Claimer: I only own what I own I don't own is owed by someone else.
Ah. One whole year... It flew by faster than I thought it would. So, I thought to myself, "What should I do for all of my fans that have stuck with me, the worst updater in the universe, to tell them all that I am humble for their dedication and even a few times I wished that they shouldn't be supporting a person like me? How can I tell them all that I even worked myself down to tears, sweat, and even a few drops of blood on my stories? How can I say to them, Thank you all for everything this past year and I hope that I can continue some of my older stories for them. I mean, Tales of Childhood Past and Pirate Ratchet have been abandoned ever since July! How can I say that I am deeply sorry for leaving you all hanging on that?"
Yeah. So, to all of you, there is this... A huge collaboration of every moment from every story I've written that's made you all laugh so hard that you fell out of your chairs or off your beds.
First up, Drowsy Lombax with Ratchet breaking the ceiling fan blades!
Clank had caught me hanging off the fan about ten minutes after I had come inside, and personally, I was having fun just hanging from up there, until the fan blade broke.
I tried hanging onto the fan again, but Clank had a small surprise up his sleeve...if he even has any. Right when I was in mid-air, the little robot had a spray bottle full of water and he sprayed the water right in my face which made me fall straight to the floor.
I chuckled in victory as I bolted into the living room and grabbed a fan blade to hang off of. I was just hanging off the fan blade when Clank put a book he was reading down and widened his eyes in shock as he saw me hanging off the fan like a kitten was hanging from a tree. "Hey, Clank." I said like I usually do when I haven't spoke to him in a hour and I got sprayed in the face just before the fan blade I was hanging off of broke.
The next thing I was hanging off of was a fan blade and Talwyn was actually laughing at me and Clank pulled out the spray bottle and she stopped him. "Wait,wait. I wanna see how this is going to end." I stuck my tounge out at Clank just before the fan blade broke and I landed on the floor, butt first.
JCL: Next is... Drum roll please?
Ratchet: *Starts a drum roll with a Grumpy Cat face*
JCL: *Opens envelope* Favorite Pastimes!
Ratchet: Do you enjoy torturing me?
JCL: Considering that I enjoy reading Amber's Diamond Dare Show, yes. I do enjoy your pain.
Game 4: World of Warcraft (Tri-Crossover)
"Okay, SoulStone's up. Ready guys?" Ratchet said to his group when he had his Human Warlock make the SoulStone. "I'm good." Sly said to the Lombax as he set his Worgen Rouge in Stealth. "Maybe Daxter could get some cloth on him." Murray offered to the group while he put his Pandaren Monk in Stance of the sturdy Ox. "Why would Dax need cloth? He's a Palidin. They wear plate." Jak said as he casted Aspect of the Hawk on his Night Elf Hunter.
"It'll help him heal better." The hippo replied as Clank's Gnome Death Night casted Control Undead. "Okay, I know we've faced these eggs before in the past, so we're gonna change the game up a bit. Bentley, since you're our Warrior tank, you're gonna run in there and get about ten eggs cracked open and Jak will send his pet after the first baby dragon he clicks on. Hopefully, we're going to get them done and over with in about ten minutes." Ratchet ran through with the plan all seven of them planed thoroughly for almost two weeks. "I calculate that we have a thirty three point three tenths rrepeating chance of survival." The heavily nasaled turtle said as he finished the calculation. "Okay, let's do this." Daxter said as his Dwarf Palidin stood up when Daxter returned to his keyboard after being out of the room.
"Dax, did you hear our plan-" "OOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGE LIGHTNING!" "This time...No way in the Precursors am I going in there." Everyone else agreed with Jak as the said Orange Lighting got EVERY enemy onto his rear. "I can't believe he went in there like that again." Sly said when Daxter had died in five seconds.
Game 5: Assassin's Creed II
"Okay, so, this place is named Venice? There's so much water here though." The Lombax said as he had Ezio running across a rooftop in the Italian flooded city. "That is because Venice is exactly at sea level so the inhabitants are able to move about this city on boat as well as the bridges." Clank informed Ratchet with this knowledge as the Lombax had Ezio jump onto a boat and as he started rowing the boat down the river, the Lombaxian mechanic broke out into singing. "Iiina Vineci! Ima livina the perfecto lifa!" Clank could only sigh as the Lombax kept singing in a fake Italian accent about how his life in Venice has been serving him very tasty pizza.
Game 11: Five Nights at Freddy's 2
"No! You! Chicken Girl! Go away!" Ratchet shouted as he spotted the animatronic in the security camera just outside of the room. Each security camera that surrounded the office had picked up a animatronic moving around just outside the room that the mechanic now turned security guard was sitting at watching the cameras and was unable to do anything against the haunted robots. "Fine! Come and get me! I'm just a eat whatever the heck you can pull off a Lombax's body buffet!" The Lombax said as he waited for a animatronic to pounce on him.
Ten minutes pass...
Twenty...
Thirty...
"Well. I guess you guys aren't hungry, so I guess I'm gonna WAAAAAAÀAAAAH!" Clank could only laugh as Ratchet went from relaxing on the couch to jumping up and clinging onto the ceiling fan in fear when the animatronic named Golden Freddy had pounced with dagger teeth bared at the screen. "NOT FUNNY, CLANK!" The young galactic hero shouted to his sidekick as the fan blade started making a cracking noise.
Game 17: Battle Toads
"Okay, okay. Left. Right. Jump!" Ratchet said as he and Clank were fiddling their thumbs on the Genisis controlers in which they were playing a game that envolved toads fighting insects. The Lombax had already shouted out in anger due to having his own toad slam right into a wall that popped up out of no where. "What is the point of racing down this tunnel?" XJ-0461 asked just before Ratchet slammed his controller down when his toad died again which brought up the Game Over screen. "HOW IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT CLOCK COULD SOMEONE BEAT THIS SRUPID GAME!? I MEAN, HONESTLY! WHO CREATED THIS AMEBOID FUNGUS!?" Clank didn't say a word as Ratchet went into yet another RQR. Other know as a Rage Quit Rant.
Game 23: GTA 5
"You! I need your car!" Ratchet shouted as he stole a Ferrari and sped off with Clank who was up in a helicopter and he was chasing the Lombax down. "Clank! I'm on your side!" The Lombax shouted as he saw the robot select the bazooka. "No! No no! No no no! Don'the you even dare think about shooting that bazooka at me!" Despite the Lombax's pleas, Clank fired the bazooka off and hit the black Ferrari on the trunk and wasted Ratchet in the process.
Game 25: Portal 2
"Okay. Uh...Primary portal here. Secondary there? No." Ratchet continued to randomly ping or shoot portals on whatever wall he could as Clank continued running around as the spherical and short robot, Atlas and Ratchet played the robot, P-body. "Okay! Uh, No. Wait." Clank giggled as Ratchet continued to stump himself with this puzzle game. "It's a shame. You should have already finished this puzzle by now." GLaDOS said to the two. "Shut up, GLaDOS! I'm tryin' to think here!" The Lombax said as he shot one portal on the floor and shot another portal a few feet away. When the Lombax jumped into the first portal, he began falling and rising in a hoop. Or was it just a single line? Or was it diagonal? The Lombax shook his head as he began shouting, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!... ... ... ... ... ... I'm about to throw up!"
Game 27: Team Fortress 2
"Alright. Let's get over here." Ratchet stated as he moved over to a corner to check his ammunition. "Kay. Three missiles and-WHAT THE!?" Ratchet moved to camera up to see a character just floating in mid air above him. "What. The. HECK!?" The AI that has startled the Lombax started walking around in the air, but the walking animation seemed to be broken beyond repair, causing the AI's legs to broken in a utterly painful look. "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...This game's busted. Or I might just be high on Lombax Nip again." The Lombax stated as he continued to watch the AI float on through another wall.
JCL: *Opens enveope* Nope. Let's save that one for later.
Ratchet: Which one are you saying to save?
JCL: Somethin'.
Ratchet: What is it!?
JCL: Next up is the entire Laser Fic!
Clank was going about his usual day, watching The Science Channel on the Holo Vid, and Ratchet, well, like the Lombax he is and galactic hero and all, he was curled up like your average domestic cat on the couch next to Clank taking a small Lombax Nap and he was purring away when Clank started petting his soft belly fur. "Mm. Clank. Quit that." Ratchet mumbled into his left hand when Clank had started tickling the Lombax. Clank let out his signature laugh as he went back to watching the program about the peaceful life on the planet of Florana. When the program broke for commercials, a very interesting add popped on the screen.
"New! And avaible everywhere! The Laser pointer! Just press the button and wave the little red light around and watch your Feline pet go crazy over this thing! For only five bolts! Get one now!" Clank suddenly wondered how Ratchet would react to one of these when the ad ended and the next commercial advertising for a new model of Stunderwear that now zapps anyone that gets into your personal space. He was going to have to get one of those lasers soon, just for laughs.
A few days later...
Clank was busy putting groceries in the fridge and Ratchet had suddenly burst in, "Hey! Have you seen those new laser pointers?" Clank dropped the glass jar of salsa when Ratchet had stepped in and to the robot's luck, Ratchet snatched it out of the air. "Yes. They look very interesting." Clank said as Ratchet popped the lid off the salsa jar and poured some out on a plate. "Yeah. I kinda want to buy one and see what all the hype's about, ya know?" The Lombax said as he continued to make his snack of salsa overloaded nachos.
Little did the Lombax know that the robot had bought a laser pointer and had it hidden in his chest compartment. So, while the Lombax was busy melting cheese for the nachos, Clank secretly pulled the laser out for it's first trial. Keeping as silent as he could be, Clank pointed the laser over his shoulder and ever so quickly flashed the laser across the microwave. Ratchet's eyes locked onto the laser immediately and when Clank moved the laser again, the Lombax slowly lifted his left hand up and as quick as lighting, he slammed his palm on the microwave and the laser disappeared as Clank quickly put the laser back. "What the heck? Huh." Ratchet said quietly as he pulled the melted cheese out of the microwave and he slowly poured the cheese all over the nachos and topped it off with even more salsa.
Clank was so excited to try the laser again after the trial,he knew he'd have to be as careful as possible with this since Ratchet is unaware of the laser pointer. The second trial was while Ratchet was in the middle of playing a video game. Clank was standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen and he pointed the laser at the wall, and he started moving the laser in fast circles on the wall. At first, Ratchet didn't notice since he was kinda busy running away from the cops in a stolen vehicle, but when he got busted, the Lombax looked away from the screen in agrivation, and he saw the red light waving around.
At first, the Lombax just watched the laser, but after a bit, he slowly lowered his head and Clank could see Ratchet moving his rear back and forth in preperation to pounce at the laser. In a split second, the Lombax went straight at the wall and started batting like crazy at the laser.
JCL: *Fights of Ratchet* Next is my short lived Dare Show!
Ah... The very first dare I had... Brings back memories.
Daxter mentally cursed at himself for having such a big mouth over these stupid truths or dares as he ran on all fours down the street to where almost half the city was sleeping. When the small Ottsel reached the center of the street, he took out a megaphone and flipped the switch to ON. Dater licked his lips and took a deep breath.
...
...
"OBAMACARE!"
Daxter held his breath as the word continued to echo through the street and all seemed quiet. But Karma just had to turn around and bite him on the tail. Just before the Ottsel turned around to run back to te arena, a man came out of his house carrying a shotgun and he screamed, "Get back here you teenagers!" Daxter bit his tongue as he squeezed into a small hole in the wall of a nearby house and he prayed to the Precursors as the man ran past the house the scared fur less Ottsel was hiding in.
When the man's shouts faded, Daxter slipped out of the house and ran as fast as he could back to that lonely shoulder of Jak's.
"I guess I'll go next." Sly shrugged as he realized that Ratchet would probably have a more embarrassing dare than his own. "Sly, Crescent Moon dares you to say `I see fairies in the park of Boo boo` with your epic Italian accent."
Jak burst out laughing so hard that he had to hold his stomach after just that line. "Alright! Alright." Sly sighed as he ran the line through his head and Italianized it. (I'm so sorry if I offend any Italians.) "I-a see-a fairies in-a the park of-a Boo boo." Sly face grew warm under his grey fur as everyone went silent for a few seconds. Daxter was the first to fall to the ground laughing his butt off, and falling about five feet must have been worth falling to laugh at the well known Sly Cooper.
Spargus City Garage
1:40 p.m.
"How the heck do you pilot this thing?" Ratchet said as he slammed both of his feet on the brakes and the clutch of the Sand Shark. "The petal on the left. The left!" Daxter shouted in Ratchet's highly sensitive ear as the Lombax's foot floored the gas petal and the Sand Shark suddenly went backwards into the wall. "You were supposed to put it in drive first. NOT REVERSE!" The Ottsel shouted from the glove compartment. "HOW AM I TO KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT!?"
"IT'S NOT STICK! IT'S AUTOMATIC!"
"THEN WHY DOES IT HAVE A CLUTCH PETAL!?
"I DON'T KNOW WHY, AND I DON'T CARE BECAUSE YOU SUCK BOLTS FOR A LIVING"
"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T GO EASTER EGG HUNTING EVERY DAY!"
"YEAH? WELL AT LEAST I DON'T KISS A CERTAIN GREEN BUTT EVERY DAY SINCE HE TRIED TO KILL ME SINCE THE FIRST DAY I MET HIM!"
Ratchet groaned as he grew fed up with the shouting argument with the Ottsel that realized why Ratchet stopped shouting and the elf's sidekick climbed back up into the passenger seat and sighed. The two just sat there for a few seconds collecting their thoughts just before Daxter said, "Wanna go get some drinks?"
Paris, France
12:00 a.m.
Bentley: "Okay. The rail walk should be easy to pull off, you just-"
Jak: "That looks easy to you!? How do you get across one eights of a inch thick rope in that wheel chair of yours!? Because I'm pretty sure you can't grind with a wheel chair."
Bentley: "It's really simple. Just jump and press the circle button."
Jak: "... ... ... ... What?"
Haven City
3:30 p.m.
Daxter: "Ratchet! You missed the Naughty Ottsel! AGAIN!"
Ratchet: "How am I supposed to know what the Naughty Ottsel looks like?"
Daxter: "THERE'S A FREAKING TWENTY FOOT TALL VERSION OF ME ON THE TOP OF THE THING! AND A BUNCH OF FLASHING LIGHTS!"
Ratchet: "CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE!?"
Sly Cooper: JCL!
JCl: Umm... Next's the entire One Shot of Navi Daxter!
"Hey!" Jak jumped awake to Daxter's shout and the blond was instantly met with Daxter's face. "Dax? What's wrong?" The teen gave a small yawn as he looked around the peaceful Southern Haven Forest. "Listen!" Jak kept silent so Daxter could say what he needed to say, but no words came from the Ottsel's mouth. "Very funny, Dax. Let me know when you're going to be a mute." Jak got up to his feet and picked his morph gun back up which he had set down beside himself when he fell asleep on the ground.
"Watch out!" Daxter suddenly burst forward and pointed at a nearby leaf that had just landed on the ground and caused Jak to jump and point his morph gun with the Blaster Mod at the leaf thinking that Daxter was warning him of a Metal Head. "Dax. Now's not the time for games." Jak sighed as he walked to the entrance with Daxter calling out warnings at every rock, twig, and leaf that the teen walked on or by.
Daxter; JAK COOPER THE LOMBAX!
JCL: I think I started the biggest war in the universe. *Shoves Sly and Ratchet out the door and blocks it shut with a giant computer tower* Not On My Way is next!
JCL yawned as they sat down to their tablet and tapped their Pandora app and started typing up a random one shot.
"Tell everybody I'm on my way. New friends and places to see."
"Hey!...This is from that one bear movie! And it's also from Phil Collins!" JCL smiled as they closed their eyes and tapped their left foot to the song. "Tell everybody I'm on my way." Ratchet began singing the song next to Jak who simply gave the Lombax a questionable look. "I can't wipe this smile off my face."
Smack!
JCL laughed as they watched Jak slap the smile off Ratchet's face and the Lombax held a hand to his face. "What was that for!"
"You said you couldn't wipe that smile off your face, so I slapped it off."
"I was singing the stupid song!"
Daxter: "IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN, I'LL CLAW MY WAY IN AND RIP YOU IN TINY PEICES!"
Ratchet: "WHAT ARE YOU SAVING FOR LAST!?"
Sly: "GIVE ME THAT DOCUMENT!"
JCL: "Honest Trailer for The Precursor Legacy anyone!? And could you possibly send some help?"
This typed trailer is rated H for Honest.
From the company that brought you Crash Bandicoot, Uncharted, and The Last of Us, go thirteen years back as of December 4th.
Jak and Daxter The Precursor Legacy.
In a world that looks as cool as (BEEP!) (Honestly, with today's graphics, it looks like crap.) , there are two boys with huge ears and strange colored hair that disobey this old man that sounds as old as dirt and uglier than a knotted stump and the two itiots go to this stupid island surrounded by mist and there are these monkey and gorilla looking things and there's a whole army of 'em. With the two peeping toms, they discover these two people that are freaking floating like Chris Angel and then they go and find a vat of what looks like Pure Evil from Lego Ninjago Masters of Spinjitsu.
*Shows a clip of Dark Eco moving*
See!? Anyway, the orange head that is just as annoying as Navi from Legend of Zelda, falls into the Dark Eco and turns into a two foot tall mistake of of mating a otter and a weasel.
*Shows Daxter standing on Jak's shoulder*
... ... He's one of God's mistakes.
Along the journey, the two will collect several easter eggs covered with copper and these strange artifacts called Power Cells. They will also encounter several of those monkey things and...
*Insert Lurker Shark*
AH! OH MY (BEEP!)ING GOD! A (BEEP)ING SHARK!
Ahem... Enjoy this awesome cast of characters!
Jak ... Goku in Super Sayin Form!
Daxter ... Navi in her true form
Samos ... Logheaded Hippie
Keria ... Spanish Mechanic
Fisherman ... Retired Batman!
Bird Lady ... Coo Coo for Coco Puffs
Oracle ... That albino orc guy in LOTR
Gordy and Willard ... Edd and Ed
Blue Sage ... Double D
Red Sage ... Soft yet Strong
Yellow Sage ... Muskrat Stew Guy
Gol ... WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT!
Miai ... Rejected Barbie
And some other nonimportant Characters.
Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Crap
So, how does that Eco channeling ability work? And will Jak ever use Dark Eco? I wanna know!
Jak: "OPEN UP THIS DOOR!"
JCL: "NO, FATHER!"
*Crickets chirp*
Ratchet: "WHAT THE FUDGE!?"
JCL: "FAILED HOT CHOCOLATE'S NEXT! ...ALL CAPS IS FUN!"
"You know what, October's just started and this place hasn't had snow in a while." JCL snapped their fingers after stating this and the sky suddenly started sending tiny flurries of ice crystals down into the arena. Along with a big lump of two foot thick snow that fell right onto Daxter's head. "SNOWBALL FIGHT!" Ratchet jumped out of a lump of snow and smacked a snowball straight into Sly's face. JCL burst out laughing beside Clank for a few seconds just before the hybrid received a snow ball straight to the mouth.
"Who threw that!?" JCL snarled at the other heroes that were frozen with fear. "Sly did it." The raccoon was about to object just before a snap of the fingers and the raccoon was covered up to his head with a lump of snow. "Hey! Does anyone wanna try to make Hot Chocolate?" Daxter poked his head above the top of the snow that he got buried in. "Sure!" Ratchet chucked a snow ball straight into the Ottsel's face as he agreed to making the simple drink.
Shortly After in a cozy log cabin JCL created...
"Hey! Try this!" Daxter finished putting what could have been three cups of sugar into his cup and after he took one sip, his pupils looked to be dilated down to pin pricks and he showed the other's his cup. "Move over!" JCL shoved Sly over just before the raccoon could pick up the cup. The hybrid took the cup and started drinking the highly concentrated sugar drink. When the hybrid swallowed a mouth full of the drink, they went silent. "How is it?"
"BLEECH! THE AFTER TASTE!" JCL poured the rest of the drink down the sink and rinsed the taste out of their mouth. "How much sugar did you put in that?" The hybrid took a breath to keep what of the hot chocolate they had in their stomach down with the taste still fresh in their mind. "I don't really know how much I put in it."
Daxter: "ARE YOU SAYING THAT JAK IS YOUR REAL FATHER!?"
JCL: "NO! I MADE THAT UP!"
Daxter: "Oh... ... ... LET ME IN THERE!"
Sly: "GIVE ME THAT FILE!"
JCL: "The also short lived PlaystationCraft is next!"
"Hey Jak! Hurry up with those headsets!" Daxter shouted from his computer as he was on a log in screen to a very highly pixilated background with the word Minecraft up near the top. Jak entered the room and sat down to another computer with a exactly same screen. The elf gave his friend a small headset and placed his own headset in his right ear and adjusted the microphone so he could speak to any fellow miners. Typing in their user names and passwords, The Demolition Duo had logged onto the game and Daxter had instantly started gathering the dirt around the area he spawned at. "Hey! Nice of Orange Lighting and Eco Master to join us!" A certain Lombax's voice came from Jak's headset and the blond gave a smile. "Hello The Trigger Happy Lombax. How are you and Secret Agent?"
A robot's giggle came from behind Ratchet's voice as the Lombax stated that they were doing fine. "Hey! Does anybody want diamond gear I just stole off some guy?" A smooth, yet sneaky racoon's voice interrupted Jak and Ratchet's conversation and Daxter instantly answered with a yes and he received wooden armor. "Hey! You said you had diamond gear!" Daxter groaned as he tried to attack Sly with a stick. but the racoon's diamond armor broke the stick easily. "Well well. Master of Thieves is here. Is Spex Guy present or no?" Ratchet's question was answered by the said genius giving the Lombax and robot enchanted diamond armor and weapons.
"Hey! Spex! Gimme a few hundred stacks of dynamite!" Daxter shouted into his mike to Bentley who was only laughing his head off at the Ottsel. "Why? So you can crash the server?" Jak laughed as he couldn't help but imagine Daxter blowing up a whole mountain range with the amount of dynamite that he asked for. "Yep." More laughter erupted from the others as Daxter was certain on what he wanted to do. "Alright then." Bentley gave Daxter almost eight hundred stacks of dynamite in just a minute and the Ottsel suddenly started laughing like a maniac.
"I think you gave him too much dynamite." Jak watched his friend start placing dynamite every two pixels that the Ottsel passed. "Yeah. He's definitely going to go crash either the server or our own computers." Sly laughed as he started placing some diamond walls around himself. "That's not going to stop the wrath of Orange Lighting, Sly. I think our best chances of survival is to just simply dig into the earth and pray we don't get blown up by our fellow suicide bomber here." The five miners that were not going crazy with dynamite gave a small chat before the Ottsel suddenly burst out, "I AM THE GOD OF THIS LAND! I SHALL CALL IT DAXTARNIA! TREMBLE BEFORE MY POWER OR DIE IN MY MINE FEILD!"
There was a awkward silence as the other five players as they stared at Daxter's fortress of dynamite. "You have got to be kidding me." Ratchet laughed as he searched his inventory for at least one flint and steel. "Hey! There are skins of us." Jak said randomly as he came across the skin shop and found the PlayStation skins and changed his Steve to his look from when he was in the Wasteland. "I CALL WAR ON DAXTARNIA!" Ratchet shouted as he burst forward and went full sprint to Daxter's fortress.
Time seemed to slow down as the Ottsel started shouting protests and fired arrows at the Lombax that was weilding the one flint and steel that would end Daxter's rein of terror on the land he claimed as Daxtarnia. "FOR DAXTARNIA!" Ratchet jumped the last three squares and clicked on the closest block of dynamite he could reach and ran as fast as he could away from the fort. "Hah! You didn't even leave a dent!" Daxter laughed just before his fort exploded to the high skies and the mine field went with his fort of Daxtarnia. All six of the computers began lagging down to a frame per ten minutes with five of the players laughing their butts off and the one Ottsel who's kingdom didn't even last a full day rose and fell with every TNT box that exploded just watched his kingdom explode.
"That was so worth logging on today!" Sly laughed as his computer continued to lag to only a half a frame per hour. "I'm getting no frames per second." Jak continued to laugh with Daxter giving him a death glare even though the elf didn't declare any war whatsoever. After a few minutes of lagging, the six players found nothing but a gigantic crater full of iron, rubies, steel, and other items except for diamonds sadly. "Yeah. I wish we had something to drink to that." Ratchet chuckled as he picked up some of the steel and rubies that were near him.
"I think we'd better keep Daxter sober. And keep any dynamite away from him. In fact, no booze or dynamite for Daxter. Period." Bentley laughed as he took all of what was left of Daxter's dynamite and gave the explosives to Jak. "Hey! Don't give me-On second thought, I think I'm gonna keep this." Jak quickly changed his thoughts on receiving about twenty bundles of dynamite. "Hey guys. Night's coming pretty fast. I think we'd better build a place to stay the night." Ratchet stated as he started placing stone in a four by four square to make a small safe space to spend the night. "Oh, well I could port us to a safe place." Bentley offered to the others as he stared flying above the five players.
"Oh. Well then. Please port us, Spex." Ratchet sighed as he was half way from finishing the tiny house. "Will do." Five of the miners suddenly disapeared with Daxter left behind. "Hey! BENTLEY!" After screaming the turtle's ear off, the Ottsel was ported to a nearby city that was full of other players. "Ah. The safety of Safe City." Bentley sighed as the twenty block high and ten block thick walls protected the very large city from Creepers. "What if someone puts dynamite on the walls to be a major troll?" Ratchet questioned the protection of the walls as Daxter started begging Jak to give him dynamite.
"If anyone tries to bomb the city, they are immediately ported to either the middle of nowhere or right in front of the Ender Dragon." Daxter stopped begging for the dynamite when he heard the port system that Bentley does to anyone that tries to bomb the city walls. "Yeah. Not giving Daxter dynamite would be a very good idea." Jak laughed as Daxter moaned loudly in his mike. "Come on! Not even sixteen ounces?"
"Nope."
"Please?"
"No."
Ratchet: "WHAT ARE YOU SAVING FOR LAST!?"
JCL: "SOMETHING! Honest Trailer for Jak II is next!"
This typed trailer is rated H for Honest.
2003...The year of the PlayStation 2 Mascot Illuminati...From Naughty Dog that took two years to make a game to sequel to Toilet Paper Legends. (But hey, at least it isn't that Call of Duty crap where a new one is released every (BLEEP)ing year!)
Jak II (Or Jak II Renegade if you live over in Europe...Seriously, what is up with Europe and their subtitles? I mean, Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando was called Ratchet and Clank 2 over in Europe! What the (BLEEP)!?)
Go to the sequel of the kids game that became a teenager's game with Jak going from a Super Sayian mute to a talking whiny emo who wants to kill the ruler of Haven City that's voiced by the same guy who voices Lex Luthor and Mr. Krabbs, but Daxter is still kinda annoying, but he's much more tolerable in this one than the last one.
Gasp in shock as you see the old village get turned into a busting polluted city in less than thirty seconds and just thirty seconds later, Jak is smacked in the face by these red Stormtroopers.
Experience new gameplay that does not totally rip off GTA III...Okay, so maybe the gameplay is slightly ripped off of GTA III, but GTA III never had THIS!
*Jak turns into Dark Jak*
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... This most likely has the biggest Fan Girl Army in existence of Jak and Daxter Fan Girl Armies.
And for the best part, HARD AS (BLEEP!) MISSIONS!
*Jak falls over dead by the ambush of Krimzon Guards in the "Get Piece of Seal at the Water Slums" mission*
Why Naughty Dog!? WHY!?
Enjoy this awesome and almost completely new cast of characters!
Jak - Gerward Way as a Elf.
Daxter - Still Navi in her true form.
Keira - JUST KISS HER ALREADY JAK!
Samos - Old, Green and still as Wrinkly as he was in the first game but with more polygons.
Baron Praxis - Mr. Lex Krabbs!
Errol (or is it Erol? I keep forgetting) - This douche that is the second most paired up male with Jak on Fan Fiction dot net.
Torn - Tattooed Wonder
Ashelin - Possibly Kratos's Elven Mother.
Onin - Blind Witch that is a waste of polygons.
Pecker - Could've had a better name, but whoever named him was definitely a Naughty Person for slipping this into a T rated game.
Brutter - A Lurker that tried to look like an Elf with feathers on his head.
Vin - A highly caffeinated Neo Cortex.
Tess - The Tess that was blonde instead of the brunette in The Last of Us and was really into a orange animal. A ANIMAL, PEOPLE! That's kinda weird.
Krimzon Guard - The Royal Guards from Return of the Jedi.
Elite Krimzon Guard - Colonel Radec with yellow armor. (But not as difficult to defeat as the real Radec in Killzone 2... Let that fight burn in the darkest corners of video game's most difficult boss fights.)
Sig - SIG! I'm not gonna make fun of him because everyone loves him and I would probably be shot in the head with that Peace Maker of his.
Mog - Lazy A.I.
Grim - Lazy A.I.
Jinx - Lazy A.I. that should just shut up and die.
Kor - Kinda Gandalf, but not Gandalf.
Metal Heads - Metalica's fan army.
The Kid - Possibly Link with Green hair.
Crocadog - I WANT ONE! I WANNA CROCADOG, MOMMY!
Metal Head Leader - Ozzy Osbourne if he was actually Satanic.
Dark Sou- I mean Jak II, it's been out on the PlayStation 2 ever since 2003, and you can also experience it in HD and stereoscopic 3-D at the same time with the Classics re-release on PS3 ever since 2012! So just go buy it if you own a PS2 or PS3! It's bound to be a decent price on EBay, and if you own a XBox...Well...Have fun with Master Chief.
Jak II: The Sequel to Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy that makes even the toughest gamers cry at it's difficulty!
So, there's one thing I need to know...
...
WHY THE HECK DID EVERYONE FORGET ABOUT LIGHT ECO IN THIS GAME!? DO THEY HAVE LONG TERM MEMORY LOSS OR WAS JAK JUST BEING SO BLINDED BY ANGER THAT HE FORGOT ALL ABOUT LIGHT ECO!? THE GAMERS NEVER FORGOT ABOUT LIGHT ECO, DID NAUGHTY DOG!?
Seriously, what the heck was and IS wrong with those guys?
Jak: "OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW BEFORE I TEAR IT DOWN!"
JCL: "NO!" *throws several thick plates of metal over the door as Dark Jak's claws break through the wood* "Online Gaming Hilarity is up next!"
Dying Light
"HEY! NO! DAXTER GIVE ME MY HEADSET BACK!" Ratchet hid his laughs behind his hand as Jak tried to get his headset back from Daxter.
"Dax! Give Jak his headset and get your own. Or just ask me to get you one." Sly smiled as fumbled on the controller by pressing the X button and hitting the Circle button on the controller.
(JCL: JUMP AND PRESS THE CIRCLE BUTTON EVERYBODY!)
"Habit never dies does it?" Ratchet smiled as he saw Sly's character jump in the air and swing his tomahawk.
"Umm...I ment to do that!" The racoon stated as he ran over to a zombie and chopped it's head off as he flipped through the air in a double jump.
"Where the heck are we agai- Never mind. I know where we are." Jak corrected himself as he glanced at the surroundings.
"... Is your head just a map of every gaming world you've played in?"
"... I don't have a map of MineCraft."
"CHEAP SHOT!" Nathan Drake shouted as he ran past the group to take on a entire horde of zombies on the other side of the barren road.
"NOBODY CARES!" Ratchet screamed as he threw a knife at the running adventurer.
GTA V
"SCREW DA POLICE!" Daxter screamed as he shot a bazooka at the police car behind his own Lamborghini.
"Um...That was me, Dax." Ratchet burst into laughter as Jak respawned outside of the hospital.
"Hey. Dax. Ya see anything in the sky?" Sly chuckled as he gently tilted the left analog stick forward.
"What's up in th- WHAT!? WHY WOULD YOU- HOW DID YOU!?" Daxter screamed as a military chopper fired a missile at the orange Lamborghini.
Assassin's Creed 3
"TOMAHAWK CHOP!"
"AGH! WHY!?" Ratchet growled as Daxter's character chopped the Lombax's assasin in shoulder to then shove the hidden blade into his throat.
"Hey Sly. Guess what."
"What?"
"JUMP AND PRESS THE CIRCLE BUTTON!"
"Oh you son of a... witch." Jak burst into laughter as he preformed the joke on Sly's attack to counter and kill the racoon's assassin.
Jak: "Well...I think that this year has been far too crazy... I'll stick around with you until the world ends."
Daxter: "Just don't write anything on the extreme level of weirdness slash crazy."
JCL: "Don't worry. I don't write that crap."
Ratchet: "What are you saving for last?"
JCL: "Hmm...You'll see. Have to go through the Honest Trailer for the first Ratchet and Clank."
This typed trailer is rated H for Honest.
2002...The birth of the level seven beautiful friendships...
Ratchet and Clunk... I mean Clank.
Start off the most beautiful friendships with, crashing ships, butt shaped chins, and breaking open box... after box... after box for bolts that just clearly show that the entire universe is in a seroius inflamation of economy...If only the world acctually had the currency of bolts, I'D BE SO RICH!
The wonderful and epic story begins with Ratchet waking up and having his helpdesk rub it in his face that he's a poor orphan and he could never get a robot to start his ship up and get off the planet he's been stuck on for possibly his entire miserable life. Then a tiny robot is born and preforms grand theft spaceship when he's not even a freaking hour old! Seriously, I think someone used that computor monitor to play GTA on their X-Box!
"My name's Ratchet. What's your's?"
"B5429-"
"Oops! Sorry."
Clank!
Wait!? That's how he got his name!? What's his real name?
...
You can't say? ... ... (BLEEP!)
So, Clank get's his name from hitting his head on a ship and there's this annoying egotistical, narcisictic, sell out, worthless, cowardly butt face named Captain Qwark who get's Ratchet's hopes up and then smashes them to bits by throwing the fifteen year old into a Rancor pit with lava and a giant called a Blargian Snaggle Beast. And Ratchet kills it with lava.
Then after Ratchet yelled at Clank a few times, then blew Qwark's ship up, apoligized, then the two went after Captain Gantu's little brother named Drek and the two live happy lives.
Oh, and there were several other characters, but they wern't all that important.
Starring!
Ratchet- Simba's great great great great great great great great ... ... ... Grandson!
Clank- Walking and Talking Toaster
Captain Qwark- No good, fame starving, butt faced, barf colored, fat, lazy, sonova-
Supreme Executive Chairman Drek- Greedy conehead! (I would say pin head, but that's the reimagined series.)
Skidd MicMarx- DUUUUUUUDE!
Helga- Eats a twelve course meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
Fred- The guy who allways dies first!
Big Al from Big Al's Roboshack- That Robot Guy!
Clank's Mother: Windows 200
R.Y.N.O. Salesman A.K.A. Shady Salesman: One greedy son of a Qwark! *Whispers: But it's so worth every bolt!*
Gagetron Help Desk: RUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
Gagetron Help Desk Woman: DUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
Plumber: Plumber's Crack! I mean Back!
Infobots: Walking TVs.
I wonder if there will be more?
*Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando logo appears*
... ... Was that double meaning intentional?
JCL: Alright... The most hilarious thing I have written in my first year...
Ratchet: *Starts a real drumroll*
JCL: "... ... ... ... ...Highlights of Felis Lombaxus!"
Ratchet: "What, What!?"
Laser Pointer
"Hold still!" Ratchet would shout while Clank would point a laser pointer on a wall. Dispute the effort, the only outcome of Ratchet smacking or punching the wall would result in either the paint being chipped off by his claws or him growling in anger and trying to catch the tinny red dot that would move around all over the walls and even on the ceiling fan. There was one incident when Clank had placed the laser in the toilet while he was up in the vents above while Ratchet was going about his usual day routine. At first, Ratchet didn't notice until he took a double take and he could see that infamous little red light in the toilet bowl.
At first, the Lombax just stood there and scratched his head until he got the flea that was bothering him. Then, Ratchet just simply stared at the laser until Clank made the laser move ever so slightly to the left. The next second could only be described as priceless as a soaked Lombax spilled every curse word in every language that he knew while he was sitting in the toilet bowl with the laser no where in sight.
Climbing Something and Not Being Able to Come Down
"Ratchet, Can you please come down from there?" Clank said as Ratchet was up in a tree about thirty feet above the ground. "Love to, pal, but I think my claws are stuck in the bark on this tree." Ratchet chuckled as he tried to free his claws from the tree he climbed when someone shot off a bunch if fire crackers. He was up in the tree for about twenty minutes until a fire car came and helped him down when someone passed by and called nine-one-one.
"Let's not speak of that ever again." The Lombax said when they got back home and Clank nodded in agreement.
Claws Getting Stuck
"Uh...Clank! Can you come in here for a second?" The Lombax said as if he saw another Zoni...or Qwark in his underwear...or both, but as Clank came into the living room, he saw the Lombax hanging off the ceiling by five of sixteen his claws. "I can explain this after I get down...somehow."
Whiskers Getting Caught in a Fan
"Hey, Clank!" The small robot was about to drop another robotic mouse onto the floor as he looked up to see Ratchet carrying in a small box fan, but the way that Ratchet was carrying it, he had the fan right up to his left cheek. "Ummm...I know this is gonna sound weird, but I got my whiskers caught in this fan and I can't get 'em out." Clank could only sigh, "You have some explaining to do after this." Ratchet could only yowl as he wound up pulling his whiskers out.
ArtSmart's conversation with Ratchet while meowing
TheArtSmartQueen: Errm *opens up Google Translate*...Meowmew? (Ratchet?)
Ratchet: Mew? (Yes?)
ASQ(ArtSmartQueen): Holy Crap! It actually works! Mrowlmew? (How are you?)
Ratchet: Mrow. Mew? (Fine. You?)
ASQ: Meow. (Good.)
Climbing up metal mesh screen doors
"Clank! I wanna go outside!" Ratchet shouted out as he turned his head back to his friend. As the small robot made he way to the door, Ratchet carefully readjusted his claws into the metal mesh on the screen door they placed up so when the air-conditioning system acted up, they could open the door and leave the screen door closed so no bugs could fly or crawl in. "Ratchet. You know you can always just unlock...the door." Clank said as he entered and saw Ratchet hanging on the screen door and XJ-0461 had his jaw hanging by a few inches in complete shock of seeing a five foot tall Lombax hanging by his claws.
JCL: "Yeah! My one year is over!"
Jak: "Update more often!"
JCL: "Don't take fifteen years to have another game!"
Daxter: "Hey! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"
JCL: "Alright, I owe you twenty dollars if Jak 4 comes out in 2020."
Ratchet: "Doubt it!"
So, Thank every single one of you readers for putting up with me for a whole year and I hope this next one will be better than the last!
Special shout outs to AmberDiamondSwords, The Art Smart Queen, The White Guardian, division-ten, echo333, and a heck of a lot of other authors for putting up with my craziness and insane update schedule and just me being me in general.
And a final thank you to you, yes, you the reader. I wish to thank you for either just being introduced to me, or knowing me ever since February 22 of last year.
And I know this isn't really important, but...
Top 3 stories of my first year on FF dot net
1st place: Felis Lombaxus: Lombax with 3,009 views
2nd place: Nights of Paris with 2,663 views
3rd place: Drowsy Lombax with 1,969 views
So, I have three things to announce.
I will be picking back up on Tales of Childhood Past and Pirate Ratchet when I can.
I will possibly create a new dare show.
And I will make Honest Trailers for the entire Ratchet and Clank series, the Jak trilogy, and the four Sly Cooper games!
So, enjoy the last days of February, go watch the Ratchet and Clank movie if you're a fan of Ratchet and Clank, wait for the Sly Cooper movie if you're a Sly fan, and continue to wait for Jak 4 if you're a Jak and Daxter fan. Or the next installment of whatever fandom you are in. And I hope to see you all again in my year two! See you all then and stay safe. Every single one of you. This is yours truly, signing off!
~Jak Cooper the Lombax