She could practically picture her wife's face the moment she saw the she was alive and well. Her Sergeant had told her she had called Quinn the moment he heard that their unit had been hit and there were no signs of survivors. When he told her that when she woke up a week later, she could practically hear Quinn bitching her out from their house in the suburbs and she couldn't help the smile that crawled up her face when the man patted her head and handed her the picture of their little family she kept with her at all times.
When she enlisted three days before high school graduation, the blonde broke up with her and told her she was a selfish bitch. Santana got used to the cold shoulder fairly quickly and decided it would be best to enjoy the limited time she had with her family and friends before she was supposed to board the plane for training.
The night before her flight, it didn't surprise the girl when she opened her front door and saw a teary eyed Quinn. What did surprise her was the bitch slap she received shortly after the girl squeezed the life out of the brunette in a hug she could still feel to this day.
She could also hear the 'I hate you's' her eighteen year old girlfriend repeatedly told her while she tried to show her how much love she felt for her that night. It was the most painful goodbye she has ever been involved in. And this is including watching her best friend die right in front of her. Because while she watched the life being taken out of Adam, she didn't feel like he was taking her heart with him. It wasn't possible considering two blonde girls had claimed that heart and held it with them in Westchester.
It did pain her knowing her daughter was turning three in a few days and she has roughly spent about a year and a half with the little girl. She knew Quinn had some sort of resentment towards the soldier considering Santana practically begged her to get pregnant and she wasn't even around for most of their daughter's life. But her wife knew how much the Army meant to the hardheaded girl. This didn't mean it was any easier to say their goodbyes when she was deployed for the fourth time in the ten years she had been enlisted, each tour lasting an average of a year and a half.
Santana stops her Sergeant before he leaves the room and asks him to call her wife and tell her she's fine but not to give her any other details on when she might return. Because while she would rather surprise Quinn herself, chances are her wife's obsessions with ghosts will cloud her reasoning and she won't believe the Puerto Rican woman is actually alive. When she hears him greet her wife minutes later while walking out of her room she remembers the day after their wedding.
Their limbs were tangled as they lay on the bed and there was a faint sound of waves crashing against rocks in the background. She remembers Quinn kissing her shoulder from her position on top of her tan wife and the glare she gets seconds after, "You're a bitch for turning me into an army wife. A fucking bitch, Santana."
She can remember the little yelp her wife let out when she quickly flipped them over and the loving look she received from the blonde. "I love you. I love you so much that I don't care that I was selfish enough to make you an army wife." She leans down and captures pink lips between her own and kisses the blonde lazily for several minutes. "You're my wife and I'll love you forever and a day after that and I will do anything to make sure you're constantly happy and that you don't go a day without knowing how much love I have for you."
She can feel a delicate pale hand reach up and wipe away the tears she remembers shedding that night because she was so mad she couldn't tell Quinn just how much she meant to Santana. Because there's something scary about telling someone you will willingly cut your heart out and give it to them since they already have it anyway. There's no proper way to express how much you're willing to do for someone without sounding like a hallmark card or being incredibly cliché.
It isn't until she tries to sit up on the hospital bed that the situation finally sinks in. She had three broken ribs, she was shot in the leg twice, and her arm was broken. She was found under some rocks, face down and practically dead. There were scratches on her face that were fading quickly but were still noticeable. But it isn't until she looks down at her bruised torso that reality sinks in.
There was a huge possibility that Santana would never look into the hazel eyes she's loved since she was fifteen or hear the adorable giggle their daughter Natalia was known for. Quinn could have been easily turned into a widower and her daughter would have been short one mother and would more than likely not remember her as she grew up.
The tears were inevitable.
…
She lands at the Westchester airport on the day of her daughter's third birthday.
When she finally hails down a cab, she's calculated her timing to make it so that she'll arrive at her home an hour into the birthday party if all goes well. She calls Kurt for the second time in one day because aside from him, Rachel is the only girl they kept close contact with and he's slightly better at keeping a secret.
It rings three times before his voice comes on, "Its Stephanie calling about the new fabrics, it won't take long I promise." There is some ruffling noise before its quiet again, "Did you land?"
"I did," she stops to smile at the sound of his relieved sigh, "Hopefully I'll be there in twenty." There's an excited scream before she starts to worry a bit. "She doesn't hate me, does she?"
Santana knew it wasn't a possibility, but she still needed some reassurance. "Honey, the woman is so in love with you it's sickening. She may be pissed that you haven't contacted anyone since she got news about the attack on your unit and that your ass isn't laying dead somewhere in the desert, but she'll get over it."
Her breath catches in her throat when she hears Natalia's high-pitched voice calling out for her 'mommy' and her eyes immediately well up with tears. "Give Nat a kiss for me, I'll be there soon."
When she hangs up, she closes her eyes and tilts he head back. The image of an exhausted Quinn holding their newborn is all she sees behind her eyelids and she can't remember a time when her wife looked more beautiful. "You're a bitch for still looking so goddamn stunning after pushing out a little munchkin through your pu-"
"Curse in front of my child like that again and your lousy ass will be thrown out of the house before you can even realize you said something vulgar."
She didn't have the heart—or the balls—to tell the girl she had just used a bad word herself. She simply wiped away the sweaty bangs from her forehead and kissed her before looking down and their little girl. "You did such a good job, baby."
When she opens her eyes and looks out of the car window, the next memory that floods her thoughts is one of a bright-eyed Quinn adjusting the webcam to show Santana that Natalia was starting to crawl. She cheered on her baby girl before she saw her little arms collapse and she decided to chew on her fist instead. "She's getting so beautiful and big, babe."
Quinn walks toward the little girl and picks her up before making her way over back in front of the computer and helping Nat wave at the camera. "Her eyes are getting darker and she's got dimples." Santana can't help but grin because she remembers a date she took Quinn on the summer before senior year where the blonde admitted that those were her favorite features about Santana. Well, those and her tits and ass, but those don't need to be mentioned now.
"Ma'am, we're here."
Sure enough, Santana looks out and finally takes in the two-story house everyone knew was too big for three people. It was the house she had bought for Quinn two years after their wedding when they started talking about kids. It was the home she practically didn't live in, but was determined to change that.
With a shaky hand, she manages to open the car door and pull out her duffel bag from the trunk of the cab with her good arm. When the man drives off, she looks around at the surrounding cars and takes note that most of their glee friends are here—minus Finn—along with Santana's parents. As she walks up, she can hear Quinn's voice along with her mother's and appreciates the fact that she'll have the house to herself for a few seconds before she can make her way to the backyard.
The front door is unlocked, even though Santana tells Quinn off every single time for not locking it and diminishing their security. But she loves that it's unlocked, because it means that her stubborn wife hasn't changed at all.
When she walks in and drops her bag in the foyer, she takes in the billions of photographs Quinn has set out of the three of them, but mostly of Natalia. The nerves she had before quickly lessen and she can't get to the backyard fast enough.
She's still limping despite some of the physical therapy she received at the hospital and she curses herself for not following through with the exercises once the doctor left. But nothing else matters when she opens the sliding door to the yard and her daughter spots her.
Her blonde hair has grown since she last saw it and she's definitely taller and looks more like Quinn than she recalls, but she's so beautiful. When she sees her little legs moving to run up to her, she limps her way closer and picks her up with her good arm when she's within reach. She cradles the back of her daughter's neck with her bandaged arm and closes her eyes to take in the smell of cupcakes that seems to be permanently penetrated in her. But she wasn't expecting to start sobbing when she hears a small voice and feels lips moving against her neck, "Mami, you really here."
She kisses the side of her head before she can take in the sight of her daughter finally being right in front of her, in her arms. "Of course I am, princess. You're my favorite girl and this is you're special day. I wouldn't be anywhere else."
Her heart melts when Natalia hugs her again, harder this time. And she can't help but look over the small shoulder and lock eyes with the woman who has taken over her every thought since they first met. The girl who she told 'I love you' when she was sixteen under the duvet cover they used as a fort to get away from reality. The girl who made her world spin and her heart hurt because it never knew when to stop loving her and the pain was too good for her to ever want it to stop in the first place.
Santana can see Kurt shove Quinn a little to finally get her to walk closer to her wife. But she's moving too slowly so she decides to ignore the pain shooting up her leg and the throbbing of her still tender ribs and walks toward the blonde. She can see the watery hazel eyes take in her entire appearance through her own blurry vision and she needs to feel her, now.
With the arm covered in a cast, she reaches out and grabs a handful of the woman's t-shirt and pulls her closer to her. Then she feels a strong arm wrap around her waist while a smaller one grips her neck tighter and lets go of one side to hug the other mother as well.
The brunette swears her heart will explode any minute now because it's so happy and it's never loved so much before. She's finally where she needs to be, holding the two people who make her life so much better by just breathing.
She tries to laugh when Quinn leans up and places a hot mouth next to her ear whispering; "You're an asshole for stealing my daughter's spotlight on her birthday." She ends up sobbing instead of letting out a laugh and she tries to hold both girls closer to her. "God, I love you so much, you idiot."
When her fractured arm starts hurting, she releases the grip she has on Quinn's neck, "She's not just your daughter, white girl."
She wasn't expecting Quinn to poke her stomach so forcefully, but her knees buckle at the pain and she almost drops Nat because her bad leg can't hold her up but she feels familiar strong arms wrap around her waist. "Shit, I'm sorry. Oh god, are you ok?"
The shorter girl tries to even out her breathing before looking back at her wife, "I'm fine, I just need you to get Nat. I don't think I can hold us both up." She kisses the dirty blonde hair before she releases the tight grip she had on the little girl.
Her heart breaks a little when she sees the little girl frown when she passes her on to Quinn. The best thing she can do is lift her arm up and caress her pink chubby cheek.
The small smile she receives fills her heart but when she feels another pair of arms squeeze her torso from behind she closes her eyes and hisses at the pain. "Wait mom, that hurts like a mother fu-"
A small giggle stops her from finishing her sentence and when she opens her eyes she's met with the sight of Natalia smiling widely at her from her position in Quinn's arms, while the taller blonde lifts a threatening eyebrow. Santana can only smile apologetically at her wife before turning around and hugging her mother, not daring to mention that Quinn also just cursed. "Nice to see you too, mom."
She feels her mom pull away and hold her face between her two hands, "Me tenias tan preocupada, mija. ¿Porque no me hablaste?"
No matter how old she is or how many tours she's been on; when her mother scolds her she'll always feel like a child. "I know, sorry. But I kind of wanted to surprise the güeras and I don't trust you with a secret."
Her mother slaps her good arm and her dad is hugging her before she can register anything else around her. She's finally home and the people she cares for the most surround her.
It doesn't even bother her when Rachel runs up to her and tackles her, causing her legs to give out and for the girl to straddle her lap when she landed flat on her ass. She ignores the excruciating pain in her ribs when Natalia runs over to them and hugs her again because the happiness she's feeling overrides the pain. By the time she looks up at Quinn and sees nothing but love in her eyes, she goes numb and falls in love with the blonde all over again.
…
"You know you're coddling her, right?" Quinn says from her position next to Santana. They had built a fort out of blankets in the living room at Natalia's request and the little girl had fallen asleep on Santana's stomach.
The brunette rolls her eyes and hugs her daughter tighter. "I'm not coddling her, I'm letting her sleep comfortably."
"Baby, you've been back for a month and every night that's how she falls asleep."
She ignores Quinn and simply kisses the top of the little blonde head resting on her chest. After several minutes, she lifts her left arm and pulls Quinn toward her, "If you're jealous you could just say so."
The blonde laughs at the playful tone before tilting her head up and kissing her wife soundly. "I'm not. I know how much you missed her and I love seeing the two of you together." She swallows the lump in her throat before leaning up on her elbow and biting her lower lip. "But what am I supposed to do when you leave again and she's crying because she can't fall asleep on you anymore?" She brushes her tears off roughly before looking at Santana. "What if you don't came back next-"
"That's not an option." Santana grips the back of Quinn's next harshly and crashes their lips together. "Me not coming back is never an option." She fights the tears pooling in her eyes and wills them to not fall. "I love both of you so damn much. I'm always coming back, ok baby? Because I don't know what I would do without you."
When the toddler starts moving around on top of her mother, Quinn stands up, lifting her daughter off of her comfortable position and walking into the little girl's room. She stays in the room longer than planned since she has to sing her back to sleep. Santana spent and entire month teaching a pregnant Quinn the correct pronunciations of the Spanish lullaby but she still has trouble with her accent.
The woman makes her way back into the living room and sees Santana cradling her face in both hands, undoubtedly shielding her tears. She takes the darker hands in hers, willing her wife to look up at her before straddling her laps on the couch. "You have no idea how scared I was when I got the call about your unit being attacked."
"I know-"
"No, San. You don't." It wasn't said angrily, but it was a tone that let Santana know that Quinn needed to say everything that was on her mind. "I couldn't look at Nat for three days because she has your eyes. And I know that impossible because of the donor or whatever, but fuck biology. She's your goddamn daughter and she has your eyes and it drove me crazy." She places her hands on the sides of Santana's neck and makes her look right into her soul. "I honestly have no idea what I would do if I lost you because I was so damn useless to the world for the entire week that I thought you were dead. Rachel was convinced I should have been heavily sedated at all times and your mother was a minute away from taking Nat with her for a month."
"Baby, I-"
A pale hand covers perfectly sculpted lips, "You need to stay here. I need you here, Santana. The little girl you were just holding needs you here." She takes her hand away when she feels gentle lips kiss her palm.
She kisses the girl under her languidly, letting their tears and tongues collide with each other as they desperately bring their bodies closer to one another. There isn't a centimeter of space between them, but they'll never be satisfied with their limited proximity.
It was painful knowing that their bodies could only be so close to each other.
It's a heartbreaking feeling knowing the person who can crawl under your skin and fill everything inside of you with love, passion, and desire can only physically connect with you to a certain extent. Quinn needed Santana closer to her, but it wasn't possible, and her heart broke everyday because of it.
…
The moment Quinn walked into her house she knew something was about to change. It had been eight months since Santana came back and the girl was almost completely healed from all of her injuries.
The house was dimly lit and there was the sound of soft jazz coming from the kitchen. As she made her way into that part of the house, her eyes wandered around their living room and foyer taking in the amount of candles lit around her.
Her breath caught in her throat as she walked through the kitchen and spotted her wife bent over the stove in a tight black dress and heels. She was both turned on and pissed off because the doctor specifically told Santana to not wear stilettos for another month because she was still limping. "Uhm, hi."
The brunette turned around at the sound of Quinn's voice and quickly took the oven mitts off, "Hey, baby." She greeted her wife with a quick kiss before pulling her into the kitchen and pouring her a glass of wine. "I made dinner."
It was hard for Quinn to conceal her smile when Santana seemed so proud of herself. "I can see that. It smells delicious, by the way." She kisses her again before pulling away and looking around, "Where's Nat?"
"With my parents." Quinn watches as Santana bites the corner of her bottom lip before turning around and taking out some plates from the cabinet. "I made steak, lobster tail, and twice baked potatoes."
The blonde's heart sank.
This was the only elaborate meal her wife knew how to make and it was usually cooked for when there was news to be told. It didn't take long for Quinn to come to the conclusion that her wife was being deployed again. She was healed—well, almost—and they needed her back.
Quinn sat down near the island when she came to that realization and her heart sped up and her eyes became blurry due to unshed tears.
Santana didn't notice the girl's reaction until she heard a small sob and saw Quinn slightly shaking. "No, no, no. Baby, it's not what you think." She couldn't help but frown at the helpless look the blonde had on her face and quickly started to kiss her tears away. "This is for good news." She let out a small laugh at Quinn's confused face. "I did get a call but only because they finally got their hands on my medical crap and realized that my leg will probably never be normal." She kissed Quinn again before continuing, "I'll probably work at the recruitment office and maybe help with training, but my ass is staying here."
"If you're joking I'll kick your ass so hard, Santana."
"I'm being completely serious."
Quinn lunges toward the brunette and kisses her roughly. The impact caused Santana to fall back and land on her ass in the middle of the kitchen floor with Quinn on top of her. "God, I love you."
"I lov-"
Santana is cut off my pink lips on hers and desperate hands working the hem of her dress. "Screw dinner."
"But I-"
An eyebrow is raised and Santana can't help but swoon as her heart practically stops and she feels every fiber in her body try its hardest at showing Quinn the love it has for her.
She swear that one day she will find the right words or the right gesture to show the blonde girl that she is completely in love with her and the life they've established together. Because Quinn and Natalia are her home, and her heart will never feel as complete as it does when she sees the loving look in those hazel eyes or the innocent smile coming from small pink lips that pepper her face with kisses every morning.