The Forgotten.
The room smelt of must; like all locker rooms, Jack noticed as he pulled a fresh white tee on. A young and eager field agent who had survived the day loaned him it, with a firm handshake too. Tony was there, retying his shoe laces paying him no attention. It was time for them to go home - neither of them were welcome at CTU any longer; they had served there purpose; as distasteful as that had been; but they were a means to an end. Justifiable too, for they had prevented as many attacks as possible, and killed the source of the destruction.
It was over - but what next? Uncertainty hovered over both of there heads but neither spoke about it, or the spooky parallels they could draw to one another. Once finished Jack sat by Tony on the bench and began to pull his boots on, neither man looking at the other.
They both sat facing the lockers, staring ahead, feeling dazed and unsure. The door to the locker room was swung open, both men could hear the hinges squeaking but neither moved, their backs to the intruder, they just stared on ahead.
Heller stood quietly by the door, watching the two slouched figures sat together, still and unmoving. He couldn't help but picture hopelessness as he watched the two, and feel great angst at their waste. But there was nothing he could do. Tony was out of his hands, and Jack… Well he had his orders to deliver to Jack.
"Jack?" He called out, his voice wavering slightly, this wasn't right. He watched as Jack stayed seated a few seconds longer before he stood up briskly and walked around the bench, wordlessly following Heller out of the room, he and Tony still expressing silence to one another.
The rain was falling again when Tony left the building, he had bid goodbye to Michelle knowing it was the last time he would see her, they were well and truly over. He laughed to himself bitterly as he found the car CTU would be lending him for the evening. The divorce should have given him some indication of the lack of future they held together; one day back at work and he thought she'd suddenly fall back in love with him? How stupid he was to get his hopes up.
Tony sat in the car not wanting to leave just yet, after he left the grounds his connection with CTU was broken again. He needed something to live for, and today had shown him everything he had lost - his wife, his work; his life.
Watching carefully he saw Jack leave the building, hands thrown in his pockets with a lowered head he walked across the lot with the security guard Bill. Bill walked him to the entrance gates before running back into the building and out of the rain. Tony watched with curiosity as Jack stood motionless by the high steel fencing for a moment wavering back and forth looking lost.
He looked both ways before crossing the road and headed down the closest street, not walking in any particular direction. He was drenched, but he didn't seem to care. Knowing something was wrong Tony started the car and drove down the street Jack was sauntering along; he was clearly in no hurry; Tony didn't know it was because he had nowhere to go.
The beep of the horn made Jack jump, he leaned over the car door seeing it was Tony inside as the window wound down automatically.
"Hey," he said, immediately feeling uncomfortable. What could he say to get himself out of this mess?
"Wanna ride?" Tony wasn't too enthusiastic himself, they were both drained after the days events and the rewards they were given; a kick out of CTU.
"Erm," Jack looked around as though looking for somebody, Tony could see his unease.
"Come on get in your soaked," he said, even more curious about Jacks behaviour.
Jack looked down again feeling embarrassed, having to speak up to be herd over the heavy raindrops pattering against the car.
"Thanks Tony but, I don't… I don't really have anywhere to go."
He kicked at the stone walkway as he looked down, what would Tony think of him now? Shit, earlier he had been trying to lecture Tony about his life, not even 24 hours later his own life was in the pits. He'd think he was a hypocrite, he realised mad with himself for their earlier conversation. He should have minded his own business and let Tony do whatever he wanted with his life.
Tony was tapping the steering wheel with his thumb, embarrassed for Jack's own private confession. He didn't know what to do, Jack wouldn't accept help and wouldn't tell him what had happened - that was for sure. But he couldn't leave him…
"Come on, get in," he ordered, pleased to see the hesitation on Jacks face only lasted a second before fluttering away again as he decided to comply. It was freezing outside, but where would he ask to be dropped off? Heller had sadly informed him that Audrey had already left for D.C. so their hotel room was not eligible for his use any more. CTU wouldn't even give him a ride, Logan had made sure of that.
As the car started Jack thought about Kim. Could he really show up on her doorstep again after ruining his life? Would she have the patience to put him up again, after all he put her through last time, when he realised he had nowhere to go and nothing to live for? He couldn't do that again, he may have lost a lot of things but he would never lose his pride. Maybe Tony would take him to a motel, there were plenty in L.A; he had some money on him…
Heller had expressed his anger and his plans to try and reinstate Jack in the empty conference room, but Jack just shrugged. The lease the government was paying for his apartment was cancelled and men were currently boxing up his belongings and shipping them to his next of kin immediately. Logan was treating him as though he had been taken to China - punishing him for David Palmers intervention.
Jack had caused him embarrassment and Palmer had stood by him; he was angry and clearly intended to make him pay. He sighed, how had a man so petty and cowardly managed to become the most powerful man in the world? And why was a man struggling to contain a terrorist disaster wasting precious time in making sure Jack was jobless and homeless effective immediately?
Jack pulled his seat belt over him, his face burning red as he remembered Heller's words, apologising to him for Logan, Audrey, his sacrifices; he was furious at Jacks treatment and suggested handing in his registration during his fit of rage. Jack knew he wouldn't bluff and calmly advised him not to, there were only a few good men in the government, America needed every single one of them. He had struggled to stay in control when Heller asked him where he was going to go, if he had any money, offered to help him back on his feet if he wanted to fly back to D.C. with him.
Jack had shook his head, he had money in his wallet and he wasn't going to fly to D.C. to be reminded of everything he had lost. He had told Heller he would find somewhere to lay low until his stuff came over, then he'd work on sorting this mess out himself. Before leaving Heller had placed a hand on Jacks shoulder and squeezed it hard with emotion - how could they do this to him?
He made Jack promise to call him, after which Jack thanked Heller for his help, for giving him a chance in the first place, and for fighting in his corner. Heller almost welled up but he was too angry, he watched Jack leave before calling his assistant and demanding he was put through to Logan. The man wouldn't listen but he would give him hell anyway; he had to if he wanted to sleep at night.
Jack was jolted from his thoughts when he felt Tony shaking him, he looked around confused, and was about to ask Tony to drop him of anywhere when he watched the man get out of the car. Curious Jack opened his door and climbed out, realising they were outside Tony's home. Closing his eyes Jack opened his mouth to speak but Tony beat him to it.
"Come on in Jack, please don't make something out of this. Please let me help, I need this as much as you."
Jack knew Tony was lying but followed him into the house despite this, too embarrassed to talk. He stood in the doorway looking down at his feet, ashamed with himself. How had he managed to lose so much in such a short space of time?
Jen stirred slowly with a slight hangover, seeing Tony next to her she frowned. When had he gotten back, she wondered, knowing they needed to talk about what went off yesterday. She slipped a dressing gown on before going to make a fresh pot of coffee. She jumped when she saw the body on the couch, after taking a few steps closer she recognised the sleeping figure; it was Jack, the man who had been here yesterday.
He was fully dressed, even in his coat, she placed a tentative hand on the material and could feel its dampness, sighing she stormed back into their bedroom and began rummaging though the cupboards for a blanket. The noise didn't wake Tony so she decided to save her complaints for later. She draped the blanket over the sleeping figure before taking a seat at the breakfast bar pouring over the paper about yesterdays attacks. Sighing she wondered what was going on with Tony and his friend now, seen as they had both clearly been involved in preventing the mess the papers were reporting on.
It was late afternoon before either of the men stirred. Jen had decided to take herself shopping for the day, tired with sitting around waiting for them to wake so she could get some kind of explanation. When she returned Tony was in the shower and Jack still sleeping. She dropped her bags by the door in a huff with Tony.
Tony sauntered into the room in some sweats and sat quietly by her, knowing he was in trouble but not caring enough to try and prevent an argument.
"Look," he said bluntly, "Jacks going to be staying her a couple of days. I don't want any grief from you okay?"
Jen opened her mouth in shock, "this is my house Tony you don't help me pay the rent!"
"I know," he said quietly, glad Jack was still asleep in the adjourning room.
"Have you got a job?" She asked, standing up with her hands on her hips.
"Not exactly, no…" He muttered, scratching his chin.
"What about him in there, can't he help?" She was the awkward look on Tony's face and laughed in frustration. "Of course he can't help - what - was he just working on a one day basis too? Jesus Tony look at yourself all you know are jobless bums!"
"Alright that's enough," Tony snapped pushing her out of his way. "Jacks a good friend of mine and he's having a hard time. Look, you might not understand this but Jack lost a lot yesterday, and I wanna help him."
"Fine," she muttered, storming into there room. Grabbing the duffel bag she began throwing her clothes into it hurriedly.
"What are you doing?" Tony asked, sounding bored with the whole scene before him.
"I'm leaving if you and your buddy are playing 'fix it' with each other. I'll be back in a week, I expect him, or both of you gone by then. Got it?"
"Jen," he moaned, but he could tell she was serious. "Fine, I'll try sort it out by next week."
"Good," she said, stopping before him in the doorway, "oh, and Tony, turning him into an alcoholic wont help either of you," she snapped; storming back through the house slamming the door behind her.
Jack jolted in his sleep with the noise, looking around confused before he remembered where he was. He saw Tony walk towards him and he closed his eyes, what was he doing here?
"Showers through there," Tony stated, pointing down the hallway, "you need anything give me a shout, I'll get started on some food."
Jack nodded climbing up from the sofa rolling the blanket off of him, still feeling exhausted. He made his way to the bathroom in silence, thankful for Tony's approach to this. He wasn't wanting to talk to him, Jack didn't know what he would do if the man tried to help him. He wasn't up for charity but he was in a tight spot. Something would work out, he told himself, stepping into the warmth of the shower.
A while later Jack pulled the thick curtain back and reached for a towel. Drying off he made to pick up the clothes he had stripped off and thrown in the corner, but they weren't there. He noticed the neatly folded clothes on the counter and sighed, picking them up he noticed they weren't his; he pulled them on trying to shrug off his embarrassment. He had done the same for Tony when he picked him up just after his release and he had nowhere to go.
An extremely late breakfast was eaten in silence, each man busy with there own thoughts, unwilling to share them. Jack picked at the food as Tony devoured his, he felt too sick to eat. Tony raised an eyebrow when he saw and Jack just shrugged, too tired to be polite.
Images of the day rolled through his mind chaotically, images dodging and colliding with one another as he tried to forget about the day before. But he couldn't. He tried to tell himself this was better then being in China, but it was hard to accept. At least in China he would be suffering for his sins, but here, he was being treated as though he didn't deserve to suffer.
He blinked slowly, feeling tired, wondering what was wrong. He was on the floor, Tony was by his side talking to him. He couldn't hear, he felt sick and faint and he wanted to ignore the burning in his ears. Looking around again he realised he was on the floor, the wooden flooring felt nice and cool against his face. He was hot and his eyes were watering, his whole body shook.
Finally feeling stronger he pulled himself up and sat on the floor with his back against the couch, resting his head against the soft material. Tony sat opposite him, cross legged also on the floor, a frown covered his face as he considered how to deal with this. Jack needed help. How could he do anything though, he wondered, when he had been stuck in a hole just as deep as Jacks for the past year?
Jack watched him biting his lip, he knew what was coming but he didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore, he thought wearily.
Sitting up slightly Tony could see something change in Jacks eyes. He moved quickly so he was seated next to Jack, enough space between them to save them any discomfort but close enough to show support.
"Talk to me Jack," he said softly.
Looking at him with teary eyes Jack nodded.
Tony was furious when he learned of Jacks being fired and the reasons behind it. He listened quietly as Jack told the events in a way which could only incriminate himself. He was being incredibly biased against himself, and it angered Tony, how could he feel that he deserved this?
He wasn't completely forthcoming on details, he just needed to get the guilt and pain from his chest. He was responsible for killing an innocent man, he had hurt Audrey beyond words and let both Heller and Palmer down. Kim was going to think he was dead when he received his belongings from Washington… He was ashamed with himself. He didn't realise he had made the confession aloud, but he did. Tony didn't interrupt, didn't try to tell him he was wrong, he knew there wasn't any point as Jack wouldn't buy it.
Jack was immensely grateful, he just needed to say it all out loud, as though it would help him accept everything. He was angry with himself but pitying too, he had been living in bliss and he had ruined it all, thrown it away. He felt sick as he thought about how hard he had worked to get his life back together, and how it always ended up being for nothing.
Rehab had been hard but he had done it. He had stayed clean and been fired anyway. He had worked hard to find more work and continued staying clean. He had almost thought the hard work had paid off; he had been given a good job and found love. But no, like before the effort had been for nothing for in the end that's all he was left with. Nothing.
Tony listened as he spoke, he was pale and his eyes were sealed shut. "Jack," he stammered, a mix of anger and sadness; like Jack wondering what he had done to deserve this. The only difference was that Jack knew of the sins he was being punished for, Tony couldn't understand.
"You don't deserve this, okay, you don't. None of this," he said, banging his fist against the floor. "Think of your daughter Jack," he said, trying to think of an analogy to make Jack see this how he saw it.
"You can see her right?"
"Yeah," Jack muttered, annoyed with Tony for bringing her up, reminding him of even more sins which were still unpunished.
"And Chase and the kid?"
Jack just nodded, his eyes closing again; this hurt too much. He didn't deserve to have Tony here, the man should have just left him walking on to nowhere.
"Now think of the other millions and millions of families like them. Guilty of nothing, just living their lives…"
Jack stayed silent, he knew where this was going.
"You saved all of them Jack," he said enthusiastically, grabbing him by the shoulders so he'd look at him. Jack could see the meaning in his eyes, he wasn't playing him. God it was good to know you could trust somebody, he thought as Tony's words rolled around his mind.
"They are all living there lives because of you Jack."
He couldn't think. He didn't deserve praise. He had ruined everything. He was angry at himself for seeing truth in the words, he was furious with himself for feeling a hint of pride at the thought of Kim. It was too much, he closed his eyes again trying to shut out the voices telling him he deserved this. He could hear Tony talking still, he was trying to hold him but he didn't want it. He clenched his fists as he fought for control over himself. Tony was telling him he didn't deserve this. But if he didn't deserve this why was it happening?
"Life doesn't always make sense Jack, you just gotta do your best until you get dealt a new hand. A better one will come around eventually."
Looking up startled Jack smirked at Tony's metaphor, wondering if he had made it up or if somebody had said the same to him. Tony was trying to help, he didn't need to fall apart. God, how could he be so selfish? He was still alive. He still had contact with Heller and Palmer; they both supported and respected him. Would they do that if he really was the filth he sometimes saw himself as?
Something strange was happening, the sickening feeling was lessening as the sensation of pride and dignity overwhelmed him. Logan had done his best to knock him down. Pitying himself would only give Logan what he wanted, it would be giving in. Standing up and wiping at his eyes Jack realised he did have something to live for; his friendship with Tony was a testament for that.
He watched as Tony pulled himself up from the floor too, and without realising what he was doing he pulled Jack into an awkward hug. They were both embarrassed, but comforted too, it was like a silent pact between friends. They had both been knocked down, but what mattered was that they kept getting back up. Pulling away Jack felt strange - a sense of freedom filtered through his senses. He grinned at Tony as he realised that they were both survivors, neither of them had fought their last fight yet.
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