163745""I-i had this exact nightmare, j-just a few hours ago..." I respond in between sniffles. "That li- little girl... that was Jessamy."/p
p data-p-id="be1c8942d859329f8478c0ff32e2c7e6""Oh my god... It's been so long since I've seen her, I must've not recognized her." his face portrays a horrified expression. "How could you've had the same nightmare? This is so freaky. I just had mine today as well i-", I cut him off./p
p data-p-id="1dcfcc07a425640954fea531058f7aa1""I've been hearing the voices."/p
p data-p-id="c5be83afcdbd5fec79ecd60972b1b211""Wha-what?"/p
p data-p-id="f341295400d6f16d102b625885c836de""I should've told you a while ago, but I've started hearing the voices again. Literally just as the school year began. That's why I've had these migraines and why I was crying in the car earlier. The scariest part is I know whose voice it is.."/p
p data-p-id="56581780d27da9d77f083308cda41b6f""Tamsin... oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should've asked more questions, but I know how much you hate talking about certain things. Whose voice was it?"/p
p data-p-id="4cee2d2ebbc74b07c50315a09287c256""It was Balthazar. I haven't heard his voice since third grade." He engulfs me into a tight hug, I hug back./p
p data-p-id="64d8eaa09177cb5a46433f0a7eb5163a""I'm so so sorry you have to deal with this bullcrap. The nightmare was so real and you're actually somewhat living it. I've been terrible."/p
p data-p-id="c36cff80608ce46ebb33043b86e5d4e9""Please stop apologizing, Tarquin. Nothing's your fault. I have a feeling his voice came back for a reason." He lets go./p
p data-p-id="ff7eb9a6d3f4b37643e31e46ce3c7a09""What do you mean?"/p
p data-p-id="d17bbf65d7ce36108f2b7f5448da9231""I keep seeing Jessamy in significant parts of my house where the accident happened," I choke up knowing I hate talking or even thinking about it. "Then she appears in my nightmares which feel so real and introduces me to the physical form of the voice making me go insane in my head. You know these voices were the influence to me causing the accident. I haven't told mom about them and I really don't want to. I don't want to freak her out or worry her."/p
p data-p-id="7daffcd9734bca64daf37a286a64988b""I know. I won't tell Aunt Lorelei if you don't want me to. Are you worried that you might do...something? You know what I mean." He looked on at his lap, he really didn't want to ask, but he gets worried and anxious. Another thing we both have in common. Severe anxiety./p
p data-p-id="de3c78cc783346158c1b97952eeec8cd""Yeah, please don't tell her. She doesn't need more on her plate then she already has," I pause thinking about his previous question. "I'm not gonna lie, I honestly have no clue. I don't want to and hoping I don't."/p
p data-p-id="5ff673e9127084a59cffa86003efd63b""These things can be prevented, so we just have to be careful and look out for any signs besides the voice." Tarquin has always been the rational one, I get paranoid too easily./p
p data-p-id="a0765a7abf684fa6df1525a1694a57b6""That's definitely a good idea. Oh god, this is stressing me out so much." Tarquin hugs me again./p
p data-p-id="edcdacfaf5a3c07f1f53bcfe815e83a3""It'll be okay. I'm gonna help you get through whatever you need. You're like a sister to me and it's my job to be there for you. But just know I don't think of it as a job, I'm willing." He gives me a tight squeeze and lets go. "I should go before mom freaks out on me. We can talk about this more tomorrow."/p
p data-p-id="161a140c799592540f758495560b3f68""Thanks for always being there for me," I say shyly./p
p data-p-id="34a20a934807225ff40520b206dbb561""No problem, Tamsin," he walks out and closes the door behind him./p
p data-p-id="96f2ed56f2235514d8bdf79c80432a7f"I try to process what we're both into. Why is he getting these nightmares too? Is Jessamy trying to get us both in the same place? Today has been one of the most stressful and anxiety filled days of my entire life. I just want this to end. This actual nightmare couldn't have come at a worse time. I'm exhausted from today's events so I decide the best thing is to just go to bed. It's still early, but I don't think I can handle my brain becoming active with thoughts and ideas./p
p data-p-id="f8401a05325aef0db6c00ee62a21d560"I'm new to this hell hole they call high school. I've been homeschooled for almost my whole life, so I'd say I'm fairly new to the public school scene. I did go to preschool and kindergarten, however, my mom pulled me from public school and took it in her stride to teach me all the basics that everyone else would be learning each grade level. She thought it would be best given the situation we were in. My name is Tamsin. Tamsin Phoebe Belle that is. I know. Three first names what was my mother thinking. To be completely honest, I have no idea. But my name isn't the icing at the top of the cake./p
p data-p-id="360b7d1893f105a5de476439f1a4f858"I did something. Something that'll haunt me for the rest of my life. When I was around six years old, I had a best friend. Jessamy Florence Shaw. Me and her were inseparable. We'd always have playdates every day, we'd carpool together, sit together, blah, blah, blah all that stupid kid stuff. Anyways, one day we were at my house having a sleepover, just the two of us. We were playing truth or dare. Mind you, we heard about this game from a couple of older kids. I dared her to hang out the window of my bedroom. My room was on the second story and the screen popped off easily. Mom was meaning to get it fixed, but she was always busy with work. She always told us to not open the window until it was fixed, but being the dumb little six-year-old I was, I didn't listen. Jessamy accepted the dare rather gracefully. I was at least expecting her to have second thoughts on the danger involved. She unlocked the sill and being a frail little girl managed to pull up the window within seconds. She climbed out feet first and latched onto the bottom edges of the sill and hung there. She was nervous, but the adrenaline rushing through her made it easy enough./p
p data-p-id="2e36aaac643562af2f754a5f1b26e917"I can still picture this moment vividly. I was standing by the window to make sure she didn't fall and suddenly this energy came over me. The only thing I could hear was slamming the window she'll be fine just close it close IT cloSE IT CLOSE IT. I suddenly hear Jessamy's screams of pain as I slam the window on her little fingers. She let's go of the edge and falls to the concrete ground below her. I see her little body in my head still as I look down to see her head bashed into against the hard ground. The blood seeping quickly through her wounds is glistening in the night. My mom was downstairs in the living room and hears the commotion. She bursts out the front door to see Jessamy's body lying motionless in the driveway. She yelps and rushes to her aide..., but it's too late. The bright, bubbly, young girl is dead. Mom runs back inside to call the police, then up the stairs, she stands in my bedroom doorway to see me sobbing, rocking back and forth in the corner of my room. My window open. She hurriedly comes to my side to comfort me. I explain to her what happened and she doesn't even seem mad, just relieved that I'm okay. But I can see the concern and worry in her eyes. She's told me multiple times to not open the window. I should've listened. Jessamy would still be alive and I would be normal. A normal little girl who wouldn't have had to go to therapy so early in her life. A little girl who wouldn't have been kept at a special psychiatric ward for children. A normal little girl who wouldn't have caused her mother's insomnia or light drinking problem. A normal little girl who would have friends who actually cared for her./p
p data-p-id="d1bf209e16fcefd6b609a308ba0cf8a8"I'm sorry for that really depressing flashback. I've been saying sorry my whole life for the stuff I've caused. But in the present, I'm sitting in my physics class, not listening nor understanding a word Ms. King is speaking to us on the topic of the Laws of Nature. Imogen sits directly next to me and I feel her tap on my shoulder./p
p data-p-id="8c1330291696daa051ef748e5467d33c""Hey Tamsin, do you understand how gravity works by any chance?" I ignore her attempt on a 'joke' and before she can say anything else, the bell rings. Thank god. I scurry out of the classroom quick enough so I don't catch Imogen and her perfectly perfect crew. Tarquin, my cousin who's a year older than me, but treats it as a big deal, is waiting in his 'new' Honda Civic to drive me home./p
p data-p-id="fbe3b68111e378ba5b23fc9ae5c01a66""Hey little cousin," he says jokingly and chuckles at his played out joke. "How's junior year treatin' ya so far?"/p
p data-p-id="62ed363ae4accad49b8e2c497a4e7282""It sucks as always." It's March now and he's still asking me how this year's going. Like it's gonna get any better./p
p data-p-id="2a788ce3b7003694ae8580f49108a2f1""Don't be a negative nancy, Tamsin."/p
p data-p-id="0739d911de0b006904918a3623fd242e""Negative Nancy? Really? I've been going to this hell long enough to know that being negative is the only way to go." I say knowing the years just get collectively worse and worse./p
p data-p-id="92836ee08d705d7ec7205cd484bc7f91""Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Yeah, high school sucks, but what about friends or extracurriculars, even sports?"/p
p data-p-id="18de5a88e0afed5341f36803fabcc83d""I think you know me well enough to know that I hate sports. I didn't sign up for any extracurriculars to avoid staying here longer than needed. Also friends? Hm, I wouldn't know what those are considering I've stopped being able to make those in third grade after the only friend I had had since kindergarten found out about Jessamy and totally kicked me to the curb." The thought of her body lying dead on my driveway still haunts my thoughts./p
p data-p-id="4e75dda220a3091b676169951a3fb423""Tamsin, I didn't mean to upset you. I- I know how much you hate remembering that mo-"./p
p data-p-id="a280510de51f594b8aa36f0e80a11c77""Just take me home." I collapse in the passenger seat and close the door with an aggressive force. He starts the car and pulls out of the school parking lot. We don't talk the rest of way home. I'm sat staring out of my window at the passing cars. The trees and houses have never looked so dull. I suddenly start to feel a pounding in my head. The pain gets worse and I'm trying to process what's going on. The sound getting louder and louder and I hear a voice that I haven't heard for the past nine years. Cry weep it's all your fault why did you do that she's suffering screaming aching suffering screaMING ACHING suffering sCREAMING ACHING SUFFERING SCREAMING ACHING. I burst into tears and the voice slowly fades away, leaving my head in my hands sobbing at the thought of Jessamy./p
p data-p-id="1e2c2748f1db95c2fd73828bea89a2eb""Tamsin, Tamsin! It's okay, you're fine," I feel Tarquin's arms around me as he tries to comfort me from my state of pain and grief. "I'm here. You're okay, you'll always have me. Just take a deep breath, everything is fine." I look up to see we're already parked at my house. I'm frozen in fear as I see Jessamy standing where she died. Her bloody corpse mangled from the incident. A wave of air brushes over me and suddenly I'm calm, I feel as if I'm floating. I'm... happy. Jessamy smiles at me from where she remains still and slowly disappears. There are tears on my face that I quickly wipe away. Tarquin stops hugging me./p
p data-p-id="365c8643cb7df5a1b18b9dc55d928f3d""Are you okay now? Do you need anything?" He has a genuinely concerned look on his face from what happened earlier./p
p data-p-id="d608148dd97cd64241c4b25326cf179d""Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you." I give him a quick hug and leave the car without giving him an explanation. I hurriedly walk up to my front door and ring the doorbell. I do a quick turn around to see Tarquin backing out of the driveway, meeting my glance with a look of worry. It's nice for him to care so much, but I'm fine./p
p data-p-id="25e70a4872c339a4efe6a41faa6a998c"I'm happier than I was earlier today. I know Jessamy forgives me for what I did. She didn't have to, but she chose to. She understands completely. She's heard it too. She's seen it. The physical form of the voice. His name is Balthazar. I once spoke to her in a dream, though it wasn't a dream. It was real. She was wearing a pretty royal blue dress that complimented her sparkling eyes perfectly. We sat in her room made especially for her liking at her new home. Her mom wasn't worried, she knew Jessamy was safe there. That's why she sent for Balthazar to bring her there. I'm glad she's having such a fun time. She says she's the happiest she's ever been and I should be too. I snap out of my thoughts as my mom opens the door and greets me./p
p data-p-id="728248210bcd0d0e8dedbe07299daf1f""Hi sweetie, how was your day?" My mother says sweetly, though a little bit tipsy. She's wearing the black pumps that she's owned for almost three years now. It's like her feet don't grow, she's been a size nine for as long as I can remember. She also has on her matching skirt and coat set that she only reserves for important office meetings. Considering her state, from what I can see, this wasn't a good one./p
p data-p-id="ba8e01705a92a10630382adc60d1c878""Hey mom, my day was good," I lie. I haven't talked truthfully about how my day was for five years. "How was yours? Any important business meeting?" She frowns at the mention of work. Rookie move on my part./p
p data-p-id="e5880dc1b746d2e77d26b486852dcd8c""You know I really don't want to discuss that right now." She's getting defensive at this point. "Let's talk about you, what made your day so good?" She's never asked me that before. What do I even say?/p
p data-p-id="ac1a4662a5910e344d34e96beb744be0""Uh...well I got my trigonometry test grade back. I passed with flying colors." Another lie, I bombed that test hard./p
p data-p-id="22a61dbd1a82c40df7854939fd786bbf""Congrats honey, that's amazing! A job well done. I knew I raised a smart child." There's some falseness in that statement, me and her both know it. "I'm ordering some pizza from Marco's, you want any?" Pizza usually means mom's too drunk to drive or even cook./p
p data-p-id="ecc9343d6c812af7a510051b9e116c6a""Sure, I'll just take a cheese."/p
p data-p-id="4ccc3de93ccd149726079d4d2b3a173d""On it." She grabs her phone and dials in the number. I retreat to my room where I collapse on my bed from the pure stress of events this day has put me through. I feel my eyes slowly fluttering close as I drift off to sleep./p
p data-p-id="ca150e464a7eabce87dc782dabcc036a"I'm standing at the gates of Duntshire again. I'm dressed in a long, red nightgown and my hair is up in loose pigtails. The gates slowly open to reveal the long, dirt path ahead of me. I walk two miles, but it only feels like one minute and I see the door. The type of door you'd see at a castle in the medieval times or just a castle in general. I don't even get the chance to knock before I see Jessamy open the door and greet me inside. She's wearing her royal blue dress again. The inside of Duntshire is grand but modern./p
p data-p-id="0cee8a02db8546e5a6864cd9bb8cb505""Tamsin!" She says in her sweet, bubbly voice. "I'm so happy you could come to see me!" She wraps her little arms around my waist and I do the same. Tears in my eyes from being able to see her once more. She grabs my hand, hers bruised and scabbing from the window, and she leads me down a hallway into a waiting room type of area where she gestures for me to sit. I take a seat on a black velvet couch with Jessamy. She's kicking her legs excitedly, her hands clasped in her lap./p
p data-p-id="d6e76ce9506c1148a31320e8b2ca86b0"A tall wooden door opens to reveal a tall, lanky man wearing a dressy outfit of complimentary colors accessorizing with a cane and top hat. His hair is white as the snow even though he's young with frosty blue tips./p
p data-p-id="d5e6a06bb3d18ef3c2769e69ae8dcfda""I'm Balthazar and you must be Tamsin, what a pleasure it is to meet you." He greets me with a bow. "Jessamy has talked about you so much these past few weeks. She's even mentioned how you've helped her get here, I'd like to thank you for that. It's very lonely with just me and my Mathis." As if on queue, a boy who looks to be about the same age as Jessamy appears in the doorway of the waiting room. He's a bit taller than Jessamy but just as skinny. He has light brown hair which is slicked back and to the side. Half of his face is covered by a dirty white mask with its fair share of scuffs and scratches, but the other half is pale with a big grin and copper eyes. He looks to be a dapper young man with his neatly ironed dress shirt and black slacks complete with a red bowtie and black suspenders. He doesn't speak, though he stares at me with a mysterious glint in his eyes./p
p data-p-id="fe421fd42f2d2773fbf6b735f98222b6""Mathis, say hello to Tamsin." Balthazar gestures his hand at me, but Mathis just waves. Balthazar chuckles, "Mathis isn't much of a talker. It just takes a while for him to get used to new people."/p
p data-p-id="95312c65a36ecce4c6dabe51e501bc0c""Tamsin's very nice. She's the one who helped me get here." His ears perked up. He comes toward me and lightly takes my hand./p
p data-p-id="7624a6fa355afd491281fbb061370542"He leads me out of the waiting room, down the hall and into a decently sized bedroom. I was assuming it was his considering it looked lived in. There was a small twin sized bed that was fitted with a navy blue plaid bedding set, which was neatly made to be presentable to visitors. A dark cherry wood dresser stood by the doorway complemented with a matching desk and chair near the foot of the bed. The simple nightstand on the left side of his bed was complete with an antique looking lamp and a single drawer. I didn't see any toys or even stuffed animals, though I did see a bookshelf with an abundance of books filling every slot. Half masks line a single wall above a full-length mirror that didn't seem to have a scratch or smudge on any part of it. They all had different designs or shapes, but they were all that same dirty white color. Mathis drops my hand and pulls out the drawer of his nightstand, revealing a single framed photo./p
p data-p-id="ee533124eedf31e9aaf7b246021379c8"He gently hands me the photo and I'm shocked to see little me and Jessamy in my room, arms around each other with our biggest smiles. How does he even have this? Jessamy must've given it to him. But how could she have taken it with her? All pictures of her were stored in a box and put in the attic of her old house. The Shaws moved four years ago and neither I or my mom have heard from them since. This photo was one of many stored away and I still have my copy at home./p
p data-p-id="f2c10641fb2c7c082869041cab0d89e8""How did you get this?" My voice was shaky, I think he could tell./p
p data-p-id="d43e2bdd0a6bf310bbf74614ed6f6a36""I gave it to him," Jessamy jumps in to answer for him. "He wanted to know what you looked like and this was the only thing I had so I gave it to him to remember." Her usually bubbly demeanor was replaced by the awkward tension floating around the room. "I hope that's okay..."/p
p data-p-id="90cc2f8389e9a8e6c5466dabc4d576bd""Yeah. Sorry, I'm just a little shocked to even have this."/p
p data-p-id="39199e2fbd555ed0f6dea7817bce0afe""It's special to me so of course, I'd wanna take it. I've missed you so much. I wanna be able to remember our time together. I wanna be able to remember the pain you caused me..." My face dropped and I froze./p
p data-p-id="9bb7dc39ca03965f2336b1efce0f965e""Wha- what did you just say?"/p
p data-p-id="331557562f1cb5313245fc07ac5b263d""I wanna be able to remember the horrible fear coursing through my body. Poking and stabbing at every bone. I wanna remember the feeling of falling, my arms and legs flailing in the air. I wanna remember the impact from hitting the concrete and having all life taken away from me so quickly. I wanna remember waking up cold and fearful, staring at my body atop a growing puddle of blood..." My head starts to pound and I faint, but it isn't short and quick. No. I feel the falling increasing and my fear grows larger, more prominent. Falling falling faster harder this is what you did to her it's all your fault now you suffer suffEr suFFER SUFFER./p
p data-p-id="ed5728aef320b12fb5ef1f526cbd7870"I land, but I'm not dead. I'm in my bed drenched in sweat and I hear my mom calling me down for pizza. It was all just a nightmare. Though it felt so real like my other encounters with Jessamy. That Balthazar guy was sketchy and that kid was weird. But who am I judge someone for being weird, that's all I've ever been my whole life. Mom opens my door and looks at me with a confused look on her face./p
p data-p-id="8b3257ecbcdc72abf232eeec7e1d6a75""Didn't you hear me? The pizza's here." She pauses for a moment and observes me. "Are you okay?"/p
p data-p-id="963df231d7e6034e1174e1601a287aae""Uh, yeah. I'm fine, just a nightmare no big deal." I'm frantic with my words./p
p data-p-id="34be871633027f3ed50b6b1876aa8a9d""Are you sure? You know we can talk about anything, I'm always here." I feel like we've had this talk multiple times./p
p data-p-id="4ec39709dd7a30b7ab04c4aa2efe81cc""Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. It was stupid, to say the least. Cliche being chased by demons and all that." I laugh nervously./p
p data-p-id="8c73659a61713af0cba1e48618511416""Okay? If you say so...pizza's on the table whenever you're ready." I think she can sense something's up but chooses to ignore it. She knows when I don't like talking about something. I don't like to stress her out or worry her more then she already is./p
p data-p-id="3507082b5d617ee67fa70e91a332e021""Thanks again, mom. You're the best." She smiles and leaves, closing my door. A sigh of relief leaves my mouth. I'm so glad it's Friday. I cannot wait for summer. No school and most importantly, no Imogen and her rugrats. The realization of Tarquin leaving for college next year hits me like a big rock. He plans on going to some prestigious college out of state though I never understand why he's not an ambitious person. All he wants to do so far is get out of Ohio. We live in one of the most populated cities in America so I can kinda see why he wants to leave. He's the only one that truly understands me. I mean mom's worried, I have no friends because as far as I know everyone thinks I'm a freak, the doctors and therapists I have all think of me as a lost cause. I just don't want him to leave so I can have one dang person who really understands in this godforsaken city of over eight hundred thousand people./p
p data-p-id="681dbe2fcf666255780671c71cefdc2f"But I know I can't stop him from leaving. I care too much to hold him back just because I have a few issues. I feel like me and him have always been really close like siblings since we were younger. I mean we kind of look the same anyway. We're both white, have black hair and piercing blue eyes. Even our names start and end with the same letters. We've always looked out for each other I guess. It's been hard, but we got each other's backs. My stomach grumbles guess I should go eat. After this horribly depressing day, pizza sounds really good./p
p data-p-id="3b4cd7d12b784190571687be4c8c6026"I change into a gray tank top and some pajama pants with hearts I've had since fifth grade. My size hasn't really changed much at all. I'm a small/medium in tops, but I've been a size small in bottoms for a while. I walk downstairs and spot mom eating pizza and on her laptop sitting at the table./p
p data-p-id="49e3503ae4283b031fd458a41d6b67b8""Business stuff?" I ask, opening up the box to reveal the warm, cheesy goodness that is pizza. I grab a paper plate and stack on a couple of slices./p
p data-p-id="0ff687bb18d9114b816a1dcff9bf3bf7""Isn't it always?" She sounds annoyed at whatever she's working on./p
p data-p-id="33cb28de139307da110cc06353d8ed0b""I guess, but there have been times on occasion where it's not just business."/p
p data-p-id="c5c35ac70de21393399da63edfe4b574""I haven't had that in weeks. I'd love to be able to have the feeling of going on google for something non-work related again." 'I wanna be able to remember the feeling'. I can hear Jessamy's sweet voice turned sour in my head once more. I shake it away and she mom gushing at the thought of an internetwork break. She's been working so hard to keep up with taxes and pay the bills, most times I'm worried about her health. I know she's a strong and empowered woman, but everyone needs a break. I'm afraid she'll work herself to death./p
p data-p-id="4857c64f4e77fb5e80e11c6cae8500cf""You should take a break. It'd be good for you and you've been working so much I can sense death only miles away."/p
p data-p-id="9f1c0bb741670dd6537417a14f9b718b"She sighs. "You're right. I have been working a lot lately and I haven't been spending enough time with you." Her face lights up, "what if we go out this Sunday? Just you and me. We can go to the movies, go shopping or out to eat. Does that sound appealing at all?" She's hopeful for me to say yes. I was just gonna stay home and do nothing like always so this would be a nice change of schedule./p
p data-p-id="7181c94ea03950457780bb9c2170e206""That sounds great, mom. You really deserve this."/p
p data-p-id="269940a04a0664306070cb57a1fcddf4""I think we both deserve it, Tamsin. You've been working so hard and that trigonometry test couldn't have been easy." Oh right, I forgot I lied to her about that. I hoping she would have forgotten by now./p
p data-p-id="2b459d2e3ad5c49841fbb1972de4a4a9""Not really, it was easy enough."/p
p data-p-id="c990109ef2dd1361def36508ad618cde""Still. You're an amazing girl and I love you so therefore it is my duty as a parent to treat you." It's hard to get mom off something once she's locked into a goal./p
p data-p-id="f7e5e20057edaae134efedc868d2ca93""Thanks, mom, really." I go over and hug her, but it feels fake. Lying has tampered with showing love and appreciation too? Great. I grabbed my plate of pizza and retreat to my room. I flop on my bed and switch on the tv. I've been really into The Fosters lately on Netflix. I was thrilled to just chill and enjoy my pizza./p
p data-p-id="e8e491408434903043458e82c6eab644"About thirty minutes into the episode, my phone dings. It's a text from Tarquin. It reads:/p
p data-p-id="fb946237f5cd648e26b8c0b5e21c9749"Hey, are you home? There's something really important I need to talk to you about./p
p data-p-id="29bf3ecd5c46756390d74fe2ff5ee522"I'm always at home. You can head over rn if you want./p
p data-p-id="e1cb0aee8299a058e40285afa47f23ae"Thanks, see you in a few./p
p data-p-id="4c1f76824b0d7333652d5f64a3e07ef5"Anytime/p
p data-p-id="c5eee91c2b59e27e46bdb87638ffc0cf"I'm sat on my bed, worried about what's so important he has to talk about it in person. I contemplate all the possible scenarios. Did he do something illegal? Is someone trying to hunt him down? The government? Ugh, I'm being irrational, I should just calm down so I'm actually able to have a conversation./p
p data-p-id="e11c2315182031fb1566831667f1627a"There's a knock at my door, "It's Tarquin."/p
p data-p-id="e1dd6c62b33cb8d62ff7425bbd460314""Come in." I try to keep my face from contorting into a worried expression. "What's up?"/p
p data-p-id="44a5e4d5ce80735f7e6137035e09b0ee""This is gonna sound crazy, but it's important I tell you," he sounds shaken up./p
p data-p-id="0fbf30d4d34e34af1f9e1e4034b12703""Trust me, I know what crazy is. No warning needed here," but I tense up even more at what he's about to reveal to me./p
p data-p-id="33fa6f64bb509d143917740366cc4e0e""Um...so... I had a nightmare, but it wasn't like any other nightmare I've ever had. It was even more terrifying." His face radiates fear at the thought. "I was standing at these gates of a long path. I was dressed in a plain orange long sleeve shirt and pants. There was a giant building and I was super confused. This little girl in a blue dress greeted me inside. She was super happy and ecstatic. She led me to a waiting room type room and a tall skinny guy came out in a cane and top hat. He looked so tired like he'd been up for days. But it was only his eyes..." He pauses and looks at me frozen, tears starting to run down my face. "Tamsin, what's wrong?"/p
p data-p-id="b0b1fd5870b484368fa8b9f1d8163745""I-i had this exact nightmare, j-just a few hours ago..." I respond in between sniffles. "That li- little girl... that was Jessamy."/p
p data-p-id="be1c8942d859329f8478c0ff32e2c7e6""Oh my god... It's been so long since I've seen her, I must've not recognized her." his face portrays a horrified expression. "How could you've had the same nightmare? This is so freaky. I just had mine today as well i-", I cut him off./p
p data-p-id="1dcfcc07a425640954fea531058f7aa1""I've been hearing the voices."/p
p data-p-id="c5be83afcdbd5fec79ecd60972b1b211""Wha-what?"/p
p data-p-id="f341295400d6f16d102b625885c836de""I should've told you a while ago, but I've started hearing the voices again. Literally just as the school year began. That's why I've had these migraines and why I was crying in the car earlier. The scariest part is I know whose voice it is.."/p
p data-p-id="56581780d27da9d77f083308cda41b6f""Tamsin... oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should've asked more questions, but I know how much you hate talking about certain things. Whose voice was it?"/p
p data-p-id="4cee2d2ebbc74b07c50315a09287c256""It was Balthazar. I haven't heard his voice since third grade." He engulfs me into a tight hug, I hug back./p
p data-p-id="64d8eaa09177cb5a46433f0a7eb5163a""I'm so so sorry you have to deal with this bullcrap. The nightmare was so real and you're actually somewhat living it. I've been terrible."/p
p data-p-id="c36cff80608ce46ebb33043b86e5d4e9""Please stop apologizing, Tarquin. Nothing's your fault. I have a feeling his voice came back for a reason." He lets go./p
p data-p-id="ff7eb9a6d3f4b37643e31e46ce3c7a09""What do you mean?"/p
p data-p-id="d17bbf65d7ce36108f2b7f5448da9231""I keep seeing Jessamy in significant parts of my house where the accident happened," I choke up knowing I hate talking or even thinking about it. "Then she appears in my nightmares which feel so real and introduces me to the physical form of the voice making me go insane in my head. You know these voices were the influence to me causing the accident. I haven't told mom about them and I really don't want to. I don't want to freak her out or worry her."/p
p data-p-id="7daffcd9734bca64daf37a286a64988b""I know. I won't tell Aunt Lorelei if you don't want me to. Are you worried that you might do...something? You know what I mean." He looked on at his lap, he really didn't want to ask, but he gets worried and anxious. Another thing we both have in common. Severe anxiety./p
p data-p-id="de3c78cc783346158c1b97952eeec8cd""Yeah, please don't tell her. She doesn't need more on her plate then she already has," I pause thinking about his previous question. "I'm not gonna lie, I honestly have no clue. I don't want to and hoping I don't."/p
p data-p-id="5ff673e9127084a59cffa86003efd63b""These things can be prevented, so we just have to be careful and look out for any signs besides the voice." Tarquin has always been the rational one, I get paranoid too easily./p
p data-p-id="a0765a7abf684fa6df1525a1694a57b6""That's definitely a good idea. Oh god, this is stressing me out so much." Tarquin hugs me again./p
p data-p-id="edcdacfaf5a3c07f1f53bcfe815e83a3""It'll be okay. I'm gonna help you get through whatever you need. You're like a sister to me and it's my job to be there for you. But just know I don't think of it as a job, I'm willing." He gives me a tight squeeze and lets go. "I should go before mom freaks out on me. We can talk about this more tomorrow."/p
p data-p-id="161a140c799592540f758495560b3f68""Thanks for always being there for me," I say shyly./p
p data-p-id="34a20a934807225ff40520b206dbb561""No problem, Tamsin," he walks out and closes the door behind him./p
p data-p-id="96f2ed56f2235514d8bdf79c80432a7f"I try to process what we're both into. Why is he getting these nightmares too? Is Jessamy trying to get us both in the same place? Today has been one of the most stressful and anxiety filled days of my entire life. I just want this to end. This actual nightmare couldn't have come at a worse time. I'm exhausted from today's events so I decide the best thing is to just go to bed. It's still early, but I don't think I can handle my brain becoming active with thoughts and ideas./p