a/n: This is slightly AU, based on the Fuinn rumours – I still hope they're just rumours – and well, it's my take on what would happen if Rachel decided to go to Carmel High after Finn and Quinn get back together. It's a future fic, the next chapter will take place about ten years after the prologue. It's one of those multi-chaptered, slow-developing Finchel fics, so bear with me if there's a lot of angst and introspection, at first. Oh, also, this has been proof-read, but not beta-ed, if anyone would like to beta for me, please contact me? Thank you and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

So tell me, have I lost it all
Have I lost my pain
Punch through a red brick wall
I don't feel a thing

But to you, it's all the same
Like a hunter only knows
What's its prey

Whatever's mine is yours
We share the blame
Just like the darkness in your mind
Is blind with shame

I Blame Coco – Summer Rain

There was once a lovely girl. She had been very lonely at first and then she had been saved and now she was just broken.

Rachel Berry had been a mess after Jesse St James crushed her heart like the unborn chick inside that egg, but this was completely different; she couldn't quite remember what it was like to feel loved, to have her heart in one piece, every day she felt more tired. Not of life, of course, only of McKinley High and seeing his face everyday. It hurt, of course it did, but it wasn't just that. Of course she winced slightly when she heard his name and couldn't quite look him in the eye when they were told to sing together - even if those occasions were rare - and she couldn't even think his name, let alone say it. But it was more anger and disappointment at herself than anything else. Noah had taken her under his wing, so to speak, taken care of her for a little while, but it was short-lived. Rachel had given up once she realized that he was making kissy faces at Lauren Zizes over her head. Extremely uncomfortable, that. The point was that she had ruined the one thing she'd loved more than herself without a chance of proving exactly how much better he made her, and she did like it when she proved herself.

Instead, just as she decided to stop texting him good-morning, to give him space and time, like he had asked and like she was now sure he needed, he went and ruined all progress she might have made, regarding her self-esteem and her selfishness, and all those things he'd positively affected. Like a fair sport, Rachel had stepped aside for a while to let him think, and he was kissing Quinn thus proving everything she had ever thought about him to be true: obviously she had been weighing him down, and as soon as she left his life he did what he could to get back on top. Of course Quinn wasn't innocent, herself. She was a social shark; when she smelt an open, she went for it. So standing there, open-mouthed, still wearing the football uniform that made her look like Frankenstein or some other hideous creature with a disfigured body, the tiny brunette couldn't tear her eyes from the cheerleader's and quarterback's joined lips and similar to the sound of Sam's dislocating shoulder, all that time ago, she swore she could hear her heart breaking into a million pieces, turning to dust and becoming completely irreparable.

"Berry," That should be Noah, with so much pity in his voice she stopped feeling sorry for herself for the smallest fraction of a second. He didn't even glance her way and Rachel wondered if they would ever stop kissing. Her eyes stung, had she even more tears to cry? "Berry, shh," Noah was comforting her and someone sobbed – probably herself.

It was okay, the so-called rebel-proved-to-be-the-best-person-she-knew, told her, it was okay, everything was going to be fine, he said. "No, it won't. He's not doing it to hurt me, you know? He actually cares for her and he will be happy. But Quinn will never love him like I do," Noah said nothing because there was nothing to say. Nobody could love the star quarterback quite like her. Rachel knew there were a lot of things wrong with her and she admitted to those even though it cost her to do so because she defended acknowledging her qualities as well as her faults, yet if there was one thing she knew she excelled at, most of the time, was being with him. But the stupid knob-head always chose Quinn. It was better than Santana, in a way, but wouldn't it be even better if he chose her? Noah told her he would take her home, Rachel nodded, not really listening. When she opened her eyes again, the sun was rising.

That day she couldn't go to school. Daddy had checked on her three times before he decided to take off the football uniform and try to coax her into changing into her pyjamas. Rachel stopped crying for a bit and did what she was told, drank a glass of soy milk and managed to eat a couple of vegan cupcakes Daddy brought her. Knowing he was as satisfied as he would be, she climbed back to bed and sobbed until she fell asleep again.

"Mr Schue, you can't stop me. Kurt could do it, I should be allowed to, as well. You don't need me really, not anymore, and you should have predicted this. Everyone should. I don't enjoy being in a place where I'm not liked. I used like them enough to forgive their behaviours, but now I just... Glee club isn't a family to me anymore. It's a burden, honestly. It was fun for a bit but I need a place where I'm appreciated," Rachel didn't smile. She didn't frown or show any other emotion. All she could do was shrug her shoulders since it was obvious, that she should make this decision. In fact, it was ludicrous that she hadn't considered it before – mainly because she was afraid to meet people who were better than her, and then to lose him, but now she wasn't afraid, not as long as she got to run away.

The man sitting in front of her was speechless – he had said he was her best, sometimes only fan, but he was the one who least appreciated her. Or at least, he was the biggest hypocrite about it. "Rachel, you don't have to do this. You're all going through a hard time -" The teenager shook her head before Mr Schue had time to finish. It was a lie, and they both knew it, in spite of her having been just as much of an insufferable optimist as Mr Schue was, she knew now that she had grown out of it and was all for cold and hard facts. Maybe he should grow out of it too.

Her face was a perfectly blank mask as she looked at him, a mask which had been perfected the week prior to this little chat, the one when she had been unable to leave the house. "Please, don't try to change my mind. It's not worth it. I'm quitting Glee club and by next week my transfer will have been completed. Tell the Glee club whatever you'd like, but I don't want them to know I'm leaving. Not that they'd care," Rachel tacked the last part on without wanting to, the words echoing inside her bitterly. Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heels and left the office, heading towards her next class and walking the halls carefully to avoid bumping into Noah. Only a few hours into this and she was already good at it: being the first one to enter the classroom and taking a seat at the end, leaving right after the bell rung and hiding in the bathroom before she had to run to another class. As if she was invisible.

Now she only needed to get through the rest of the week without seeing her former fellow Glee-clubbers.

Wth, Berry? I haven't seen u in 2 weeks. Hope ur ok.

U haven't done anything stupid, have u?

I can't believe u didn't say u were leaving.

Noah had been the only person to text her, it made Rachel unable to delete those texts. Not that she'd replied to any of them. Except that to think that one person had cared about her, out of the whole club, was at the same time hurtful and heart-warming. She had never thought that the person she would end up actually liking in McKinley would be Noah Puckerman, even if the disappointment she read on last text told her that maybe she had ruined all chances of a friendship. "It's a good thing," She told herself, before taking a deep breath and pushing open the doors of Carmel High, so trained in her new stance of heartless automaton that it didn't bother her that she had chosen McKinley's greatest rival. Rachel Berry didn't care about anything but her own career, didn't they all say that? Her transfer to Carmel would only prove them right, then."Good morning, I'm Rachel Berry. I'd like to audition for Vocal Adrenaline. I just transferred here," A transfer that had altered all her aspects of her live, as she had managed to convince her dads that moving to Carmel was most important for her well-being. Though, in a way, it was.

"I know who you are. You're in. Don't think this will be easy breezy, like those New Directions. I'm letting you in but you're working hard. You'll eat, breathe and sleep Vocal Adrenaline. If you're not planning on giving this your best, you might as well leave now; we can use you, but we can win without you," That was her coach, then. So different from Mr Schue that it made her take a step back, in surprise. This man was like Shelby had been, absolutely inflexible and emotionless and strict, with the right amount of manipulation, subtly pulling on her competitive edge. The emotional bond that she'd had with Mr Schue would be absent in this particular relationship and that was a relief. The brunette straightened her back, deciding never again to compare her former life with the one that had just begun; here she would be valued, she would be heard, she would be popular, and, above all, she would be less miserable.

For the first time in three weeks, Rachel smiled, "It sounds perfect. I won't disappoint you," She picked up her cellphone and deleted the only three messages that had been saved, as a reminder, already thinking of other ways to become more herself. Though there was no real happiness inside her, and she began asking herself why Vocal Adrenaline were a glee club, to begin with, the brunette realized that this new environment might just be the best thing that ever happened to her. No drama other than whether they all worked hard enough to be considered the best or no and not having to worry about being slushied was absolute Heaven.

The lovely, broken girl would get her happily ever after.

a/n: That's all, folks! Also, was it good, bad? Please review and thanks.