It was the first time Tyson had been on a boat, much less a cruise, and he was excited to say the least. He realized how unnecessary it was to provide the members of an up-and-coming professional beyblade team with a trip on a cruise ship just to get from point A to point B but boy, he was not complaining. Kenny, on the other hand, wasn't exactly having the time of his life. Between the throwing up and the vomiting, with puking in between, he wished he had never stepped foot on the godforsaken sea vessel.
Fortunately, he wasn't the only one who didn't seem to be enjoying the trip. Their team captain and resident enigma Kai was also hiding away in the shared room (well, 'also' until Kenny made the enlightened decision to head down to the ship's infirmary so as not to literally puke up his guts). He just laid on the bed reading, something he could have done anywhere but chose to do in the privacy of the room. But hell, they were on vacation, they could do whatever they wanted.
Ray and Max were down in the classy all-you-can-eat buffet, wondering where Tyson was, polishing off their plates of Mexican nachos and Thanksgiving turkey. It was not Thanksgiving, but Max was trying to educate Ray on what the holiday was about in America, and why they celebrated it. "It's all about family, feasting, and football. Once you got that, you're basically a naturalized citizen," he spoke with his mouth full of stuffing. "I wonder what the others are doing."
"I don't know, there's so much to do on this cruise! It's impossible not to have a good time," Ray said.
Unfortunately, he was not aware of the situations of his two fellow teammates, Kenny and Kai. Kenny, at this point, was being released from the infirmary with a bottle of Pedia-lyte and some Dramamine, and was seeking out Tyson for something to do. Kai was still in their shared cabin, but had stopped reading a while ago (Crime and Punishment was not any more interesting in the original Russian than the translations). He assumed he would have a lot of alone time, as the rest of his infantile team would be preoccupied with the various activities and restaurants aboard the ship than their stuffy cabin.
At this point, you may be wondering why Kai was not interested in the various activities and restaurants aboard the ship and instead remained in their stuffy cabin. The decision seemed ill-informed and rather, well, boring to his teammates, who were certainly carpe diem-ing it up on the short trip. It didn't make sense to them for someone to hole himself up in their small, cold room for any longer than it took to sleep at night and shower in the morning. But Kai was the Enigma, what could they say.
But back to what he was actually doing. As Kai no longer found classic literature compelling, he attempted to find an amusing television program to watch on their TiVo. He could never find the appeal of watching moving pictures on a screen, and abandoned the effort after ten minutes. He was at a loss of what to do. At any other time, he would have gone up to the gym on the sky deck and worked out for a few hours, or even to a cafe to listen to music, drink coffee and people-watch, but he was honestly feeling a little sea-sick himself and couldn't stomach the idea of being around other people in general. So instead, he laid in the fetal position on his and Ray's bed and stared at the wall for a good twenty minutes.
"Have you guys seen Kai around?" Ray asked. He and Max had just met up with Tyson in (surprise) the ship's dairy bar, where he'd just been finishing his third cup of soft-serve and was waiting in line for his fourth. Despite being full from lunch, Max and Ray decided to get in on the free ice cream action and talk with Tyson in line.
"He was going to stay in the room, right? What a buzzkill," Tyson said, not even removing his eyes from the mound of vanilla-chocolate swirl he held.
"Yeah, but probably not all day. I'd assume he would have left by now, at least to get something to eat," Ray noted while trying to figure out what to get. "I haven't seen him around though."
"He's probably fine, Ray. He's always up and moving more than we are, it'd only be natural to want some down time in between his taskmaster routine," Max replied. Truth be told, Max hadn't really thought about Kai in a while, or the fact that they hadn't seen him since that morning when they left for breakfast. He knew that Kai wasn't really a breakfast person but he also wasn't the type of person to stay in one place all day. Being quite hyperactive and excitable himself, he was well aware when other people had trouble sitting still or staying in one place for lengthy periods. Not that Kai was a fidgeter, like, at all, but he was definitely wasn't one to stay static for long (he disappeared more than frequently).
Max wanted to see Kai. And it seemed odd that they hadn't accidentally ended up in the same place all day, as often happened when the members of the team were trying to spend time alone. In New York, they had somehow all ended up in the same ma-and-pop kosher deli at the same time while exploring on their own (admittedly not the most sound of ideas, but at least they found each other eventually). The uncertainty made him worry.
Good thoughts do not come to Kai when he spends time alone with nothing to do.
He knew he was just a beacon of negativity. He was rarely praised for anything good he did and always reprimanded for the bad things. He felt as if he permanently didn't belong, and knew himself to be one of those people in the world who others only ever tolerated and never actually wished to be there. He was awkward; he was a jerk. He had to prove himself with beyblading because that was the one thing he could reliably do, and even now he was wondering if he deserved that domain. Tyson beat him. Tyson, a newbie to the sport, against Kai, a seasoned veteran. Kai couldn't remember how long he'd been blading, and he couldn't remember a time when he wasn't highly proficient at it, but it had to have been longer than Tyson. So how could Tyson have beat him? Tyson was fun and he was amiable and he was inexperienced, but he was damn good. How could Kai, a dull and spiteful and horrible rotten miserable goddamn sonofabitch with one thing to his name lose to him?
Honestly, how could he expect to win? Tyson had everything on him, and Kai had nothing. Maybe that's why Kai seemed to hate the younger blader so much. He couldn't admit the jealously.
Kai turned over in his bed. The seasickness had more or less gone away, especially now that the boat was out of rocky waters, but the cloud of shame and despondency that hung over him refused to evaporate. It was a bit uncharacteristic of him to wallow in his feelings - Kai had a very strict policy against self-pitying - but it seemed like no matter how much he tried to think about something else, or work up the energy to go do something productive, he would find himself back where he started, digging his own grave.
As was the nature of Kai's black days. It had been about a year since his last one - guessed he was due for another one. He appreciated that he was able to truly see himself for who he was and see himself in the light that everyone else saw him - the stupid, ugly truth - every time he found himself having a streak of narcissism like he was earlier in the competition. At certain points, he must let himself be absorbed by the reality of his actions and "otherness" that he shuns the rest of the year. Defective. Useless. Shameful.
He wondered why anyone bothered with him at all. Could they not tell how much of a scumbag he was? Did they not care about him, only his blading skill? If that were the case, Kai would be pleased. That would mean that at least they thought he was strong, even if not as strong as Tyson or Ray or Max. But they also might just be humoring him, trying to get him attached and then breaking it off because they were done with him.
That was probably it.
Kai loathed himself, but he could never bring himself to suicide. It seemed somehow even more undignified than just existing as a background character. Internally, though, it seemed like the most logical course of action. If he died, likely there would be controversy for a week and then he would be forgotten, but it would make the years that he were around futile. But - there would be food for one more person if Kai were not around to eat it, space for one more person if he were in the ground, and anyone who knew him would not be bothered with him anymore. That, more than anything, made sense to Kai.
He knew that if he told anyone about these thoroughly-considered thoughts, they would try to stop him. They would spout lies to get him to stick around, lies about him and his worth, which he would never believe but would be forced to pretend to. He would always know the truth, so he decided to just never tell anyone. In addition to the lies, they would look at him weird. They would pity him, and think him weak, and never let him be alone with his thoughts or any sharp objects again. He would be even more of a burden.
He felt like he couldn't breathe.
Kai set his two feet on the floor, pushed himself up, and made towards the bathroom, chaining the cabin's door.