Eiri Yuki's POV
"God, I'm so stupid. So fucking stupid. I should be dead.." I stare out the living room window, my gaze being greeted by the Tokyo skyline as the sun started to rise. My gaze shifts to the coffee table in front of me. I stare at the picture on its surface, the broken picture of me and Shuichi.
"Please baka, come home to me." I knew I'd gone to far, I knew that if he was in the right mind he wouldn't come back, he'd keep walking and never look back at the flat that me and him had shared for three years... I wouldn't blame him either. All he did was try and get me to open up, try to melt the freezing cold ice that inclosed my heart, and in return I always pushed him away.
I rubbed my eyes' sleepily, I hadn't slept since last night. Since the incident last night. I feel tears in my eyes', it takes all I'm worth to hold them back. The memory of last night overpowered my mind.
"Yuki, please talk to me!" Shuichi had begged, banging on the door to my study.
"Brat, leave me to work in peace!" I'd snarled in response and stared at a blank word pad.
"Yuki, please?" The doorknob twisted, but wouldn't open. My study was the only door in the house - besides the front door - with a lock on it. The doorknob twisted repeatedly; more loud banging. I growled, frustrated, and got up. I strode to the door and opened it.
"Baka, I've nothing to talk about!" I barked. Shuichi stood at the door, eyes heavy with tears.
"Yuki, please talk to me." He begged once again.
"There's nothing to talk about! Yes, okay, I shot Kitazawa, yes, he was going to rape me, yes, I loved him. There talks over." I went to slam the door, however, being the baka he was, Shuichi stuck his hand between the door and the door frame.
"Ow!" He cried in pain. I resisted the urge to comfort him, to hold him and say I was sorry.
"Next time don't stick your damn hand in the door."
"Yuki, I only want to help you." He cried, face covered in tears. It pained me to see him cry, of course I would never admit that to him..
"I don't need your help and I don't need you!" The words were out before I could stop them. Shuichi turned around on his heel and walked towards the door, I could hear his heart breaking.
"Fine Yuki!" He yelled back. "I'll leave and I won't bother you ever again." I wanted to run and grab him before he could get any closer to the door, I wanted to crush my lips against his and apologize over and over and over again.
"I thought you'd never say that!" I screamed instead. "Don't forget this!" I threw the nearest object over to him. Coincidentally, it had been the picture of me and him at our favorite restaruant. The picture frame's corner chipped off, the plexiglass had multiple cracks in it. Shuichi took one look at the broken picture, quickly turned around, and opened the door. I heard him sniffle before he slammed the door behind him.
A mouth's like loaded gun. The chamber's full of bullets, it never runs out. Every word you say adds another bullet to the already filled chamber. Every sentence shoots the bullets at the person. I thought this over and over again in my head. A few moments later, my thoughts were interrupted by the phone. I grab it without looking at the caller ID.
"Shuichi?" I ask softly.
"Eiri, I just wanted to let you know that your next deadline is due February 19." Mizuki, my editor, says. A few seconds of silence followed by, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," I try to make my voice sound as cold as possible. "so I have four months to get the story?"
"Yes." Mizuki didn't sound reassured.
"I'll see what I can do." With that I hung up the phone. I didn't jump up and bolt to my study as I usually would, instead I stayed on the black, velveteen couch.
I felt tears slip past my eyes and roll down my cheeks, breaking down the brick wall I had set up to imprison my emotions. My left hand was folded around my right fist, my thumbs' holding up my head, using my chin.
"Shu... please come home." I croaked out. The phone rang again. I answered it.
"Shuichi?" My voice was barely a whisper.
"Yuki, I just want to let you know that I'm coming over to pack, I won't be to long." Shuichi's sweet voice rang on the other end.
"Shuichi-..." I was cut short by a click of the phone. Why was I getting calls at five in the morning?
"Shuichi probably couldn't sleep either. Mizuki... that should clarify itself." I smiled a sad smile at my own pun, the smile quickly turned back into a frown though. Sleep overpowered me. "No, I have to stay awake. I have to wait for Shuichi." With that final though, my eyes slipped closed; I fell asleep still sitting up.
"Yuki! Yuki! Yuki, you cold hearted bastard wake up!" I was awoken by Hiro's voice.
"What?" I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at Hiro. I glared at him.
"Yuki, is Shuichi here?" He asked, frantic.
"I don't know... how the hell did you get in here?" I wondered aloud.
"You left the door unlocked." Hiro said, looking around the apartment. "Shuichi never came back last night."
With that sentence, I jolted awake. "What?"
"Shuichi told me that he was coming over here to pack his things. He asked me to go with him, but I was already half asleep. I woke up this morning and he's nowhere to be found!" Hiro frantically explained.
"Is - is he here?" I ask.
"I don't think so." Hiro said, his voice defeated.
"Come on, we gotta find him." I shot up and dashed to the door, grabbing my coat so I wouldn't freeze in Tokyo's winter air.
"Shuichi!" Hiro and I called out, walking up and down the streets.
I turned down into an alley. "Hiroshi!" I called. He immediatly rushed over. I ran down the alley, stopping in front of a dumpster, beside it was a beaten and broken Shuichi. His clothes were placed carelessly on him, and he was sleeping. I crouched down in front of him putting the back of my hand against his cheek, petting him softly.
"Oh, Shu.." I said softly. I looked him over, then gently took him in my arms, carrying him. Hiro had made his way to my side; I looked up at him. "We've got to get him to a hospital."
We both hurried to my car in the parking lot of apartments where I live.
"Y-Yuki?" I heard a soft voice ask me. I looked down at Shuichi to see his eyes half opened. I felt relief take over, relief that my lover was conscious.
"Shu-chan, thank God!" I cradled him against me.
"Yuki, you're not mad?" I heard Shuichi ask softly.
"Shuichi, I was never mad at you. What happened to you?" I asked.
"I... I can't remember. If you're not mad, then why did you yell at me?" Even Shuichi's voice sounded broken.
"I don't know, Shuichi, I'm an idiot, a bastard, a jackass..." I said, my car in view. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be like this." I felt Shuichi's soft hand wipe away a tear that I hadn't known slipped out from my eye. We were at my car now, Hiro opened the back door.
I slid into the back seat, Shuichi still in my arms. I held him to my chest. Hiro drove us to the hospital.
When we arrived, I rushed in still carrying Shuichi in my arms. Hiro was hot on my heels. The hospital staff immediately took him in.
"Eiri-san, he'll be fine." The nurse tried convincing me. I reluctantly let go of Shuichi's hand and watched him being wheeled away into the examination room.
I'm sitting at his side now, by his hospital bed. I in twine our fingers and feel a reassuring squeeze, I look up. I'm met by Shuichi's violet eyes. I don't say anything, only smile and kiss his hand gently.
"Yuki, where am I...?" I hear him ask me.
"You're in a hospital, Shuichi, you were beaten and raped in an alley." I answer. "You don't remember?" Shuichi shook his head. I stare at him, helplessly.
"Yuki, I'm sorry for bothering you when you were trying to work." Shuichi apoligized.
"Shuichi, I'm sorry. Look, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be in here. If I hadn't lost my temper. If I could only tell you how I really feel. If I wasn't so cold towards you." I looked down.
Shuichi slipped his hand out of mine, and put it against my cheek. "That's a lot of 'ifs', Eiri." I looked up at Shuichi. Shuichi pulled me towards him and kissed my lips softly.
When Shuichi pulled away, he looked at his right arm wondering why it felt so heavy.
"It's hot pink." Shuichi looked at his cast.
"You're welcome." I smiled back, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a black sharpie. "I always carry one." I answered, chuckling at Shuichi's confused face. I signed his cast. Shuichi smiled at the writing. "You are my life, the love of my life and I love you, Shuichi Shindou. With all the love I'm worth. Eiri Uesugi."
I placed the sharpie back into my pocket and faced Shuichi again, his lips' meeting mine for a second time.
"I love you, Eiri." Shuichi said when he pulled back.
"I love you, Shuichi Shindou." I said back. Shuichi, very weakly, climbed out of his bed and sat in my lap. I wrapped my arms around him, and placed my face in his pink hair as he placed his head on my shoulder. We fell asleep together, just like that.
A mouth's like loaded gun. The chamber's full of bullets, it never runs out. Every word you say adds another bullet to the already filled chamber, every sentence shoots the bullets at the person, unless you say the magic words.