Hi there. Just a little one shot I've been thinking about writing a long time now and I finally took some time to write it. It's about Burt struggling to take care of Kurt while struggling with his wifes death, ending up taking out his hurt on poor Kurt :( Well give it a shot and then let me kow if you like it. I have more baby/kid Kurt so let me know if you like this so I can have more coming. Also I made Kurt six years old instea of eight. There's a debate on Kurt's age when his mother died but I chose six for the simple reasons that I think I can easlier potray a six year old based on my nanny experience. Still not an expert though ;) So please enjoy! xx
Burt rubbed his forehead trying to get rid of his intense headache. It was way past three in the afternoon and he knew he should get up from the sofa to give Kurt a snack but he couldn't move, didn't want to move. Instead he clutched the beer bottle in one hand and reached for the remote with his other. The TV flickered to life and he zapped through the channels until he found another foot ball game. He sat back in the old leather sofa and took another sip of the beer.
Over in the other end of the room, Kurt sat on the carpeted floor, legs tucked underneath him, playing with his power rangers. He hadn't spoken in a long time even if it was past three and he had to be really hungry. Elisabeth always made Kurt a plate of fruit to eat after school so he wouldn't get hungry before dinner.
Elisabeth.
"Dad, can we go to the kitchen please? I'm hungry but I'm not suppose to use the knife by myself and I really want an apple."
His son's voice was quiet and soft as he asked his father.
Burt couldn't bring himself to look at his son and even less to move to get Kurt the apple.
"Can you wait until the game is over, Kurt?" He said tiredly even though he wasn't particularly interested in the game anyway.
He just didn't want to move.
"Okay, daddy" Kurt whispered turning back to his power rangers, talking to himself in a soft voice.
Burt sighed. He was probably the worst father in the world. Forgetting which day it was PE and not being able to remember to eat lunch at a decent time during weekends always ending up getting McDonald's. He just wasn't ready for this. To be everything for Kurt when he could hardly focus on himself, How was he suppose to take care of a six year old? Let alone a six year old you just lost her mother and was grieving just as much as Burt did.
They had seen it coming weeks before it happened. Elisabeth's cancer didn't go away, wasn't treated and in the end there was nothing they could do but wait. They had taken her home and she had spent her last weeks at home with her family. She had been so tired and so sick, yet she had been smiling so much and she had been so happy to be able to spend her last time with the person she loved the most, Kurt.
And Kurt had been wonderful taking care of her. He had gone to the bathroom to refill her water glass, he had made her a sandwich even though she couldn't eat that much, he had helped her comb her hair and make sure she was still pretty, he had drawn her pictures of him and his dad for her to have once she was in heaven.
"So you don't forget how I look" He said giving her mom the drawing
"Baby, I will never forget how you look. You are the most beautiful thing on earth" She whispered with tears in her eyes but Kurt's eyes lit up.
"Really?"
"Yes, really, baby, I love you, honey"
She had died later that week, early morning. Kurt had still been asleep when the nurse came along with the doctor to make sure the death was pain free. She never awoke, just stopped breathing in her sleep but Burt cold tell that all her pain disappeared right before she died and that was the only thing that was beautiful about her death.
He snapped back to reality, realising an hour had past in his trans and Kurt still sat on the floor, playing quietly with his toys and he still hadn't reminded his dad about the snack. The game had ended long ago and Burt had no idea who had won or who had played in the first place.
The beer bottle was empty but he left it on the table as he forced himself to get up to go to the kitchen. Kurt noticed his father leaving the room and came after him, crawling up the high chairs by the counter.
"Could I please have an apple now?" He asked "I know it's past four but I'm really hungry..."
The boy knew he wasn't suppose to have fruit after four.
"No it's okay, Kurt" Burt said.
He hadn't even planned on dinner yet so it would probably be a few hours anyway.
He reached for an apple from the fruit bowl, the last one. He would have to remember to buy new ones once he went grocery shopping. Kurt was quiet while Burt pealed the apple and cut it in two halves.
"Here you go, buddy" He said and handed Kurt the apple halves.
"Can I have them in the red bowl mummy puts them in?" Kurt asked.
Burt bit his lip. He was always forgetting things like this. Like which bowl Kurt preferred or which shoes that were to go with which coat. Elisabeth was the good parent out of them not him. Of course he loved Kurt more than everything in the world but he was not a natural with kids, not even his own. He silently grabbed the bowl from the cupboard and put the halves in it.
"Common you can eat in the living room" He said and lifted Kurt off the chair.
Kurt nodded and went to sit on the floor by the small table in front of the sofa and Burt sat down in front of the TV again rubbing his face. His headache didn't go away and he was so tired. The house needed to be cleaned and he needed to do the laundry as well, not to mention move the lawn.
"Dad could you help me built a tower after dinner?" Kurt asked and Burt looked up.
Kurt had finished his apple and came back from the kitchen where he had left the bowl in the sink.
"Not to night, Kurt" Burt mumbled not looking at Kurt since he didn't want to see the disappointment on his son's face.
"But you like building things with me" Kurt argued quietly. "We can see if we can break the record..."
"I said not tonight, Kurt" He said a little sharper "Daddy is really tired and not feeling so good to night"
"I can sing something for you" Kurt said softly. "Something beautiful that makes you hurt less"
Burt swallowed hard trying not to break down in front of his son.
"No that's okay, Kurt. You don't have to sing to me" He said, voice unsteady.
The last thing he wanted was another reminder of his wife and Kurt singing with his beautiful angelic voice would certainly be a reminder of that.
"But, it will make you feel better."
"No please, Kurt, don't" Burt said tiredly shutting his eyes together.
" Mom always said it made her feel better when she was feeling sick and maybe you will too" Kurt said quietly taking a step closer to his father "She said it made her less sad when I sang to her"
Burt gritted his teeth trying hard not to cry.
"I don't want you to sing, Kurt"
"But it will make you feel better..." Kurt said stubbornly
"No it won't Kurt. It won't make me will any better" Burt snapped looking up at his son who looked sadly at him.
His eyes were blank with tears.
"But mom-"
"Stop it Kurt, just stop it" Burt shouted, accidentally knocking down the empty bottle. "Mom is dead Kurt and she won't come back and a song wont change that so I don't want you to sing for me I just want you to leave me alone"
Kurt's lip quivered slightly but he nodded.
"Okay" He whispered.
Burt watched his son leave the room and head upstairs to his room. He knew he shud go after but couldn't bother to move. Instead he felt the tears coming and it wasn't long until he broke down completely. He buried his head in his hands and cried violently, his shoulder shaking badly with every sob.
It was so unfair. Why did this happened to them? They were so happy, planning on having another baby, Elisabeth had gotten a new and better job that she really loved and they were looking for a bigger house and then the cancer had come and destroyed everything. And now, his wife, Kurt's mother was dead. What had they done to deserve this? Why was he the one that had lost his wife and not somebody else?
He couldn't hold it together. He tried, he really did but he wasn't strong enough. Kurt needed his fahter to take care of him but Burt couldn't even take care of himself and now he had even screamed at his own son.
He was exhausted when the sobs finally died out and his eyes were swollen and puffy. He got up from the couch and after splashing his face with water to get rid of the evidence of crying he decided to clean the kitchen and living room up a bit before going upstairs to find Kurt. He started in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and empting the trash can before moving over to the living room where he removed the empty beer bottles along with several old news papers. When both room's looked reasonably tidy he went to pick up Kurt's power rangers and went upstairs to find his son.
The door to Kurt's room was closed and he couldn't hear Kurt on the other end. Usally the kid always sang or talked to himself when he played and you would always hear him in the house. Now days though Kurt was a lot quieter and Burt was afraid of what his outburst had cost his son.
He gently knocked on the door waiting a couple of seconds before opening the door and stepping inside.
Kurt lay on the floor on his stomach, head resting on his left arm and feet in the air. He was drawing something and his nose wrinkled slightly.
"Hey, buddy" Burt spoke softly taking another step into the room.
"Hi, dad" Kurt mumbled not looking up from his drawing.
"Look what I found in the living room" Burt said and handed Kurt his beloved toys "I think they missed you"
Kurt frowned a bit.
"They are only toys" He said putting them beside him and turned his attention back to the drawing.
Burt sat down next to him.
"Are you gonna be mad at me again?" Kurt mumbled
Burt swallowed.
"I'm not mad with you, Kurt. I was never mad with you, buddy" He said slowly trying to keep his voice as steady as he could.
"Oh, I thought I were mad with me" Kurt said a bit confused.
No wonder you moron you screamed and snapped at him, Burt thought angrily for himself.
"No buddy, I'm sorry I made you think that."
Kurt put down the pen.
"Then why did you yell at me?" He asked quietly. "You only yell if you are mad and you never yelled at me before. Only at that man I met in the park that you didn't want me to talk to and the doctor who said mommy was gonna leave us"
Burt nodded remembering both of the times clearly in his head.
"Come here, baby" He said and drew Kurt to his chest. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm not mad at you. I would never me mad with you unless you did something naughty but you are always good."
"Then why did you yell?" Kurt asked from inside his chest.
"I just miss your mom and sometimes, if a person is sad, they can act like they are mad and even yell at people they love, when they are just really sad and wants to cry" He said softly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and got you sad, buddy"
Kurt crawled out from his fathers lap and sat down beside him.
"It's okay, daddy" Kurt whispered "I was just scared I wasn't being good and mum told me to be extra good and take care of you once she died.
Tears filled Burt's eyes and he nodded.
"You have done really good, Kurt" He smiled patting Kurt on the cheek softly.
Kurt smiled gingerly.
"I made you a drawing" He said taking, out a drawing from underneath the one he was currently working on.
"I did my best to draw something you like very much"
His son handed him the paper and Burt took the drawing in his hands and looked at it. There was several cars in it in different models and colours.
"It's great, Kurt. I love it"
Kurt smiled happily.
"I thinked that if you didn't want me to sing like mum liked me to maybe you wanted a drawing instead. Mum liked that too.
Burt smiled genuinely.
"That was very thoughtful of you and your right, mommy loved when you drew or sang to her."
"But you don't like it when I sing" Kurt said "Only mommy"
Burt shook his head.
"No Kurt, I love it when you sing to me but I was really sad and angry. But I love when you sing. You have a beautiful voice"
Kurt lit up, bouncing to his feet.
"I could do it now. To make you happy again"
Burt chuckled softly standing up himself.
"I would love that. How about we go to the kitchen and cook us some mac and cheese and you can sing something for me then?"
Kurt nodded.
"Okay, you want me to carry you downstairs?" Burt asked and Kurt answered by simply raising his arms for Burt to pick him up.
Burt picked his small son up in his arms balancing him on on hip and Kurt threw his small arms around Burt's neck burying his nose in Burt's neck. Burt kissed his sons head softly and slowly made his way downstairs.
"I love you, Kurt" He said "So much"
"I love you too dad. And I miss mom a lot I get sad but then I think that I have you and it makes me less sad"
"Me too, Kurt. Me too" He whispered wrapping his arms protectively around his son. "I've got you buddy"
After all he still had his son and that was the most important thing right now.
Please let me know if you liked it or not. It would mean so much to me! I almost teared up a few times, haha ;D