A/N This is entirely random...I had to split it up because when I wrote it, it was a stream of consciousness in one large block. I know I change from third to second person halfway through...it's sort of supposed to happen. Some bits might not make sense if you havn't watched the series in a while. I wrote this a while ago and just revisited it and had no idea what half of it meant until I started to remember the series.
When I watched the anime, I didn't want Light to die at the end so I came up with a scenario in which he could stay alive. This short beginning doesn't really give any hints as to my idea and because I like this as it is I might not bother continuing. Anyway – I hope you enjoy! Please Read and Review ^^
*****
"Light Yagami. L. Kira. It's over. You've lost the game."
He stumbled through the streets, clutching his shoulder as he moved. Damn bullets...he was Kira! He could kill at a moment's notice! He had killed! Countless times! But in the end...he was just...human? After all this time. After all he'd been through, all his careful planning, all his calculations in the end...he wasn't a God...he wasn't immortal...he was...breakable. Yes...suddenly he seemed so...fragile.
A scratch, a graze, a slice maybe...but a bullet? A bullet could not be denied. A gunshot to the chest...mere seconds and a life could be over. A bullet could end things faster than he could... Of course there had always been the possibility that things could go wrong like this. Light was a man of logic, intelligence, he was infallible, wasn't he? Of course he had included it in the formula, the programming of this complicated game, but...his arrogance...his greed...his power...how could they all come down to nothing? It all came down to probability...what started as a 5% chance...had led to this.
His downfall?
Was that what this was?
A weak, bitter laugh escaped his lips. Even as he approached his final moments, all he could think about was that damn L. Thoughts swirled around in his head, had L planned for this to happen all along? Had L truly defeated him?
...
He hoped so.
For all his scorns, for all his attempts at L's life...what the strange man had said was true...they were friends...they had been friends. Or had that all been part of L's plans as well?
Light clutched at the railings to his left, his breath coming in rasps, giddy laughs escaping his bloody lips. What fun this had been. He supposed that this whole affair had been inevitable. How could someone as smart as him be content with just living?
Was it possible to be content with anything anymore?
Remember Light, remember when you were careless. When you could afford to be careless, when the slightest slip wouldn't be the cause of your untimely end. How selfish you are...that after all the lives you've greedily consumed, the only one that causes you to pause is your own. Or can you accept it? Can you accept that maybe there are people in the world whose lives matter as much as yours? L is the only person who has ever been able to match your intelligence, possibly even topped it, and Misa? An annoyance?
Yes. An annoyance and nothing more.
There's no point in trying Light. You can't fool yourself into believing that your life had any meaning. In the end, you have no one. And you are content. Content because for the first time, you've truly been proved wrong.
When did you start thinking of humans as different from yourself? When did it start, that you were something else, an entirely new entity? What had you thought yourself? A God? Perhaps not. After all, you have met and spoken with the Gods and even they left you bored.
In truth, you are waiting for the footsteps to sound behind you. You fear them, an entirely human concept.
When that happens it will truly be the end. But the footsteps don't come. You hear nothing, but suddenly you can see everything. It's all a matter of time...your own obsessive compulsion could be the end of you, Light. But still...you find yourself counting. 40. It became such a huge part of your life that you wondered if just that one number could have some divine meaning. 40.
It's the end, isn't it?
So why are you still counting?
*****
Why are you heading home? That's the first place they'll look for you, but you know that. What memories lay there? You didn't grow up there. You didn't live there. Light didn't live there. Only Kira. Any memories Light had have faded...what do you remember?
It all seems like a blur...the first thing you remember?
Picking up the Death Note. And what since then? Very little...you remember various faces, a few voices but they don't mean anything. In a moment you realise that you have little to show for your life...a childhood genius who surmounted to nothing? That's what everyone will think. It's unlikely that Near will publish any of the information he acquired. Anyone who bothers to look you up (and who would!?)...all they'll see is a rash of achievements at a young age, impressive enough, but meaningless in the face of a blank future.
And before you know it, rasping sobs are wracking your body. What is happening to you? You're brain is malfunctioning somehow, all you ever saw were the figures, the formulae the possibilities the back-up plans...and now? Nothing. Just a heap of worthless...emotion. All this wasted time...what were all those deaths if you were never meant to live in your perfect world? What did they mean if you would never enjoy them? In the end...did your motives changed? Did it become more about beating L than ridding the world of those who did not deserve to live in it? There you go again... L L L L L L L!!! And when did you resort to such childish internal tantrums?
Dying doesn't suit you.
So why don't you stop?
Why don't you use that famous brain of yours and figure out this mess?
Why?
*****