DREAMS OF WATER AND SKY
written by A. E. Stover
this version is not edited

.

.

.

.

The sky was an endless blue. If he tried hard enough, he could pretend it was the fabled ocean of his and Armin's dreams.

"Captain...?"

Eren thought the sight was worth the trip, no matter the difficulties.

"Is this — Is this still part of the plan?"

Eren grit his teeth. No matter the difficulties, his mind chanted.

They were all clinging to an unknown cliffside, dangling above the wide, gaping mouth of a titan. They were, at this point, out of gas for the most part and had dulled most of their blades. One member of his squad was unconscious while another was missing a leg. The lost leg wouldn't worry Eren so much (Richard was alive, thank God) if they weren't prey to the force of gravity along with a 15-meter titan while their medic was the one out cold.

Zamir was the closest to the titan. He was also a sobbing mess. This was his first expedition out of the walls and only his second titan encounter. He'd been lucky enough to stay out of the mess Shiganshina and Trost were subject to; he lived in a small town close to Wall Rose's northern gate. He was born a merchant's son and aspired to join the Military Police until the Scouting Legion wooed him away with tales of adventurous wonder.

But... there was little to wonder when you dangled a few meters short of a titan's mouth. Eren was gonna find the little shit that spoke to Zamir and slug him.

The titan they were at the mercy of stayed dull. Its movements were lethargic and its gaze unfocused. It had trouble moving its limbs while crawling toward them, and had fumbled to swipe at them. It'd tried jumping once, but slipped on the grass and fell flat on its face. It hadn't moved since; it only had the mind to tilt its head back as far as it could and pull open its mouth.

That had been an hour ago.

Eren and his team had dangled pathetically above a dumb titan for an hour.

In his defense, Eren just wanted to point out that the titan wasn't completely incompetent. He didn't bring his whole squad out to hang on unstable ground for shits and giggles. The dumb fucker was erratic as hell; stupid as shit one second and quick as death the next. That's an aberrant, alright. At least this one's intelligence wasn't as terrifyingly great as that of the first one they'd dealt with.

Eren didn't know how far away the titans had chased his squad. The first aberrant he and his team lured away from central possessed some intelligence about 3DMG mechanics. His team barely came out of that fight alive. Their horses had fled, their medic suffered a serious concussion, Richard was without a left leg, and Analise's gear was damaged beyond repair. Nila's gear had also been damaged, but nobody knew how much until her gas canisters cut to abrupt silence in the middle of their frantic scramble up the cliff.

Eren adjusted his hold on the unconscious Ilana and glanced up. There was nothing but the rich blue sky. Just endless, endless sky. No Nila, whom Eren had sent out with Ilana's gear to send for help. No Levi, whom Eren desperately hoped wouldn't be the one to rescue him because of the humiliating factor that would no doubt come with it. He'd take a Mike-and-Hanji combo over Levi any day. Maybe even Erwin or Mikasa. Jean was right out though; he'd never hear the end of it from him. The asshole.

"Captain? This is... This is still part of the plan, right?"

"No, Analise, this is not still part of the plan, you senseless dumb fuck. Richard's only got one leg, Ilana's out cold, Zamir's shitting himself, your gear is fucked, Nila's God knows where, and I'm completely out of gas. What the fuck kind of plan do you think all that's a part of? Whatever plan we've been on was ditched the moment we led that 23-meter son of a bitch away from the Commander. We're on a new plan — our own plan — and it's called we're fucking screwed so shut the fuck up."

...Is what Eren wanted to say. He forced himself to swallow it all down. He felt a smile plaster over his face and turned to face naïve little Analise.

"Enjoy the downtime, Analise! We don't get to hang around much in the barracks, don't we?"

Analise's shaky laugh merged with Zamir's whimpering chuckle. Even good ol' Richard managed an amused wheeze. Their awkward, out-of-place smiles brightened their tragically gloomy faces, and Eren actually felt their morale spike up.

Eren was going to hell. He was going straight down to the fiery depths of hell.

He felt worse when he caught Richard's eyes linger in his direction. Guilt flared like a hot geyser; looking at Richard's paling, empty face, Eren wondered how Richard's thoughts unfolded as he looked at his squad captain. There was fear and guilt, and... shame?

Eren realized Richard wasn't looking at him.

Richard had eyes only for Ilana.

That made Eren feel the flaring guilt so much more.

Eren adjusted his hold on their medic. He'd used the spare leather straps he had actually remembered to pack (thank you, Armin!) to hook Ilana to him, and kept his left arm wrapped firmly around Ilana's waist. "I got her," he told Richard. And then, broke one of Levi's rules by adding: "I won't let anything happen to her."

Richard turned his nearly bloodless face to stare long and hard at Eren. This was Richard's third expedition; he knew how useless promises were beyond the walls. Still, Richard seemed to believe, and the stare-down melted to a satisfied, lax expression. It could've passed for a weak smile.

The only thing that passed was Richard's grip on consciousness.

"Richard!" Analise cried in alarm. She swooped farther down from where she'd attached herself and got to Richard in time. His grip on the wires slacked just as she looped an arm around his waist. She struggled with holding him up, and for a moment Eren thought she was going to drop him. But Analise held Richard firmly by his waist, making sure his backside was flush against her front and let him droop forward at the waist. Below, Zamir had moved quickly to intercept him had he fallen. Their scout looked relieved he hadn't fallen, and he allowed his jaw to relax.

"His breathing is shallow," Analise reported, her voice wavering at the end. "And he's so cold..."

"He's losing too much blood," Zamir said matter-of-factly, and Eren had enough self control not to thank him for "pointing out the obvious."

What little hope his team had managed to scrap up before was crumbling like the cliff they were latched onto. Strong, sudden quakes shook away more of their resolve.

"The titan— It's moving!" Zamir shouted.

Eren felt his whole mind sear with the sheer amount of attention he placed on the dull, moving titan below them. It was a 15-meter class with a short torso and long, spindly arms and legs. It was a crawler, not a walker, though even crawling appeared too taxing if their short experience with it was anything to go by. From what he remembered, the titan seemed to have a preference for its left side; both the reaches and kicks it'd done at them had been with its left limbs. Eren shifted his focus on the titan's face. It's wide, gaping mouth was opening and shutting, and it flared the nostrils on its short, flat nose. Its eyes seemed unfocused; its right eye didn't quite follow movement as its left eye did. While Eren studied the titan's face, he saw what had made the titan suddenly react.

Specks of blood were smeared against its chin.

Richard's bloody stump was dripping right into the titan's face.

"Analise." Eren looked at the brunette just an arm's reach below him. "Use the rest of your gas to scale the cliff. Take Richard above. He's bleeding everywhere, and that sick fuck's getting off on it."

Analise's lip quivered for a fraction of a second before she clamped her lips in a tight line and summoned a steely resolve. The arm holding Richard drew in tight, and Analise gave Eren a firm nod.

Without a word, Analise launched up with a sharp hiss of gas. The zip of wires and clink of metal grapples mixed with short bursts of gas; the noise softened as distance grew between Analise and the rest of the squad.

Zamir and Eren were the only ones still hanging around. Eren knew Zamir still had some gas left, and Eren tried to calculate if sharing gas would be enough for him to take out the 15-meter titan by himself. It would be risky; though the titan was dull, it was still a titan. And Eren had seen it once react with lightening speed during the scramble back in town, so it was clear that the beast was capable of some dexterity. It would only take one unlucky move for Eren to go down in one swipe. Shifting was not an option either; he didn't know how well his squad would take it, and there was a risk of attracting other titans while in his titan form. There was also the additional risk of not being able to get out in his current condition. Of his personnel, only Nila had such knowledge. But having watched the protocol was very different from executing it; Nila was good, but she wasn't Mikasa. And Nila wasn't even here.

Eren's hold on Ilana shifted as he swung side to side to turn towards the cliffside. He dug his feet into the dry rock and looked down.

"Zamir!"

The inexperienced scout was at his side in an instant. His face, streaked with once-flowing tears assumed a sternness Eren was surprised — and proud — to see.

"Do you need me to take Ilana up, Captain?"

Eren nodded. Smart kid.

They worked to unhook Ilana from Eren's straps and attach the unconscious medic to Zamir. "Be careful," Eren warned once Ilana was secured. "Dry land isn't easy to scale. And the forest above isn't safe until you're in one of the taller trees."

Zamir didn't reply and only swallowed. Then he said in a quiet voice, "We'll be okay. Because we're coming back for you." Before Eren could respond, Zamir zipped up and began the long climb up to the top.

Eren was left to dangle alone, listening to the sounds of his squad clink up the cliff grow faint. The 15-meter titan start to shuffle below the cliff, eyes darting between the retreating soldiers to the one that remained near its reach.

Eren grasped his wire tightly. As soon as they were up — as soon as he his squad was safely up the cliff, he told himself, he'd shift. He'd get rid of the titan first, and then he'd climb up and eliminate anything else that faced them. He'll keep his squad safe. He'll keep his squad alive.

They were all going to survive this — together.

"No!"

Analise's cry of despair plunged ice into his veins. Eren threw his head back and strained his eyes against the bright blue sky to see what was happening. He couldn't seen anything; the sky was too bright; all he saw were shadows, shadows that moved, shadows that grew larger and larger.

It wasn't a shadow, he realized. It was the silhouette of Richard's body as it plummeted down.

"Richard!" Zamir shouted, voice torn from his inability to reach out for his friend because his hands were full, goddammit!

Analise gave another cry, this one not of grief but of fear. "Titans!" she screamed. "There are titans above! Captain!"

Fuck fuck fuck fuck Eren had no time for this shit; What do they do? Titans above, a fucking dumb shit titan below, no fucking gas, medic out cold, and Richard — Richard! Richard was falling; fucking unconscious Richard with his one bloody stump, fuck, and Eren was calculating how far to swing himself to the left and when to do it and what were the chances of his grapples staying in this shitty dry rock fuck fuck fuck no, shit, this isn't happening this can't happen not now not again not—

She swooped down like an angel; her dark dreads flying around her like a halo and her bright eyes blazing with the glory of unexpected salvation.

Eren watched Nila catch Richard just in time. She shot up like lightening just as the titan below chomped its jaws around now-empty space, and didn't stop until she was a good five meters above Eren. She was heaving when she came to a full stop, eyes still blazing and wild, and she held Richard so tightly in her arm, Eren thought she'd suffocate him to death.

When she recovered, and it was a quick one, she turned her attention down to Eren. "Hanji-buntaichou is here!" Nila shouted, looking first down at Eren and then up at Zamir and Analise who came back down — no, Analise, you're wasting your gas; go up and be safe, goddammit! — with a face streaming with tears.

"Oh, thank God," Analise sobbed, grabbing hold of Nila's arm. "I thought he was gonna— He slipped, and I— Oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—"

"Retiens tes pleurs!" Nila barked, kicking her foot against the rocky cliff. "Stop your crying! Now is not the time!" Nila quickly passed Richard over, not saying a work when Analise clutched onto him as if he were her lifeline. "You have another chance," Nila spoke calmly as secured Richard to the younger girl. "Don't make the same mistake! Now, go up! Go!"

Analise blinked her tears away, forcing composure upon herself. By the time she'd kicked off the cliff and swung around to climb up, her steely resolve was back in place.

Then, Nila dropped further down to come face-to-face with Eren.

Eren, who'd been helpless to watch one of his own squad members almost plummet to his death. Eren, who'd been dangling on wires as he watched Analise stricken with the fear and guilt of losing a comrade by her own hand. Eren, who had to have Nila swoop in to save the squad the Commander entrusted him with — the squad that included the lives of the top three soldiers of the newly graduated 113th Trainee Squad.

Eren felt like shit.

"Captain."

Nila Baptiste gave her senior a stare that managed to cut through his shitty feelings and somehow make him feel more like the piece of shit he was. Her tone was as grave as her stare, but her voice still wavered and the strict hold on her composure was rapidly falling away. "Hanji-buntaichou instructed me to pass a message on to you from the Commander."

He knew already what the message would be; knowing the extent of trust the Commander placed in him made his head whirl; knowing that he could get everyone to safety made the hairs on the back of his neck rise and his heart race madly in his chest; knowing that his squad would never be able to look at their captain the same way again made his stomach lurch nauseatingly. But knowing that his squad would live to see another day forced a calm to overtake his sense. Eren watched rather than heard the words pour from Nila's lips, anticipation coursing through his veins.

"Shift at your own discretion," was the Commander's message. Just then, a large shadow veiled them as someone — Zamir! — screamed high above.

Eren looked directly into Nila's eyes, looking past the glimmer of fear that came at the prospect of being near a titan shifter and straight into the burning desire to stay alive.

"Get the others to safety," he said, and with a few practiced flicks of his hand, he had rid himself of his gear and was falling down.

He bit into the flesh of his left hand.

He vaguely felt the wet, crunching sensation of having stomped on the dull titan's face as he landed. He distantly heard the echoing roar that burst from his throat. He felt someone drive his body up the cliff so he could come face to face with an elongated face with bulging eyes, a slack jaw, and crooked teeth. He thought he reeled back a fist.

He can't remember anything after that.