Warning: This sucks. So go read a better story while you still can. Thank you.
Half full, half empty.
Your name is Tavros Nitram. You're disabled and therefore stuck on a four-wheeled device to help you go around places. You have long lost your ability to walk when you lost your legs because of Vriska. Your relationship with her was sort of complicated and even though she caused you to be like that, you just couldn't bring yourself to hate her. You're not capable of having such strong feelings towards another person. Love or hate... You're very oblivious to such feelings since you can't imagine yourself having those sorts of emotions. Besides, you're just a cripple who doesn't really deserve to persist to live. Yet, you continue to appreciate the fact that you're alive, you meet new people (they then became your friends), you are still able to play FLARP and lastly, you have been given the chance to continue seeing the world revolutionise even though your legs are functionless.
Gamzee Makara is the name of your 'best bro.' He wears clown make up all the time and you barely see him without it. You remember the first time that you have seen him without it and it was when he had those terrifying bloody scars on his face. You had to be the one who took care of him, especially since Gamzee's best friend, Karkat, wasn't around that time when the incident happened. You shake your head to clear your mind off of the thoughts of the horrible past. Move on.
A session of FLARP with your friend, Aradia, had just ended. You bid her goodbye through sending her a private message. Just when you're about to log out, Gamzee started to send you messages. He said that he'd be stopping by at your place right after he consumes his bottle of Faygo.
You sighed at the thought of seeing him again. Every second with Gamzee was always exciting because you usually just have rap-offs and talk about something totally random while sitting down on the couch, watching movies that Gamzee rents before he drops by at your house.
The four-wheeled device helped to take you next to the glass windowpane. You love peering through the window because you get the chance to see the beautiful landscape that you know you can never be able to feel yourself. The clouds grew darker and you set your eyes upon the giant and bright spotlight that's slowly disappearing. It was as if the land was swallowing the sun's golden rays that once shined in the morning sky. The day was ending and you knew that you'll have to sleep pretty soon.
You turned your back on the sunset. Time shouldn't be wasted on things such as watching something that happens everyday. Then you suddenly thought, lately, you noticed that there was something certainly off about Gamzee. You have known him for so long that even the smallest things are prominent. He spends his time equally with Karkat and yourself. You honestly just want him to be with Karkat despite the fact that you like his company because you believe that you don't deserve almost half of his attention and time. The problem was that you couldn't tell him; you're troubled that if you utter any word about it, you'll lose another friend.
Your thoughts had been disrupted by the sudden ring of the doorbell. Just before you could even reach the door, the person had already allowed himself inside. "Uhh... Hey Gamzee," you greeted sheepishly.
"'Sup motherfucker?" He responded with a dopey grin. You noticed that he always does that every time he talks.
"I was... Just thinking about... Uhh... You." You said, looking down at your hands which lay on top of your lap, nervous and embarrassed as to how he'll answer.
All of your worrying was pointless. Gamzee was immediately behind you and you thought he was going to push your wheelchair to another room, but instead he wrapped his arms around your neck and his chin rested on your messy mohawk. "If I could make you all up and smile it'd be the best fuckin' miracle. Fuck. I was all thinking about you, too, Tavbro." You felt your heart skip a beat, yet all you managed to do was squeak at his sudden gesture. The nickname was not foreign to you, but it still makes your cheeks flush a little. Some of his face paint must have smudged on your hair, but that didn't matter.
You wouldn't want to stay in that position. However, you feared that Gamzee would think that you hate him by doing so. When about a minute had passed and you two were still in that position, not even moved an inch or maybe not even breathed, you broke the silence, "Gamzee, are you... Uh... Tired?"
Gamzee flinched, as if he didn't know what he had been doing for the whole time. "Fuck. Sorry, bro. I kind of zoned out there." He was looking away as he maneuvered your wheelchair to your room.
You did all the stuff you usually do when you were together. He usually leaves your place at a certain time. Though tonight, he had attempted to leave earlier than usual – which was just right after a cartoon show have finished. You don't suppose that that was why he suddenly wanted to leave. At the back of your head, you knew that it must have been because the long silence between the two of you was beyond deadly.
"Gamzee -" You started to try and stop him. He halted as soon as he heard your voice. "Karkat's having guests at his motherfuckin' place tonight. He best all said that he wanted me to fuckin' help him," he explained spontaneously. You waved goodbye to Gamzee. You started to say, "Bye -" but the sound of the door shutting had cut you off.
Again, you sighed. It had been like this lately and it started when he found out about Vriska. Yes, you somehow can't believe the fact that you once had a relationship with her. Maybe it wasn't even a proper relationship since it eventually led you to lose the ability to walk. You liked Vriska – you still do, but never have you known the feeling called "love." She had never uttered those three words that most couples would say to each other and nor have you told her that you "love" her. You don't know if Vriska have ever truly liked you as a person. You have a very low self-esteem and you're ashamed of it, but it's almost impossible to suddenly have a boost on self-esteem without your legs. People have started to call you a useless freak ever since. At first, you were just ignoring them. Unfortunately, the more you avoid their remarks, it just gets worse and worse. Gamzee have scared them off in such a way that you don't know of, but it worked. You were thankful that you have him as your best bro and you would do your best to maintain that.
By the way that Gamzee had been acting lately, it seemed to you like he was being rather... affectionate? The thought would always invade your thoughts and disrupt your plans on what you'll do on the next FLARP session. You refused to think that he'd ever feel that way to you - whatever that feeling is. Why? First of all, Gamzee is your best bro. Regardless of anything, you wouldn't want to break the kind of relationship that you share with him. Second, you're a guy. Gender doesn't necessarily concern you. Although, you know that people would come in a conclusion that you're gay and desperate. Third, you wouldn't like to think that he was just like Vriska who may be just doing it for the fun of it. So you'll probably disregard that thought. Lastly, you're just a useless cripple with very low esteem. You have always believed that no one would probably want to be in a relationship with you, but you don't mind at all because you know already that you'll be alone forever. Gamzee would probably find a perfect partner for himself. Your bro deserves the best.
The next day, you found yourself being cuddled by him on your couch. Your cheeks were flushed, "Uh... G-Gamzee -!" You began to stutter in embarrassment.
"I love you, Tavbro."
Your eyes widened in surprise. At the back of your thoughts, maybe you have expected this to happen or maybe not, but it still shocked you. Then you're stuck on thinking of a response, "I... I... Uh..."
"Fuck. I know, bro. I motherfuckin' all know already. I don't want to be all like to disappoint you, but let's just stay like this for some fuckin' time." You felt his embrace had gotten tighter, but you ignored it. It pained you to imagine what sort of face Gamzee had on as he confessed to you. You knew that you have hurt him and that you need to apologise. Yet, you failed to do so. It was as if your voice purposely had ceased to exist to make the situation worse. Gamzee placed a chaste and light kiss on your mohawk before he got up and said, "I'll go and get my reach on for this motherfucking frosty brew. Would you care for a fuckin' bottle of Faygo, bro?" You sat up, looking down, but you shook your head for an answer.
Days have passed and never was that conversation brought up again. You were glad to have the old Gamzee back for you have had more rap-offs than before and he would stay longer than usual to talk to you about "motherfucking miracles." You closely listened to him every time he does. However, you have noticed that Gamzee was still a bit off himself after a week had gone by. He would often go to the bathroom and he took a lot of time inside. You grew even more nervously worried each time he excuses himself.
At some time, while he was at the bathroom, you noticed the door wasn't locked. You wouldn't want to invade his privacy. Nevertheless, you were still anxiously curious of his strange behaviour. You pushed the door quietly and dropped the bottle of Faygo on the floor when you saw him on the bathtub. You expected Gamzee to be surprised by your sudden entrance. Instead, he flopped back down at the bathtub, sighing. "What's all about eating my motherfuckin' brother?" He said, his voice was a bit slurred. He gestured that you should come over at where he was. You were hesitant, but you still gave in. Gamzee was smoking something that you don't wish to know. It was confirmed that it wasn't a cigarette for the smoke smelled far worse than a cigarette's. "Uh... What is it, Gamzee?" He looked up, stared at you intently with tired and dreary eyes. You felt a pang in your chest and it started to race irrationally.
You have been forcing out your thoughts about the fact that he have said those three words to you. It was a joke. But Gamzee wouldn't joke about serious stuff like that, would he? Of all the people out there, why would he tell those words to you? It was uncomfortable to think about it since you don't know which words to say or how you'll even respond. You value your friendship with him so much that you'd rather... lose him than come to a conclusion that he feels flushed for you. Then in the end, you've only assumed something wrong and he would distance himself from you, thinking that you're a desperate "faggot." You're scared to be hurt, but as you keep delaying and evading the topic, the more you feel that he became more distant, crestfallen and... worse.
Gamzee harshly grabbed your collar and pulled you in to press his painted lips on your cracked ones. His eyes were tightly closed and you could feel the warmth of his lips despite his body being icy cold. Your cheeks were burning regardless of the fact that you sort of expected that something like this would eventually happen. The kiss was abrupt yet you knew that he had given his everything just to gather up all the courage to risk everything for that kiss. Yes, you knew because your eyes were open the whole time. When he pulled away, he doesn't utter a word. The awkward silence had always been unbearable; you immediately tried to at least say or rather stutter something, "G-Gamzee, I... Uh..." He listened, waited for you to finish what you were saying, "Yes, Tavbro?"
Avoiding pursing your lips resulted to your bleeding right inside cheek for you have bitten it hard. You took a deep breath and the words, "I... Uh... Love you, too, Gamzee," left your lips. You were startled when he wrapped his arms around your neck. "This is kind of a miracle how you fuckin' feel the same about this motherfucker. I'm all about wicked happy." He said, the merriment in his voice was back - the Gamzee you knew have returned.
You realised that you committed yourself to something that meant the end of a lot things and also the beginning of new things. The moment you have reciprocated those three words that Gamzee told you, you knew that it would mean that you would be giving yourself to him, that there wouldn't be as much FLARP sessions as before, that there would be more rumours and insults thrown at you and that you would never be able to say no to anything Gamzee wants from you. You have this belief that by being with him will get you to feel the same way to him as he feels for you (hopefully). Still, you got your wish of spending more time with him rather than he's dividing him time equally between you and Karkat. There wasn't really a lot of difference from when you considered yourselves as best brothers to how you are now; only now, you hang out longer, talk about deeper and more personal things, kiss every now and then, and have sloppy make outs almost everywhere. Gamzee had taken your first kiss without you realising it and you learned from him how to kiss in different ways. You wanted to please him and make him happy even if it meant sacrificing your own freedom. He had been better ever since. You thought it would stay that way until he gets bored of you and finds someone better.
You were wrong. Months or even a year had passed since you have returned those three words to him for the first time. Gamzee was perfect: his vocabulary may contain a lot of swear words; his face may always have face paint that you almost never catch a glimpse of his bare face; and his habit of smoking something you do not know had started to become constant; you still believed he's perfect - perfectly imperfect for someone but not for you.
Somehow, saying those three words were not as painful and hard as the first time. You utter those loving words to him as you wake up, when he maneuvers your wheelchair, before you sleep on the same bed and maybe even while you're dreaming. Gamzee was the only person that would regularly appear in your dreams. He was the man of your dreams, yet there wasn't any kind of "spark" or any affectionate feelings that ever occurred to you. It was the same as how it had been when you were just friends - you still have not fallen for him. You started to hate yourself for this. The fact that you're lying to your best bro about a very special matter continually discomforts you.
Ultimately, the time came when you had your first sexual intercourse with him. The relationship was rather slow; you admit that you don't like being rushed and Gamzee understood you perfectly. Only that, that first time was not exactly how you have anticipated it to be.
It had been days since he had not come out of your shared room. It made you anxious, but you have somehow prepared yourself to whatever is going to happen next.
Gamzee had run out of "stock." He ordered you to sleep on the couch one night; he did not even glance at you when he said it. Your body trembled in fear, but you obeyed, as he was the reason why you have forgotten all about your other friends. You found yourself wide-awake in the middle of your sleep when Gamzee shook you violently. The time had come for the worse part of the result of your decision - even Karkat had warned you about it, but you refused to listen.
You'd rather not go into deeper details about what happened that night. Gamzee's face paint was almost gone; he was sweating and his eyes were full of famine and lust. In a moment's time, he had torn your clothes to shreds. You let him ravish you hungrily like a beast devouring his prey. The more you held back your tears, the more they welled in your eyes. It was not only brutal, but it was also very painful than you could have ever imagined. Although that person had the same face as the Gamzee you knew, you still wrapped your arms around his neck and whimpered, "I... L-love you, G-Gamzee." He pushed you severely that you fell hard on the icy floor. There wasn't a second that night that you ever thought about yourself or how it would affect you - Gamzee's happiness was your priority and wish.
The next day, your whole body had been aching intensely. You simply ignored it because it's not important. You have somehow managed to crawl and get changed. Also, you took some of Gamzee's facial makeup to cover up some bruises. It didn't register to you that you ended up falling asleep after cleaning up the evidence until your eyes opened and you jumped, squeaking at the sight of Gamzee's newly painted face. A dopey grin on his face surprised you. "How was your motherfucking sleep, my Adorabro?" He was back to normal, without any recollection of what had happened just that last night. You felt your face heat up from the nickname that you have heard for the umpteenth time already; your reaction to it had always been the same though. Gamzee was back to his usual self but somehow you felt downhearted. He noticed that your face was slightly contorted. "Aw shit, bro. What's all up and fuckin' bothering you?" Your best bro - boyfriend asked you as he frowned. You simply shook it off, forced a small smile in process. "I... Uh... Just need to shower." His dopey smile crept back again. "Does my Tavvy want this motherfucker's company?" He questioned with a wider grin. As much as you wanted to agree with everything he asked from you, you turned him down because you're afraid that he'll find out about what damage he did to you that last night. Gamzee didn't seem upset about it. Instead, he tried to help you get up by extending his hand. "Why did you all up and slept at the motherfuckin' couch?" You froze. "Uh... I -" He doesn't make you finish your alibi. Gamzee grabbed both of your shoulders tight. "Fuck! What did I all kinds of motherfucking do to you last night?" Your gaze strayed off from his, trying to stutter a word but nothing understandable seemed to come out of your mouth. "Motherfuckin' look at me." Gamzee grabbed your chin with his two fingers; he then tilted your head up to stare intently at your eyes. "It's... N-nothing." You closed your eyes, released yourself from his grasp. He then pinned you down on the couch; his grip was as tight as it had been last night and all you could do was whimper in pain. You bit your inside cheek. Gamzee grabbed with his free hand the hem of your shirt. However, his cold scrawny hand travelled inside your shirt. You shivered as he pinched your sides and you groaned in pain. He quickly then pulled the shirt off of your torso.
Gamzee's eyes were wide open, but then gloom and regret filled his whole face when he had seen your body. "G-Gamzee - I - I fell last night from the... Uh... Couch," you tried to invent another excuse. Though, it doesn't work on him. He pressed his lips on yours. It wasn't harsh and forcefully - quite the opposite - it was gentle and you found your tears streaming down your face, smudging Gamzee's face paint in the process. At the very moment that your lips parted with him, you felt as if something ate you up from the inside. It was as if the kiss triggered an unknown void all of the sudden. He caressed the sides of your face, switching from wiping the tears that you try to hide from him and kissing them away. You cupped Gamzee's face in your hands while uttering absolute nonsense that you don't understand yourself.
You've kept assuring him that he did nothing wrong. Maybe he knew what had happened already, but he still did act as if he believed everything you've told him. He never let go of you once his painted lips left yours. Gamzee's kiss was like his promise that he'll not let anyone harm you even if it was himself who will hurt you. He had a very tight grip on you when you went to bed; his arms were wrapped around your waist and he placed chaste kisses on your face, neck, shoulders... almost every where he thought was hurting. It was painful. You would flinch every time his lips touch your skin.
"I'm all up and being motherfuckin' sorry, Tavros." Gamzee finally whispered after having finished kissing your pains away. You clinged to him limply, smelling his sweet scent that you seemed to have forgotten. "You didn't... Uh... do anything, Gamzee." His embrace just suddenly toughened and he buried his face on your shirt. You returned the hug as firm as you can.
The moment you woke up, you heard the birds chirping outside; the sun's rays flashed on your skin; the sweet scent of Gamzee filled the air. You found yourself smiling. But then you had to turn your head over to his side of the bed and your heart sunk. The bed had become surprisingly massive for Gamzee was not there. You sighed at the thought that maybe he just got up early. The four-wheeled device was just next to the huge bed so you try to get on it. Once you've finally sat down on your wheelchair, you went around the house looking for your best bro - boyfriend. You have checked the bathroom firstly. However, he wasn't there. And then you went to see if he could be found in the kitchen. Unfortunately, he wasn't. You started to panic and called his name. It was a soft whisper at first, yet it became a child's cry at the very end. Gamzee was gone. His scent still filled the house as well as your loud sobbing noises.
There was no place you'd rather be in than to be at the place where you and Gamzee lived in together. It was just a small apartment with one huge bedroom, a kitchen, a small living room, and a bathroom, enough for both of you. You clutched the bed sheets that he had once slept on, but you started to wonder why you're even in pain when you're the one who was lying to him the whole time. Gamzee may have realised that and it killed you to even think of it. You weren't meant to feel that much pain in your chest. Yet, the thought of not being with him was just beyond scary. It's true that you have managed to live your life in a way that you decide for yourself before you met him. Although you've gotten used to Gamzee and his dopey smiles eventually. You practically have gotten yourself "married" to him the moment you returned the words he had been longing for so long. He loved you - not because he was pitying you, but because you were yourself. Now, Gamzee may have forgotten all of those feelings when he realised that you were suppressing yourself. He probably doesn't hate you for it; he may only be in such deeper pain than you are experiencing at this very moment.
It wasn't meant to be like this. You have carefully planned everything out. The time when Gamzee becomes sober, you already knew what damage it will have on you. The time when he suddenly gives you more hugs and kisses meant that he wanted to have sloppy make outs. You knew about both sides of him: for better or for worse; in sickness or in health. The thoughts just kept going back and forth like a never-ending cycle and you're tired of it.
You rolled your wheelchair over to the bathroom to wash your face, but what terrified you was the horrific scene that was right in front of you. Gamzee was in there, slumped down on the bathtub and he was staring at you with bloodshot eyes. "Hey there, motherfucker." Right after he said those words in a slurred way, he cut off his throat with a knife and -
You found yourself screaming in agony as you realised that the horrible dream had woken you up. Not only were you shaking, but you were also sweating like there's no tomorrow. Gamzee came storming in the room and immediately wrapped his arms around you. It shocked you so you flinched. Yet, he insisted and in the end his embrace and stroking have calmed you down. "It's fuckin' alright, Tavvy," Gamzee whispered next to your ear as he ruffled your hair. "I'm still all about breathing like motherfucking bitchtits." This wasn't a dream anymore. Although you were still baffled as to what was real or a dream or a hallucination, but not long after, he explained everything to you rhythmically as he made you drink a glass of water...
It happened exactly 5 months ago when you woke up with the exact same nightmare of Gamzee killing himself in front of you and the horrendous dream had grown in you, devouring your every thought that made you forget what the word "calm" meant. Of course, you panicked and started looking desperately for Gamzee outside the apartment; you were still able to walk with your legs and feet back then, he said. It all happened in a flash and you lost your ability to walk. You then asked him why was he lying to you when you knew that it was Vriska who made you crippled. Gamzee just shook his head. He then explained that not only did you lose almost half of your body, but you also suffer from what they call the Anterograde Amnesia. You tried to force a laugh at his joke. He's messing with you. How can you have amnesia when you can remember what your name is and what Gamzee's name is? He pulled you in a hug before he continued to explain that Anterograde Amnesia is when a person forgets what they do right after what caused the amnesia to happen. You still waited until he shows that dopey smile of his to tell you that he was only kidding. It's just that... the smile never crept on his face. Gamzee was just looking at your eyes with his tired ones.
"G-Gamzee..." You started to whisper as you runned your shaking hand over to his painted cheek.
He grabbed your hand with both of his huge ones then presssed butterfly kisses on your hand. You didn't want to withdraw your hand, so you let him do what he wants. "You best understand that I don't want you to all up and being wicked worried about this motherfucker, Tavros. You're the best fuckin' miracle any mirthful messiah could have ever motherfuckin' bring to me." Now it was Gamzee's turn to put his hand on your face and cup it. "I love you, Tavros. And there's no motherfuckin' way all kinds of people could make me fuckin' stop what I feel for you. If you're all shit and thinking that you're motherfuckin' wasting my time, well, that's where you're fuckin' assuming the worse shit I don't even know about." Everything that he had just told you was every single thing that went through your mind. It's true that you're thinking that you're a burden to Gamzee and that you don't really feel the same way as he does for you... "Even if... You don't all up and motherfuckin' have the same miraculous feelings as I have for you." Your heart skipped a beat because you very well knew that that was truth. "Gamzee... Uh... I-"
"Listen, I can't all be making you happy all the time, but you got to show some faith in this motherfucker..." He continued to explain that he'd never leave despite anything. You just looked down on your hands sadly, holding back tears, then you looked out of the window. The weather seemed fine and maybe Gamzee needed time to relax and enjoy the outside rather than take care of a cripple who has amnesia. You tugged his shirt. He then flashed his dopey smile for a second. "'Sup, my motherfuckin' miracle?" Again, this sent your heart to throb in pain. "I-I am not a miracle," you responded, but he just placed a finger on your lips. Gamzee planted a kiss on your cheek that resulted in making your cheeks burn. "That's all kinds of wicked miracles, bro."
He took you outside just like you wanted to see what it was like again to be in the outside. It was a hell lot of fun to be able to hear the children's laughter and it does make you jealous since you've almost spent your entire life inside your house. You regretted that. Then again, you remembered that maybe your memories aren't real at all. "Gam -" You turned to your side to see if he was there, but he wasn't. You wheel yourself to turn backwards and again Gamzee was no where to be found. Your heartbeat seemed to start to beat irregularly now and it's hurting in anxiety. The nightmare was repeating itself? Were you dreaming or awake? Was this a dream or a memory or a hallucination? You started to panic. Where's Gamzee? Why does he keep leaving when he said he will never leave you? A heart sinking thought came to your mind... Maybe Gamzee did leave you already because he couldn't take care of not only a cripple, but a cripple with amnesia who doesn't even love him back. He deserves better - the best. Gamzee doesn't need you to be happy because you can't do anything but lie and be a burden to him.
"Tavros..." You heard his familiar voice. Your eyes widened, but you shut them close as soon as possible and you covered your ears with your small hands. Gamzee shook your shoulders gently. Yet, you refused to look at him. You're afraid that that may still be a dream and next you see was... He tried to remove your hands from your ears. "Tavros, I'm all telling you that you're not motherfuckin' dreaming. Look at me and fuckin' see how this motherfucker is still all breathing and in pieces." Little by little, you opened your eyes. You gazed at Gamzee's beautiful orbs; they were tired yet very sad at the same time. You saw the sunset reflected on his eyes - literally the sunset. He gave you an ice cream and apologised for leaving to buy you one. It was your favourite flavour. Gamzee knew you too well when you don't remember saying anything to him about it.
You watched the scenery in front of you. Gamzee told you how miraculous sunsets are and that he liked the fact that it looks as if the sun was getting eaten by the land. You found yourself giggling. Gamzee was laughing, too. He wrapped his arms around your neck as he whispered, "It's been all kinds of wicked bitchtits walking 'round with my Tavvy." You mumbled back at him, "Uhh... Yeah... I had a lot of... fun with you, too... It is great being with you."
Gamzee took you home after that. You had a proper dinner because he bought dinner from the supermarket. He can't cook; you have to admit. Once, you both tried baking and everything turned out messy and burnt. Still, what mattered that day was that you both had fun with the splattered icing all over the place including yourselves. You wondered if that did really happen.
After that, you took a bath. Well, not really... You spent most of your time typing in entries on your mobile phone to remind yourself of what happened today if ever the thing Gamzee said about the "Anterograde Amnesia" was true. The date that you last remember was indeed 5 months ago so maybe what he was saying was true. Why would Gamzee even lie about something like that you?
The night was spent cuddling, watching corny television shows, and sometimes kissing. You just let him do what he wants with you because you knew that it'll make him happy regardless of your feelings towards him. You pondered for a minute, what do you even feel towards him? Gamzee planted a kiss on your forehead, grinning as usual. "You should all up and be sleeping now," he said. You just nodded and placed your head on top of his chest. His heartbeats were pleasant to hear; they were in rhythm - almost as if his heart itself was singing you to sleep. Gamzee probably realised that you were listening to his heart racing, so he started to hum something lovely as he ruffles your hair and stroking your back. This gesture made you smile. You hope that this dream will never end...
Your eyes shot open. A loud scream of Gamzee's name escape your lips as you notice yourself breathing unevenly, sweating, and trembling. In a second's time, he has his arms fling around you, shushing and telling you to calm down. How can one be still when you just had a dream about your best bro - boyfriend dying? He gives you a glass of water almost right away before he let you speak. You tell Gamzee about your nightmare that he had slit his throat right in front of you and that his blood practically covered you. He rubs your back gently. "I'm one tough motherfucker. Not a fuckin' knife can all kinds and kill me." After that, he describes to you what is happening or what had happened before. You laugh when he says you have this "Anterograde Amnesia." How could you possibly have amnesia when you were never in an accident besides that incident with Vriska in which you lost your legs? You're damn sure that you still have your memories after that mishap. But then, he gives you the definition of Anterograde Amnesia. Gamzee says that if a person has this type of amnesia, he or she loses the ability to remember any new information. You take a quick glance at the calendar at the wall. It is real. Five months had passed, yet you have no idea of what happened the last few months or weeks or days or what even happened yesterday. Gamzee explains to you of what had caused you to lose memories. Your dream about looking for him was true; you couldn't find him anywhere in the house, so you went outside to look for him and you sort of lost most of yourself when a car had hit you. You give Gamzee a confused look. "H-how was I able to go... Uhh... Outside?" There is no ramp or anything that ables you to go outside - only stairs. He says that you were still able to walk five months ago. That couldn't be true, right? Unless what you thought happened with Vriska was a mere dream? "Th-that can't be right! Uhh... It was Vriska -" Gamzee cuts you off with a question, "Which of your miraculous friends is the motherfucker called Vriska?" Your mouth gapes open for a second, but you close it just instantly. You remembered that Gamzee was furious when you mentioned Vriska to him so why... He rubs your knitted eyebrows with his thumb. "There's no fuckin' need for you to frown, Tavros." And then he flashes his signature dopey smile at you.
Well, today, Gamzee took you outside, at the seashore. He said that yesterday, you asked him to take you to see the sea. It puzzled you since you're the type of person who would rather stay at home than to be in a place you haven't been before. He settled you down on one of the beaches' folding chairs and he sat on another right next to you. It was relaxing - certainly not the same as when you're just at home watching people in the television enjoying the breeze. Gamzee extended his hand over to your side and holds your hand. You gave a small smile. "Thank you..." You mouthed the words to him.
You waited until the twilight had gone by and dusk to set it. "Uhh... Why did we... Stay here until it's... dark?" He ruffled your messy mohawk before answering, "Because sunsets are motherfuckin' miracles, bro." Then something went 'click' in your mind. You did nothing the whole day but ponder deep about the situation. Eventually, it led you nowhere since you don't even know which one is a memory or dream.
Gamzee drove you both back to your shared apartment. You have to admit that you missed the place. Spending the whole day doing nothing at the seashore was sort of boring, but relaxing, indeed. Once again, you thanked him for everything. This time, he embraces you. "No need to all up and say thanks." Gamzee releases you then disappears to the kitchen to prepare the dinner that you bought along the way at the supermarket. You flip your mobile phone open and check your notes.
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board ?.
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 93 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: uHH, i STILL WONDER WHY,
PAT: i HAVEN'T DONE THIS MONTHS AGO,
PAT: wELL, aNYWAY,
PAT: iF YOU ARE READING THIS, yOU MUST BE, uHH, tHE FUTURE ME,
PAT: aT THE MOMENT, i AM UNSTABLE,
PAT: aND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,
PAT: gAMZEE MUST HAVE EXPLAINED,
PAT: tHE STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW, bY NOW,
PAT: uHH, i GUESS?
PAT: aNYWAY,
PAT: yEAH, yOU, uHH, i, DO HAVE AMNESIA,
PAT: aNTEROGRADE AMNESIA, yOU, i, fORGET WHAT HAPPENS TODAY,
PAT: bY THE TIME YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW,
PAT: mY POINT IS,
PAT: i WANT MY FUTURE SELF, tO, uHH, uSE THIS TO RECORD WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU ON A CERTAIN DAY,
PAT: wELL, tODAY, i LEARNED THAT I SHOULDN'T KEEP LYING TO GAMZEE ANYMORE,
PAT: dOES IT NOT MAKE YOU, uHH, gUILTY?
PAT: hE EXPLAINS THESE STUFF,
PAT: oVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
PAT: i'M NOT EVEN SURE, iF WHAT HAPPENED WITH, uHH, yOU KNOW, uHH,
PAT: vRISKA,
PAT: wAS TRUE,
PAT: bUT,
PAT: sHE'S RIGHT, yOU'RE, i AM, jUST A USELESS CRIPPLE,
PAT: wHO USES MY FRIENDS,
PAT: bECAUSE I AM A COWARD,
PAT: aND I DESERVE THE INABILITY, tO WALK LIKE NORMAL,
PAT: yOU'RE, i'M, nOT EVEN WORTHY OF BEING GIVEN ATTENTION,
PAT: eSPECIALLY, bY, uHH, gAMZEE,
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 69 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: sO, uHH,
PAT: tHAT MEANS,
PAT: i, rEALLY HAVE, uHH, aMNESIA,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: uM,
PAT: i HAD BEEN THINKING ABOUT,
PAT: tHE SAME THING,
PAT: eVERYTHING, yOU'VE, i'VE, WRITTEN HERE IS TRUE,
PAT: i FEEL LIKE A BURDEN,
PAT: tHAT I DON'T DESERVE BEING ALIVE,
PAT: gAMZEE, dESERVES NOTHING, bUT THE BEST,
PAT: i, uHH, wANT TO FALL FOR HIM,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: jUST, aS, i, tHINK HE FELL FOR,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: mE,
PAT: i,
PAT: cAN'T LIVE ANYMORE, kNOWING I AM LYING TO HIM,
PAT: gAMZEE DESERVES THE BEST,
PAT: i KNOW THAT, aND YOU,
PAT: pROBABLY KNOW THAT, tOO,
PAT: aNYWAY,
PAT: hE'S CALLING FOR, uHH, dINNER NOW,
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 71 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: wHILE GAMZEE IS STILL BUSY,
PAT: i USED THAT TIME TO, uHH,
PAT: cHECK THINGS OUT,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: hE WASN'T LYING,
PAT: wHEN HE SAID,
PAT: tHAT I WAS STILL ABLE TO WALK 5 MONTHS AGO,
PAT: eQUIUS HAD, uHH,
PAT: fITTED ME IN WITH SOME, rOBOTIC LEGS?
PAT: i DON'T KNOW HOW TO CALL IT?
PAT: uHH, bUT SINCE LAST JULY, i HAD THOSE LEGS,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: i GUESS, i REALLY LOST MY LEGS,
PAT: tHAT TIME,
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 59 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: i, uHH, wOKE UP HOURS AGO,
PAT: aND, uHH, i, hAD,
PAT: tHIS, uHH, tERRIBLE NIGHTMARE,
PAT: g, gAMZEE,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: h, hE,
PAT: kILLED HIMSELF,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: uHH,
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 47 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: lIKE, wHAT I, yOU, hAVE SAID BEFORE,
PAT: gAMZEE DID EXPLAIN EVERYTHING,
PAT: bUT,
PAT: iT WASN'T, tHAT I THOUGHT HE WAS LYING,
PAT: iT'S, jUST THAT,
PAT: uHH, iT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
PAT: i CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY,
PAT: bUT, i GUESS, i DON'T REALLY NEED TO KNOW,
PAT: mAYBE, aLL I NEED TO KNOW,
PAT: iS THE FACT THAT,
PAT: i, uHH,
PAT: nEED TO CONVINCE HIM, tO LEAVE ME ALONE,
PAT: i FEEL LIKE, i'M SOME KIND OF INSANE PERSON,
PAT: tHAT TRAPS GAMZEE, tO TAKE CARE OF ME,
PAT: i DON'T WANT THAT,
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 22 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
CAT closed memo.
Before you could continue finishing the memo, that by the way, got you to tear up, Gamzee appeares right back. He notices that you have been crying so he rushes over to your side to wipe your tears. "What's all up and happened to you, Tavbro?" Gamzee asks with a frown. You realise that you haven't moved an inch from where he left you. "N-nothing," you stutter, "Are we... Uhh... Going to eat now?" He didn't seem to be convinced, but he still drives you to the dinner table. "You best be all kinds and fine. 'Cause we're gonna have a motherfucking feast!"
Just like Gamzee said, you did have a feast. Now, you can barely move because your stomach was aching. Why did he even decide to have a feast now? Is there an occasion? Maybe you should ask. "Uhh... Thank you for today, Gamzee... But... I was wondering... Why did you... Have to go through all the trouble... To prepare a feast? And -" Gamzee cuts you off with a quick peck on your cheek. "Happy motherfucking birthday, Tavros." Your eyes shot open in surprise. It is your birthday and you have forgotten all about it. "Uhh..."
"You better fuckin' take your daily bath now. I'm all like inviting your other best motherfucking friends at the last minute." He chuckles as you try to hide your burning cheeks.
Gamzee prepared the bathtub for you. It didn't take long until the doorbell rang. His lips twitches to beam at you. "I'm gonna fuckin' make you smile and it'll be the best goddamn miracle." He ruffles your already messed up mohawk. "I'll be motherfucking back. When you're all fuckin' done, you should up and call out, alright?" You just nod. He runs down to open the front door after that.
You decide to close the door, but not lock it. The water in the bathtub is surprisingly cold. It sends shivers all over your body even though you have only dipped a finger. You didn't strip all of your clothes off of you because of a reason. You leave your used shirt and trousers next to the bathtub and not actually discard them on the floor. You take a deep breath before carefully sliding on the bathtub. It surprises you how you're able to do that when you've got both of your hands occupied. You drop the item on your left hand on the bathroom floor and you flip open your mobile phone once again.
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board ?.
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 25 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: gAMZEE TOOK ME OUTSIDE TODAY, tO WATCH THE SUNSET,
PAT: i WISH I COULD, uHH, fLASH HIM A SMILE,
PAT: bUT, i JUST, cAN't,
PAT: i CAN'T HELP,
PAT: bUT THINK ABOUT,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: mY RECURRING NIGHTMARES,
PAT: i KNOW, i CAN'T SIMPLY TELL HIM TO, uHH, lEAVE ME,
PAT: i KNOW, tHAT FOR EVERYDAY THAT,
PAT: i WAKE UP, i WILL BE LOOKING FOR HIM,
PAT: fOR SOME REASON,
PAT: i, uHH, dON'T THINK I CAN LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING,
PAT: tHAT HE IS STILL ALIVE,
PAT: bREATHING,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: hAPPY,
PAT: tHEN AGAIN,
PAT: hOW COULD HE POSSIBLY BE, hAPPY AGAIN?
PAT: iT WAS MY RESPONSIBILITY,
PAT: gAMZEE IS MY RESPONSIBILITY,
PAT: i SHOULD, bE THE ONE TAKING CARE OF HIM,
PAT: aND, nOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: uM,
PAT: fOR MYSELF, wHO WILL READ THESE NOTES,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: uH, yOU, bETTER KNOW, wHAT TO DO NEXT,
PAT: i GUESS?
PAT: i THINK, tHAT'LL MAKE THINGS EASIER,
PAT: fOR GAMZEE, aND, yOURSELF, uH, mYSELF,
PAT: dO YOUR BEST,
PAT: i, uH, tRUST YOU,
PAT: sELF ESTEEM, iS NOT NEEDED FOR THIS,
PAT: yOU CAN DO IT,
PAT: aND, uHH,
PAT: hAPPY BIRTHDAY,
PAT: i HOPE, yOU,
PAT: dIDN'T FORGET ABOUT THAT,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: uH, yEAH,
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CAT: i, uHH, aM GLAD TO HAVE READ THESE, nOTES,
CAT: i, rEALLY AM,
CAT: gAMZEE WAS EAGER TO, uM, tAKE ME TO THE SEASHORE,
CAT: tODAY,
CAT: iT WAS AWESOME,
CAT: hE SAID THAT, i, tOLD HIM YESTERDAY,
CAT: tHAT WE SHOULD GO THERE,
CAT: uHHHHHH,
CAT: tO BE HONEST,
CAT: i, dON'T LIKE WATCHING THE,
CAT: sUNSET,
CAT: ,,,
CAT: wELL, aNYWAY,
And so, you continue typing in what you wanted to say, but you can't. Your eyes became fixed at the ceiling once you have finally finished typing in an entry for today. It's a good thing that it is a private memo that can only be accessed by your handle - unless someone knows your password. You didn't think it matters now if anyone manages to read it.
For the last time, you scan through the images in your mobile's gallery. You don't remember most of them. However, there is this photo that you wish you hadn't seen. It was a photo of Gamzee and yourself before everything else happened. You sort of let out a laugh when you see yourself on that old wheelchair, looking so young and without that much stress. Then your eyes fall on Gamzee who stood next to you in the photo. He still looks the same and wears the exact dopey smile since long, long ago.
You don't think that you're happy about what's going to happen next. Still, there's this part of you, telling you, persuading you, forcing you, to just do it. Even your past self had been saying that you should do it.
Your left hand reaches for the item that you have dropped a while ago. The mere sight of it makes you nauseous and it causes your heart to ache. You look at the drug on your hand. It had been days since you have started taking these drugs, as written in the memos, and you actually have no idea what it does, but it generally proves that it slows everything down. How you've gotten hold of the drug is a mystery. However, there's this one thing you know, it can definitely help in what you're planning. You swallow several pills in your mouth - not much because you have already taken a lot while eating dinner. It amuses you how Gamzee never even noticed. Anyway, you already feel yourself breathing heavily even before you've gotten yourself on the bathtub. Gamzee actually asked you why you were almost hyperventilating, but you merely told him that you're tired and full from all the food you ate that you can barely breathe. He believed it like he almost always does.
Everything else is blurred. You feel somehow relaxed; your tight grip on the bathtub is slipping away. The water seems to have gotten to the level of your head. You are drowning. The memories of today floods your thoughts just as the water sinks every single part of you. Your eyes are still open and water is only clouding your vision so you try to shut your eyes. There is no way you could shed any more tears even if you want to. There is no way you wouldn't end up dead because you had to make sure you overdosed yourself from a drug you don't even know.
It is suddenly quiet, peaceful, and serene. Finally, hopefully, everyone else will be... Happier. Tomorrow, it will be like Tavros Nitram never even existed. Every single one of your friends will forget about you - including Gamzee Makara. He was your best brother... your boyfriend or maybe what you pretended to see him as after you lied to him.
You hear very faint sounds in the background after few seconds or minutes or an hour or even a year - who the hell knows how long it had been. Arms suddenly plunge you out of the water. "TAVROS!" You hear a slurred shout from a voice that was really familiar. Who was it again? "TAVROS! MOTHERFUCKING... ANSWER... ME...! SHIT...! MOTHERFUCK...!" Ah... You drop your mobile phone on the floor, although you have tried your very best to hold on to it.
Warm and chapped lips are pressed against your own. It took a lot of time before it registers to you that it was Gamzee. "TAVROS!" You hear him yell again after thousand of face slaps and possible attempts to resuscitate you. The sounds ultimately dissolved into pure silence and there was nothing but pitch black everywhere else. You try to twitch up a final smile. After that, you don't know anymore. Consciousness probably left you.
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 9 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAT: i, aM A USELESS CRIPPLE,
PAT: aND,
PAT: i, wISH TO FLY LIKE, uHH, pUPA PAN,
PAT: aND, hAVE LOADS OF CONFIDENCE, lIKE HIM,
PAT: aLSO, sELF ESTEEM,
PAT: iF ONLY I WAS CONFIDENT,
PAT: mAYBE THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN, uM, dIFFERENT,
PAT: mAYBE, i COULD STILL WALK WITH MY LEGS,
PAT: aND, mAYBE, hANG OUT AT DIFFERENT, aWESOME PLACES,
PAT: wITH, uHH, gAMZEE,
PAT: i WISH I COULD HAVE, aT LEAST,
PAT: lOVED VRISKA, tHE WAY SHE WANTED ME TO,
PAT: bUT, vRISKA, iSN'T REALLY THE TYPE OF PERSON TO,
PAT: uM, hAVE RED FEELINGS, fOR OTHERS,
PAT: i WISH, sHE IS DOING WELL,
PAT: wITHOUT ME, tO WORRY ABOUT,
PAT: aND, uHH,
PAT: tHERE'S GAMZEE,
PAT: i REMEMBER REALISING, tHAT,
PAT: hE, uHH, hAVE FEELINGS FOR ME,
PAT: i, rEFUSED TO BELIEVE IT,
PAT: aT FIRST,
PAT: i,
PAT: rEALLY BELIEVED THAT, I, uHH, dON'T DESERVE ANYTHING,
PAT: tHE MOMENT, i LOST MY LEGS,
PAT: i FELT LIKE, uHH, tRASH,
PAT: bUT THEN,
PAT: gAMZEE WAS MY MIRACLE,
PAT: hE, cALLED ME HIS BROTHER,
PAT: aND HAD AWESOME RAP OFFS WITH ME,
PAT: i, uhh, cOULDN'T ASK FOR MORE,
PAT: i WAS SO SCARED,
PAT: oF LOSING HIM,
PAT: i KNEW, tHAT, i WAS, uHH,
PAT: gROWING SELFISH FOR WANTING MORE OF HIS TIME,
PAT: hE WAS, tHE ONLY PERSON I HAD LEFT,
PAT: aRADIA AND MY OTHER FLARP FRIENDS, aRE FAR AWAY,
PAT: wE BARELY EVEN TALK,
PAT: bECAUSE THEY HAVE LIVES,
PAT: gAMZEE, uHH, cONFESSED TO ME ONE DAY,
PAT: wELL,
PAT: uHHHHHHH,
PAT: i BROKE HIS HEART,
PAT: i DIDN'T MEAN TO,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: dO THAT,
PAT: iT WORRIED ME SINCE HIS CONFESSION,
PAT: hE BECAME DISTANT,
PAT: aND, i DIDN'T WANT THAT,
PAT: i DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE HIM,
PAT: i BECAME, uHH,
PAT: dESPERATE, aNd, eXCEEDINGLY SELFISH,
PAT: sO, i, uHH,
PAT: tOLD HIM THAT, i, uM,
PAT: fEEL THE SAME TOWARDS HIM,
PAT: iT BROUGHT BACK LIFE TO HIM,
PAT: gAMZEE WASN'T GOING TO, bE DISTANT,
PAT: i WAS HAPPY,
PAT: bEYOND HAPPY, tO HAVE GAMZEE BACK,
PAT: bUT,
PAT: tHERE HAD BEEN TERRIBLE, uHH, dAYS,
PAT: tHE FIRST TIME WAS, hORRIFIC,
PAT: bUT, i tHOUGHT, iT'S OKAY,
PAT: i UNDERSTOOD GAMZEE, aND WHATEVER,
PAT: iT IS THAT HE WAS, uHH, gOING THROUGH,
PAT: i GOT USED TO EVERYTHING,
PAT: aND EVERYDAY, i ALWAYS HOPE,
PAT: aND ALSO PRAY TO, wHOEVER,
PAT: tO MAKE ME LOVE HIM,
PAT: i REALLY WANTED TO LOVE GAMZEE,
PAT: i JUST, cOULDN'T STAND, aNOTHER DAY,
PAT: oF LYING TO HIM,
PAT: i DON'T WANT TO HURT HIM,
PAT: aND I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF,
PAT: tO, uHH, aLWAYS THINK OF GAMZEE,
PAT: bEFORE MYSELF,
PAT: i HONESTLY DON'T KNOW,
PAT: wHAT IS REAL OR NOT, aNYMORE,
PAT: bUT I STILL KEEP ON RECALLING VIVIDLY,
PAT: tHE NIGHTMARE,
PAT: tHAT SEEMED TO BE THE, uHH, eXACT SAME DREAM,
PAT: tHAT I HAVE EVERY SINGLE DAY,
PAT: iT WAS,
PAT: aBOUT LOSING GAMZEE,
PAT: aT FIRST,
PAT: i COULDN'T FIND HIM,
PAT: bUT WHEN I FINALLY DID,
PAT: hE LOOKS AT ME WITH, uHHH, bLOODSHOT EYES,
PAT: aS IF, tELLING ME, tHAT EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT,
PAT: aND THEN,
PAT: ,,,
PAT: hE COMMITS SUICIDE,
PAT: i HAVE AMNESIA,
PAT: aNTEROGRADE AMNESIA,
PAT: bECAUSE OF AN ACCIDENT, tHAT, i, uHH,
PAT: dON'T REMEMBER,
PAT: aND GAMZEE HAD TO,
PAT: cALM ME DOWN, fOR 5 MONTHS, eVERY MORNING,
PAT: bECAUSE OF THE VERY SAME NIGHTMARE,
PAT: iT,
PAT: wASN'T MEANT TO BE, uHH,
PAT: lIKE THAT,
PAT: i HAVE YET AGAIN, bECAME A, hEAVY BURDEN,
PAT: tO HIM,
PAT: aND, i DON'T THINK, i, uHH,
PAT: cAN LIVE WITH THAT,
PAT: uNTIL I DIE,
PAT: gAMZEE KEEPS, oN TRYING TO CONVINCE ME,
PAT: tHAT I AM A MIRACLE, hIS MIRACLE,
PAT: i, rEALLY APPRECIATE IT,
PAT: iT'S AWESOME TO KNOW, tHAT I MAKE HIM HAPPY,
PAT: bUT, i, dON'T WANT TO, bE THAT, uHH,
PAT: pERSON THAT HE DEPENDS, hIS, uM, hAPPINESS FROM,
PAT: oR MAYBE I AM JUST, bEING DELUSIONAL,
PAT: rIGHT NOW,
PAT: aNYWAY,
PAT: i BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION,
PAT: mAYBE, nEXT TIME I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE WINGS,
PAT: lIKE PUPA PAN,
PAT: aND WATCH OVER, uHH, gAMZEE AND MY FRIENDS,
PAT: bY THEN, I WOULD PROBABLY,
PAT: bE GLAD OVER THIS, uHH, dECISION,
PAT: ,,,
PAT banned himself from responding to memo.
Writer's bullshit: Are you glad that that was over? I told you not to read this piece of junk. My grammar, spelling and vocabulary sucks. But you still continued to read it anyway. Yes, I am aware that it was OOC. I mean, I do support GamTav or PBJ with all my heart. Where did this plot even come from, I always think? Maybe sometimes I just can't imagine Tavros reciprocating what Gamzee wants – like making out, but I imagine him to be this person who would eventually do it just to not disappoint Gamzee. Come on, guys. No hating this person who warned you not to read this. Haha. Anyway, off you go and read another fanfiction. No need to waste more time in this piece of junk.
Characters don't belong to me. They belong to Andrew Hussie. The only possible thing that belongs to me is the shitty story that came along with the amazing characters. So off you go now. Haha~
Your eyelids slowly open themselves. The bright light flashes over you that you almost don't want to fully open your eyes. The first thought that came in your thoughts was that you're alive or possibly reincarnation does work. You look around the place before you lay your sight upon yourself.
What surprised you was the voice that followed your amazement that you're still alive, "Tavros..." You glance over to the source and there he was. Your best brother, Gamzee Makara, flashing his oh-so-famous dopey smile at you. Laughter leaves your mouth. "I... Uh... Missed you, too, Gamzee," you tell him.
Writer's bullshit number 2: Now what the hell just happened. Basically, I didn't say Tavros died, did I? I just said, "Consciousness left him." Anyway, he wasn't reincarnated or something - Gamzee saved him in time and the drugs well, got him into coma. So when he woke up, I don't know. It's up to you guys to decide if Tavros remembers everything or not. All I know is that a lot of people probably hate me now...
The reason why the title is like is because I don't know. 'Cause maybe Tavros is being pessimistic about all of this stuff or something... That it's up to the person to see if the glass is half full of half plenty? I don't even know. So yeah ;;
I would like to thank Yumi because she persuaded me to continue writing this and she actually edited this story for me. Bless her and her kindness.
Goodbye and Thank you for wasting your time on my piece of junk ;;